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How to communicate effectively through e-mail.

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Email is an extremely popular form of communication in both the business and personal communication landscapes, but it can often lead to major problems if the underlying tone of the email message is misinterpreted at one end. If the parties involved are in different emotional states of mind, the slightest disagreement via email can quickly spiral out of control leading to a full blown argument. The email communication breakdown occurs because... let's face it, we all aren't poets. Seasoned poets can clearly exhibit brilliant emotion in their writing, but the average email communicator's intended written emotion gets lost in translation.

As soon as email writers start using text phrases to characterize emotion that would normally be delivered via physical body language, the intended message could be misunderstood by the reader due to a complete misinterpretation of the writer's emotional tone. It's also important to note that intentional sarcasm in an email message only makes matters worst. The source of the problem with email communication deals directly with emotion. Emotion portrayed in a text based email can be interpreted differently when being read by different people, in much of the same way that a well written poem or set of song lyrics can receive various interpretations by various people.

How can we solve the email communication problem? There isn't a single correct answer, but here are 4 bullet points to help you out:

1. Be clear. Be brief. - Write short email messages with a crystal clear point. Do not write long winded confusing paragraphs that leave room for misinterpretation.

2. Proofread. - Proofread your message multiple times. If the email deals with touchy subject matter, have a third-party read it over as well. This can give you added perspective on how well it will be received by the intended recipient.

3. Wait. - Write the email, proofread it, and then sit on it for a little while. Knock off a couple other tasks before you have second look at it. If your emotions were flaring when you wrote the email, a little time can allow these emotions to settle, allowing you to evaluate the message in a different light.

4. Pick up the phone! - While email can be a convenient communication channel, certain discussions need to be handled over the phone, or if possible, in person. If you notice that the situation is starting to deteriorate, don't send another email, it's time to pick up the phone or arrange a face to face meeting.

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Email Communication Problems: How To Communicate Effectively

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Email is an extremely popular form of communication in both the business and personal communication landscapes, but it can often lead to major problems if the underlying tone of the email message is misinterpreted at one end.

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Text Messaging: Is Texting Ruining The Art Of Conversation?

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Text Messaging: Is Texting Ruining The Art Of Conversation?

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How does texting affect communication?

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Communication looks different in the technological age. How does texting change things?

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Texting has, in many ways, made communication easier by helping people avoid long, unpleasant phone conversations and making a quick "Hello" much easier. According to the Pew Research Center, 72% of teenagers text regularly, and one in three sends more than 100 texts per day. Clearly, texting is the preferred method of communication among young people, and that trend is moving upward toward adults, who are also texting much more frequently. While texting hasn't been around long enough for researchers to study its long-term effects on communication, there is circumstantial evidence that it is rapidly altering the ways people communicate with one another both via text and in person.

Face-to-Face Communication

Texting encourages rapid-fire, single-sentence thoughts, but this style of communication isn't conducive to face-to-face communication. Consequently, people who text a lot may be more uncomfortable with in-person communication and may even use their cell phones to communicate with people who are in their presence. Parents often report that their teens text during dinner, and the friend who texts during a group night out is a common phenomenon. The reality may be not that these people are being rude but that they are uncomfortable with slow-paced, in-person communication.

Surface-Level Communication

Texting increases the frequency of small talk and can be a great asset to people beginning to form a friendship; they may be much more comfortable texting each other witty one-liners than they are picking up the phone and calling. But texting is, almost by definition, surface-level communication. When people communicate primarily via text, they're much less likely to have meaningful conversations.

Written Communication

People know they're using improper grammar when they text; it's merely a shortcut that enables them to relay a message quickly and effectively. But over time, the way we communicate-even if we know the way we communicate is "technically" wrong-affects the way we think. The result is that people who have grown up texting may have much poorer writing skills than people who regularly communicate using grammatically correct sentences either in person, over the phone, or via email. Even worse, they may lose their ability to modify their tone and style depending upon who they talk to. Many employers complain that entry-level hires have no idea how to send a business email or communicate appropriately to superiors.

Impatience and Instant Gratification

Texting is real-time communication but is not in person. This creates an odd situation in which people feel compelled to respond immediately via text, but they aren't really participating in an ongoing, progressively deepening conversation. The instant gratification of texting can lead to incredible impatience, even aggression. But when people are in person, the requirement of communicating immediately can be daunting for people communicating primarily via text. Thus texting can inhibit both in-person communication and texting itself.

