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Arya Ebrahimi (Pd: 8)-Will robots get to replace people at their jobs?

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Arya Ebrahimi (Pd: 8)-Will robots get to replace people at their jobs?

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Did you know how bad could it be if Robots replacing humans?

Sometimes Inventor´s creation could have a bad effect on people.

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Gloria Gonzalez- Using Cell Phones While Driving 

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Gloria Gonzalez- Using Cell Phones While Driving 

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When people are holding a phone and a wheel they might think that they have control of everything, but not every time is like that.

***Gloria, this is creative, relatable hook! The only thing I challenge you to make your hook a little bit more descriptive. Tell your hook more like a short story: keep the concept and idea, just target/vocalize it a little differently. In addition, add more description. What do you mean by "having control of everything"? What does this look like? The feeling I would like to see you communicate to the reader is "confidence". When I finish your hook, I would like the feeling of confidence to be around me, similar to a driver that feels like they are in control even while they are texting and driving. Hopefully that makes sense! Let me know your thoughts! Great start!***

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Lah Paw - Why money can't buy happiness.

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Lah Paw - Why money can't buy happiness.

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What makes you happy? Is it the things you do for others or the things you do for yourself? Is it because of money or is it because of something completely different? Whatever it is do you think it can be bought by money?

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Should college be free? Imagine going to a public college and having possibly over 50K thousand in debt! Do you want to have that much debt at just around 22? Do you want to pay for your child this much money to go to college.

***Sarah, this is a great start! I am going to assume that the "Should college be free?" question was just added to show me your topic. I would like to see you add another layer to your hook. What else could a person do with $50,000? Really pry at the situation to make me think about how much 50k really is! The more description you add, the better your essay will be! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Legalizing Marijuana

A lot of people are against legalization of Marijuana; they don’t understand the fact that it has a lot of benefits. Most of the states in U.S Marijuana is illegal and  in only 2 states, its legal.

***Ahmed, I like the direction your hook is going in! I would like to see you keep even more hidden than it actually is in your hook. It might be effective to make it sound like you hate the idea of legalizing marijuana. Consider presenting a counterargument and discussing the other side as to why they might want to legalize it. After you have introduced what the other side might think, then discuss that you will actually be in support. The more creative we can get, the better! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Do you dislike Immigrants? Are you part of the countless Americans that have powerful emotions towards immigrants? But the really question is why? Many American fail to really see what immigrants do for the US and the willingness they need to get here. Immigrants shouldn't be thought of in a bad way because they are not that much different than Americans. So Americans should think twice before they judge immigrants. Immigrants must go on the journey to the border of the US, have affected the US´s economy in a positive way, only want a better life in the US, and they are not even that different from Americans. So Americans should start to think of immigrants in a more positive manner.

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Is abortion murder? Some people seem to think so, others argue that it isn’t, so what’s the truth here?

***Moxie, this hook as a great start, and I love the idea that you bring up here. Have you considered using a short story method to describe a murder scene? Perhaps comparing and contrasting traditional murder with the argument concerning abortion and murder? This might be a more intriguing route to get people to see your point of view. The more you can trick someone into thinking this is NOT an abortion discussion, the more effective your hook. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Naw- Cigarettes Smoking Are Bad For People

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Naw- Cigarettes Smoking Are Bad For People

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Why people should stop smoking cigarettes? Cigarettes is not healthy and also can harm people. Cigarettes are made out of a lot of bad ingredients, can cause lung cancer, heart issues, and harmful to secondhand smoker.

***Naw, this is so close! Keep in mind that your hook shouldn't jump straight to the point of what your argument is. Try to deceive your reader as much as possible at the beginning. Pose another "why" or "how" question that does not deal directly with smoking being bad. Think of the tornado visual: start big and board, then funnel down into your topic. Let me know your thoughts!***

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“NFL's  fans will see history made with the first male dancers that will hit the sidelines this season” - David Williams, CNN. The times are changing and this is a wonderful example of it.

