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In your timed paragraph, a star I have is that your evidence was very good. You pulled good parts for each of your evidences which also made the explanation better. A wish I have is that you needed to make the title of the Pixar uppercase. Another wish I have is that you needed to add some commas throughout the paragraph.
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To kick the start off fast, I’ll say this. I adore the theme. I think it represents the story beautifully!  And the explanation is excellently transitioned! The pacing is very good for the short length of the story. Overall, a great theme analysis. Though there are downsides to this piece. Such as the lack of highlighting. Or, the repeated use of the frase “After this…” as it gets repetitive to say after a while. And lastly, I think the sum up sentence should be changed a little bit. As I feel it is very similar to the claim sentence. But that is everything I can think of, surprisingly. Good job!

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I liked how you did the evidence. The claim was good. The explanation could have been better.

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In your Pixar short paragraph, “Bouncy Sheep”, A star I have for you is that your first explanation was very well written. It gave a lot of good info about the evidence and made perfect sense. The transitions were also good. Another star I have is that your theme was very great it was an important life lesson and many people experience it. A wish I have is that you forgot to put a space after a period in the second explanation.

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Hey Russell, I really like your claim when it says “shows a strong theme that” that really grabbed my attention. I also noticed how in your 2 explanation  the word choice is on point like in one sentence you stated “ones appearance changes". although  i think if you used stronger word choice in explanation one it would be a lot better.

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In your essay, a star I have is that your intro paragraph was very good. It had a great hook. Another star I have is that your conclusion was good. A wish I have is that you could’ve made your explanations longer. They were all just anecdotes and if you added a bit more, your essay would be better.

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hi Russell I liked the intro and how it was about no homework.  The ending was good but it could’ve been better but it was good.  I think that bp2 was ok it could’ve been better.

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You did realy well with puting in the necary transition words which alowed me to be able to focus on your piece and not the way it is writen or the way is sounds. You also did good whith your introduction. I could easily imagine what that child looked like and also made the topic staight to the point. But I wish that in your other pragraghs yo would elaborate you scenes with showw not telll and senseory details. And you could also lemngthen you descriptve scenes too.

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Hi Russell. A strength of your essay, “The Truth About Homework,” is that you have really good claims. The transition words are beautiful and make sense. As I read these claims, I understood what I was reading, and it was the correct formatting. In addition, I liked your zinger in the end. It was inspirational and I could see why you would choose this one. It was creative and a good choice. However, a suggestion that I would offer is making your anecdotes longer. You only have 1 sentence per each anecdote. I feel that it can be more developed and have more small actions and describing words. It was hard to envision your story while I was reading. Overall, you essay was great and you’ve written a great piece.

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The story line was absolutely amazing. I loved how you were able to put a dragon in there. I also love how you managed to make a creative setting. I mean, a floating island! Thats amazing! But I do think that. You can correct some of the grammar so that the people who read this wont get lost as easily.

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Hi Russel! Something I enjoyed about your story is how creative the plot is. Personally, I could never come up with something like that. One example is when you said you were floating and you could see an Island in the sky. In addition, I like how at first, everything seems normal, but then there is this suspenseful moment when the doorbell rings. One wish however, is for you to focus on more detail. It was hard to envision the setting and story because of this. However, other than that, I really enjoyed your story.

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A strength you had in your memoir was how you were being descriptive about how you felt your head was “on fire” and how it felt. Another strength you had in your memoir was how your lesson was clearly a very wise lesson, however you could improve on being better in terms of making your inner thoughts.

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I loved the thoughts that you put into your piece, they were truly incredible. But you could definitely make the piece longer. It feels like you rushed the ending. Or you didn’t finish. I also like the figurative language that you put into there.

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A strength that you had in your memoir from my observation was hyperbole you use them in a way that it sounded much better to the reader and so they can visual it and in addition when you said “the pool was like a glass window” or even when in the memoir you said “feels like 1 million people talking at once” it really pictured what going on in the reader mind overall you did very good on show not tell however a suggestion is that the ending of your memoir could have some improvements because the ending is one of the most powerful elements in memoirs and if it doesn't meet the requirement it might affect your memoir in a bad way