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There once was a boy named Chris

Who got many presents and gifts

But he did not get what he needed

So he cried and he pleaded

It was all for naught

Or so he thought

Because the poems were all but completed.

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Even drunk, MHD is 100x the artist I am. This is just a humble tribute from a huge fan. Also the thing on the right is a bit of abstract art that I thought looked cool, so I guess imagine that it's the avatar of player 2 facing off against Death. Merry Christmas MHD, and I hope this makes you laugh :)

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A drawing of the Pinball Machine from "The Life and Death of the Pinball Wizard". From Your Secret Santa, this is part 3 of the gifts I made.

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A drawing of the Pinball Machine from "The Life and Death of the Pinball Wizard". From Your Secret Santa, this is part 3 of the gifts I made.

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A Review/Playthrough of Soul Thief: Part 2 - Your gift from Your Secret Santa

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A Review/Playthrough of Soul Thief: Part 2 - Your gift from Your Secret Santa

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I think that there are a few moments that get summarized that I would have loved to have seen as full fleshed scenes. Like, maybe with a flashback of some kind. I feel like the growing tension between Edol and Oberon is a major conflict in the story that needs to be fleshed out a bit more.

In contrast, I loved the romance scenes between Irene and Oberon. The way that Irene is described dancing through time and space, the scene with the creation of the rose, and the way that Oberon thinks about Irene is so sweet! I couldn’t hold back a smile watching the 2 of them interact, I really love them so much! Also, the poetic dialogue and the way they flirt, like this line for instance: “I fear you must be nothing more than a blackhole yourself, for you have captured me completely.” It’s captures the larger than life romance of 2 primordial gods really well.There’s a detached, almost 3rd person omniscient style of narration that I really enjoyed here, because it lends the story a cosmic feel. Characters themselves may experience close, loving relationships, or brutal hatreds, but the narrator is largely impartial, and jumps around to the perspective of different characters.

The narrator isn’t partial to Oberon or Irene any more than they are to Despond, Ardora, or Athena.I loved seeing the Gods’ different reactions to hearing about the news. The news almost fractures the council, resulting in in-fighting between Ardora and Despond. I liked that Ardora and Despond were both gay, we got some pretty good representation here! There’s also a delightful contrast in the way that Peterus and Despond interact, versus Flora and Ardora, and we see some interesting moral questions rise in whether the Gods have a right to love humans, in an intimate and personal way, or if they are interfering with the lives of Sage Edol’s creation.The somewhat non-linear nature of time made this work fragmented and really special, because of how we jump back and forth to different moments in these Gods’ lives. It’s a non-contiguous story that isn’t designed to provide a straightforward linear sequence of events; rather, it submerges a reader, immerses them in the thoughts and lives of these powerful deities. It also makes sense, since Gods don’t perceive time and reality like we do, so I thought that was a cool and creative choice MHD made! We eventually get to the point where Athena and Oberon meet a strange Goddess, who appears to be the Soul Thief. I was really excited to see who this mysterious thief was, who threw all the worlds into uproar.

We then find out a bit about Mira, and I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting the thief to be a goddess of peace and tranquility. I’m also glad that Oberon realized that Mira was his and Athena’s child, and didn’t take any horrible revenge on her. He managed to convince Mira to give Bunni back without any bloodshed or chaos.It was interesting to see the contrast in how Athena reacted to Mira versus Oberon. Oberon seemed almost detached and eerily calm, but Athena was more human. We also see a key character trait of Athena’s in this scene, that I thought was really insightful of MHD: pride. Athena takes pride in her knowledge and is secure in the fact that she thinks she knows everything there is to know, so when things happen that challenge her worldview, she struggles to put up a facade. That’s a really human trait, so it’s interesting to see human flaws and foibles reflected in the supposedly perfect and divine. Cracks only make the sculpture feel even more beautiful and real.Irene and Oberon eventually meet, and Irene informs Oberon that it was Edol. I liked that we could come to this conclusion, having seen both Irene’s side and Oberon’s side. The story wasn’t just Irene being a side character and Oberon doing everything, but the story does justice to both characters.

Eventually, all the other Gods figure out what happened, and Oberon goes to meet with Edol. The story builds tension nicely, because throughout the story, it’s emphasized that Edol and Oberon have never gotten along, that they have opposing life philosophies and visions that directly conflict with each other, but till now, they haven’t had an occasion to come to blows. But now, Oberon realizes that he has to confront Edol regarding the abomination Edol is committing by stealing the souls of humans. Edol, not being human, doesn’t understand them, and thinks he’s doing them a favor by “letting them stay on Earth”. In fact, he barely considers their perspective, and tries to make the supposed case that Irene and Ardora would prefer it this way. I appreciate how the story shows that hypocrisy and moral relativism can exist even in the most powerful of deities. The fight was awesome! Cool shit. Oberon and Edol appear to be evenly matched, but no matter how many times Oberon used his scythe, or Edol shot golden light at him, they were at an impasse. And then the rest of the Gods came. I expected that they would all beat him, but then suddenly Edol grabs Irene. I was a bit worried, and then really saddened when he basically murdered her. I expected him to be callous towards humans, but I didn’t expect him to outright kill another God. Not gonna lie, that moment made me really emotional.

The scene where Irene’s eyes turn white and she starts flaking away was legitimately heartbreaking. I really hoped that they both would work together, expose the thief, and live happily ever after. And the way that she leaves him for the last time with the first gift she ever got him was so poetic and beautiful.But then Mira rises. As Edol dies, she seems to almost take his place, replacing cold implacable creation with a kind of divine compassion, a God that loves her universe and genuinely cares about her realm.

I felt really sad for Oberon, but then when Vida was born, it was kind of bittersweet, because now Oberon has a daughter, but he lost his wife. But still, I hope Vida and Oberon live happily ever after, and from what I’ve seen in future stories, I know that they do. Overall, I loved Soul Thief. It’s a really bold work that plays with our preconceived notions of what a CYOA-style story should be. It doesn’t hesitate to make gambles on its’ readers' intelligence, and jumps around, moving seamlessly between present and flashback. The excellent character work, the poetic dialogue, and the truly mesmerizing ideas made this a really joyous read to end 2025. Thank you for this story, MHD!

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A Review/Playthrough of Soul Thief: Part 1 - From Your Secret Santa

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A Review/Playthrough of Soul Thief: Part 1 - From Your Secret Santa

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Right off the bat, I just wanted to say that I'm a huge fan of MHD's writing! I love the way her stories feel so warm and inviting, and she does a really good job of bringing to life some really cool and creative premises. I feel like with MHD’s stories, you get a lot of warm and loving relationships, and some really interesting characters.

