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Gotten into a fight with your friends? Maybe your friends are pressuring you into doing something you're not comfortable with - but you don't want to seem 'uncool.' Navigating these important relationships in our lives can be stressful! In these situations it's important to evaluate the friendship's worth overall and whether you should (or shouldn't) make efforts to repair those relationships.

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On fighting with friends...

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Although it's hard to fight with your friends, it's totally normal and even common to disagree with those closest to you. We've got some tips to help you out.

Reasons friends fight

Friends can fight for many different reasons. These include:

After a fight with a friend

Allow some time to calm down and relax. When you're ready, reflect on how you feel and what happened. It might help to ask yourself these questions:

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It's not always easy to deal with it yourself - that's why we're here for you.

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Information on Peer Pressure

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"Now!" whispered Suki. "Quick, while the clerk's not looking."

Heart pounding, Leah leaned against the store's unattended makeup display and slid two tubes of lipstick into her purse. She looked bored and detached as she followed her friends Suki and Jill out of the store, but inside she felt panicked.

"I can't believe you made me do that," Leah wailed.

"Relax," said Jill. "Everybody does it sometimes. And we didn't make you do it."

She said nothing, but Leah knew she wouldn't have done that on her own. She'd just had a big dose of peer pressure.

Who Are Your Peers?

When you were a little kid, your parents usually chose your friends, putting you in play groups or arranging play dates with certain children they knew and liked. Now that you're older, you decide who your friends are and what groups you spend time with.

Your friends - your peers - are people your age or close to it who have experiences and interests similar to yours. You and your friends make dozens of decisions every day, and you influence each other's choices and behaviors. This is often positive - it's human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.

As you become more independent, your peers naturally play a greater role in your life. As school and other activities take you away from home, you may spend more time with peers than you do with your parents and siblings. You'll probably develop close friendships with some of your peers, and you may feel so connected to them that they are like an extended family.

Besides close friends, your peers include other kids you know who are the same age - like people in your grade, church, sports team, or community. These peers also influence you by the way they dress and act, things they're involved in, and the attitudes they show.

It's natural for people to identify with and compare themselves to their peers as they consider how they wish to be (or think they should be), or what they want to achieve. People are influenced by peers because they want to fit in, be like peers they admire, do what others are doing, or have what others have.

Page 1

Peer Influence Isn't All Bad

You already know that the teen years can be tough. You're figuring out who you are, what you believe, what you're good at, what your responsibilities are, and what your place in the world is going to be.

It's comforting to face those challenges with friends who are into the same things that you are. But you probably hear adults - parents, teachers, guidance counselors, etc. - talk about peer pressure more than the benefits of belonging to a peer group.

You might not hear a lot about it, but peers have a profoundly positive influence on each other and play important roles in each other's lives:

Friendship. Among peers you can find friendship and acceptance, and share experiences that can build lasting bonds.

Positive examples. Peers set plenty of good examples for each other. Having peers who are committed to doing well in school or to doing their best in a sport can influence you to be more goal-oriented, too. Peers who are kind and loyal influence you to build these qualities in yourself. Even peers you've never met can be role models! For example, watching someone your age compete in the Olympics, give a piano concert, or spearhead a community project might inspire you to go after a dream of your own.

Feedback and advice. Your friends listen and give you feedback as you try out new ideas, explore belief, and discuss problems. Peers can help you make decisions, too: what courses to take; whether to get your hair cut, let it grow, or dye it; how to handle a family argument. Peers often give each other good advice. Your friends will be quick to tell you when they think you're making a mistake or doing something risky.

Socializing. Your peer group gives you opportunities to try out new social skills. Getting to know lots of different people - such as classmates or teammates - gives you a chance to learn how to expand your circle of friends, build relationships, and work out differences. You may have peers you agree or disagree with, compete with, or team with, peers you admire, and peers you don't want to be like.

Encouragement. Peers encourage you to work hard to get the solo in the concert, help you study, listen and support you when you're upset or troubled, and empathize with you when they've experienced similar difficulties.

New experiences. Your peers might get you involved in clubs, sports, or religious groups. Your world would be far less rich without peers to encourage you try sushi for the first time, listen to a CD you've never heard before, or to offer moral support when you audition for the school play.

Page 2

When the Pressure's On

Sometimes, though, the stresses in your life can actually come from your peers. They may pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with, such as shoplifting, doing drugs or drinking, taking dangerous risks when driving a car, or having sex before you feel ready.

This pressure may be expressed openly ("Oh, come on - it's just one beer, and everyone else is having one") or more indirectly - simply making beer available at a party, for instance.

Most peer pressure is less easy to define. Sometimes a group can make subtle signals without saying anything at all - letting you know that you must dress or talk a certain way or adopt particular attitudes toward school, other students, parents, and teachers in order to win acceptance and approval.

The pressure to conform (to do what others are doing) can be powerful and hard to resist. A person might feel pressure to do something just because others are doing it (or say they are). Peer pressure can influence a person to do something that is relatively harmless - or something that has more serious consequences. Giving in to the pressure to dress a certain way is one thing - going along with the crowd to drink or smoke is another.

People may feel pressure to conform so they fit in or are accepted, or so they don't feel awkward or uncomfortable. When people are unsure of what to do in a social situation, they naturally look to others for cues about what is and isn't acceptable.

The people who are most easily influenced will follow someone else's lead first. Then others may go along, too - so it can be easy to think, "It must be OK. Everyone else is doing it. They must know what they're doing." Before you know it, many people are going along with the crowd - perhaps on something they might not otherwise do.

Responding to peer pressure is part of human nature - but some people are more likely to give in, and others are better able to resist and stand their ground. People who are low on confidence and those who tend to follow rather than lead could be more likely to seek their peers' approval by giving in to a risky challenge or suggestion. People who are unsure of themselves, new to the group, or inexperienced with peer pressure may also be more likely to give in.

Using alcohol or drugs increases anyone's chances of giving in to peer pressure. Substance use impairs judgment and interferes with the ability to make good decisions.

Page 3

Pressure Pointers

Nearly everyone ends up in a sticky peer pressure situation at some point. No matter how wisely you choose your friends, or how well you think you know them, sooner or later you'll have to make decisions that are difficult and could be unpopular. It may be something as simple as resisting the pressure to spend your hard-earned babysitting money on the latest MP3 player that "everybody" has. Or it may mean deciding to take a stand that makes you look uncool to your group.

But these situations can be opportunities to figure out what is right for you. There's no magic to standing up to peer pressure, but it does take courage - yours:

Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable, even if your friends seem to be OK with what's going on, it means that something about the situation is wrong for you. This kind of decision-making is part of becoming self-reliant and learning more about who you are.

Plan for possible pressure situations. If you'd like to go to a party but you believe you may be offered alcohol or drugs there, think ahead about how you'll handle this challenge. Decide ahead of time - and even rehearse - what you'll say and do. Learn a few tricks. If you're holding a bottle of water or a can of soda, for instance, you're less likely to be offered a drink you don't want.

Arrange a "bail-out" code phrase you can use with your parents without losing face with your peers. You might call home from a party at which you're feeling pressured to drink alcohol and say, for instance, "Can you come and drive me home? I have a terrible earache."

Learn to feel comfortable saying "no." With good friends you should never have to offer an explanation or apology. But if you feel you need an excuse for, say, turning down a drink or smoke, think up a few lines you can use casually. You can always say, "No, thanks, I've got a belt test in karate next week and I'm in training," or "No way - my uncle just died of cirrhosis and I'm not even looking at any booze."

Hang with people who feel the same way you do. Choose friends who will speak up with you when you're in need of moral support, and be quick to speak up for a friend in the same way. If you're hearing that little voice telling you a situation's not right, chances are others hear it, too. Just having one other person stand with you against peer pressure makes it much easier for both people to resist.

Blame your parents: "Are you kidding? If my mom found out, she'd kill me, and her spies are everywhere."

If a situation seems dangerous, don't hesitate to get an adult's help.