Social Boundaries

Unlike phone calls, there are no clear rules about when it's acceptable to text. And because texting doesn't result in an angry person answering on the other end, many people feel more comfortable texting at any time and in any circumstance. The result is a decrease in privacy and social boundaries. People may text in the middle of the night or while someone is on vacation and expect an immediate response, because of the impatience texting encourages. The result is a blurring of the lines between public and private. While a couple might previously expect no interruptions on a vacation or honeymoon, they can now anticipate receiving and responding to texts. Because texting is not old enough for psychologists to know how this affects intimacy, we can only guess at its long-term effects on relationships.
References:

1. Alison Bryant, J., Sanders-Jackson, A., Smallwood, A. K. (2006). IMing, Text messaging, and adolescent social networks. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication,11(2), 577-592. doi: 10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00028.x

2. Hanna, J. (n.d.). W&L Psychology Project examines cell-phone usage and adolescent health. Washington and Lee University. Retrieved from http://news.blogs.wlu.edu/2012/07/24/wl-psychology-project-examines-cell-phone-usage-and-adolescent-health/

3. Influence of Texting on Communication Skills. (n.d.). Influence of texting on communication skills. Retrieved from http://artofeloquence.com/texting/

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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Texting has, in many ways, made communication easier by helping people avoid long, unpleasant phone conversations and making a quick "Hello" much easier. According to the Pew Research Center, 72% of teenagers text regularly, and one in three sends more than 100 texts per day.

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Assertiveness looks different in different cultures. Take a look at how it may differ for you and your friends.

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Saying "No" can be difficult. This article addresses how to do so in a way that does not feel so abrupt.

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It feels good to be the go-to guy or girl: the one that everyone comes to for solutions to their problems. When people smile at you and tell you, "Thank you so much. I just don't know what I would do without you," feelings of importance, value, and worth well up inside of you. The immediate verbal affirmation you receive from saying, "Yes," to every request can even fulfill subconscious aspirations of being popular: I could never be class president, but I can fix every technical challenge people bring to me. At last, I'm a VIP!

But the problem I frequently see with my time coaching clients is that their default response of, "Sure, I'll get that to you by tomorrow," leads to long-term negative consequences for themselves and others, such as:* Handling small requests but putting off important projects

Turning in late or low-quality work

Doing other people's work for them instead of properly delegating

Working extra hours so they can't move forward on personal goals

Sacrificing sleep, exercise, and time with people they enjoy

Developing a reputation for being approachable but not reliable

Having people nag them about when they will get things done

Feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, guilty, frustrated, and resentful

Don't misunderstand me: Doing your job well, having a willingness to serve, and acting like a team player are all awesome qualities. I'm not advocating slacking or never taking on extra assignments. But when you allow every request to divert your attention from your most important activities of the day, everyone ends up frustrated.

Fortunately, the solution to this huge challenge often involves a relatively small change in behavior: Thinking through and practicing how to say, "No," or, "Not now," nicely.

When you allow every request to divert your attention from your most important activities of the day, everyone ends up frustrated.

As a starting point, I've listed out some examples of quick, respectful responses you can use in situations where it's common to overcommit. Try saying a few of these out loud (preferably by yourself) and tweak them until the phrasing suits your personality and work culture. It may seem a bit strange or "fake" at first to rehearse. But if you've developed a life-long habit of always answering affirmatively, it's necessary to retrain yourself so that you don't default to your typical pattern.Here you go:

When you receive perpetual last-minute requests:

I would love to help you out, but I already made commitments to other _________ (coworkers, clients, etc.) to complete their projects today. It wouldn't be fair to them to not follow through on what I said I would do. I will be sure to fit this in as soon as possible. Thanks for your understanding.

When people ask you about everything instead of directly contacting the appropriate person:

That's not my area of expertise, but I would be happy to connect you with someone who could best help you solve this problem.

When you're asked in the hallway or at a meeting for an estimated timeframe for a complex project:

Could you email me the details of that request? Once I receive them, I'll be able to give you a more definite response on when I can get that done for you.

When you're given an exceptionally short deadline:

I know this project is a high priority for you, and if it's absolutely necessary for me to turn something in by that date, I can make it happen. But if I could have a few more _________ (days, weeks, etc.), I could really deliver something of higher quality. Would it be possible for me to have a bit more time?

When someone starts talking about a problem that you could potentially help them with but you don't have time to handle and is not your responsibility:

Wow. I can really understand how that would be hard. (Then say nothing more-just nod, smile, and release the problem when you walk away.)

When asked to do something optional that you can't commit to right now:

I appreciate you thinking of me, and I'm honored by the request. But unfortunately, I don't have the time to give this my best right now. I think you would benefit from finding someone who can devote more time and energy to this project.

When someone asks you to do something that your much-less-busy coworker could do:

I would love to help you out, but given my schedule, I wouldn't be able to get this back to you for a couple of weeks. If you would like to have this turned around sooner, I recommend that you reach out to __________. Does that sound good?