I’ve reviewed all of MHD’s other stories except for this one, so it is somewhat fitting that I gift MHD with a review of her earliest story(At least, I think Soul Thief was her first one, but I could be wrong. I do know it’s one of her earlier ones).

I love the concept of a bunch of ethereal, otherworldly entities investigating the mysterious theft of human souls. It’s a really cool concept, and I like the idea of deities who actually care about and love humans. I’ve read through too many novels and watched too many movies where the Gods are capricious and cruel, often careless with the humans they created, and while that’s an interesting concept, it does get a bit cynical sometimes. So this story offers a somewhat refreshing take that’s a bit more optimistic and hopeful. MHD paints the Gods as powerful beings who at the same time are not immune to human foibles such as jealousy, loneliness, and fear, and I kind of like that, because there’s a sense of duality that’s so interesting to think about. On one hand, Gods can’t die like humans can, and are destined to last unless they get in combat with another God, but on the other, they’re not omnipotent and omniscient.

This duality is perfectly encapsulated in this exchange right at the beginning:

"Oberon," insisted Irene.

I have never witnessed anything like this before, admitted Oberon.

"But you must know. You know the location of every soul in and out of Earth."

Indeed. That is what makes this so mysterious.

“

I did notice how MHD’s prose in this story is different from most of her stories. I enjoyed the easy to read prose, but I do have a few points to make. There is a clear evolution in the way MHD writes, and as someone who joined the site in 2024, I had the privilege of going backwards in time, as my first story was Eros, a story written by a seasoned writer, and slowly, going through all of her stories in chronological story, and seeing how MHD’s prose/style changes as the years go by. This story primarily uses simple sentences that feel more punctuated and snappy. What’s interesting is that in her future writings, MHD utilizes commas to create and string together adjoining clauses in order to construct longer and more drawn out sentences. She also uses more detailed environmental descriptions and metaphors that creates a really vivid and lasting image, but Soul Thief is interesting because of how dialogue driven it is. Dialogue and screenplay-style description dominates in Soul Thief, and that made it a unique reading experience. But I do somewhat miss her style of prose from Polaris and Eros, because they felt very novel-esque, and did a great job of drawing me into the story, while the prose in Soul Thief is somewhat utilitarian. But I still really enjoy it, and a plus is that simple sentences, that prioritize clarity of thought, help keep the story moving. So this is a great story for younger audiences to read that might find Polaris to be a more challenging read. Telling also takes precedence over showing, and the game isn’t trying to be subtle about what characters think and feel. And this approach certainly does have its pros and cons, but I do think it works here.

Sorry for going on a tangent discussing prose evolution, I just wanted to point out that it’s really interesting to see how MHD handles and executes different prose styles effectively, because the to-the-point style of Soul Thief makes the world that MHD built and the fascinating characters stand out, and the storygame does do both of these incredibly well, to the point where prose takes a backseat.

The first page does a really good job of setting up the conflict along with Irene and Oberon’s characters. MHD wastes no words getting right to the point. Oberon and Irene find out that someone is stealing people’s souls. Irene is worried and scared, and then the 2 lovers part ways, each on their own investigation to find out what exactly is going on.

I love the backstory of Sage Edol creating Earth as a passion project, a place for him to realize all his dreams and visions of combining atoms in strange and different ways that inevitably create life. It makes him somewhat analogous to the idea of the monotheistic god in most monotheistic religions, yet at the same time, he’s more human.

This may be a nitpick, but I just wanted to say that the idea of DNA in this universe being a small amoeba that carries its own life, simultaneously fascinates me and bothers me a bit from a biological standpoint. Primarily because although the idea of the endosymbiotic theory allows for self-replicating cells that later get subsumed into a larger organism and become but a part of the organism, like the theory of an amoeba becoming DNA, I do find it a bit confusing as to how the amoeba itself is programmed to eventually become the DNA, since amoebas themselves have DNA that program their biology. But perhaps this is a more imaginative take on the abiogenesis theory that currently dominates most of evolutionary biology, since this theory challenges the idea that life can originate organically from entropically derived chemical reactions of non-living molecules. But from a creative and artistic standpoint, I love the idea because it’s so cool! It is a really thought provoking concept, and it shows how much thought MHD puts into really interesting and dynamic worldbuilding.

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Was getting down to the wire on this one, so I decided to review a shorter one of your stories, but that honestly might’ve been for the best, because I just so happened to visit my grandma’s house this morning and she was watching my 7 year old sister, so I decided to read the story out loud to her and my grandma. She had playdough she bought and made the two brothers and the golem and acted out the fighting scenes, so it was very cute. I asked her what rating she’d give it, and she gave it an 8/8, so she loved it at least. We did all of the paths where you stay silent and then decide to lie to your brother, so we got the knight, the skeptic, and the cleaner ending. The cleaner ending was her favorite, and my grandma gasped when the father showed up at the grave. She liked the cleaner ending because she liked that we died. I let her choose the choices for the first playthrough, and she ended up with the knight ending.

As for my own thoughts on the story, I really liked it. After we were finished I read the rest on my own. It was really hard for me to find the wise and especially the mourning ending, but eventually I did. I really liked the knight and magician endings, and I thought the cleaner was well done. Actually I think I liked all the endings, if I had to pick a least favorite it might be the skeptic, but even that has interesting stuff going on, especially with your brother calling you a coward. It also works really well because lying to your brother came back to bite you. All of these feel like they’d have great continuances, I’d be particularly interested in the cleaner, magician, and knight endings as their own games.

The game is self-contained with good branching, which is nice, but that comes with the downside that the game is focused on a single small conflict, which narrows its scope. Which is fine, but obviously it leaves me wanting more. Nothing to improve here really, you chose a central conflict and built a great story around it, but it means it can’t reach the heights of something like eternal based solely on the type of game it is.

Something that I noticed that most wouldn’t, since I read it aloud, the language really is complex for a children’s story. My little sister was asking what a tunic was and what an affair was, which was nice. I thought this was a nice feature.

I think I’d give it a 5 or a 6 out of 8, but when I rate this later I’ll give it an 8 just for my sister’s opinion. This was a nice game and it led to a really wholesome experience with my sister and grandma. I’ll add pictures of the clay people she made below. She was ripping off their head and making the spear, it was great.

Merry Christmas!

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Review for “The Boy Who Would Be Duke – The Journey to Agincourt”

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Review for “The Boy Who Would Be Duke – The Journey to Agincourt”

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This story was really enjoyable, and I found myself wishing that there was more of the story to read.  It was written well, with minimal SPAG errors, and those that were there did not really affect any enjoyment of the narrative.