It's not always easy to resist negative peer pressure, but when you do, it is easy to feel good about it afterward. And you may even be a positive influence on your peers who feel the same way - often it just takes one person to speak out or take a different action to change a situation. Your friends may follow if you have the courage to do something different or refuse to go along with the group. Consider yourself a leader, and know that you have the potential to make a difference.

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Responding to peer pressure is part of human nature - but some people are more likely to give in, and others are better able to resist and stand their ground. Find out how to make the right choices for you.

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So, feeling stressed huh? Don't worry, that's completely normal for adolescents! It is undeniable that adolescence is one of the most stressful times to be a live. There are so many things that you and other adolescents have to deal with that can cause stress and anxiety. This Padlet is designed as a resource for you to help learn about the different facets of your life that can cause you stress (which you may or may not have recognized) - and to learn ways to COPE and manage that stress!

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Puberty! Agh! So much of your body is changing, or will change, as you transition from childhood to adulthood. Your body is pumping hormones at crazy levels to make sure this transition happens smoothly. Ladies, for you, these hormones are called estrogens. Fellas, for you, these hormones are called androgens - testosterone in particular. Read on to see how these can affect your body, and how your body might be a source of stress in your life.

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Puberty Video

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These are the Signs you have hit Puberty! 🎯 Puberty Stages for Girls and Boys

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Age Range of Bodily Changes in Men/Women

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This ties into puberty because sometimes adolescents can be 'early' or 'late' bloomers. Both of these can be on the receiving end of teasing from their friends and peers because their bodily changes, or lack thereof, are not on par with most of those around them. This can lead to a negative body image and feeling very self conscious about how you look. However, that's okay! There is no such thing as 'normal'. All of us reach adulthood one way or the other eventually!

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Women's Body Image

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Please note that this is an Archived article and may contain content that is out of date. The use of she/her/hers pronouns in some articles is not intended to be exclusionary. Eating disorders can affect people of all genders, ages, races, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, body shapes, and weights.

How often do you look in the mirror and say "If I could just lose ten pounds, then I would be happy"? Unfortunately, the majority of American women and girls are dissatisfied with their bodies, and many take extreme measures in an attempt to change their bodies. For example, one study found that 63% of female participants identified weight as the key factor in determining how they felt about themselves - more important than family, school, or career. Other research suggests that 86% of all women are dissatisfied with their bodies and want to lose weight. Women and adolescent girls regard size, much like weight, as a definitive element of their identity. Some girls assume there is something wrong with their bodies when they cannot fit consistently into some "standard" size; others will reject a pair of jeans simply because they won't wear a particular size. The majority of girls step on the scale to determine their self-worth; if they have lost weight, then it is a good day and they can briefly feel "okay" about themselves. If the number on the scale has increased ever so slightly, then the day is ruined and they feel worthless. Body image has now become intertwined with one's weight, and therefore, if women are not happy with their weight, they can not possibly be satisfied with their bodies. Unfortunately, girls and women take this a step farther and rationalize that negative body image is directly equated to self-image. We are now living in a society where young girls believe the one way to definitely improve their self-image and to feel more confident is to lose weight and become thinner.

Women and young girls are now living in a society where their bodies define who they are. Girls are terrified to gain weight and are continually reminded by the media about various new diet products on the market, and the value in weight loss. They are also bombarded by countless television shows on plastic surgery and the number of cosmetic surgeries in this country are increasing every year. Women today face impossible images of beauty on a daily basis when they watch television, see a movie, or view a magazine. It is estimated that young girls are exposed to 400 to 600 media images per day. Young girls and women inescapably feel insecure about their bodies and physical appearance and often believe they must change their bodies to gain self-esteem. A recent survey found that only 2% of women in the world would describe themselves as "beautiful." The vast majority of girls want to change various aspects of their appearance. In today's society, self-esteem and body-esteem have become one and the same. Unfortunately this is having an emotional toll on young girls, and they are feeling inadequate and often turn to severe behaviors in an attempt to manipulate their bodies to "fit into" an unrealistic standard of beauty. Eating disorders have flourished in this beauty-driven society. Young girls and women are trapped in a negative cycle of body hatred. Women with eating disorders are particularly vulnerable to this negative body image cycle.

Although a large majority of women are displeased with their bodies, many women and girls experience extreme body image difficulties that can be part of more complicated problems. These extreme body image disturbances include body dysmorphic disorder, eating disorders and severe depression.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder: This is a disorder of "imagined ugliness." What individuals with this disorder see in the mirror is a grossly distorted view of what they actually look like. Often, these individuals will spend hours examining, attempting to conceal, or obsessing over their perceived flaws. Some people actually spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery in an attempt to improve their bodies.

Anorexia Nervosa: This disorder is characterized by an extreme fear of gaining weight and these individuals actually perceive their bodies as larger or "fat" even though they are grossly underweight.

Bulimia Nervosa: Individuals with this disorder are also very dissatisfied with their bodies and have extreme concern with body weight and shape.

Depression: In many instances, individuals with depression often have a distorted view of themselves and believe they are less attractive than they really are.

Since negative body image is a prevalent problem for many women and girls and can also be a component of many serious disorders, it is critical that women learn to change their body image towards a healthy and positive view of self.

Seven Ways to Overcome Negative Body Image

1. Fight "Fatism"

Work on accepting people of all sizes and shapes. This will help you appreciate your own body. It may be useful to create a list of people you admire that do not have "perfect" bodies. Does their appearance affect how you feel about them? It is also important to remember that society's standards have changed significantly over the last 50 years. The women that were considered the "ideal beauties" in the 1940's and 1950's, like Marilyn Monroe (size 14) and Mae West, were full-bodied and truly beautiful women, but they would be considered "overweight" by today's standards.

2. Fight the Diet Downfall

Ninety percent of all women have dieted at some point in their life, and at any one point in time, 50% of women are dieting. A recent survey found that 14% of five-yearold girls report that they "go on diets" in an attempt to lose weight. By the time girls are ten years old, 80% report going on a diet. Women are two times more likely to diet than men. To dieters' dismay, 98% of all dieters gain the weight back in five years. Studies also show that 20-25% of dieters progress to a partial or full-blown eating disorder. Research has found that when restrained eaters are exposed to commercials related to diet, weight loss, or fitness, they experience negative emotions and are more likely to then overeat. Women are foolish if they believe that dieting will make them feel better about themselves. Dieting only helps you lose your self-esteem and energy. Dieting also creates mood swings and feelings of hopelessness. To fight the diet downfall, an intuitive eating approach can be extremely helpful. This approach focuses on moderation of all types of foods and not counting calories or label reading. Food is "just food" and not labeled as "good" or "bad." Clients learn to monitor their hunger/fullness and enjoy a healthy relationship with food. If you feel pressure to lose weight, talk to a friend or loved one, or seek professional help. There are many helpful books that focus on intuitive eating that may be a good resource.

3. Accept Genetics

It is critical to remember that many aspects of your body cannot be changed. Genetics play a role in your body and at least 25% to 70% of your body is determined by your genes. While there are many aspects of your body we cannot change, you can change or modify your beliefs and attitudes which influence the way you feel about yourself. Change starts with you - it is internal, and it starts with self-respect and a positive attitude. It is important to focus on health and not size. It is important to not compare your body with your friends, family members, or media images. We are all unique, and no two bodies are the same. We can't be truly happy or healthy if we "diet into" a new body.

4. Understand that Emotions are Skin Deep

It is important to discover the emotions and feelings that underlie your negative body image. The statement "I feel fat" is never really about fat, even if you are overweight. Each time a women looks at herself in the mirror and says "Gross, I'm fat and disgusting," she is really saying "There is something wrong with me or with what I'm feeling." When we do not know how to deal with our feelings we turn to our bodies and blame our bodies for our feelings. Every time you say "I'm fat" you are betraying your body, and you are betraying and ignoring your underlying feelings. Remember that "fat" is never a feeling; it's avoidance of feelings. Learn to discover your emotions and feelings, and realize that focusing on your body is only distracting you from what is "really" bothering you.

