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Definition of Psychological & Emotional Abuse:

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Definition of Psychological & Emotional Abuse:

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Psychological abuse, often called emotional abuse, is a form of abuse that is done in order to belittle or gaslight another person.

-Kyrstyn W.

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Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship-including among friends, family members, and co-workers.

In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health.

The underlying goal of emotional abuse is to control the other person by discrediting, isolating, and silencing them. It is one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize as it can be subtle and insidious. But it can also be overt and manipulative.

Either way, emotional abuse can chip away at your self-esteem, and you can begin to doubt your perceptions and reality. In the end, you may feel trapped. Emotionally abused people are often too wounded to endure the relationship any longer, but also too afraid to leave. So, the cycle repeats itself until something is done.

Press Play for Advice on Setting Boundaries

Signs of Emotional Abuse

There are several red flags of emotional abuse. Keep in mind that even if your partner, parent, co-worker, or friend only does a handful of these things versus doing them all, your relationship with them is still emotionally abusive.

When considering your relationship, also remember that emotional abuse is often subtle. As a result, it can be extremely hard to detect the signs. If you are having trouble discerning whether your relationship is abusive, think about how your interactions make you feel.

Also, don't fall into the trap of telling yourself that "it's not that bad" and minimize the other person's behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, including you. Realizing this can help you stop the emotional abuse cycle.

Unrealistic Expectations

One sign of emotional abuse is if the other person places unrealistic expectations on you. Examples of this include:

Making unreasonable demands

Expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs

Demanding you spend all your time together

Being dissatisfied, no matter how hard you try or how much you give

Criticizing you for not completing tasks according to their standards

Expecting you to share their opinions (i.e., you are not permitted to have a different opinion)

Demanding that you name exact dates and times when discussing things that upset you (and when you cannot do this, they may dismiss the event as if it never happened)

​Invalidates You

Another sign that someone may be emotionally abusive is if they invalidate you. Some examples of invalidation include:

Undermining, dismissing, or distorting your perceptions or your reality

Refusing to accept your feelings by trying to define how you should feel

Requiring you to explain how you feel over and over

Accusing you of being "too sensitive," "too emotional," or "crazy"

Refusing to acknowledge or accept your opinions or ideas as valid

Dismissing your requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited

Suggesting that your perceptions are wrong or that you cannot be trusted by saying things like "you're blowing this out of proportion" or "you exaggerate"

Accusing you of being selfish, needy, or materialistic if you express your wants or needs (the expectation is that you should not have any wants or needs)

​Creates Chaos

Emotionally abusive people also tend to create chaos. Some examples of this red flag include:

Starting arguments for the sake of arguing

Making confusing and contradictory statements (sometimes called "crazy-making")

Having drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts

Nitpicking at your clothes, hair, work, and more

Behaving so erratically and unpredictably that you feel like you are "walking on eggshells"

​Uses Emotional Blackmail

If someone tries to use your emotions against you, this is a sign of emotional abuse. Examples of emotional blackmail include:

Manipulating and controlling you by making you feel guilty; giving you a guilt trip

Humiliating you in public or in private

Using your fears, values, compassion, or other hot buttons to control you or the situation

Exaggerating your flaws or pointing them out in order to deflect attention or to avoid taking responsibility for their own poor choices or mistakes

Denying that an event took place or lying about it

Punishing you by withholding affection or giving you the silent treatment

Acts Superior

People who are emotionally abusive often act superior and entitled. Things to look for when considering whether the person in your life exhibits this sign of emotional abuse include:

Treating you like you are inferior

Blaming you for their mistakes and shortcomings

Doubting everything you say and attempting to prove you wrong

Making jokes at your expense

Telling you that your opinions, ideas, values, and thoughts are stupid, illogical, or "do not make sense"

Talking down to you or being condescending

Using sarcasm when interacting with you

Acting like they are always right, know what is best, and are smarter than you

Controls and Isolates You

​Emotionally abusive people will attempt to isolate and control you. Some examples of this form of emotional abuse include:

Controlling who you see or spend time with, including friends and family

Monitoring you digitally, including text messages, social media, and email

Accusing you of cheating and being jealous of outside relationships

Taking or hiding your car keys

Demanding to know where you are at all times or using GPS to track your every move

