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poetic origins/artistic process

identity

dissonance

vulnerability

bristol

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I'm like --- this old lady who I really want really long, beautiful gray hair. And she has incense and candles and she lives in like a really lovely hippie house in the forest. And (deleted) It's as if she is writing for a young girl who's really lost.

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not fixing her, just giving her the comfort that she wants

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But obviously this is my experience to give to somebody struggling the way that I was and to say and to say, here is just some proof that you're going to be okay

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I started writing songs again to try and to try and help myself be okay

- I made them in the hope that I might help another broken girl somewhere who was going through a similar situation and felt completely lost and hopeless and like this was the end. And I kind of wanted to make music that to give to those girls

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I'd say my artistic identity is, like the deepest depths of my brain. --- The way that I present myself to other people is very different to how I am in my brain and when I'm alone.

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I'm my most raw and my most vulnerable.

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I try and explain to her that I'm not trying to create a song, I'm trying to create a feeling and I'm trying to create a moment that I've had that I need to let go of, as I've said.

- I completely separate me in the dark in my room, creating and releasing music that feels really vulnerable to me, to somebody saying, oh, I've been listening to your music on a speaker in the shower because I don't.

I don't see it as music almost sometimes.

- I get really confused when, when people in my regular life quit my music or ask me questions about my music

- I have to make the choice to hand somebody my insides and be like, please see this.

Please listen to this. That is insanity to me. And I'll do it because that's that's the price that this will comes with,

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When I moved to Bristol, I kind of made a pact to myself to be vulnerable, to not lie to myself. That's been a massive, massive, improvement for my life. And that went into my music. Because when you're lying to yourself, that's when I think you're the most unhappy.

- When I moved here, I wasn't pursuing music. I think the thing that got me into pursuing music specifically was open jams. And walking into a pub and having people having a band or a deejay, and that they just invite people on stage to sing.

- But everyone is just so loving and welcoming. I just,

But everyone at these kinds of events, and I think that's because of Bristol specifically. But Bristol people are just make you feel so comfortable and make you feel so, like, appreciated and talented.

- when I go to these jams, the reason why I get the comfort and confidence to sing the way that the way that I come is because of the people that surround and and the love I get from people, from strangers, you know, everyone here is so willing to give love, even if even if there isn't a reason for it.

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It's given me kind of the the courage to be able to to feel like I'm part of it. To, and to feel like I'm worthy of that

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I think that all of that has helped me realize that has helped me be able to be vulnerable in my music as well

- I can just close my eyes and explore what's going on in my mind in front of all of these strangers.

Because at the end of the day, I just I'm just I'm just letting it go.

- I can actually just do whatever comes to the front of my mind because I have nothing to lose.

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art process

womanhood/punk defiance

individualism in identity

bristol

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I think my experience being in Bristol and experiencing the city and the people in it is very much that Bristol creatives are all about uplifting, supporting each other in any way that they can.

- knowing that there's people that understand and are seeing me and seeing my work for what it is, allows me to feel like I can go further with it.

- I remember being so kind of swept up in like the excitement of, of just being somewhere that was so outwardly creative and a little bit messy and all over the place. But I loved that.

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Overall, my work is like it's focused around, I'd say like vulnerability and like self-expression, and I try and capture that in the best ways, like, through kind of creating, like, more raw images that aren't so picture perfect and edited and clean cut.

I kind of like to embrace the, the roughness, I'd say.

- it's self-expression and it's me channeling. Like more personal issues, at least to begin with, through my work, is to like, turn it into something positive and impactful and kind of like make it into like a physical, touchable thing. And I find that quite empowering.

- my work is definitely very informed by me and my experiences. I touch a lot on kind of issues within women and femininity and empowerment because it's something that I have had quite a lot of negative experience with

- I'm, you know, quite an alternative present in person.

That's definitely come with its own challenges. And I think I've seen like kind of quite a, a rough side of how women can be treated and like, fetishized a lot. And that has very much informed my work and in the ways that I want to twist it and make it a positive and powerful thing. But also drawing like to again, the, the rough side of things.