5. Question Messages Portrayed in the Media

The media sends powerful messages to girls and women about the acceptability (or unacceptability) of their bodies. Young girls are taught to compare themselves to women portrayed as successful in the media, assessing how closely they match up to the "ideal" body form. Unfortunately, the majority of girls and women (96%) do not match up to the models and actresses presented in the media. The average model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds, whereas the average women is 5'3/8" and weighs 166.2 pounds. This is the largest discrepancy that has ever existed between women and the cultural ideal. This discrepancy leads many women and girls to feel inadequate and negative about their bodies. It is important to realize that only 1.8% of women genetically have the "ideal" body currently presented in the media. The other 98.2% of women feel they must go to extreme measures to attempt to reach this unobtainable image. Many of the images presented in the media have been computer enhanced and airbrushed. The models' hips and waists have often been slimmed and their breasts enlarged through computer photo manipulation. Many of the women presented in the media suffer from an eating disorder or have adopted disordered eating behaviors to maintain such low body weights. It is important to start to question images in the media and question why women should feel compelled to "live up" to these unrealistic standards of beauty and thinness. One interesting side note: Glamour magazine tried to use more "average size" models in their magazine and found that sales went down. It is interesting that research demonstrates that women report feeling positive about their bodies after seeing normal images of women in the media, but this did not improve readership for Glamour magazine.

6. Recognize the Influence of Body Misperception

Women are prone to more negative feelings about their bodies than men. In general, women are more psychologically invested in their physical appearance. Your body image is central to how you feel about yourself. Research reveals that as much as 1/4 of your self-esteem is the result of how positive or negative your body image is. Unfortunately, many women with eating disorders have a larger percentage of their esteem invested in their bodies. Women with eating disorders often exhibit unequivocal body image misperception, in which they misperceive the size of part, or the entire body. Hence they are "blind" to their own figures. This distortion is real and it is not due to "fat," but to the eating disorder illness. It is important to recognize this misperception and attribute it to the eating disorder. When you feel fat, remind yourself that you misperceive your shape. Judge your size according to the opinions of trusted others until you can trust your new and more accurate self-perceptions.

7. Befriend Your Body

It is important to combat negative body image because it can lead to depression, shyness, social anxiety and selfconsciousness in intimate relationships. Negative body image may also lead to an eating disorder. It is time that women stop judging their bodies harshly and learn to appreciate their inner being, soul, and spirit. A women's body is a biological masterpiece; women can menstruate, ovulate and create life. Start to recognize you do not have to compare yourself to other women or women in the media. Begin to challenge images presented in the media, and realize that your worth does not depend on how closely you fit these unrealistic images.

In Margo Maine's book "Body Wars," she teaches women to reclaim their bodies and offers ways to help women love their bodies. Here are examples of 10 ways you can love your body:

1. Affirm that your body is perfect just the way it is.

2. Think of your body as a tool. Create an inventory of all the things you can do with it.

3. Walk with your head high with pride and confidence in yourself as a person, not a size.

4. Create a list of people you admire who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Was their appearance important to their success and accomplishments?

5. Don't let your size keep you from doing things you enjoy.

6. Replace the time you spend criticizing your appearance with more positive, satisfying pursuits.

7. Let your inner beauty and individuality shine.

8. Think back to a time in your life when you liked and enjoyed your body. Get in touch with those feelings now.

9. Be your body's ally and advocate, not its enemy.

10. Beauty is not just skin-deep. It is a reflection of your whole self. Love and enjoy the person inside.

In conclusion, negative body image is a serious problem and has damaging affects on women's self-esteem. It can lead to depression, as well as an eating disorder. Changing our world starts with you. Self-love and respect, and the end of prejudice start with one person at a time. The external pursuit of changing your body can often damage spirituality by taking you away from the internal-self - the spirit, the soul, and the whole genuine self. If you or someone you care about suffers with negative body image, please seek professional help and stop the cycle of body hatred.

Tips for Professionals

Body image is particularly difficult to treat in women with eating disorders. There are several concepts that can assist professionals in their treatment of women with body image issues. It is helpful to first assess the degree of negative body image present. One example of how this can be done is by having women draw a front and side profile of their body and then identify the areas of love, like, dislike, and hate with different colors. Process each area with the client and have her describe why she feels that way about each particular area. Often negative body image issues have stemmed from past teasing experiences, and young girls and women focus on negative comments family and peers have said to them. For example, I had a 17 year-old client that was repeatedly teased from having "chubby cheeks." When she was anorexic her cheeks were sunken in, and she believed her family would finally accept her and stop teasing her. Therapy had to focus on her childhood teasing before she could accept having her cheeks.

Another helpful step is to determine how much negative body image impacts their everyday lives. Many women avoid wearing a variety of clothing and also use clothing to conceal their bodies. For example, many clients will wear big baggy sweatshirts all year long to avoid showing their stomach. Women also avoid activities to protect themselves from negative body image. Many clients have not gone to a swimming pool for over a decade. Having clients begin to face their fears and "avoid avoiding" will slowly help them embrace their body. Encourage clients to try new things and find and express their real self.

It is also helpful to have women practice appropriate self care. This means that they need to get adequate sleep, food, and exercise. Often women with eating disorders feel so negative about their bodies they avoid caring for themselves, and this self neglect continues to create a negative downward spiral. Encourage clients to re-engage in activities that they have been neglecting due to their bodies.
Written by: Nicole Hawkins, PhD

References and Suggested Readings

What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?, Thomas F. Cash, Ph.D., Bantam Books, New York, 1995.

When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, Jane R. Hirschmann & Carol H. Munter, Fawcett Columbine, New York, 1995.

Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies, Margo Maine, Ph.D., Gurze Books, Calsbad, 2000

Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, Mary Pipher Ph.D., Random House, Ballantine Books, New York, 1994.

Intuitive Eating: A Recovery Book for the Chronic Dieter, Evelyn Tribole M.S., R.D. & Elyse Resch M.S., R.D., New York 1995

© Copyright Center for Change, Incorporated
November 2009, Revised August 2014

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Negative Body Image - Understanding and Overcoming | Center for Change

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How often do you look in the mirror and say "If I could just lose ten pounds, then I would be happy"? Unfortunately, the majority of American women and girls...Read more

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Men's Body Image

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It's not just young women who struggle with body image issues. In recent years, eating disorders and problems with excessive exercise have increased among men, along with what's known as "muscle dysmorphia." Exacerbated by the unrealistic expectations set by media and social media, male body image issues are especially prevalent among young adults.

Moreover, men are less likely than women to talk about or get help for these issues. While the body positivity movement among women has grown substantially over the last decade, male body positivity isn't focused on nearly as much. Therefore, the stigma around male body image issues often prevents young men from speaking honestly about their experiences and seeking treatment for related mental health challenges.

The Link Between Male Body Image Issues and Mental Health

Male body image issues don't occur in a vacuum. Mental health conditions and low self-esteem in men are often at the root of these unhealthy behaviors and co-occurring disorders. A meta-analysis of 23 studies, mostly involving young males at Western universities, found that male body image issues are significantly associated with anxiety and depression.

Because young people are particularly focused on their appearance, body dissatisfaction can lead to suicidal thoughts and behaviors, and contribute to other underlying mental health conditions. In addition, teen boys who experience bullying due to their appearance may continue to suffer from body dissatisfaction and related issues as they mature into young adults. Male body image issues can be a result of trauma connected with bullying, sexual trauma, or other childhood trauma.

Moreover, over the past year, isolation and lack of social and physical activity has led to a spike in disordered eating and male body image issues. In a recent survey of 2,000 males in Britain, almost half of the respondents said that their body image issues had impacted their mental health. Furthermore, 58 percent said the pandemic had negatively affected how they feel about their body, and only a quarter said that they were happy with how they look.