Treating you like a possession or property

Criticizing or making fun of your friends, family, and co-workers

Using jealousy and envy as a sign of love and to keep you from being with others

Coercing you into spending all your time together

Controlling the finances

Types of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can take several different forms, including:

Accusations of cheating or other signs of jealousy and possessiveness

Constant checking on or attempting to control the other person's behavior

Constantly arguing or opposing

Criticizing

Gaslighting

Isolating the individual from their family and friends

Name-calling and verbal abuse

Refusing to participate in the relationship

Shaming or blaming

Silent treatment

Trivializing the other person's concerns

Withholding affection and attention

Your relationship may appear to be normal and loving at the start, with these types of emotional abuse being employed later (as the relationship progresses) in an attempt to begin to manipulate and control you. They may begin so slowly that you may not even notice them at first.

Emotional Abuse vs. Normal Conflict

Impact of Emotional Abuse

Research indicates that the consequences of emotional abuse are just as severe as those of physical abuse. Except, instead of physical marks and bruises, your wounds are invisible to others-hidden in the self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-loathing you may feel.

When emotional abuse is severe and ongoing, you can lose your entire sense of self. Over time, the accusations, verbal abuse, name-calling, criticisms, and gaslighting can erode your sense of self so much that you can no longer see yourself realistically.

Consequently, you may begin to agree with the abuser and become internally critical. Once this happens, you become trapped in the abusive relationship, believing that you will never be good enough for anyone else. Eventually, you may pull back from friendships and isolate yourself, convinced that no one likes you.

What's more, emotional abuse can cause a number of health problems. Mental health effects of abuse include depression, anxiety, and sometimes the development of an eating disorder. Being abused emotionally can also impact you physically, causing you to develop stomach ulcers, heart palpitations, and insomnia.

Tips for Dealing With Emotional Abuse

The first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to recognize the abuse. If you are able to identify any aspect of emotional abuse in your relationship, it is important to acknowledge that first and foremost.

By being honest about what you are experiencing, you can begin to take control of your life again. Here are seven more strategies for reclaiming your life that you can put into practice today.

Make Yourself a Priority

When it comes to your mental and physical health, make yourself a priority. Stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Take care of your needs. Do something that will help you think positively and affirm who you are.

Also, be sure to get an appropriate amount of rest and eat healthy meals. These simple self-care steps can go a long way in helping you deal with the day-to-day stresses of emotional abuse.

Establish Boundaries

Firmly tell the abusive person that they may no longer yell at you, call you names, insult you, be rude to you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they choose to engage in this behavior.

For instance, tell them that if they call you names or insult you, the conversation will be over and you will leave the room. The key is to follow through on your boundaries. This reinforces to the other person that their emotional abuse will not be tolerated.

Stop Blaming Yourself

If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for any amount of time, you may believe that there is something severely wrong with you. But you are not the problem. To abuse is to make a choice. Stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over.

Realize You Can't Fix Them

Despite your best efforts, you will never be able to change an emotionally abusive person by doing something different or by being different. An abusive person makes a choice to behave abusively.

Avoid Engaging

Do not engage with an abusive person. In other words, if an abuser tries to start an argument with you, begins insulting you, demands things from you, or rages with jealousy, do not try to make explanations, soothe their feelings, or make apologies for things you did not do.

Simply walk away from the situation if you can. Engaging with an abuser only sets you up for more abuse and heartache. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to make things right in their eyes.

Build a Support Network

Although it can be tough to tell someone that you are going through emotional abuse, speaking up can help. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the abusive person as much as possible and spend time with people who love and support you.

This network of healthy friends and confidantes will help you feel less lonely and isolated. They also can speak truth into your life and help you put things into perspective.

Work on an Exit Plan

If your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing or working on their poor choices, you will not be able to remain in the abusive relationship forever. It will eventually take a toll on you both mentally and physically.

Depending on your situation, you may need to take steps to end the relationship. Each situation is different. So, discuss your thoughts and ideas with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Emotional abuse can have serious long-term effects, but it can also be a precursor to physical abuse and violence.

Remember too that abuse often escalates when the person being abused makes a decision to leave. So, be sure you have a safety plan in place should the abuse get worse.

