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Heyyy Lila!! One thing that I loved in your story “ Wrong Directions only“ is the quality of your intro. It is awesome! I love the details and descriptive elements to it, I can see how much work you have put into your story already. Another positive is, the way you created your scene and really brought it to life! One wish I have for you is not using “I” as much because it makes the word feel repetitive. AMAZING JOB!! <3

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Hey, Lila! A strength in your essay, “Uniforms what a waste”,is the way your are describing.You desacribe it very strongly and clearly! In addition,I also really like your word choice that you used in your essay. Like when you said “rows of tall blue figures all against the creamy colored walls”. That was an amazing  word choice and it will make the reader want to keep reading your essay. Lastly,All of your memoirs  were very descriptive pieces!I overall love your essay!

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Hi Lila! A strength of yours was highlighting your piece correctly. I think it showed the different sections of your piece very well and showed that you included all of the needs for your paragraphs. Another thing I found you did well was use figurative language. It really helped to show the peers how you can describe certain things in more of a high level way. It made me understand more about the point you were trying to get across. However, I suggest your re-read for spelling and punctuation errors. It came across to me a few times that I could not exactly understand what you were saying.

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Heyyy Lila! A strength in your essay “Uniforms, What A Waste” is how you were really descriptive in your warrant anecdote, you were really descriptive and put me in the moment. Another strength would be the ending of your essay. The last sentence, your quote “ As George Carlin states, “ Don’t these schools do enough damage making kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too?” is very powerful and it leaves off an open ended question for people to think about which makes it even more powerful. A suggestion I can offer is creating more of a scene in your introduction anecdote to REALLY set a background or scene! Great job lil raven! <3

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A strength you had in your memoir is your details,I like when you said a breeze of fresh cool air in your beginning,that had a lot of detail!I also loved when you said your heart was beating faster then a cheetah could run.One thing I think you can add more of is adding more sound to your story!But overall your story is amazing 

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A strength you had in your memoir is your details,I like when you said a breeze of fresh cool air in your beginning,that had a lot of detail!I also loved when you said your heart was beating faster then a cheetah could run.One thing I think you can add more of is adding more sound to your story!But overall your story is amazing 

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I loved yours because it made me think about all the times we go skiing together and how much fun we have even if it doesn't go the way we wanted too. I also loved that you made your peace about skiing. I loved that you put a lot of details. When you said when my dad and I love each other at the same time.  I wished you had more thoughts because I want to know everything that was going on in your mind.  Over all I really liked it.

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I thought the beginning was so amazing and full of figurative  language. I loved how you made the inner thoughts so descriptive and interesting. I think you could have made the moment smaller.

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A strength of your memoir “The new path” is the way you explained and detailed your adventure down the mountain. Also you were in-depth about the details and inner thoughts and figurative language. In addition I feel like I was there with you and I could visualize what you were doing. It is hard to come up with a wish, but I think you could not have used the word “my” as much. Overall it was an amazing piece and you really brought me into your story.

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I love your writing and how you talked about all your animals I can’t even imagine how cute all of them are!I also love your title because it go’s with your story really well.I really like when  you told us about your soccer team and how you always win.

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I really liked the descriptive words that you chose. I also really liked how you described your goals for soccer and gymnastics. One thing that you can improve on is your spelling. But overall I think your writing piece was really great!

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Something I think you did very well was explaining what your favorite things are and what you like to do and what you hope to become. Something else I liked is how you had a lot about how you loved your parents, siblings and pets and you made sure you had a lot of detail. One suggestion would be to add more about your dislikes because you only had one thing that you dislike. Overall it was great writing piece and your detail was amazing!