A 2020 study led by social psychology professor Viren Swami dug deeper into the link between male body image issues and mental health challenges during COVID. The research team found that pandemic-related anxiety and stress was associated with greater desire for muscularity, and anxiety was also associated with body dissatisfaction. They attributed these results to the stereotypical ideas that society continues to hold about how men should act in stressful situations. Specifically, the attributes of strength and competence are still associated in the collective imagination with body size and muscularity.

The Latest Statistics on Eating Disorders in Males

Negative body image is one of the most frequent causes of eating disorders, and that's true for men as well as women. However, because men are less likely to talk about these issues, it's difficult for researchers to determine accurate rates of eating disorders in males. What is clear is that the numbers are higher than commonly believed. In fact, the National Association for Males with Eating Disorders estimates that men account for between 25 and 40 percent of those with eating disorders. One study found that about a quarter of young adult men reported disordered eating behaviors related to body dissatisfaction.

In general, males are more likely to struggle with binge eating disorder and Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) as opposed to anorexia. Experts say that about of quarter of people with anorexia are men, but they are at higher risk of death due to their reluctance to seek help. And other disordered eating behaviors, such as purging, fasting, and laxative abuse, are almost as common in men as in women, some researchers say.

Exercise Addiction in Young Adult Men

While women with eating disorders and body image issues are typically focused on being thin, men tend to focus on gaining muscle. Research shows that 90 percent of teen boys exercise with the specific goal of "bulking up," and this behavior often continues into young adulthood. Hence, researchers have coined the phrase "muscle dysmorphia," also known as "reverse anorexia" or "bigorexia," to describe male body image issues that are focused around the obsessive desire to have a bigger, more muscular body.

Male body image issues like muscle dysmorphia can lead not only to eating disorders in men but also to exercise addiction. The signs of exercise addiction include continuing to work out despite suffering injuries or illness; experiencing withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, when you are unable to exercise; and exercising secretly so others won't realize the extent of your fixation on the behavior.

As with other male body image issues, exercise addiction is linked with poor mental health. A study of 895 graduate students found that males who were dissatisfied with their bodies and with their exercise performance were more likely to be depressed. It's a vicious cyle of sorts: Underlying depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem in men catalyze problems related to body image, and negative body image also intensifies self-esteem and mental health issues.

Male Body Image and Social Media

Many experts attribute the increase in male body issues over the last decade to the influence of social media as well as popular media. The muscular superheroes in action movies and the highly documented body transformations and workout regimens of celebrities contribute to feelings of inferiority among young men with "average" bodies. While some actors, including Robert Pattinson and Sam Smith, have opened up about their body image issues and eating disorders, stars like Chris Pratt and Hugh Jackman have morphed from "regular guys" into superheroes by packing on muscle-convincing young men that they, too, can attain the "ideal" body if they try hard enough.

Social media provides constant exposure to these perceived ideals. In one study, male participants were shown either neutral images of men on Instagram or images of muscular men. The group that was shown images of men who represented the supposed ideal felt worse afterward about their weight and their bodies. The researchers also found that these negative comparisons focused not just on celebrities and models but also on relatives and friends.

Another, similar study confirmed these results, showing that men perceived themselves as weaker, less attractive, and in worse shape after viewing images of physically fit men. "It seems plausible that changes in body esteem and the internalization of media portrayals could contribute to problematic dieting, exercise, and steroid use in men," the researchers concluded.

6 Tips for Coping with Male Body Image Issues

The vast majority of the focus around body image and eating disorders focuses on women. Consequently, young men often have a harder time accessing supportive communities or finding guidance tailored for their male body image issues. Here are a few tips that may help young men establish healthier attitudes and behaviors surrounding body image and exercise.

Limit social media use or adjust what comes into your feed, in order to avoid negative social comparison.

Remember that media portrayals of muscular bodies are often curated and unrealistic.

Be honest about your struggles with male body image issues, and find safe places to talk about what you're going through.

Create exercise and eating goals that emphasize overall health and wellness rather than appearance.

Build confidence through activities that aren't related to body image, such as volunteering, hikes in nature, and creative expression.

Help build male body positivity by accepting your body as it is, and focusing on what you like about it.

Hopefully, the male body positivity movement will begin to grow in momentum as awareness around the prevalence and severity of male body image issues increases.

Treatment for Male Body Image Issues

Mental health treatment may be necessary in order to help young men heal from the anxiety, depression, trauma, and suicidal ideation associated with male body image issues. Modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness techniques, and Attachment-Based Family Therapy are effective in enhancing low self-esteem and supporting young people to build healthier habits and coping mechanisms.

Contact us today to learn more about Newport Institute's approach to young adult treatment. Our clinical model of care addresses the root causes of co-occurring disorders like eating disorders and exercise addiction, guiding young people to find thriving and self-acceptance.

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The Truth About Male Body Image Issues | Newport Institute

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It's not just young women who struggle with body image issues. In recent years, eating disorders and problems with excessive exercise have increased among men, along with what's known as "muscle dysmorphia." Exacerbated by the unrealistic expectations set by media and social media, male body image issues are especially prevalent among young adults.

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Body Positivity and Self Love

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Embracing Your Critical Voice: The Gateway To Self-Love | Connie Sobczak | TEDxSanRafaelWomen

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Who am I? Who am I in comparison to those around me? Who do I want to be? These existential questions begin to form in adolescence as our brain matures, our thought processes become more abstract, and we learn from more experiences growing up. These questions never seem to go away, and all the possibilities can seem overwhelming! The uncertainty can be equally overwhelming. Adolescence is a time of self discovery to find out who you want to be as you mature and become your own adult person.

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A closer look into what constitutes self identity...

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1. Psychology

2. Psychology: How to Build Your Personal Identity

By Adam Cash

P ersonal identity consists of the things that make you stand out in a crowd - for example your massive biceps and athletic prowess. According to psychologist Buss, the personal identity is comprised of a public self and a private self, each with its own components.

Three important aspects make up the public self:

Appearance: B eing aware of your appearance is very much a part of your identity. This is not a uniquely western perspective. Cultures all over the world engage in elaborate and sophisticated attempts to improve appearances and enhance personal beauty, as defined by each particular culture. Some philosophers state that a sense of aesthetics is essential for the good life - central to a person's self-concept.

Style: George Clooney, Johnny Depp, and Jay Z have style. The way they talk, their body language, and their facial expressions are undeniably "them." Everyone has a peculiar way of speaking and moving. These things make up a person's style. Don't get confused by the Clooney, Depp, or Z examples though; style isn't about being "cool." your style is unique to you, whether it's cool or not.

Personality: Personality theories attempt to account for individuality based on differences among personalities. Personalities are enduring, and they don't change easily.

The private self consists of characteristics that are difficult for others to see and observe- his thoughts, feelings, and daydreams and fantasies.

Thoughts: Knowing what someone is thinking is hard, unless he tells you. Some people are better than others at figuring out what people are thinking, but it's really nothing more than a sophisticated guessing process.

Feelings: Mental health professionals often evaluate new patients at psychiatric hospitals with something called the mental status examination. The professional observes the patient, partly to figure out how the patient feels. This observable aspect of how someone feels is the affect.

Daydreams/Fantasies: Who would you be without your daydreams and fantasies? Again, fantasies are typically private, especially the sexual ones. Yours are unique to you, and they define you.

Your social identity

What's your name? Where are you from? What's your religion? Each of these questions is a component of one aspect of your social identity - those things that identify you with a particular societal category.

Group affiliation refers to things such as your vocations and social clubs. Many people identify themselves by their type of work. But another important dimension of the social identity is the kinds of social clubs and cliques a person affiliates with. Your social identity is comprised of certain identity factors that, when taken all together, equal the social "you." These factors include kinship, race and ethnicity, and religious beliefs.

Kinship

Most people realize that kinship is central to social identity. Your relatives are your "kin," and most people get their last name from their family of origin. In the United States, last names are legal names and a fairly reliable way to identify people. Although many people have the same name, many more do not.

Ethnicity and nationality

Ethnicity is another important aspect of social identity and is defined as a classification of belonging to a particular group based on a similar cultural tradition. The categories are rather arbitrary in name, but they do include a lot of information. Some people are more comfortable not identifying ethnic differences between people because they fear discrimination.