What Doesn't Work With Emotional Abuse

Sometimes attempts to deal with or reduce emotional abuse can backfire and actually make the abuse worse. Some tactics that are not effective ways of dealing with abuse include:

Arguing with the abuser. Trying to argue with an abuser can escalate the problem and may result in violence. There is no way to argue with an abuser because they will always find more ways to blame, shame, or criticize. They may also try to turn the tables and play the victim.

Trying to understand or make excuses for the abuser. It might be tempting to try to make sense of the other person's behavior or to come up with excuses to justify their actions. Finding ways to sympathize with or minimize an abuser's actions can make leaving the situation that much more difficult.

Attempting to appease the abuser. Appeasing the other person might seem like a form of de-escalation, but it tends to backfire in the long run and may serve to enable further abuse. Instead of trying to change yourself or your behaviors to suit the abuser's whims, focus on establishing clear boundaries and avoid engaging with them if possible.

Healing From Emotional Abuse

If you've experienced emotional abuse, there are a few things you can do to aid in the healing process.

Acknowledge the abuse. Stop minimizing or even denying the abuse and admit that it did happen so you can begin to heal from it.

Make a commitment to yourself. Commit to stopping the emotional abuse cycle. Also, commit to sticking with the healing process no matter how long it takes because you are worth it and deserve to live a happy life.

Practice self-compassion. Give yourself the same level of compassion, kindness, and flexibility to grow as you would give a friend who has experienced emotional abuse.

Reach out to loved ones. Get in touch with the people who care about and support you so they can help you through this difficult time.

Seek counseling. Psychotherapy can help you put your emotionally abusive relationship into perspective while also providing tools for overcoming the abuse.

Talk with others who've been emotionally abused. Sharing your experiences with others who've been through the same can help you recognize that you aren't alone, also providing access to the strategies they used that helped them heal.

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How to Identify and Cope With Emotional Abuse

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Emotional abuse involves controlling and manipulating with emotionally abusive tactics. Learn more about how emotional abuse is defined and red flags to look for.

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-Kyrstyn W.

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The beginning I used to be a girl about town. I was working in accounts, bought my first home at 22 and had my little sports car. I had my life planned out.

If he had punched me in the face on our first date, I wouldn't have gone back. I couldn't see what was really happening.

I got pregnant shortly after we started going out, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer the same year. I was 24. He left when all that happened, so I had my daughter by myself. I moved to Dublin for cancer treatment.

I bumped into him when I came back to Limerick. I think I was vulnerable because of my illness. I went from being confident to thinking I was going to die.

We got married less than nine months after that. The abuse started from there. It was all emotional or psychological. And it was the worst. I can't even explain it.

Little signs

There were little signs of jealousy at first, but I thought: Isn't that lovely? He's mad about me. But really, it was about control.

It started with things like my clothes. At first he'd say, "I don't know about those shoes." It progressed to, "Everyone's looking at you, and you can't go out like that." Eventually, it was, "You look like a slut."

As soon as we got married, my house wasn't right because it was mine. So I had to sell it and buy another property with the money I made. He had debts, and I paid them off. I bought another home, and everything about that was wrong as well. It was all my money, and it's all gone now.

Our daughter would finish school, and he knew how long it took me to drive home. I'd have to be at home to answer the phone when he rang.

He cut me off from my friends. He encouraged me to work from home and then to stop working completely. Sometimes he rang me 30 times a day.

When he came home from work, I'd have his shirts ironed, but he wanted the only one left in the laundry basket. It was always the wrong shirt, the wrong food.

The last straws

I can only assume that he was jealous of our daughter because she took my attention away from him. He wanted to know why she had to go everywhere with us. She was three.

Then I wasn't able to go to the doctor because he said the cancer was all in my head. He said all I wanted was for the doctor to see me naked. I didn't have a check-up for many years, and my health deteriorated.

I finally went to the doctor and found out I had to have my ovaries removed. I had the surgery, and afterwards my husband said I did it to spite him.

I was in and out of hospital during that time. He never came to see me and wouldn't look after our daughter. My parents, who were in their 70s, looked after her.