- it's given me a very unique perspective on the attitude towards myself, and therefore the work that I create is kind of it's is all channeled. It's all connected. The, the things I've experienced, positive or negative, being a woman and growing up in an environment where there are there are eyes on me.

- So, like, my influences are very much the within myself that I've, I grew up around punk.

That has influenced me a lot to be, expressive and kind of pushing the boundaries in whatever form is that takes with it.

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I've always had the same perspective on it, but I definitely feel that that now even when I'm on set, I'm so much

more aware of the relations between the models or the models in me. And I think what I'm shooting is different now. I'm not shooting a subject, so I'm like shooting a a ceiling and I'm shooting like this energy rather than, oh, there's a subject in the studio and I want a good photo. I'm, I'm shooting texture on skin.

I'm shooting how I'm shooting, like the way the clothes are falling on a person.

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I think for me obviously because my work is so linked to myself that, that it definitely is a positive aspect to it. And that it's, it's used as weirdly kind of like a therapy, like I feel very like at the end of the process of shooting.

And when I have my final result, I definitely feel like kind of soothed almost is. I think it's a mix of being proud and like being content, but also the, the physical is something that I've thought and felt being either, you know, I have multiple different mediums, but like say, a zine, which I do quite often that to be able to like feel it and touch it and hold it, hold a feeling, feeling and thought that I've had is very therapeutic.

I wouldn't say that I so publicly put out the like the the deep reasons that I do what I do. I like to more touch on it because I think for the people that my work will resonate with at all, they understand, I think through seeing it, if it's meant for you, you understand it and you don't need that explanation.

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drag

sharing art

bristol

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I view him more as sort of facets of not just me as a person, but but how I view the world. And, because I think what I like to do most when I'm on stages is, sort of put my worldview and my perspective in as clear a way as possible.

- And so I think tomboy is, kind of tomboy is whatever I need him to be

- But I think I've, I've leaned into in recent years not defining him, and kind of him being.

Yeah, whatever I am at that moment

- And so I kind of, I process things by making them into a, into a tomboy show.

- to me, drag is like writing in a diary.

It's kind of having this sort of, space to process thoughts and process feelings. And I get to do it, you know, in front of a crowd of people who, who care which, like, it's, shallow, but it's it's so valid dating to, to kind of share, like, difficult things you found difficult in the past to share them on stage and that people go like, I felt that feeling too.

- And so having having someone who I can just be when I just can't be myself, is just.

Yeah, it's the most liberating thing.

- Just for the three minutes you get to be on stage. Life can just be exactly within your desire and exactly how you want it to be. And so I think when, when you're constantly looking for ways to take life and put it on stage and make it fabulous, life becomes fabulous in conversation.

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while private art can be very important and I think is very important, there's something really, really, really special about, sharing it with someone else.

- yeah, there's there's been a barrier sort of not missing for me ever since then, because that implies a sort of it's lacking in something. But I've been. Yeah. I mean, I often have very little boundaries when it comes to audience work. I mean, in my play, I was completely naked the entire time.

- I think of, like, there's an enormous amount of trust that happens, not just from me to the audience, but also the audience to me

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if I were to go to London, the dreaded hellhole city, in my mind I'd try and make it as a drag performer.

I could be trying forever, and I probably would have performed maybe twice in the same length of time since I first performed. Because there's just that, that barrier that, that kind of like, exclusivity that I think Bristol really has just taken a hammer to.

- And I think that's the quality that makes Bristol what it is. It's not just the fact that there are people doing amazing things there. Here, it's not just the fact that there are people doing amazing things here. It's the fact that anyone, anyone can do amazing things here.

- But I think the thing about the Bristol drag scene is that I'm able to do that. I'm able to perform kind of, when I want to,

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(RETAKE STUFF)

the thing about Bristol is that it's, it's not just full of people doing amazing things, it's the fact that anyone can become one of these people doing amazing things. It it's very good at turning sort of little daydreams in your head.

Little secret daydreams of thinking, oh, maybe I maybe I could do this up. Maybe I could be one of those people is very good at taking those little private, private dreams and going. Yeah, you can. There's a place for you. And there will always be a place for for new people.