Religious and group affiliations

Religious affiliation affects a person's social identity to varying degrees. An individual's religious identity is a core aspect in determining who she is.

Self-esteem

Unfortunately, sometimes having a looking-glass self can be a bad thing. As long as other people see you in a good light, all is well. But this is often not the case. Children, for example, are sometimes belittled, put down, or verbally abused by their own parents. Even adults know that others don't always hold them in the highest esteem, so many people don't have very high regard for themselves.

Buss provides a good review of six main sources of self-esteem:

Appearance: People usually feel better about themselves when they feel attractive. A lot of social psychology research has demonstrated that people judged to be attractive are granted more favors and preferred for social interaction than those who are not. Looking good means feeling good!

Ability and performance: People feel better about themselves when they get good grades, perform well at work, and otherwise do things successfully. The more a person is able to accomplish for himself, the more likely he is going to feel good about himself.

Power: When a person feels like she's in control of her life, she's more likely to feel good about herself. There are at least three sub-sources of a sense of power: dominance, status, and money. Domination can be achieved by coercion, competition, or leadership. Status and money pretty much speak for themselves.

Social rewards: Three types of social rewards tend to make people feel good about who they are.

Affection: People like you.

Praise: Someone tells you that you're doing a good job.

Respect: Others value your opinions, thoughts, and actions.

Vicarious elements: This source of self-esteem is all about feeling good about yourself because of things "outside" rather than "inside." Reflected glory makes you feel good because you get a boost from being around or associated with successful, powerful, or popular people. It's the I-know-famous-people form of self-esteem. Having nice material possessions can also make some people feel better about themselves.

Morality: Morality involves being a good person and living according to the standards and rules of social conduct that you admire. Being a good person never hurts self-esteem. For the most part, morality is a relative term. But, when someone feels that he's taken the moral high ground (however he defines it) in a situation, he is likely to have positive self-esteem.

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Psychology: How to Build Your Personal Identity - dummies

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Personal identity consists of the things that make you stand out in a crowd - for example your massive biceps and athletic prowess. According to psychologist Buss, the personal identity is comprised of a public self and a private self, each with its own components.

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Crash Course breakdown of philosophical theories behind personal identity

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Personal Identity: Crash Course Philosophy #19

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What is right? What is wrong? What do I believe in? What don't I believe in? Exploring answers to these questions in adolescence can be confusing, and stressful when they don't align with the answers of your family, friends, and/or peers. Life doesn't come with an easy guide for these questions, but adolescence allows you to discover these important aspects about your moral compass!

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Living an ethical life

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There is a saying that nobody looked back from their deathbeds and said that they wished they had spent more time in the office.

Most people would probably sympathise with that point of view. But there are many other things that you might already look back on, if not with regret exactly, at least with a vague feeling that you would prefer to be able to say that you had not done that.

How can you avoid looking back at the end of your life with too many regrets? This is an issue which humans have been addressing for hundreds, if not thousands, of years and at least since the days of Aristotle.

Aristotle (384-322 BCE) was a Greek philosopher and scientist who wrote a number of treatises on ethics and who is considered to be one of the greatest intellectuals in Western history.

This page provides some insights into Aristotle's teaching to help you to live well.

Six Ways of Living

Aristotle suggested that there were six basic pursuits or ambitions that might shape individual lives. He explained these as:

Pleasure, always looking for the 'feel-good' factor;

Wealth and material things;

Status, respect, and fame or influence;

Power, and being able to persuade others of your point of view, or get your own way;

Knowledge; and

A morally virtuous and ethical approach.

No life is going to be entirely shaped by any one of these, but it is likely that most of us will see one of those approaches as our dominant tendency.

Aristotle also suggested that each approach had some drawbacks, which might stop those following them from reaching their full potential. For example, he suggested that seeking out only pleasure left no room for thinking or reason, and those who chose to pursue status might find that they were left high and dry when their followers deserted them, for whatever reason.

Instead, Aristotle suggested that we should try to live and act thoughtfully. We should, he proposed, live in a way that enables us to explore and reflect on the ordinary happenings of life, as well as the extraordinary. We should also try to act out ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

Aristotle's Ideal Life

Aristotle suggested that you could look back and say that you had lived a 'good' life if you had shown:

Aristotle described these as the 'virtues' by which he believed people ought to try to live.

Other people have also suggested that Compassion and Gratitude should also be included.

Some or all of these 'virtues' may seem familiar if you have read other pages on SkillsYouNeed, such as Emotional Intelligence.

That's partly because these ideas have been around under different guises for a very long time. But just because they have been around a while does not mean that they're less valid; many would argue that it gives them greater strength because they have been proven over time.

Our page on Ethical Leadership explores the idea of how these 'virtues', which have also been described as 'natural laws' because they are so deeply embedded in our collective psyche, are important in leaders. Our page on Ethics in Professional Life explores the idea that they are important for others professionally. But they are also equally important to all of us outside work, and our page on Ethical Consumption explains more about this.

Signs of Flourishing

Aristotle also suggested that there were signs that we could look for in our own and in others' lives, to see whether we or they were flourishing as people. He thought that these signs, and indeed the flourishing, would mean that a person was growing as an individual and living a 'good' life.

These signs are:

They are determined to lead the best life possible, and to find the right way to do that

You will see, for example, that they put their resources and capital, whether personal, social or monetary, towards helping them to live an ethical and 'virtuous' life. Any rewards that come their way are also directed towards that 'good life'.

Their choices and actions are fully human

This may be rather a philosophical point, but it is the idea that we, as humans, are above animals. We have the capacity to reason, and to choose to live within a moral and ethical framework. This fits with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which is explained on our page on Personal Development.

Maslow suggested that we had basic needs, such as a need for food and shelter, which must be met before we could think about anything else. Once we have satisfied these, then we look for safety and security, then love and belonging. At the very top of the hierarchy is self-actualisation, the need for personal growth and development.

The general view accepted by most academics is that animals are not capable of this, so this is what makes us human. Being able to make moral choices is also a human characteristic: nobody expects a fox to understand that it is 'wrong' to kill every chicken in the hen house.

They are particularly good at doing 'good' things

In this context, ' good ' means 'particularly human', or the 'virtues' outlined by Aristotle. He believed that people flourish when they live well, that is ethically and morally.

They are consistent

These are people that you can rely upon to do what is right. They act consistently, and in the way that they should.

They take pleasure in doing the right thing and seek to behave that way 'just because'

They enjoy living morally and ethically, and value being able to be brave, self-controlled, generous, and so on. They don't do so for the external rewards and recognition, but because living in this way is the right thing to do and brings its own rewards.

They act well and think well

They explore how to behave well, and also reflect on their own behaviour and learning so that they can grow and learn even more.

There is more about how to do this in our pages on Goodness: Learning to use your Moral Compass, and A Framework for Living Well.

Further Reading from Skills You Need
The Skills You Need Guide to Life: Living Well, Living Ethically
Looking after your physical and mental health is important. It is, however, not enough. Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs suggests that most of us need more than that. We need to know that we are living our 'best life': that we are doing all we can to lead a 'good life' that we will not regret later on.

Based on some of our most popular content, this eBook will help you to live that life. It explains about the concepts of living well and 'goodness', together with how to develop your own 'moral compass'.

Conclusion

It certainly is true that the virtues discussed by Aristotle are very deep-rooted in the human psyche, particularly characteristics like fairness.

Aristotle suggested that if we can live in this way, or at the very least strive to do these things, and occasionally succeed, then we are likely to be happier. He suggested that even if things go wrong, it is still better to act ethically, and many people use this as a basis for resilience.

Overall, we will be happier if we do so.

His view was that if all else was equal, he would be happier having lived an ethical life than an unethical one, and he felt that applied to most people: it is a very human characteristic, and that is the basis of his philosophy.

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There is a saying that nobody looked back from their deathbeds and said that they wished they had spent more time in the office. Most people would probably sympathise with that point of view.