Getting out

We were together for seven years. I got married at 26, and I'm 35 now. If I had stayed longer, I probably would have ended up dead. He spoke about killing me often enough.

Towards the end, he started threatening to kill me in front of our daughter. When we got home from school, she would cross her fingers that he wouldn't be at home. "Can we run away, Mammy?" she used to ask me every night.

One day he went ballistic, and we ran outside and drove to my parents' house. He tried to block me and then ram my parents' house with the jeep. I rang the police. The police told me to stay with my parents for a few days. They left the perpetrator in the house.

I actually thought it would be easier to stay with him.

I was dealing with one good garda who told me not to back down. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Gardaí told me to contact a domestic violence refuge. I said: "Are you crazy? I'm not one of those people. I'm not poor."

But when I went there, I realised I totally am one of those people. I've met doctors and judges hiding from their abusers at the refuge. Abuse is straight across the board.

I got a barring order to remove him from the home, and I'm back in my house now. There is help out there. You can get through it, and your kids will thank you.

A lot of people think they should stay for their kids, but my daughter is a different person now. She's a happy child. She's in the top 2 per cent in the country in standardised testing. She's the most mannerly and well-adjusted kid.

I left three years ago, and I still go to a support group to get him out of my head. He told me I was worthless so [many times that] I believed it.

I had a lovely childhood. We weren't poor by any means. I was the most confident person you could ever meet, and I just vanished. I'm trying to find myself again now.

Emotional abuse is so much worse than physical abuse. A bruise heals. The inside takes longer.

This story is from a member of United & Strong, a group of domestic violence survivors advocating to strengthen the rights of victims of domestic abuse. For more information, see United & Strong on Facebook and @strong_united on Twitter.

In conversation with

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Emotional abuse case study: 'If I had stayed longer, I probably would have ended up dead'

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Bullying and control can be difficult to pinpoint - it may take time for a victim of emotional abuse to realise what is happening

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Effects of Psychological & Emotional Abuse:

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Effects of Psychological & Emotional Abuse:

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Emotional abuse can affect a child's emotional development which can cause problems with their relationships later in life.

Examples:

-humiliating or constantly criticising a child.

-threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names.

-making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child.

-blaming and scapegoating.

-Kyrstyn W.

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Emotional abuse is often harder to recognize than other forms of abuse, but its effects can be just as profound. Healing is possible.

Emotional abuse involves a broad range of tactics, including shaming and gaslighting, which are meant to leave you feeling powerless, hopeless, and less.

In some cases, the signs of emotional abuse are so subtle that you might not be sure you're on the receiving end.

Depending on the types of emotional abuse and how long you've been dealing with these behaviors, you might experience different effects on your emotional, physical, and mental health.

Some people experience emotional abuse over many years, such as during childhood or the course of a romantic relationship.

But you can also experience more acute or short-term instances of emotional abuse, such as a casual exchange with a stranger or interactions with colleagues or friends.

You might be more likely to experience both long- and short-term impacts of emotional abuse if you've dealt with these behaviors for many years as a child or an adult.

But abuse can affect you even if you experience it once.

Even if you're not aware of the abusive behaviors or you feel they don't affect you, they're still abusive if that was the intention.

Short-term effects of emotional abuse

isolation and loneliness

self-doubt

confusion

low self-esteem

fear when interacting with others

avoidance of activities related to the incident

feelings of powerlessness

Long-term effects of emotional abuse

What are the effects of emotional abuse in children?

Children who experience emotional abuse may go through some of these effects:

Behavioral changes. Children may "act out," show signs of attention deficity hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and sometimes become abusive toward other children. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts can also be effects of emotional abuse on a child.

Emotional development. Children who experience emotional abuse might have more difficulty managing their responses to difficult emotions. They may also seem less emotionally mature than their peers, as abuse could make it harder to grow a trusting relationship with their own emotions.

Maladaptive coping. Research from 2014 highlights how childhood emotional abuse can lead to the development of unhelpful ways of coping in women who have experienced it. For example, it can lead to numbing or disconnecting from emotions. Other kids may resort to fantasy and imagination, leading to avoidant behaviors and isolation over time.

Long-term emotional abuse can potentially impact your brain, especially if the abuse happened during childhood when the brain is still developing.