***Sal, this is an intriguing quote! I appreciate the fact that I do not know whether or not you are for this decision just yet. Keep that level of curiosity for the reader! Perhaps even discuss that some people may be enraged with this change. The more you can deceive your reader in the beginning, the better your introduction will be! Let me know what you come up with!***

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It would be great to space travel, and find out what’s out in poor Milky Way, or beyond it. Image technology that would reach that far. We could space travel to distance plants. We can start living on the moon or beyond from. So many things to do when we reach to this goal. But our goals would just dreams, and thoughts if we were not to do anything about the space trash on Earth. Yes, space does have trash. But way harder to clean up. From a the size of an elephant and small as an ant. Crazy size, and super deadly if it were to hit an object.

***Eddy, this is golden! You make it sound so positive to start off with! This is a nice, effective twist! I would like to see you incorporate more description in this hook. Really make me (aka your reader) so intrigued to travel to space. As someone who has no interest in travelling to space, how are you going to get me to see the BEAUTY in traveling to space? Play around with imagery in your hook, and see what you come up with! The barebones are great; now, let's kick it up a notch!***

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“Sometimes the most brilliant and intelligent minds do not shine in standardized tests because they do not have standardized minds.”, says Diane Ravitch, an educational policy analyst. Standardized testing has become an essential part of the educational system since it was first introduced in the nineteenth century. It is a controversial topic that has attracted critics` and public`s attention and has become a subject of heated discussions.Standardized testing is not a good way to check students` abilities because it is often misleading, ineffective and even biased.

***Julia, this is an exemplar introduction paragraph! Your description and connection between sentences is eloquent and thorough. I would like to see you rephrase "standardized testing is not a good way to check students' abilities". Your tone does not match the rest of the introduction. It feels as if you need an extra sentence between your thesis statement and the one before. How can we lead into the discussion of the ineffectiveness of standardized testing? Your introduction needs one more filler sentence to bridge it closer together in that spot. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Imagine this, you’re different from everyone. You either like the same gender or you feel like you aren’t you in your own body, now since you’re different you get discriminated against and your rights are taken away from you. For you just being different from everybody else. That’s what the people of the LGBT community go through everyday when they just want to be themselves and not have to hide who they are in fear of being hated upon.

***Mystery Person, this hook is close! I love that you made the decision to dive deep into this topic. It is important! However, I am missing the connection and authenticity. Really be specific when discussing these situations. Instead of trying to touch on a variety of situations, it might more beneficial to stick to one situation/story and be extremely specific. Utilize imagery to bring this introduction, specifically the hook, to life a bit more. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Do you like the things that you own? (Your car, the property you own, the food you eat.) Me too. And capitalism agrees. The liberties that capitalism provides are endless.

***Eli, this is so close! I love the idea that you have in this hook! However, I am searching for more description. What does this car look like? What kind of food are you talking? Really make your reader desire the materialistic items that you are talking about. More descriptions, and more specifics, please! It's so close! Let me know your thoughts!***

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What is one of your favorite things to drink? Well I hope that it's not an energy drink.

***Chase, this is a great start! I would like to see you push yourself to the next level in this case. Considering a bunch of other drinks that people might like. For example, instead of asking me to ponder, I would like to see you put the thought in my head about what kind of drinks you are talking about. You could also be super sneaky and discuss the lovely items that come along with energy drinks. After you have hooked your reader, then you could go back and say "Actually, with all the joys of an energy drink, it's actually life threatening to drink them. This will help captivate your reader a bit more. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Kenneth Amen- Why video games should be a sport.

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Kenneth Amen- Why video games should be a sport.

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As the reader yourself, you could play video games and see for yourself if it’s competitive or not and when I mean competitive, I mean hard.

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School Uniforms are bad

***Michael, would you consider this to be your hook? If so, please return to your notes to be reminded of the expectations of an introduction. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Why are they GMOs food and crop and are they really no harmful effects to it?  Should we worry that most of our known crops, such as corn, soy, and wheat, are genetically modified.This is not not to scare anyone out there with these statement.

***Lwe, this is great start! I want to see you come up with a more intense, intriguing hook. Consider making your hook not even about GMOs and the negativity behind them. Consider telling a short story about a food/dish that uses GMOs. Take for instance, like, mashed potatoes or a food you really enjoy! You could start by using imagery to discuss how lovely they are; then discuss the negativity that could result due to potential GMOs. Really pull on my heart strings here! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Have you ever asked yourself “does school have a purpose?” some kids in school think that the information their learning will never help them in their daily life. Even if you think education is not important, there are times when what you have been learning will be used.