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Using your moral compass

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'Goodness' may sound like an old-fashioned term, conjuring up images of Jane Eyre, or other historical heroines. But it is also the foundation to living well and ethically.

Our page on Living Well, Living Ethically explains the basis of historical thinking about the virtues and foundations of a 'good' life.

This page sets out some more practical ideas about how you can develop your own 'good' sense, or ability to understand how to live well.

Goodness Acts as a Compass

If Aristotle's virtues generally are a guide or map for how to live, 'goodness' is the compass that enables us to read the map the right way up, and work out which way to go.

There's nothing new about this idea; people have been talking about a 'moral compass' for years. The key is to develop your sense of goodness so that it guides you in the right direction.

What is Right?

'Right' is not used here to describe a pre-determined course of action, but the one that is correct for you, in that it is consistent with both Aristotle's virtues and description of a 'good life' and your own personal values.

Crucially, your 'moral compass' points towards a life that will allow you to flourish as a human being and, hopefully, to have few regrets about the way that you have lived.

Working Out Where You Stand

Perhaps the first step to becoming more conscious of your own moral compass, and moving towards living a 'good' life, is to think about what you don't do well. What is your 'Kryptonite' when it comes to life?

Are you:

Inclined to hesitate over decisions?
Do you, perhaps, spend too much time worrying about what is the right thing to do, and not acting on your decisions?

Inclined to act too quickly?
Without thinking through the consequences of your actions?

Inclined to be swayed and/or influenced by other people?
Rather than making your own decisions? It is important to take into account what others think but, if that conflicts with what you think is right, are you swayed by them?

Inclined to hold too firmly to your own views?
Even when everyone else you know, including people whose opinion you value, thinks that you are wrong?

Once you have identified your weaknesses, you can then start to think about how you might use your moral compass to overcome them.

Using Your Moral Compass

Our page on Recognising and Managing Emotions stresses the importance of making decisions by drawing on both emotions and reason. When you use your 'moral compass', you need to draw on both again.

There are three main steps to using your moral compass to inform your decisions and actions.

1. Gathering Information

The main question you should ask yourself before you act is:

'What do I need to know to make a better decision about what to do?'

The answer to this question comes from:

Your history and memories of past situations that were similar, enabling you to learn from experience, both success and failure;

Your understanding of what needs to be done;

Your values, and what you would need to do to act 'well', or how you could use the situation to improve yourself in some way.

Together, these sources of information will help you to understand how you can apply what you already know to the situation. It is vital that you are honest with yourself about what you are and are not capable of, and the effects of your actions in the past, as you will otherwise repeat previous mistakes.

As Einstein said, insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results.

This process doesn't have to take long. In fact, it may be done in just a few minutes. It's the fact of going through the process effectively that is important, not the time it takes.

2. Evaluate and Consider the Information that you have Gathered

Now you need to make a judgement about the relative merits and value of all the information that you have gathered. You also need to consider what kind of action or response would fit with your values, and would have a 'good' effect for both you and those around you.

It is important to be open-minded in evaluation, and you may want to involve other people at this stage. It's a good thing to seek help with difficult decisions, or when you don't know what to do, but do be aware that if you have a tendency to hesitate or delay decision-making, you may be playing to your weakness.

3. Decide and Do

This sounds very action-focused, but you also need to include consideration of how you act: boldly, carefully, gently, firmly and so on. Consider the effects of your actions on yourself and others. Crucially, the action that you take should express the way that you hope or wish to be.

If you have a tendency to hesitate, then concentrate on deciding and then acting swiftly. Understand that you can't know everything and there will always be an element of risk in any decision. Sometimes, the fact of the decision is more important than its content. Equally, if you have a tendency to rush blindly in, take a moment to pause and consider the likely effects of your actions, including the risks for you and others.

Further Reading from Skills You Need
The Skills You Need Guide to Life: Living Well, Living Ethically
Looking after your physical and mental health is important. It is, however, not enough. Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs suggests that most of us need more than that. We need to know that we are living our 'best life': that we are doing all we can to lead a 'good life' that we will not regret later on.

Based on some of our most popular content, this eBook will help you to live that life. It explains about the concepts of living well and 'goodness', together with how to develop your own 'moral compass'.

Living Well

At the end of the day, being 'good', or living well, is all about balance. Balance between reason and emotion, and between your needs and those of others, and between pragmatism and 'the perfect solution'.

You will have a reasonable chance of achieving this balance if you can say that you know what you 'ought' to do in the situation, drawing on your experience, how to do it, and what effect it will have on both you and others, rationally and emotionally.

The only question left is whether you can see a way in which you can do it that is consistent with your values.

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Goodness - Using Your Moral Compass | SkillsYouNeed

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'Goodness' may sound like an old-fashioned term, conjuring up images of Jane Eyre, or other historical heroines. But it is also the foundation to living well and ethically. Our page on Living Well, Living Ethically explains the basis of historical thinking about the virtues and foundations of a 'good' life.

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Parents. You love them; you hate them. It's a constant battle between you and them for autonomy over your own life. They can make decisions that affect your life that you may not agree with. Not seeing eye to eye, and not having full autonomy as an adult can be stressful and frustrating! At the end of the day, remember that parents (usually) have your best interest in mind - and communication is key to overcoming disputes in any relationship, especially familial ones.

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A good conversation starter (or good read) for your parents/guardians

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Teenagers Might Have a Problem With Respect But It’s Not the One You Think

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Teenagers Might Have a Problem With Respect But It’s Not the One You Think — Developmental Science

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If you have a teenager, you’re probably familiar with the feeling of being disrespected: Your teen rolls their eyes, sighs deeply, no longer laughs at your jokes, goes straight to their room and closes the door, or seems to argue with you all the time. You feel triggered: Your once-compliant child i

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Video on turning conflict into conversation with your parents/guardians

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How to Talk to Your Dad: Turning Conflict into Conversation | Madeline Poultridge | TEDxOlympia

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Arguably one of the biggest sources of stress and depression for adolescents can come at the hands of bullying. Unfortunately, this is still something that goes on despite a cultural shift in combatting bullying with compassion in adolescence. Bullying can have REAL consequences that hurt people. If you have been on the receiving end of bullying, please note that you are NEVER alone. Please see the sources below to help learn how to cope through instances of bullying.

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Steps in Getting Help for Bullying

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If you or someone you know is being bullied, there are things you can do to keep yourself and others safe from bullying.

If you or someone you know is involved in cyberbullying, it is important to document and report the behavior.

If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.

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If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help. Find out more at StopBullying.gov.

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Cyberbullying and 'Haters'

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US Department of Health and Human Services

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Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs (ASPA)

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What it's like to be bullied video

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Sex. It can be scary, but shouldn't be in ideal circumstances. As an adolescent there can certainly be stress that centers around sex: a question of your own desirability to others, whether you're 'good enough', the only one missing out (peer pressure to have sex), whether you will let your boyfriend/girlfriend down if you don't want sex, whether you're pregnant, the risk of contracting STD's, etc. Take some time to familiarize yourself on some facts about sex to help alleviate these worries!

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Information on Adolescent Sexuality

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Making the Right Decision about Sex

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Path to improved well being

There are many things to consider before choosing to engage in sexual activity or behavior. These include:

The person's age/maturity.

Involvement of others.

Privacy.

Safety.

Long-term impact.

Consensual or nonconsensual.

Never give in to peer pressure about sexual activity or behavior. Nobody can tell you what to do with your body or when to do it. Having sex to fit in with others won't make you feel cool or grown up. Don't be pressured to engage in activities such as sexting and taking sexually explicit photos of yourself or others.

Don't assume that "everybody's doing it." Your friends might say they're having sex. But they may be lying to sound cool. Choosing to have sex or not is private. You don't have to share that kind of information with others.

Don't let others pressure you into sexting or taking sexually explicit photos of yourself. Sometimes, partners will pressure the other person to do this.