The Good Stuff:

The way the story began with the play battle of Jean vs. his father was a really great way to begin the story.  I enjoy stories that start with a bit of action, and this did a great job of providing that, as well as demonstrating the dynamic of the relationship between father and son.

Really the entire beginning of the story seems very strong.  The interactions between the nobles, Jean at his lessons, and the banquet all provide good detail and move the story forward well.  Seeing the story unfold through the eyes and understanding of the child, Jean, was interesting.

I liked the inclusion of the lessons with Father Alain in the narrative. It is obviously realistic that Jean would have tutors preparing him from an early age.

While Jean is portrayed as a young child that embraces duty, at least as a concept, having his friend Antoine help him get into mischief seemed very natural.

The journey out to the battle was also filled with good detail, on the responsibilities and challenges at times of being a page.

The historical setting seemed very well thought out.

What was not as good:

For me it seemed that many of the concepts and manners of behavior were a bit sophisticated for a six-year-old kid.  I know some kids mature faster, and Jean had the benefit or tutors, but he was basically a kindergartener during this story.  It would have seemed more realistic for him to be aged a couple years older in the 8-10 year old range.

I was disappointed that the battle was anticlimactic.  Which in a way works, as Jean is so enamored with the thought of battle for the entire story, and then to see it devolve to defeat in the space of a few sentences.  But it just felt rushed.

The branching was a little bit weak.  On some branches, even beginning with the first page, where the choices did not really affect the story at all.  It seemed a bit linear with basically pseudo-branching where you would receive a page that showed the immediate result of the choice, but the page after would revert to the same original storyline.  Also, on the path where Jean stays home, it is obviously linear, with basically only one choice, and then not much variation if at any time you pay the ransom.

I know the ending splash page says you wanted to continue stories with Jean, but I wish that there was more wrap up for this one after he watched the battle end from the tree.

So to put it all together:

As stated in the first sentence of this review, I found this story very enjoyable.  In fact, I wish there was more to it.  I’m guessing that because it was a contest entry the deadline probably had something to do with why certain aspects could use more development. However, I’m reviewing this as it stands currently.

The story definitely drew me in, and I thought the character development of Jean, and the supporting characters to be really well done. However, I wish there was more, or at least different consequences/paths resulting from the bullying scenes.  But overall, I felt like I got to know the characters and felt they had depth.

Overall, this is a really good story.

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IDK man late Merry Christmas

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I originally planned to confuse the hell out of everyone by giving you a gift creating using a skillset I have never hinted at having on this website before. But finals kicked my ass this semester and I am scrambling to get this gift done before the deadline, so I will have to fall back on something I’ve done a lot of before. Please envision your secret santa this year wearing a comically large false moustache over an otherwise entirely transparent disguise.

On a more sincere note: I hope you have an excellent holiday season, and that it is a good start to a good year to come. Every time I read your writing it’s gotten better, and I’m excited to see what you do with your unique ideas next! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Secret/hint: My identity should be so obvious from the rest of this gift that you won’t need one.

REVIEW: A BIRD IN A CAGE

So this is good. This story is good enough that I can criticize it at a higher level, and be really nitpicky about some things, because I know the story & its author are good enough to make use of it.

PLOT:

Servicable. There are bones I could pick about the details, but it’s ultimately just a framework for the much more important…

CHARACTER ARC:

…which is good. In the first branch of the story, you present a compelling and well-structured character arc for Ethan, and shows how he either succeeds or fails to turn his life around, and what the consequences of that are for everyone. Overall, it seemed like you really had a story you wanted to tell about redemption and penance and the cycle of revenge, and your investment in the story definitely came through. I have no criticism of what you were trying to do.

The execution of that goal was much more varied. Two big ways to address that jump out to me:

!) There were a number of places where otherwise good character beats & emotional moments fell flat due to inefficient & klunky language. Working on your wording will make your story moments much more powerful.

!) The two epilogues in the first branch compliment each other nicely. The second branch felt really unfocused compared to the first. There were places where I could tease out what you might have been doing, but it wasn’t clear, and left the endings feeling muddled. I suggest either cutting the 2nd branch and investing more in the first, or developing an equally compelling character trajectory for the second path.

!) A redemption arc is always very ambitious, and especially difficult to do in such a small wordcount and time span. I’m cutting the story a lot of slack on that basis—there are elements of this story that are unavoidably weak just because you’re trying to portray a change of heart in a short timespan. These are nuanced and interesting concepts, and if they compell you, it might be worth exploring them in a story that gives you more room to do then justice.

You also get a lot of slack because A) Ethan is 16, and clearly became a killer due to past trauma and a horrible living situation. 16 year olds do a lot of stupid things, and also can much more believably change their ways. B) A lot of Ethan’s evil acts are implied to have been caused by his use of the Molari. Without both these mitigating factors, his transformation would have been much too fast to be believable.

The use of the Molari as a corrupting influence fundamentally changes the nature of the character arc in some complicated and interesting ways. I was wary of this at first, but think the story handled it pretty well. Ethan isn’t treated as permanently tainted for actions he took while not in his right mind, but neither is he let off the hook for the things he did, in some capacity, choose to do.

Serina’s character arc about forgiveness & to what extent people can be held responsible for their circumstances was also a nice parallel. That was handled well.

WORLDBUILDING:

Easily the story’s greatest strength. There are a lot of really interesting things going on here. The magic system is intriguing, the implication of a web of deities, the sparrows and whatever the hell they have going on, the criminal underground network that Ethan moves within. It’s all interesting stuff, but none of it has the space to be fully developed in the short span of this story. I suspect a story of this length would have been better off picking one or two of these elements and focusing on developing them. In particular, for the impact the Molari had on the plot, it felt really underdeveloped. As is, this feels more like the first episode of a much longer story set in this world.

The authority magic system as a whole is particularly interesting. I’d like to see more stories written with characters using this magic.

LANGUAGE:

I’ve talked about most of this in the notes, so I won’t go on about it. There are a number of typos & grammer errors; otherwise the phrasing is always adequate, and occasionally excellent. It’s often wordier than necessary, dwells on subjects longer than needed, and indirect language increases the narrative distance between reader & narrator. This undercuts the story’s tense & emotional moments that would otherwise be quite powerful. On the whole, this is something that you can fix with a little attention and practice.

MISC:

This story made some really interesting choreography & scene location choices. The fight scenes were cool. Scenes set on rooftops are always evocative. And so on. The story consistently staged its events in compelling ways. Just wanted to compliment that. It’s particularly useful in screenwriting if you’ve ever considered that.