***Landyn, this hook is close! Your concepts and passion are there; however, I am missing more specifics and passion. You, as a student, has TREMENDOUS insight into this topic! What does a student who is sitting in their desk thinking about when they have no connection in school? Instead of talking about "some kids in school", as you state, truly put me into the shoes of those students that you mention. The more specific, down-to-earth we can get, the better! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Against Taxes

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Why don´t we do something about technology and decline the usage, especially with teenagers?
For instance, teenagers would have

***Paris, this is great start! I want to see you come up with a more intense, intriguing hook. Consider making your hook not even about the negativity of consistent technology usage. Consider telling a story about a person who clearly spends way too much time on their cell phone. What does this person look like/act like as a result of too much technology usage? What happens to them as a person as a result? Really pull on my heart strings here! Let me know your thoughts!***

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“Most people,  almost everyone knows of a teen mom. Teen pregnancy rates are growing, and we need to bring awareness to that” - Madisen Beaty.

***Alena, your quote is great! I like that you selected a quote that is a tad bit openended. As you continue with your introduction paragraph, keep in mind the visual of the tornado. When you filter down into your "explain" portion, please be sure to mention the relevancy of the quote; however, hold back your opinion just a tad bit more. Let me know your thoughts!***

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Madleen Maroo_ Should college education be free?

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Madleen Maroo_ Should college education be free?

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Why should college education be free? I believe that college education should be free, because there are a ton of reasons that support that.

***Madleen, this is great start! I want to see you come up with a more intense, intriguing hook. Consider making your hook not even about free college education. Consider telling a short story about opening up that college acceptance letter to your DREAM school; however, later you find out you will not be going because it is too expensive, even with scholarships and financial aid. Really pull on my heart strings here! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Hasan Jabbar- Cell phones should be ban from use while driving.

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Hasan Jabbar- Cell phones should be ban from use while driving.

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Have you ever been driving your car and all of a sudden you see a fast car passing in front of you, while you taking a glance at the driver, you see him on his phone?

***Hasan, this is creative, relatable hook! The only thing I challenge you to consider is omit all the "you's" in this hook. Tell your hook more like a short story: keep the concept and idea, just target/vocalize it a little differently. In addition, add more description. A car that is going fast at 35 mph is a little bit different than 75 mph. Let me know your thoughts! Great start!***

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Zodell- Should College Athletes Get Paid 

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Zodell- Should College Athletes Get Paid 

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My topic is about should college athletes get paid for what they partiipate

***Zodell, would you consider this to be your hook? If so, please return to your notes to be reminded of the expectations of an introduction. Let me know your thoughts!***

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I want you to try convincing someone that putting down a very young baby is a good thing. Doesn’t sound easy, does it but I’m going to try explaining why abortion is a good thing.

***Levi, I like the writing ideas that you have on paper here! However, I think we can create a more effective hook that captures your readers attention. The mission of the hook is to engage your readers without mentioning your argument yet. How can create a hook that disguises the argument you are making? Let's go back to the drawing board for this one together in order to make it effective and sturdy! Let me know your thoughts!***

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Picture this. You’re terminally ill, your family surrounds you everyday while you lay there helpless in unbearable pain. Your family worries about paying the bills and worries about you being in constant pain. It is a mentally torturing situation for you, and emotionally torturing for them… and the state says you have no control over whether you can end that or not.

***Danni, this is so close! I appreciate your decision to pick telling a short story. This will help pull at the heart strings of your audience to get us to feel your topic a little bit more. Instead of saying "terminally ill", what is an actual terminal illness that people can relate to? What is the dollar amount on the hospital bills? What do you mean by mentally torturing? Really play up the situation. How can we use details and descriptions to make the situation specific and heart wrenching? Let me now your thoughts!***

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Do you think that technology is important in the daily basis?

***Eco, I love the direction this hook is going in! Perhaps considering choosing to craft your hook using a short story. Describe desperate situations in which people need to use technology. Going this route will engage your reader and have them saying in their heads, "Oh yeah! That's me! I use my cell phone in that situation, too!" This will make your reader completely understand what you mean instead of forcing them to think of situations on their own. The more you can coach your reader, the better! Let me know your thoughts!***