These are some of the ways research suggests emotional abuse can impact your brain:

Emotional understanding and empathy. Early emotional abuse could cause changes to the hippocampus that make it harder to empathize with the emotions of others.

Self-awareness. Emotional abuse is to thinning of certain areas of the brain that help you manage emotions and be self-aware - especially the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe.

Epigenetic changes and depression. Research from 2018 has connected childhood abuse to epigenetic brain changes that may cause depression. Epigenetic refers to how your environment and behaviors affect your genes. In particular, the study found changes to certain genes in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which is an area of the brain that's involved in the stress response.

If you've experienced emotional abuse for a while, you might inadvertently think these behaviors are to be expected from partners, family, or friends.

Chronic emotional abuse could affect how you see yourself in relationships and your tolerance toward certain behaviors.

You might experience some of the following effects:

Codependency. Long-term emotional abuse can make you feel as if your needs don't matter as much as everyone else's. This can lead to codependent behaviors or ignoring your own needs and boundaries. You might also engage in people-pleasing behaviors or tend to establish relationships with abusive partners.

Fear of abandonment. If emotional distance was used as a manipulation tactic, you might feel high levels of stress or abandonment anxiety in your relationships. This could manifest as a behavior sometimes labeled "clinginess" that's often rooted in a deep fear of losing your support system.

Trust challenges. Past emotional abuse can make it harder for you to trust even a supportive, compassionate partner. When you've been let down in the past, it can take courage and vulnerability to trust that another person won't hurt you again on purpose.

Difficulty being authentic. If the emotional abuse you experienced often took the form of criticism or picking you apart, you might have internalized some of these comments leading you to feel shame. As a result, it could seem difficult and scary to open up to a partner, leading to emotional distance in the relationship.

The way you view and relate to yourself can also change in the wake of chronic or isolated emotional abuse:

Low self-esteem. Emotional abuse that consists of put-downs can wear your self-esteem thin, leading to feelings of worthlessness. It might make you feel like you're less deserving or valid than the people around you.

Self-doubt. Emotional abuse called gaslighting can make you question your own thoughts, abilities, and perception of reality. If you've been continuously gaslit, you might notice you have less confidence in your own instincts. You might question yourself more often, tend to self-sabotage, or have more difficulty identifying and trusting your own feelings.

Shame. Sometimes emotional abuse involves behaviors intended to making you feel ashamed of parts of who you are, such as personality quirks, likes and dislikes, or hopes for the future. This can cause you to stifle parts of your identity to avoid feeling the shame associated with them.

Unaddressed effects of emotional abuse can lead to mental health conditions over time. These may include:

Social anxiety. According to 2015 research that studied adults from Israel, emotional abuse in childhood may lead to social anxiety disorder. This happens when the abuse creates feelings of shame and inadequacy, as well as self-criticism, making you more prone to fearfulness when you interact with others.

Depression. Emotional abuse in childhood is strongly linked to depression in adulthood. Experts suggest this can happen when behaviors undermine your capacity for self-compassion and fosters shame.

Eating disorders. When emotional abuse leads to high levels of self-criticism, it may increase your chances of developing an eating disorder, including binge eating, bulimia, and anorexia.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Research suggests emotional abuse and bullying can cause symptoms that meet the criteria for PTSD or C-PTSD.

Several physical impacts are also connected to past experiences of chronic emotional abuse:

Chronic pain. Research from 2018 suggests adverse childhood experiences including emotional abuse could increase your chances of experiencing forms of chronic pain, such as back pain and headaches.

Fibromyalgia. Past emotional abuse may be more common in people with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain syndrome, suggests 2015 research that studied 34 patients with the condition. The study connected fibromyalgia to unresolved trauma and attachment trauma.

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Emotional abuse has been to predict IBS, which can involve painful bloating, diarrhea, and constipation.

If emotional abuse has impacted any aspects of your life, healing is possible with time, patience, and lots of self-compassion.

Working with a compassionate mental health professional is one way to address the effects of emotional abuse.

You can also learn about healing from trauma or ways to recover from an abusive relationship for more ideas about what path to healing from emotional abuse is right for you.

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Effects of Emotional Abuse on Your Brain, Relationships, and Health

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Even if you're not aware of it, emotional abuse can impact your body and mind. These are short- and long-term effects of emotional and psychological abuse.