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Captain Will! Edutainment Writer of the Seven Seas!

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Captain Will! Edutainment Writer of the Seven Seas!

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From your secret santa. Merry Christmas!

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A review of End of the World as You Know It

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A review of End of the World as You Know It

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Summary: Finding the Empress’s book.

The Good

The characters – the protagonist has common sense and doesn’t forget things for the sake of the plot. Each character is distinct: the protagonist is smart but short-tempered, the Empress is angry and imperious, Fergus is annoying and arrogant, Eliana determined and demanding. Their motivations made sense.

The style/tone of the story – I like that you don’t overly embellish everything, just giving enough detail to show what’s happening. The scenes where the Anger takes control are fun to read.

Choices have an impact on what information is revealed and when, which is good.

The Bad

You tell far more than you show, e.g ‘she says flatly, searching your face for any response’ and ‘you decide to take a moment and take a few deep breaths’ – both of which describe exactly what the characters are thinking and feeling. And when the Empress describes how she feels about the protagonist’s anger, it seems more like she’s being a tool for exposition than a real character – would she really state her feelings like that naturally? This continues within her dialogue, going through information both characters likely already know about each other (the sisters, the book) due to having been together for 200 years! If this is for the benefit of readers, have a lore page for this information or introduce it naturally, without the characters just stating everything within dialogue.

Endora needs to be fleshed out more. The dialogue between her and the protagonist is quite wooden.

Basically, the dialogue in general needs more work.

The Fantasy

Nice DnD reference in geas. I appreciate this.

The story was a bit cliché/tropey at times - rebels, a controlling empress, slave turned hero, quest to retrieve a special object that everything hinges on, betrayal etc.

World-building could use some work – it’d be good to see some examples of the Empress’ cruelty towards her citizens leading them to rebel, for example a public execution. How has she remained in power this long with seemingly no allied military presence in the city? If she's using magic to control the population, show the readers an example(s) of this.

Nitpicks

The First Page: second sentence needs a comma after ‘gasp for breath’, 8th paragraph ‘yourself up off the floor’

Continue: ‘revels in others’ pain’

Preparations: ‘consider carefully whether you should’

Make them pay – purge the town: ‘chase down and execute’, ‘terror ended suddenly’ ‘do to find follow the sound’. Last paragraph flouts tensing.

Long Day – Need Rest: Fairy Dust vs pixie dust on other pages

Needs more commas in some places and fewer commas in others. Punctuation overall needs a little work, particularly when to use commas. Dialogue followed by a speech phrase (‘said the frog’, ‘Sam whispers’) should have a comma rather than a full stop (e.g “That’s cool,” the rabbit said).

Repetition of words or phrases in adjacent paragraphs: ‘what exactly happened?” “I do not exactly know’; ‘picking yourself up off the floor… “Artem, pick yourself up of the floor”’.

The First Page: Watch tensing in ‘Fergus was going along…’ - should be in present rather than past tense.

In Ending Secondary, the sister says she loosened the geas on all of them – so why is Artem still compelled to kill her in the other endings? Why does he continue following orders from the Empress?

Conclusion

Overall this was a decent story. It could do with a bit more proofreading, but I found myself enjoying the plot and the characters more than I thought I would. To improve it’d be great if you could expand on the lore and the story itself a bit more: how did Artem come to swear allegiance to the Empress? How did the Empress come to power? What’s life like under the Empress? And introduce more choices – Artem could have the option to join the rebellion. This would also help the characters feel more fleshed out and less cliché.

However, overall I enjoyed reading this storygame.

Merry Christmas DBNB! Hope you have a great year and lots of writing ahead of you yet!

From your Secret Santa

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This is mostly a placeholder for now. Travelling and had to draw this with a touchpad. I could do a cleaned up version when I am reunited with my graphics tablet.

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Who, the children gathered around to hang stockings over the fireplace may ask, is Cat2002116? Now of course she won the top spot in the Review contest this summer, that's what most people think of. But who is she, where did she come from? She is so quiet! There's no bombastic forum personality, no public slaughter of trolls and spammers, she does not appear in memes.

But then you look at her profile and whoa, hold on! Now, a lot of people try to keep a healthy distance between their online personas and their real life, but Cat is very open and forthright about who she is. And why not, when you start to publish books is your real self who loves to read to write all that different from your online self who loves to read and write? You can see that love and refreshing honesty carry across anywhere you see her, which is perhaps even truly the best way to frustrate the rumored doxxers creeping around.

Cat is a Christian also and very upfront about that, and trained pharmacist, and I think British? I can see she loves dragons, and that's fire, so do I. This is all so professional and respectable. But then here among her friends on CYS she cuts loose and writes about necromantic orgies and gayness and BDSM, and that's awesome, that's exactly why I love this community and the casual accepting atmosphere where the writing truly is for fun and everyone is free to experiment with their skills and ideas however they like.

I read recently what she had started on for the Education contest, and I was blown away by the excellent quality of writing. If not for the story's unfinished state I believe it would have been a contender even against Will11 and Mystic.

Cat, I really hope you finish Shades of Fear. I have an interest in folktales and mythology and read about this same legend before (though there is one apparent way to get around being murdered by the spirit that's sort of funny) and so I was immediately interested in a storygame based on the subject, and with the writing I was immediately hooked.

Even though none of the branches are long and their ends obviously abrupt and unfinished, the sense of suspense and dread it begins building up to and the suggestion of more involved paths are top notch. I really feel so teased by the To Be Continued branches and like this could be a featured Horror game in the making.

I'm excited to see what your CYS career will hold in 2026, with your incredible dedication to reviews and even more incredible writing, it seems very likely you'll continue to quietly and respectably climb into the upper echelons of the site elite based purely on skill and output. The only one who I think has been even quieter and more productive than you is that Ninjapitka, who just lowered himself down the chimney and is standing right behind you with a pair of scissors, oh no, look out--!

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A story inspired by the MS Paint picture you shared

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A story inspired by the MS Paint picture you shared

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"Siku. Your mind is wandering again."

Siku blinked and turned to face her mother, standing just in front of their small hut. Taupek was cleaning her hands with a rag, squinting past Siku at the rest of their village.

Sounds reached Siku's ears, now that she was focused enough to hear them. The gentle hum of conversation from nearby villagers; the clanging of metal,  and the shouts of those returning from the most recent hunt. She cast a glance back over her shoulder, towards the village gates, and smiled when she caught a glimpse of a familiar figure, tall and wrapped up in furs. Her older brother, Tulok, whose blond hair was so like her own, escaping from under his woollen hat.