Masturbation and viewing pornography also is private. Do not share pictures, videos, or social media posts of yourself engaging in these activities.

Abstinence from sexual activity is okay. This means you are choosing not to have sex. It's an important option to think about. A lot of young people make the choice to wait. Some people abstain because of religious or spiritual beliefs. Some abstain because of personal values. Others abstain to avoid pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some are not ready to have sex. If you have a friend or partner who abstains, give him or her your support.

Figuring out when you're ready to have sex can be hard. Your body may give you signals that make you feel like you're ready. That's natural. Your body isn't the only thing you should listen to. Your beliefs, values, and emotions also are important when deciding to have sex.

Don't let anyone tell you, "If you loved me, you would have sex with me." Even if you really like the person, don't fall for it. Having sex to keep a partner doesn't work in the long run. If someone wants to break up with you because you won't have sex, then that person isn't worth it. You should never say this to someone else. That is pressuring you partner. You should never pressure a partner to have sex. Respect your partner's feelings and beliefs.

One sign that you're not ready is feeling pressured. If you feel nervous and unsure, you're probably not ready. Consider:

Paying attention to your feelings.

Taking a step back.

Figuring out what you really want.

Talking to someone you trust (parents, counselor, teacher, pastor, family doctor).

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Sex: Making the Right Decision - familydoctor.org

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There are many things to consider before choosing to engage in sexual activity or behavior. These include: The person's age/maturity. Involvement of others. Privacy. Safety. Long-term impact. Consensual or nonconsensual. Never give in to peer pressure about sexual activity or behavior. Nobody can tell you what to do with your body or when to do it.

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Tips to Avoid Unwanted Sexual Advances

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Towards the latter years of adolescence, as you approach adulthood, discerning your career path can be a very stressful burden placed on you by yourself and others. It's hard to know at such a young age what you want to do for the rest of your life! Don't fret! There will be plenty of time to explore your passions and talents after high school, provided you have the right mind set. Click on the video below to learn what kind of mindsets are best for developing your identity through your desired career path

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Pesky younger brother/sister? Annoying older brother/sister? Tension between siblings can be the results of lingering resentment, jealousy, feelings of parental favoritism, lack of respect, etc. etc. Maybe your sibling is always causing fights with you or with your parents. It's just another stressor to your stressful life! Read further for some resources on what you can do to handle sibling stress

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A Video on Self Confidence

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Lessons on Self Confidence from a Teenager | Reece Doppenberg | TEDxYouth@Langley

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Video on identity via career path selection in adolescents

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James Marcia's Adolescent Identity Development

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An article on sibling relationships

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Sibling relationships will also change during this time. The extent of these changes will depend upon the number of siblings in the family, whether the siblings are older or younger than the adolescent youth, and the number of years between siblings.

During early adolescence, youth may begin to distance themselves from their younger siblings, especially those siblings in the early and middle childhood years. As teens' interests change and mature, they may no longer feel that they have anything in common their younger siblings and that playing with them is just "too kiddy." As well, teens may become increasingly annoyed with their younger siblings' efforts to join them in activities because teens highly value their privacy, and relish the exclusive quality of their peer relationships. A younger sibling's persistent efforts to maintain a peer-like relationship with their maturing brother or sister is often experienced as intrusive.

Another issue for younger sibs and teens is the issue of trust. A teen recognizes that younger siblings maintain a strong alliance with their parents. This parent-sibling allegiance can create a sense of distrust for teens as they begin to exercise their independence and to distance themselves from their parents. Teens are aware that younger siblings may tell parents things they would rather be kept private, including rule infractions. Parents should not encourage or reward a younger child for information gained by "tattling" on their older sibling because this only serves to increase distrust and alienation among siblings. Parents may need to guide and assist younger siblings to respect a teen's privacy. Exceptions to the no tattling rule may need to be made in situations involving a teen's health or safety (drug use, suicide, etc.).

Relationships with older siblings can change as well. Younger teens may experience some jealousy and resentment toward their older siblings when they perceive an inequity between an older sibling's freedom and privileges, and their own. Of course, younger teens lack the maturity that is necessary to handle the same level of responsibility as their older sibling. Unfortunately, younger sibs rarely see it this way and instead insist, "It's not fair!" This can be frustrating for parents as they attempt to set limits that correspond to each child's developmental level of maturity.

While it may be tempting to acquiesce to the younger adolescent's wishes for increased freedom, parents will need to consider the needs and abilities of each individual child in order to achieve a proper balance between responsibility and freedom. Sometimes it can be helpful to enlist the help of the older sibling. For instance, suppose 14-year-old sibling Jose´ is told he cannot go to the rock concert and Jose´ complains, "It's not fair!" citing as evidence of the "unfairness" that his older brother Miguel went to a rock concert last week. It may be helpful if Miguel himself can remind his younger brother that he wasn't allowed to go to rock concerts when he was 14 years old either. This helps to highlight that the fairness of decision is based upon age and maturity, not parental favoritism.

By middle adolescence teens will typically become closer to their older and younger siblings who are nearest to their own age. By late adolescence, sibling bonds will continue to strengthen, especially if siblings had previously enjoyed a loving relationship when they were younger. By late adolescence, siblings without a large age difference will often grow closer to each other because they share similar experiences, joys, and stress. Due to their increased cognitive maturity, even teens with much younger siblings are less likely to be annoyed by their siblings, because these more mature teens now understand the needs and wants of their younger siblings. As a result, they can respond to their younger siblings with greater patience and compassion.

Although the majority of youth in late adolescence and early adulthood will eventually reconcile their differences with their parents and restore their relationships with siblings, there are some youth who do not. For a variety of reasons, these youth may decide that they are happier and healthier without including certain family members in their lives. However, merely exiting highly stressful, damaging, or abusive relationships cannot entirely reverse the lasting harm that often results from such unhealthy relationships. These youth may ultimately benefit from consulting with a mental health professional to prevent future mental health problems from developing such as depression, anxiety, alcohol and other drug use, and future interpersonal difficulties.

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Teens and Family Relationships: Siblings

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Sibling relationships will also change during this time. The extent of these changes will depend upon the number of siblings in the family, whether the siblings are older or younger than the adolescent youth, and the number of years between siblings.

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The Science of Siblings

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Growing up with siblings profoundly alters one's childhood - and everything that follows. Brothers and sisters are, more often than not, a child's first playmate and an adult's oldest friend. But sibling relationships play out in unpredictable ways with unpredictable results. Brotherhood and sisterhood can teach social skills and help us learn to resolve conflicts - or cause life-long social dysfunction. New research indicates that, for many brothers and sisters, sibling relationships yield mixed results. Depending on whether you have an older brother or younger sister, the sibling relationship may have differing psychological impacts. More interestingly, that same research, which represents an early attempt to sort through so-called Sibling Effects, keeps falling back on one key point: the effects of sibling relationships in childhood echo through the rest of our lives.

"Sibling relationships influence children's adjustment and development about as much as parenting does," Mark Feinberg , who teaches human development at Penn State University.

Sibling Effects impact a surprisingly broad spectrum of the human psyche. Studies (some more rigorous than others) have identified a handful of consistently positive and negative effects, and even ventured into the fraught science of predicting sibling relationship quality. It's important work because the key to parenting siblings effectively is understanding what makes this unique relationship tick. "Cognitively, emotionally, socially - there are just a lot of influences that siblings have on one another," says Laurie Kramer , a clinical psychologist at Northeastern University.

What the Studies Say - And Don't Say

There is ample research out there on how siblings impact one another . Studies have shown that younger siblings teach empathy to their older brothers and sisters, and that siblings who report feeling close to one another tend to either both graduate college or both drop out , as a unit. We even know that the best sibling arrangement - tied to the highest educational and economic attainment for all children in the family - , the code for when an eldest child of either gender (X) is born two years before a brother who is born five or more years before a sister (S). Too bad you can't plan those things...

Less optimistic research has linked sibling bullying to depression, anxiety, and self-harm .