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11 simple tips that'll help you over Emotional Abuse

Terance L.

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Emotional abuse and substance abuse have a complex and oftentimes co-occurring relationship.

In fact, 40-60% of domestic violence cases are suspected to have either been exacerbated by or stemmed directly from situations involving substance abuse. And since physical abuse is typically (if not always) accompanied by some form of emotional abuse, it stands to reason that drug use is directly responsible for emotional damage in a relationship as well.

Beyond illicit substances typically being directly involved in incidences of this type of psychological abuse, victims are at an especially high risk of developing mental disorders like depression and anxiety which have been shown to be linked with substance use disorders.

And while this underreported but still highly damaging type of mental abuse can be a particularly powerful cause for substance abuse, there are ways to overcome it without resorting to illicit drugs.

Below, we've put together 11 tips on how to cope with emotional abuse, from educating yourself on what it is and building up a support network to standing up for yourself and finally moving on from an abusive relationship.

It may be hard to imagine right now but you can live an abuse-free life. And most importantly, you deserve to.

1. Familiarize Yourself with What Constitutes Emotional Abuse

Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is the first step to overcoming it. Emotional abuse is a continued pattern of behavior which may include incessant criticism, manipulation, shaming, and bullying.

This type of abuse can come in the form of direct insults and personal attacks but subtler forms like passive aggressive belittling and manipulation can be just as destructive.

No matter what type of emotional abuse you may be experiencing, the important thing to recognize is that these are tactics used to make you feel worthless and make the abuser feel better about themselves.

2. Recognize the Qualities of a Healthy Relationship

Still not sure if you are in an abusive relationship? That's okay. Many people have a hard time recognizing the signs, either because they aren't sure of what constitutes abuse or (as is typically the case with substance addiction) they are simply in a state of denial.

One of the best emotional abuse tests is comparing the qualities of your relationship with that of a healthy one. Here a few characteristics of what a healthy relationship looks like:

You and your partner can both deal with conflicts without threats or despair

You and your partner do not lash out upon receiving criticism

You and your partner can say "no" to certain requests

You and your partner openly express feelings

You and your partner willingly and shamelessly share your needs

If none of these characteristics describe your relationship, you may be the victim of emotional abuse.

3. Know That It Is Not Okay

Once you've identified emotional abuse signs in your relationship, it's important to recognize that this type of behavior is not okay. Many victims find themselves making excuses for their partner's abusive actions. They may say to themselves that they deserve to be treated this way, that they had it coming, or they may have convinced themselves that they are too in love to do anything about it.

But no one, in any situation, deserves to be subjected to any form of physical or emotional abuse at any time. Recognizing that fact is one of the first steps in stopping the behavior entirely.

4. Understand That Abuse Is a Cycle

Much like the cycle of addiction, emotional abuse as well as physical abuse can be perpetuated over and over again in a cyclical fashion that consists of four distinct phases: tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm.

During the tension phase, the relationship is especially strained, resulting in a communication breakdown and fear building. Eventually, these tensions explode in an actual incident that can involve blaming, arguing, intimidation, and threatening.

Afterwards, the abuser will apologize but may still blame the victim or trivialize the incident. The final phase is often referred to as the honeymoon phase when all problems are forgotten.

Of course, just like with addiction, the tension soon begins to build again and consequently the cycle is restarted. Consequently, even if you're in the honeymoon phase now, it's likely only a matter of time before the cycle begins again.

5. Reach Out to Family and Friends

Building up your support network is one of the best ways to combat the harmful effects of emotional abuse. In addition to giving you an outlet and letting you experience the company of people you enjoy being around, interacting with others can also help give you a better perspective on what constitutes a healthy relationship.

What's more, social connections can be miracle workers for breaking the self-destructive thought processes that result from isolation and loneliness-a few typical symptoms of emotional abuse.

6. Seek the Guidance of a Professional

If you are feeling especially lost or if you even just need to know you aren't going crazy, there are a variety of resources you can use to help you plan out your next steps.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline, for example, provides 24/7 support for any type of domestic abuse and can be reached at 1-800-799-7233.