Siku could feel her mother's eyes on her, even as she ran across the icy grass of the village. She dodged around one of the older women, who gasped and then called after her, "Slow down, Siku! The hunting party isn't going anywhere!"

Falling snowflakes landed on Siku's cheeks and her eyelashes, where they trembled for a few moment in delicate patterns of white, before dissolving into water. The wind howled through the trees that surrounded the village, piercing through Siku's clothing and making her shiver before she could stop herself.

Her steps slowed as she reached the hunting party. Low whispers reached her ears; too quiet for her to make out the words, but she knew what they were saying. The same things they always said.

How can a child born to this village be so sensitive to the cold?

It was worse, really, that they whispered. She would have almost preferred them to say what they thought to her face. Because that way, she could respond directly to them, instead of letting her mother convince her to keep the peace...to keep her head down...and hope that maybe, one day, she'd fit in entirely with the rest of the village, and that winter's chill wouldn't seep into her bones and make her shiver.

"Siku!"

The sound of her brother's voice, loud and enthusiastic...booming like the drums of war...pulled Siku out of her thoughts. She focused on Tulok, now standing in front of her, and gave him a quick, easy grin. "Was your hunt successful?"

"More than successful." He reached out and gently tweaked her nose, grinning widely when she batted at his hand. "We have enough meat to last through the worst of the winter...once it's all salted and preserved, of course," he added. "With the rest of the supplies we've gathered, we'll be well fed for some time."

Siku smiled, relaxing slightly, and took a step back. The whispering had stopped, although she could feel eyes on her and shifted slightly from one foot to the other as the back of her neck prickled. "Would you like some help with preparing the meat?"

"To be honest, little sister, I was counting on your help." Tulok wrapped a companionable arm around her shoulders and steered her towards one of the communal huts. "After all, you're the fastest at skinning animals. Quicker even than Amarok."

She felt her cheeks heat up at his words and glanced away quickly as they stepped through the door of the hut, into the warmth that permeated the air. She sighed, her body relaxing as heat teased at her, then bit her lip and stepped away from Tulok, moving over to the long wooden table set out. "If you bring me the meat, I'll start preparing it." She took her knife out of her belt, eyeing it in the flickering light from the flames that danced in the fireplace.

Tulok moved over to the door, then paused, glancing towards her. "You can enjoy the warmth, you know, Siku. Just because our home is here...that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."

This time, the heat that rose to Siku's cheeks was for an entirely different reason. She gave a small, grateful smile and then took a deep breath. "Thank you, Tulok. But I know there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just...different." She couldn't help wincing, though. Different. That was the word the rest of their village used for her when they were speaking directly to her.

But there were other words they said when they thought she couldn't hear. Words like strange. Or even changeling. And each one felt like a hammer chipping away at her self-confidence.

Tulok heard the note in her voice. He had to, because his eyes softened. And he walked over to her, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder. "Hey. It doesn't matter what anyone says to you, or about you. You're still my little sister." He ruffled her hair. "Don't worry about what anyone else says."

"You're right." She smiled at him, even though it was the last thing she felt like doing. "Now go and get me that meat. Unless you want to risk it going bad before I have a chance to get it prepared and stored properly."

"I get it." He gave a soft chuckle as he walked back over to the door. "Give me a few minutes and I'll bring in the meat. I'll even help you skin and cure it," he added. He stepped out of the hut without waiting for a response.

With her brother gone, Siku let out her breath slowly. She looked down at her knife, which Tulok had gifted her on her last nameday. Her mind drifted towards her next nameday, which would be in seven days.

It was supposed to be special, this next one. The day she would be considered an adult; expected to choose a trade...and expected to choose a husband. The problem was, she still had no idea of what or who to choose.

The flames flickering in the fireplace drew Siku's attention, and she put the knife away, moving over to stand in front of it. The warmth permeated her body, sinking into her bones and chasing away the chill. For a few moments, she just stared at the fire, listening to the crackling sounds...smelling the smoke that wafted through the air.

The sound of the door opening drew her from her reverie, and she quickly backed away from the fire. Its warmth still coloured her cheeks, even as she looked towards the open door...relaxing a fraction when she saw her brother framed there, carrying a large deer carcass.

Tulok stepped fully into the hut, pushing the door closed behind him with his heel, and carried the carcass over to the table, setting it down with a quiet grunt. "There are others, but this is the one I hunted myself," he said with quiet pride.

Reluctantly, Siku moved away from the fire and towards the deer carcass, unsheathing her knife once more. She noticed the single wound in the deer's neck and looked at her brother, impressed. "You killed it cleanly."

"Of course." Tulok shrugged. "The animal's body will sustain us throughout our long seasons. There was no need to make it suffer." He drew his own knife.

Siku shook her head. "You hunted. I will prepare the meat." She began to skin the deer carcass, working quickly and cleanly, her head bent to her work.

"Have you thought about your nameday at all? What trade you will choose? Who you will take as your husband?"

Siku's hands still for a moment before she forced herself to continue, wrinkling her nose at the stench that rose as she worked. "I have thought about it," she admitted finally. "But I'm no closer to making my decision. About either." She looked down at the deer's glassy, staring eye and took a deep breath. "I know I can do this...and do this well...but I don't think I want it to be my trade."

"Have you thought about whether you'd like to learn how to hunt?" he asked.

Siku paused once more, this time looking up at him. "Hunting?" she repeated slowly. "I...I don't think I'd be very good at that."

"Why not?" Tulok leaned lightly against the table. "We could always use more hunters. It would mean you could get out of the village."

"And away from all of the whispers."

He grimaced. "I didn't say that."

"But I'm sure you were thinking it." Siku sighed, even as she continued preparing the meat. "Choosing a trade isn't as difficult as choosing a husband," she said finally. "I don't think there are many men who would be happy to have me choose them."

"Then don't choose them."

That startled a laugh out of Siku and she shook her head. "As if it's so easy."

"Siku." His eyes softened slightly. "The power to choose is in your hands. I have every faith that you will make the right choice. Not the choice everyone expects of you, but the choice that is right for you."

She took a deep breath and finally nodded. If she was completely honest with herself...she didn't have the same faith in her ability to choose that Tulok did. But knowing that he did have faith in her...it helped. And for a little while, stood here in the warmth with her brother, she could let go of her worries for the future.

The End

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I have gazed into your forbidden vault of Warrior Cats fanart, and if you were as dedicated to writing today as your 14 year old self was to collecting that stuff, I could've just written a nice review!

