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New Revolutionary Technology: The Public Toilet!

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New Revolutionary Technology: The Public Toilet!

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Are you fed up with throwing your excrement out of your window onto the crowded streets below? Then the innovative, state-of-the-art Public Toilet is just what you need! New technology allows for better sanitation, easier usage, and more comfort for you. And now, an interview with the man who invented it:

Rufus Maximus

So I hear that you invented public toilets, tell us about that. What was your incentive? What was  your inspiration?

Regulus Septimus
You know, I always hated the idea of throwing one's fecal matter onto the beautiful roads, and I thought to myself, what if you could just do your business in a man made river. The rushing water would be constantly cleaning the system. I didn't expect it to catch on, but here we are now, I guess…

Rufus Maximus
Well isn't that great folks?

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Bring out your Christmas spirit by giving gifts to those who are close to you! Wouldn't your wife like some splendid new jewelry? Well she can have all she wants because Silvanus Jewels is now on SALE!!! Everything you can see is 50% off! Now you can buy those expensive golden necklaces without paying outrageous prices for them!

Silvanus Jewels

16485, Verona central square

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The emperor has ordered a new, safer and harder to counterfeit coin. The mint has enthusiastically followed suit by designing a coin with lots of safety and anti-counterfeiting precautions. The emperor believes that citizens are destroying the economy by performing acts such as counterfeiting and coin clipping. The emperor says that if the price of the gold coins drops below the price of raw gold, people might melt down coins and the economy would collapse. To stop this from happening, he plans to make coins with added safety precautions. Such as ringing the coin with a bumpy surface, and using incantations to make this coin even harder to make in small quantities. This sorcery will be destroyed if heated enough to melt, and therefore cannot be melted down to make smaller coins.

There is much controversy about the issue of using sorcery in the very money that we use. Rufus Tatius Maximus, chair of the empire treasury, says that “This is a great idea, counterfeiting will be twice as hard as an honest job.” But Agustus Septimus believes that “If crooks have an incentive to learn one form of wizardry, why not learn some more, and before long, we will have bandits who can lift things with their minds, and throw fireballs at anyone who tries to stop them. Not to mention that everybody at the mint will be able to do similar things.” Official use of this coin is still undecided.

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The Terrible Gallic Wars Have Been WON!!!

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The Terrible Gallic Wars Have Been WON!!!

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For hundreds of years, the Gauls have pillaged our supply lines, stolen our cattle, and made a mockery of the Roman empire. Then, the great Caesar pledged that he would rid the world of all Gauls. There was a fierce and bloody struggle, in which both sides lost many men. And though the Gauls fought dishonorably, raiding supplies, and forcing us into unfamiliar terrain, we had bigger and better trained armies. And so Caesar ordered an enormous offensive push, the Gauls were no match. And now, eight years after Caesar made his pledge, it is done. We have conquered the Gauls! Their leader, Vercingetorix, through down his weapon just yesterday, after the armies of Rome besieged him for weeks. Caesar's armies are victorious! Today is a day of celebration! Tomorrow, we will start to populate the new territory, build cities and roads, and set up communications throughout our new land.

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Due to the fact that Mongols, Franks and many other small germanic tribes are threatening the empire, we respectfully ask all Roman citizens to stay within the borders of Rome. the Roman government is not responsible to property or physical damage if you fail to comply with this order. If you do wish to leave the jurisdiction of the empire for any particular reason, please notify your local militia, as they may be able to escort you. We thank you for your time.

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The new togas of the year are out, and they look magnificent! The basic white undertoga looks striking with the exquisite gold lined cloth of the red overtoga. The red overtoga provides 65 SPF for better sun protection, and both cloths are extremely breathable. We wouldn't want you sweating up a storm before your big date or conference or even just going to market. The lavish cloth is imported all the way from the Himalayas in India, so you know it’s comfortable. I truly believe that these are an enormous leap from last years togas. Everybody's wearing them, because they're outstandingly beautiful. Heck, I’m wearing one as I’m writing this. They are superb.

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Britannica, The Editors of. Encyclopaedia. “Gallic Wars.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 2 Apr. 2018, www.britannica.com/event/Gallic-Wars.

Caesar, Julius. “The Gallic Wars.” The Internet Classics Archive | On Airs, Waters, and Places by Hippocrates, 49AD, classics.mit.edu/Caesar/gallic.html.

“Gallic Wars.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 8 Dec. 2018, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallic_Wars.

McCollom, Jason. “Julius Caesar & the Gallic Wars.” Study.com, Study.com, study.com/academy/lesson/julius-caesar-the-gallic-wars.html.

Beck, Julie. “Roman Plumbing: Overrated.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 8 Jan. 2016, www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/01/ancient-roman-toilets-gross/423072/.

Nash, Stephen E., and Holly Dunsworth. “What Did Ancient Romans Do Without Toilet Paper?” SAPIENS, Garry Knight/Flickr, 13 Sept. 2017, www.sapiens.org/column/curiosities/ancient-roman-bathrooms/.

“Sanitation in Ancient Rome.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 10 Nov. 2018, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanitation_in_ancient_Rome.