Even among studies that highlight significant sibling effects, however, there are serious limitations in what we can confidently conclude. A handful of studies have attempted to demonstrate that single children are developmentally stunted, but researchers agree that most of these disadvantages are short-lived. " By the time we reach adulthood, we have gained enough other formative experiences in the world that any actual differences between siblings and singletons are pretty negligible - overridden by differences in temperament, personality, and personal preference," says Anderson University psychologist Susan Doughty . "A lack of siblings may still shape your life in some ways, but it is only one influence among many."

So how do we square the idea that having siblings profoundly affects people with the idea that the effects of having siblings are often negligible from a statistical perspective? Put simply: very volatile relationships have effects that are far from negligible. And one quirk of the sibling bond is that it leads to a disproportionate amount of strong positive and strong negative relationships.

"Moderate to high levels of both positive and negative sibling relationship dimensions are typical," says Sarah Killoren , who studies sibling relationship dynamics at the University of Missouri. " Most differences in adjustment are seen between siblings who have very positive relationships - high intimacy, low negativity - versus those who have very negative relationships - low intimacy and high levels of conflict." So while it's true that sibling relationships are only one influence among many, they still can have profound, lingering effects.

There are, in short, few influences more meaningful than a brother or sister.

The Positive Effects of Siblings

"Siblings are often a child's first play partners," , research chair of early childhood development at Concordia University, told . "I think of the sibling relationship as a natural laboratory for learning how to get along with people."

Very young children with older siblings tend to develop theory of mind (or, the ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes) a bit earlier than their peers. "If you have siblings yourself, it makes sense," Doughty says. "No one knows how to push your buttons better - or earlier - than a sibling.... That's a skill that requires a well-developed theory of mind!"

Because siblings are often our first peers, sibling relationships tend to follow fairly predictable patterns. Younger siblings are fascinated by older siblings, and eager to learn their games and customs; older siblings test out leadership skills and conflict resolution on their younger brothers and sisters. These interactions are largely positive. Older sibling-younger sibling power dynamics melt away over time, Killoren says, when younger siblings hit late adolescence. After that, everyone is equal, which leads to better conflict resolution.

"Whatever jealousy or anger that siblings may feel toward one another," Howe says. "There's pretty good evidence that it doesn't last very long.

Of course, the positive effects of sibling relationships change over time. In toddlerhood, a sibling serves as "an interesting partner," Howe says. "Helping one another in language development, social interactions, how to stand up for yourself, learning to share." As children mature, siblings take on more practical responsibilities, helping one another with schoolwork or with navigating friendships outside the family, Howe says.

Siblings can also serve as sources of comfort in adulthood. "Very often, in older age, as people near the end of their lives, they reconnect with their siblings," Howe says. "This is the person that you have known longest in your life, and you have a shared history. Remembering, what was mom like? What was dad like?"

In dialogue, siblings settle on family histories that seem plausible and fair.

The Negative Effects of Siblings

Don't worry. If your relationship with your sibling isn't all sunshine and roses, you aren't alone. Good sibling relationships are the norm, but bad sibling relationships happen and can have strong negative effects. "Difficult, conflictual, and even violent sibling relationships interfere with development," Feinberg says. "Children learn coercion, develop peer problems, and become exposed to negative influences with a range of outcomes: depression, substance abuse, low educational attainment." Indeed, Feinberg cites one study that found that sibling relationships are among the most critical factors influencing adult well-being - and disturbing evidence that 10 percent of family homicides (and 1.5 percent of all murders) are attributable to sibling conflict .

Indeed, sibling relationships are also the most violent relationships between family members. And while a lot of that is normal sibling roughhousing, therapists and scientists agree that parents should treat sibling aggression as potentially harmful, especially when there's a significant age difference. Sibling bullying is a real problem, with some studies suggesting that up to 80 percent of children report being bullied by their brothers or sisters. In extreme cases, sibling bullying can lead to depression and self harm - or teach victims to bully others, in turn.

One of the best ways to discern normal sibling conflict from problematic sibling conflict is to watch its trajectory. In most cases, sibling conflict " tends to increase over childhood to early adolescence, and then decrease around mid-adolescence," Feinberg says. If it persists, that's a red flag.

What compounds sibling relationship problems? Parental favoritism (perceived or actual) for one. "When parents treat kids differently, in ways that kids feel are unfair, that's associated with worse sibling relationships and lower self-concept," Kramer says. "It's not just the act of treating them differently, but doing it in ways that kids feel are unjustified and unfair."

Predicting Sibling Relationship Health

Given the benefits of a good sibling relationship and the dangers of a bad one, trying to predict how outside factors might influence the interactions between brothers and sisters is a priority. One of the major factors at play is age difference. "If siblings are born more than about six or seven years apart, in a lot of ways they are essentially two only-children," Doughty says. "They are in such different developmental places that they don't relate to one another the same way."

Gender is also an important factor. Studies suggest that individuals with a sibling of the other gender express the highest levels of romantic competence, but that boys with brothers rate themselves the highest of all. Other work has shown that boys with older sisters tend to endorse more egalitarian gender roles, perhaps reflecting their experience "growing up with a female peer who was always older, bigger, faster, stronger, and smarter than you," Doughty says.

There is limited evidence that adversity helps bring siblings closer to one another. "After the period of divorce, which is a terribly stressful time for everybody, siblings in some cases actually become closer," Howe says. "Because they join together as a team, particularly if they're going back and forth between parents." Poverty may have similar cohesive effects. "There is some literature suggesting that siblings help each other with schoolwork when the parents themselves are not well-educated, or cannot help because they don't speak the language."

" It doesn't take a lot to imagine that, in cases of great adversity, siblings may pull together."

Kramer is fascinated by the science of predicting sibling relationship quality. She has dedicated much of her career to identifying predictors and helping parents implement positive changes. One of her long-term, longitudinal studies that followed children from birth through high school found that, while gender and age gaps made some difference, the single greatest predictor of positive sibling relationships were positive social interactions with unrelated peers.

"The quality of a relationship that a preschooler has with a friend is a strong predictor of what they'll do with their siblings," Kramer says. "If they coordinate their behavior, play games, and don't freak out when there's a conflict, those are really positive predictors of sibling relationships." The trend held through high school. "The qualities of friendship turned out to be even more important predictors than the relationship kids had with their fathers and mothers."

In a word, the best way to figure out whether a child or teen will make a good sibling is to look at how they treat their peers - not their parents. Getting along with others is a transferable skill.

Parents Can Help Siblings Be Good to Each Other

Since reaching these conclusions, Kramer has incorporated what she learned into an online program that teaches parents and children how to optimize sibling relationships. "The most important thing is teaching kids how to look at a situation not only in terms of what they want, but also from a sibling's point of view, to appreciate that there are different perspectives that are equally valid." Right back to that theory of mind business. "They're really important social and emotional competencies, and they can transfer those skills to many other relationships."

But going to school for parenting is not always necessary, and there are a few basic changes parents can make that will help foster the healthiest sibling relationships. First, set a good example. "Demonstrate how to resolve conflicts peacefully, and speak positively about others in the family," Feinberg says. And set high expectations-do not make the mistake of considering sibling bullying inevitable, and stress that you expect your children to maintain close friendships with one another throughout their lives. "Expect that siblings are going to treat each other well," Feinberg says. "Make it clear that physical and verbal aggression are unacceptable."

Crucially, try to coach siblings to resolve their problems independently, amongst themselves. "Help children define the problems that they are having with each other, think about solutions together, and agree upon a way to resolve the issue," Feinberg says. Because that's what the sibling relationship is for, after all. It's a learning laboratory - and the lifelong journey toward understanding others and interacting positively with one's peers often starts right at home.

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The Science of How Our Siblings Shape Us for Life

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Growing up with siblings profoundly alters one's childhood - and everything that follows. Brothers and sisters are, more often than not, a child's first playmate and an adult's oldest friend. But sibling relationships play out in unpredictable ways with unpredictable results.

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Advice for building better relationships with siblings!

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How to Build Strong Relationships with Your Siblings