(that should be more than sufficient for a clue)

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So...I noticed on your most recent storygame, you mentioned that you wanted to improve. Unfortunately, as you've unpublished your storygames, I can't write reviews. Instead, I thought I'd share some advice...things that have helped me in my writing journey. Of course, everything I share here is personal to me, and other people might disagree...or have other pieces of advice to share.

First of all, the biggest thing that has helped me is this: reading everything I can get my hands on. It doesn't necessarily have to be in the genre you're interested in writing, since the important thing is to be able to read (in my opinion). With that thought in mind, I'm going to share some of the books that were very important to me during my own writing journey. It's been a long time since I read them...but I'm pretty sure they're suitable for your age. Many of them, I read for the first time when I was younger than you.

The Animorphs series, by K.A. Applegate: This was probably one of my favourite book series growing up. While some of the later books got a bit silly, I really enjoyed reading the first twenty or so books. They do a good job of showing children caught up in an alien invasion and a war, and don't shy away from the effects this can have. Each book is also told from the perspective of one of the main characters, and each has their own unique voice. I believe some of the books were written by ghostwriters, but when I first read them, that didn't really detract from my enjoyment.

The Oswain Tales, by John Houghton: Not everyone is into Christian fantasy, I know. This series is on my recs list because the first three books, at least, were really important to me growing up. I can't honestly say when I first read them, because it feels like they've always been a part of my life. The books were my first foray into writing (that I remember), as I wrote fan fiction based around them from a very early age. (Note: the fan fiction was extremely bad, and I'm glad that none of it has survived to the present day).

The Mennyms, by Sylvia Waugh: I preferred the first book to the second one. This book does a good job of combining fantasy with realism. And I've always really enjoyed the idea of people made out of fabric trying to deal with the possibility of being discovered. I also feel like the family themes in this book are really good, at least from what I remember. Though, to be honest, I could be looking back at this with rose-coloured glasses, I do remember really enjoying this.

The Belgariad, by David Eddings: When I went back to reading this series as an adult, I noticed a lot of things that weren't so great; there was a lot of telling, rather than showing. And a lot of repeated lines/phrases. Having said that, this series...and others by the author...had a huge impact on my writing when I was growing up. And, really, they were just a lot of fun to read, despite the issues. And one of the other books by the same author contains a description of writing when it's going well, and when it's not going well, that I could really relate to.

Watership Down, by Richard Adams: It's been a long time since I read this book, but I read this and three others in the space of a week when I was...nine? Ten? And it's a really good, amazing book that does a great job of creating animal characters that are really easy to care about and relate to. Plus...I'll include it because I know there's someone else who recommends this book.

The Immortal, by Christopher Pike: I was a bit hesitant about putting this on the list, as it is more of a horror book, but it is aimed more towards teen readers. And it was a really good one that combined a couple of my favourite things together - mythology and horror. Plus, it made me realise I could put my own twist on things. In this instance, Greek mythology...but there's a plot of a movie talked about in this book that sounds good too...though I don't think it exists in reality.

The Lone Wolf series, by Joe Dever, et al: The very first choose your own adventure books I read, and I think I actually had the full series at one point. Anyway, these books got me interested in the fantasy genre...but also, more importantly, got me into the choose your own adventure genre.

All right, so...that's a few of the books and book series that felt very important to me on my writing journey. There are others, but I don't think you want pages upon pages of recommendations, so I'll leave it at that.

Another piece of advice I'll give you: make sure you carry a notebook and pen with you everywhere you go, and keep one next to your bed. Speaking from experience, I've had multiple ideas that have fled my mind because I didn't have a notebook or a pen on me. And it's not always possible to take a laptop, tablet, or even a phone everywhere.

If you can, try to write a bit every day. It doesn't have to be a lot, but the more you practice doing something, the easier it is. At least, that's been my personal experience. I've done a lot of writing over the years, and I think that what I write now is leaps and bounds ahead of what I was writing even a year ago. So keep writing!

Another thing I learned - those who give constructive criticism are invaluable. Yes, you will get people who are mean just for the sake of being mean...but those who give you advice and say what didn't work (as well as what did work) are very worthwhile.

I hope you keep writing, Avo! I haven't had a chance to read any of your storygames yet, but I'm hoping to once you publish one you're entirely happy with. I have to say that I really like the artwork you've been sharing too.

Merry Christmas! I hope you get everything you want!

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Dear yummyfood,

You are like sweet summer cake

Your name just brings about a mood

That makes one want a bite to take

Eyes chocolate black

Mouth watering lush

Skin smooth without a crack

Just thinking about you brings about a blush

But this is a writing site, dear

And Santa got side tracked

So let us do away this contrite

Rhyme scheme and speak of your accomplishments past year

Not only a menace in the kitchen but also on the keyboard.

Single handedly have you kept up cystian pride in Nitro Type Racing.

A small outpost it may be, nonetheless any expansion warrants a price.

The last piece you wrote was on how to escape from shame.

It is a shame then, Santa cannot put those lessons to good use.

For what use would a worthy price be?

For a man who has it all.

Mmm, a chocolate cake.

Perhaps Santa simply isn't creative enough.

Not creative enough to draw in any case.

By perhaps in this case, a sincere thank you I hope will suffice.

For just being you.

As icing on the cake a merry Christmas.

And a happy new year too.

May 2026 bring you the very best you wish for.

And much more too.

Santa wishes you all the best.

Keep on being cool.

Mmm, a chocolate cake

- a very secret Santa

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Ladies and Gentlemen! Introducing,

The Queen of productivity in fall or spring.

Of our very own Mystic Warrior, I sing.

Here's some crazy feats well worth mentioning!

Hosted two mafia games with a helpful hot dog.
A whopping twenty two walked into the chat log.

Though the trolls brought down the chaotic fog,

She kept it all running like a clockwork cog.

Helped Will host the Summer Reading Competition,

Making shiny trophies and assisting operations,
While also exposing Daiki's doomed deception.
Cheaters, beware her invigilation.

And we have to talk about Constellaris Court.

90k in two weeks? Pfft, for her, that's sport!

Put that trophy in her bag, I'm pleased to report.

Well deserved, for a gal like Kassandria North.

Now, this is all the stuff that I remember,
And so this song's reached its own December.

But hey, if there's something that you wanna tell her,

Grab a pen, write a stanza, be a memory lender!

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Christmas simply cannot wait

And my poems - alike

CYS will celebrate-

With noob heads up on pikes.

Christmas is a joyous time,

Full of laughs and mirth-

Christmas is a silver chime,

And stories are its birth.