7. Stand Up for Yourself

After identifying the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship and building up your support network, the next step is to start enacting some change. The best way to do that is to stand up for yourself.

Start by pointing out what kinds of behaviors you don't think are appropriate. Set boundaries such as "I'll listen to feedback but I won't tolerate personal attacks" or "I am not okay with you calling me those names."

An emotional abuser depends on your allowance of being talked down to in order for them to feel better about themselves. If you show them that you are willing to stand up for yourself, you may be surprised at how quickly the dynamic of the relationship can change.

8. Be Confident

That leads to the next tip: be confident. This one is likely to be quite hard to master at first but, over time, you'll find your confidence will build bit by bit. What's more, you have the upper hand of knowing their behavior is inappropriate, not yours.

Maintain eye contact, keep an even tone of voice, and try as hard as you can to keep your emotions from getting the best of you. If you act confident in the face of their emotional abuse and keep your cool, it'll be harder for your abuser to stand up to you.

9. Prepare Yourself with Reasons Why Their Behavior Is Not Appropriate

Keeping in line with the past few tips, try to prepare yourself for confrontations with the reasons why their actions and words are simply not okay.

Tell them what constitutes a healthy relationship and how his or her words don't fall in line with a respectful partnership. Let them know that their comments are hurtful and if they continue with this type of behavior then they're causing a toxic relationship that's destined to fail.

And most importantly, tell them that people who actually care for each other do not go out of their way to hurt one another.

If they aren't willing to live up to these standards, it's time to start thinking about leaving the relationship.

10. Know That It's Not Your Fault

If you've decided to end your relationship and have cut all ties with your past abuser, you may still be harboring feelings of wanting to return to them. Did you make a mistake? What if there isn't anyone else out there for you? What if you don't deserve anyone better?

While such thoughts are normal in situations like these, they couldn't be any further from the truth. Emotional abuse is a disorder of the abuser, not the victim. As such, you cannot blame yourself for what has happened.

And while it may be impossible to imagine right now, forgiving your abuser can be one of the most healing decisions you can ever make.

11. Find Things That Make You Happy

Overcoming your past emotional abuse can take a considerable amount of self-maintenance effort on your part. Occupying your time with favorite activities and pouring yourself into social relationships that may have been neglected are great ways to keep you busy and to keep you happy.

Try to limit your exposure to people who either make you question your decision or have a negative attitude. Staying positive is one of the best ways to recover from emotional abuse. In fact, think of this new time in your life as a kind of rehabilitation and follow the 7 habits of happy people in recovery.

You Can Overcome Emotional Abuse

By using these tips, you can learn to overcome emotional abuse and either mend the relationship you're in or move on to a healthier one.

No one deserves to be abused and no one should have to resort to substance abuse to cope with its effects either.

Sources:

American Society of Addiction Medicine (2014, October). Intimate Partner Violence and Co-Occurring Substance Abuse/Addiction. Retrieved from http://www.asam.org/magazine/read/article/2014/10/06/intimate-partner-violence-and-co-occurring-substance-abuse-addiction

Davenport, Barrie (2017). 30 Signs of Emotional Abuse. Retrieved from http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (n.d). Statistics. Retrieved from http://ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (2016, March). Types of Trauma and Violence. Retrieved from https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence/types

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Let the Healing Begin: 11 Tips to Overcoming Emotional Abuse

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Emotional abuse and substance abuse have a complex and oftentimes co-occurring relationship.In fact, 40-60% of domestic violence cases are suspected to have either been exacerbated by or stemmed directly from situations involving substance abuse.

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In this Lotso was tearing the other toys down and about to kill them because they werent doing what he wanted them to do and because they wanted to go home.

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Toy story 3 Lotso gets thrown into the garbage

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I have this friend. She was very depressed like beyond my control. I could only help so much so I directed her to her friends because they knew her better than me. Some of her friends were talking about her and making things worse, she's had multiple suicide attempts before I knew her, and I noticed marks/cuts on her arms/body. I asked her why would she ever attempt to hurt herself and she said it was because she didn't feel loved. She said she was getting talked about by her mom, friends and family.

Terance L

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Time stamp 0.30-0.40

In this he was talking about how his parents always talked bad about him and made him feel like a disappointment for most of his life.