At first, you'll need to consciously think about using these new phrases. But in time, these type of responses will quite naturally flow out of your mouth in conversation or through your fingers in an email response.

Also, if you've developed a reputation for always jumping to meet everyone's requests, you may have a few people who don't like your new approach. But by consistently practicing better responses, you'll end up making more people happy - including yourself.

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Over to You...
Do you struggle with taking on more than you can handle?How have you learned to avoid over-commitment?

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Setting Boundaries & Saying No... Nicely

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It feels good to be the go-to guy or girl: the one that everyone comes to for solutions to their problems. When people smile at you and tell you, "Thank you so much. I just don't know what I would do without you," feelings of importance, value, and worth well up inside of you.

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This web link addressed myths that keep people from being assertive and provides exercises to evaluate your current level of assertiveness.

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Ashley Miller

Ashley Miller is a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, certified Reiki practitioner, yoga enthusiast and aromatherapist. She has also worked as an employee assistance program counselor and a substance-abuse professional. Miller holds a Master of Social Work and has extensive training in mental health diagnosis, as well as child and adolescent psychotherapy. She also has a bachelor's degree in music.

Communication is, literally, everything. But with emails and texts flying back and forth, we might all need a refresher course in face-to-face (and phone!) skills. According to Theresa Flormata-Ballesteros' book "Speech and Oral Communication," to effectively transmit information, ideas and attitudes, a clear speaking voice is first and foremost. Also key are good pronunciation and the ability to adequately convey your meaning. Then there are nonverbal communication skills, such as posture and body language, that play an important role as well.

Video of the Day

When honing your public speaking skills, an appropriate volume level is a must, but it's just as important in a one-on-one or phone conversation. Flormata-Ballesteros suggests finding a volume and loudness level that is appropriate to the situation. If you are standing next to someone, it's obviously inappropriate to shout in order to be heard. On the other hand, when speaking to a large group of people, you'll need to raise your voice loud enough so that everyone is able to hear you. But there's a fine line: Everyone should be able to understand what you are saying without straining their ears WITHOUT getting irritated because you are speaking too loudly. You'll also want to avoid the all-too-common monotone. Using the appropriate intonation and tempo also helps to convey your message. For example, if you want to convey extra emphasis to an important word, you might speak more slowly and emphatically.

Heads up to the wallflowers: Good verbal communication requires the ability to be assertive. In fact, numerous studies have identified a significant correlation between assertiveness and psychological well being, so practicing this skill can have a positive effect on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Thankfully, there are a few tricks to adding this secret ingredient into your conversations and presentations. Try to use "I" statements when conveying your feelings or opinions to others. This helps you to sound less accusatory and others will be less likely to take offense, particularly if you are broaching sensitive topics. Learn to say no to other people -- and mean it. You don't have to beat around the bush if you have to turn someone down. Short and concise replies and explanations generally work best, and you won't come across as a pushover.

While speaking more assertively is necessary for some people, others might need to take it down a notch. Try to keep your emotions in check -- getting too angry or frustrated makes your message totally ineffective. To improve overly assertive communication, start by recognizing that violating other people's trust is not the way to gain it. You can come across as in charge and knowledgeable and still show respect for the feelings and opinions of others. Randy J. Paterson, PhD, author of "The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships", discusses how "assertiveness isn't about building a good disguise -- it's about developing the courage to take the disguise off." Resorting to condescension, biting sarcasm and insults mask the desire to control the behavior of others, so learning to let go is the biggest step you can take in the right direction.

Being aware of your body language can help your oral communications to be more effective. You can lend your words more authority by holding your body in a relaxed manner, neither tense and threatening nor small and cowardly. When practicing this relaxed posture, take a quick scan of your body: Where are you holding tension? Take note of your posture. Standing with your arms crossed or lean away from the other person may seem detached or defensive. Also be sure to make appropriate eye contact. If you look away frequently, you may seem distracted or uninvolved in the conversation. Don't distract from your message by wringing your hands or making dramatic gestures. Regardless of what you are actually saying, fidgeting and tapping your foot run the risk of coming across as nervous, dramatic or unsure.

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Communication is, literally, everything. But with emails and texts flying back and forth, we might all need a refresher course in face-to-face (and phone!) skills. According to Theresa Flormata-Ballesteros' book "Speech and Oral Communication," to effectively transmit information, ideas and attitudes, a clear speaking voice is first...

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Check out this website to learn the basics of effective communication

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This article discusses communication in families and the art of finding the metamessage.

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"A book about friendship that is also interested in the miscommunication that can so complicate it . . . The language, in this book about language, is saturated with concepts that apply equally well to romance in its more traditional forms. The language, too, celebrates friendship in its frustrations and its rewards and, above all, its wonderful complexity.

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The TWU Counseling Center has some tips on being assertive