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Why the horns? I dunno. I just felt like it. You’re like a MYSTIC-al Christmas spirit. Xoxo

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For both Sent and Sherbet.

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For both Sherbet and Sent.

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Do penguin people get cold in the snow?

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Small thing I made after seeing that outfit while scrolling Sketchfab. I'd rig and pose it up, but I made an oopsie and didn't see how many polygons the meshes have. :-P Still it'd be a waste to just drop it, especially after I did the hair by hand. Hope you like it :-)

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Is it a bird? A plane? No, it's a reference! (with a cameo)

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Is it a bird? A plane? No, it's a reference! (with a cameo)

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For the first time, my creativity voids without a prompt, guide, or something else to base off of.

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NOT from your secret santa.

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Will, getting a very much deserved award plaque. Pretend there's a cheering crowd.

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This was made with pixel art and a bit of editing for the text. Sadly, the text was hard to read to begin with then it blurred when I saved it.

On the left of the plaque, it says

Modhood (it's listing some of his achievements)

7k points

32 stories

11 years on CYS

1.5k commendations

Edutainment King

On the right of the plaque, I was writing what his achievements were based on his trophies, putting many points (for the point trophies) and featured, and just summed the rest of the trophies up to awesome.

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I never finished your turtle ninja. No one hire me ever again!!

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(this is from a different person than the NOT secret santa making the cool drawings)

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As you can see, I had a lot of options and didn't know what to do.

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UD looking down on the land, sword and spyglass in hand

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UD looking down on the land, sword and spyglass in hand

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This is from your secret santa. I didn't know which weapon fit you best, I'll post the template with the options I had right after this.

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Merry Christmas, dumbass.

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Shamans sing to know of how

A nazi -maimed- disavowed

Kindly pause

To see the cause

Of stories so profound.

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A bookshelf from: NOT your Secret Santa!

Good luck trying to beat this!

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Season's greetings, Gryphon! Thought I'd try something unique for your present. Hope you like it!

Oh, and as for my clue... Two of the storygames I've made happen in the same universe.

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From your Secret Santa: The gift of fan fiction.

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Paint me line one of your french Sherbet's

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Paint me line one of your french Sherbet's

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Also from your Secret Santa :-)

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Review of Lazarus Cage

Starting a story in media res is almost a trope anymore, but for this story, how could it be any other way?  While the description is extremely word efficient, it does concisely and completely cover the scope of the game. You know exactly what to expect and it is delivered in spades. One might think that the short description would work against the story, but really it provides just enough of a hook to really pull me into the setup of the initial ring.

Throughout, this storygame is quite well written, with no noticeable SPAG issues or overwhelming walls of text.  Missing commas are somewhat common, although I only really noticed them on a detailed review readthrough. There are a few places where details seem inconsistent, such as when inspecting the walls there is a reference “You decide to stick your hand into the gap, which unlike the rest of the room appears to be dry inside.”  There is no prior mention of the room or walls being particularly wet, just the floor being slightly damp. Or when you try the hatch, it isn’t clearly established that you are outside until you are suddenly on the edge.  Perhaps these kinds of details are not as jarring for most readers, but they really jumped out at me.

There is little character development, although some of the death scenes (of which there are many!) are creatively gory enough that I don’t know it’s really needed.  Your goal is clear from the outset and the only question is how many steps you can make before the next sudden ending.

This storygame is an excellent example of the fun mechanics that can be built into a CYS mechanics and how to execute seamless looping story telling. It is a quick read and worth the time for just about anyone.

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From your Secret Santa. If you're nice there might be more before the time's up.

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If you give a cat a hat,

You must make sure the hat is catted

For if the hat is not

The cat will start to haunt

And your life will soon be batted.

-SaneCobblersSon

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What's better than Jerry? A mini-Jerry for your head! A slightly malnourished, deformed, weird looking mini-Jerry for your head! -SaneCobblersSon

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I like Ogre, and everyone does, so I thought a label defining him may be nice! That way, when he passes, we all know for sure he is Ogre and may offer him the proper praise. -SaneCobblersSon

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You have tea in your hands- witness! Tea for your head! -SaneCobblersSon

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What? There's no hat? But you haven't logged on in two weeks and the deadline is approaching! Oh no!

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I find it funny when They/Thems wear fedoras. -SaneCobblersSon

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Captain. -SaneCobblersSon

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You seem like you'd like music. -SaneCobblersSon

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A 'coonskin hat for the daring explorer. -SaneCobblersSon

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Noticed your glasses were dirtying with the blood of the newbs. Brought you a new pair. -SaneCobblersSon

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Shapeshifter- stay quiet, and no one will notice you aren't him! Infiltrate the Architects! Bring glory to the disgraced Wardens! -SaneCobblersSon

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Chris Jockey! -SaneCobblersSon

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A Fire Extinguisher to make you wise. -SaneCobblersSon

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Cheese to sober an alcoholic mouse. -SaneCobblersSon

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A news cap for the Gazetteer! -SaneCobblersSon

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A crown for mi'lord, the Edutainment King! -SaneCobblersSon

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A Skewer to hold you together. -SaneCobblersSon

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A mask for the faceless. -SaneCobblersSon

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An all new wizard hat- With a tad more flair! -SaneCobblersSon

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A darling crow for your tree. -SaneCobblersSon

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You can put a shrimp on a shrimp's head now. Shrimp^2. -SaneCobblersSon

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An icy crown for a refugee who managed to become a citizen. -SaneCobblersSon

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The dragon appears to be cozy. -SaneCobblersSon

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What do you give the hatter as a hat? A bow, of course! -SaneCobblersSon

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A hat with a carrot for a young bunny girl to be protected from sun -SaneCobblersSon

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A top hat made of stars for the night sky to wear -SaneCobblersSon

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A grocery for the grocery bag to wear upon his head. -SaneCobblersSon

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It should be a very bright day

But it was a dark night away

Was the fist dusty?

The music was crusty

It was life in the fast lane, hey!

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From NOT your secret santa :D

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I apologize, Beefhotpot, but I am apparently absolutely horrid when it comes to drawing three penguins in a trenchcoat. I can still give you what I managed to make if you want, but is there anything else you would like me to draw?

- Secret Pixel Artist

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I heard you like Wicked. I like Wicked too. So I doodled this. Xoxo

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A shrimp from: NOT your Secret Santa!

I, sadly, do not have the skill to do a highly detailed shrimp. As such, I give you a simple one with Game Boy colors.

