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I talked about this in my revision but I will be mentioning it more in depth because It's what I'm currently working on and highlights a lot of my creating style and how my influences in music impact that.

I am in the process of starting up my show GO:OD AM which tells the (sort of, not really) romantic story between my ex and I and the things we went through being an unhealthy couple. While this is the plot, the show and story is really guided through music. I sing and my ex plays drums and is currently apart of an R&B group. A lot of our relationship was rooted through music and was kind of like a secret love language? Our favorite place to go was this huge record store in Dallas called Josey Records and we both would go crate digging on complete different ends of the store. A lot of the time if we went separately we'd bring each other records we'd think the other like. We both collected them and are huge fans of different kinds of music and sound. Though, we both love a lot of the same artists like for instance Mac Miller and Ariana Grande. I LOVE them and so does he and we would jam out to their stuff all the time and get in deep conversation about their relationship, their work and their growth in music. Our songs were literally Cinderella by Mac and Imagine by Ariana. I even named the show after Mac's album GO:OD AM because it was my ex's favorite album to play. It also conveniently fits the theme of the scene transitions being led by different types of clocks in the room and the hour changing. The music in the show is a mix of things. It's songs that my ex played me for the first time and would say "this made me think of you" or just something I thought was so cool that I had to Shazam on my phone when he wasn't looking. Some songs in the show like I said our songs we have personal connections to. For his birthday, I had a company hand make a record with a personalized vinyl cover front and back. Our initials were engraved on the record and all of the songs from that record come from our playlist for the show.

I say all of this because I really want it to be understood that the music involved in this show has little easter egg meanings that are so important to myself and these characters. It's very specific in detail and I want it to be known that when these songs play it's not just a song. It's music that was playing during big, bad and beautiful moments in my life that I'll remember forever and see reflected into this short film. I really let the art that I love influence my art and I think it creates something so much more meaningful and special.

I linked the playlist in my revision but here is a specific song that will play at a point in the show, my ex left this record of the single on my car window before I went to work. We had been broken up for a couple weeks. (and yes, after I listened and sobbed by my record player for like a day and a half we got back together.

we're so stupid).

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I am learning to stop over working myself.
It is a habit that I think everyone needs to practice.
While I believe it is important to produce good work, create and constantly be involved in things you are passionate about and love, overheating is a thing.
Your body is like a car, it can't run without gas.
I have this year really over worked myself and have forgotten to take care of my mental health first. I'm going to link a twitter thread below as the attachment for this column because I believe it's worth the read. I agree with it entirely and find it kind of disgusting how the world is wired.

it's as if taking a day off is seen as something negative or taking a couple hours off an assignment because I fell asleep due to lack of it is something that should be punishable. I think of how I was in a toxic relationship that delt with verbal/emotional abuse and substance issues that was constantly making me lose sleep, a suicide of a friend, and dealing with the peak of my eating disorder all semester but my top thought was always, "I can't rest and I can't cry because I have assignments to do, class to attend, and work."
and that's f**ked up.

I think there's this initial old person response that's, "well. that's life. no one is going to make it easy for you. figure it out and toughen up." AND while again that's super dismissive and completely invalidating my response is, "you're probably right. and that's why I will be showing myself compassion if no one else is going to."

I have learned that I will be showing myself the gentle behavior that we as humans should be giving each other- especially during a pandemic (YES, we're still in one).

I will not be piling on things that I cannot handle or over stress myself. I will be encouraging myself to completely be in a good and healthy place before taking on any projects or making any commitments. I will be making a habit to check on myself, take time to rest, and communicate with everyone that I am not doing okay and I need to recharge.

Tweets below explaining the overworking culture and lack of empathy:

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I never wanted to be famous or a celebrity or anything like that growing up. I genuinely just wanted to act and be in shows and make a living off of that. I know people expect me to say "but thats not realistic!" after but I actually believe in myself, so that's not what I'm going to say. What I will say is that some things and ideas change and I literally can get inspired from something at a random day and completely want to center my life around it for a month. Something though that hasn't shifted from my mind at all in my future is directing and becoming a theatre professor. It's a very concrete idea and I've already begun the process. I want to direct as many shows as possible and I actually have a bucket list of some shows I want to direct.
Here is some off the list:
crimes of the heart
little women
is god is (with co direction)
rocky horror (OBVIOUSLY)
etc.
A lot of the reason I have continued to pursue my goals is because of my theatre professors/directors. I have a deep connection with every artistic director I've worked with and without them, I wouldn't be here today. I would like to be that for a struggling theatre kid that needs to be told they are worth it and help mold their potential into more. I love working with people who are hungry for creating and making good work. There's not a better feeling than working with someone and you look at each other and say, "yeah, this is fuckin' brilliant." I just feel such a strong gratitude for those directors and want to do the same for other students/people. As I grow I have learned so many different techniques and methods of directing between my high school days, community college and now UT. I feel like my artistic theatre tool box is wide and full of range. I'm excited to share that insight.

a scene from a show (crimes of the heart) that I can't wait to direct! :)

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Who ate this candy?! Diane Keaton in Crimes of the Heart, ft. Sissy Spacek

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Hi!
My birth name is Nicole but ever since I created my first tumblr at 12 I went by Nic. I think that this little tweak in my name helped me feel more at ease when discovering my gender identity which is gender-fluid. With that being being said, my pronouns vary between she/her and they/them.

I would say I'm very artistic in multiple ways with pride because it's really the only thing I got going for me. I am very good at painting and sketching. I've been drawing since I was a child as a hobby but it's definitely helped me cross over to new talents like being skilled in makeup. I used to do performative makeup for friends and their friends in drag, as well as theatre makeup for various shows (my background is a subtle look I did for a horror drag theme).

I sing, write, act and direct as well. I grew up in south texas and attended a poor (and bigoted) elem/middle/high school. There was no funding for any art programs and the theatre productions were very low quality. We would literally rehearse in a basketball gym. Surprisingly though, we did well. I remember when we would travel to cities and see actual "theatre kids" and I remember always being envious of schools that actually catered to the arts. I remember one of my HS theatre directors telling me "this is your niche" when I would act and I never forgot that. I attended Richland college for two years after and to give you a summary of what it was like- the movie Whiplash. That's all. This was the first teacher/director who never bullshitted me. He truly is the reason I got into UT. He made me work my ass off. He was the kind of teacher you would bring a notebook to rehearsal and class and write down everything he said. We all craved his validation but as I grew I realized I needed to be craving validation from myself. I needed to look at whatever I created in a "would I pay to see this" way and not what everyone else thought way. He trained me into understanding what genuine work was and being specific in my decisions. He made me want to be better and understand I needed to love what I did and work as hard as I could to get where I wanted. He never really gave compliments, let alone praise, but I remember before I left he told me, "You're fucking wonderful, don't let anyone make you feel different" and I walk with that every day. I put my entire self and heart in my work. I don't dwell on the hurt, rejection, harassment and bad memories from my child and teen hood that brought me here. I think of my passion and true stories in the poetry and scripts I write, my soul into my acting and singing work, and my hard working skills in directing. I think being an "artist" shouldn't be cringy to say. It should be said with confidence and heart because that's what it takes to be an artist and anything that isn't that I don't think would you make one.