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A ship in a bottle from: NOT your Secret Santa

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A snowbunny from: NOT your Secret Santa

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Here's a thing I wrote (there's more coming, maybe later)

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Here's a thing I wrote (there's more coming, maybe later)

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Here is a fellow named Chris

One day he needed to piss

He ran to the John

But there was a swan

And wouldn’t you know it: he missed

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Twas sev'n months before Christmas,

And throughout CYS,

All the noobs, trolls, and fags

Made noise to impress.

'Til a mustached man,

All jolly and wise,

Dropped a storygame

Made for our eyes.

"Battle on ships!"

Claimed the Master Of Ends-

And the man Fabrikant

Didn't offend.

The fantastic story

(No matter which end)

Follows the nazi

Known as Karl Petersen.

It's worth it for sure,

This I'll never recant!

The Laconia Incident

By Fabrikant.

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From NOT your secret Santa :D (I apologize for not being able to capture your pfp's whimsy)

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"Clue"

That's the clue, have fun figuring it out. I'll have your gift here as soon as I figure out what to give.

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From NOT your secret Santa •u•

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From NOT your secret Santa °u°

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From NOT your secret Santa :D

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From NOT your secret Santa! ^_^

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Doodle for your storygame ^_^

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I don’t know you very well

You’re nice, I can tell

You haven’t been here long

So let me try and sing a song

Just one story to review

It’s also still pretty new

I need to give you a clue

I need one from my gifter too

I like poems, as you can see

Good rhyme, that’s key

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Funny, I’ve already read and rated this. Well, now I’ll review it! Well, I’ve only played it once because I didn’t read the description before and it recommends you play multiple times… oh well.

First playthrough (stream of thought):

Ok… I have anger issues and I expect a satisfying thump from kicking… ? Eh, I bet I’ll learn what it was in a moment.

Note, instead of saying it sounds like metal, maybe say a hollow ringing sound like metal or a loud thump and lack of movement that makes the character think it’s metal or feels like something that they think’s like metal, show don’t tell.

Also, metal can have many shapes and forms that make considerably different sounds that can tell a lot about the object like if it’s hollow, if it’s thick, ect.

Maybe this is just me, and you don’t have to listen to any of my advice anyway, but where it says “More yelling commences,” I believe you could have made that the beginning of a new paragraph.

Digging the object up… I understand there was a brief explanation of the start in the description, but you really are holding off a lot of information. What do we see? We feel? We hear? Maybe even smell, and/or taste? This is severely lacking, and if it’s on purpose I’m not sure what purpose that serves.

When it says I’m (or whoever’s the reader) taking the box home, I think this should also begin a new paragraph because it’s a change in time and place. You skip time to when you get there, and are at your house and apparently weren’t before.

… why are we putting the headset on without question? This seems like a very uncautious character. With anger issues. Who apparently doesn’t know anything about his surroundings, as we aren’t getting any info from our senses ._.

Ok puzzle solving time one sec… I think it’s most likely these are all anagrams, so I can give a crack at this (also for people reading this, I changed my guess over and over until I thought I had it so it’s not my first guess, they’re my conclusions).

LAO DWDOLR: load world

SEAV RWODL: save world

EELVA ISMUALTIOON: ??? simulation

AeGHcn glO: ???

So from what I’ve got, I think it’s likely best to load world and I think that’s good. I’m confused because it seems there’s already a world, and there doesn't appear to be a reset world or new world option but that might be the corruption.

Look around the room.

This has a better description, but I still think it’s lacking. Oops, just read the rest of the paragraph. Just the first part needs a bit more. And this paragraph is a bit big, it’s fine as is but there’s two spots where I thought it could be broken up. Not both, though.

I think you could put a period after it says it’s on the other side of the poster, remove the and, and capitalize the a.

Funny, it focuses enough on the poster to give me an option to interact with it but not, say, the curtains, even though they’re both pretty uninteresting. This is an obvious shout to me that the poster is relevant, which sort of takes away a lot of mystery as in the story we’re not supposed to know “oh, there’s something important about the poster!”

I would recommend either adding options to interact with other random things mentioned as well, or remove the poster’s relevance but I understand it would likely be easier to have unimportant options say ‘oh no this is boring better go back’  and go back to the room page rather than taking out a possibly giant chunk of the story.

Anyway, I’m going for the poster.

There are breaks in the underlines, is this to make it seem more faded? If so, I’d suggest removing more of the underlines and/or a few letters. The message should still be clear with some letters gone.

I then looked out the window, ignored the shadows and mist because the poster made it obvious that I will die if I do, checked the closet, picked up the duck.

I want to go into the hallway, but I’m going to go into the bed real quick first to see if it kills me or something. Ok… an ending you can get in just a few clicks. I thought of using go back, but then I’d lose the ending item. Does restart keep the item? If so, I can do the same options and come back.

So yeah reset game sends you to the first page, doesn’t actually reset it so you can keep the ending item.

Second-fourth playthrough (also stream of thought):

Ok I had originally bolded all the playthrough things in google docs but obviously that won’t stand in the padlet. Oh well. Nor in CYS. Anyway, yeah I’m doing the same options back to where I was and doing the hallway instead.

Actually, I think I’m going to look at the shadows (aka them) and quickly harvest those endings then come back for the halfway. This is why this is 2nd through 4th. I was going to keep going, and realized my endings were impacting the whole setup! Oh well… now the hallway, starting from fully resetting.

Oh I’m stupid that wasn’t the first page it was sending me back to.

I went into the duck door, the one opposite the bedroom. Oh… oh well, bedroom here I come. Oh wait, that’s where I came from?! Oh… time for the go back button! For all I know, there’s some scripting mess with how much time is passing and I don’t want to waste time if that’s the case.

Door opposite the stairs, here I come and don’t disappoint me. A… chore? What? That makes no sense for description, up to here it was mostly great but… chore? A chore is something that you have to do but don’t want to do which isn’t the case.

Wow, jumping in is probably the most stupid idea in the world! Let’s do it!

OH, it’s like you’re greedy and want it… I didn’t pick up on that. Also, how does he know it’s molten gold? Is he assuming?

Ok, go back button time! Tbh, I wanted to stop because typing as you’re trying to enjoy a story is really annoying but it’s good I wanted to read without pause as the alternative instead of stopping this entirely. Anyway, I’m going to end my review here with a few playthroughs. It’s pretty long, anyway.

I’ll keep playing though. Hope this is helpful! After Secret Santa is over and I don’t need to hide my identity I’ll copy and paste this as a comment on your story.

This is after the copy and paste into the padlet, apparently the bold and italics did come through! Yay! :D

Anyway, merry Christmas.

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