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Get Support Today - Access to Work Mental Health Support Service

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Get Support Today - Access to Work Mental Health Support Service

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Get Support Today - Access to Work Mental Health Support Service

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Sign up now to get access to cost-free, confidential support if you’re struggling with your mental health at work.

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Supporting children and young people with medical and mental health needs at school. Information and advice for schools, parents and carers, and young people.

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Managing exams when living with a medical or mental health condition

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Managing exams when living with a medical or mental health condition

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Supporting children and young people with medical and mental health needs at school. Information and advice for schools, parents and carers, and young people.

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AI-powered EHCP application support for parents. Evidence organisation, legal document generation, timeline tracking, and tribunal preparation.

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All the advice about having rhythms and routines — none made any difference’ for child avoiding school

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All the advice about having rhythms and routines — none made any difference’ for child avoiding school

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After two years of engaging with welfare services and being threatened with prosecution over her son’s school avoidance, a mother was told there were no autism class places available when he got his diagnosis, says Jess Casey

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Exclusion of children/young people with SEND from an independent setting or Further Education

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Exclusion of children/young people with SEND from an independent setting or Further Education

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Exclusion of children/young people with SEND from an independent setting or Further Education

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These types of education providers will have their own behaviour and exclusion policies

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College - Your Guide to Suspensions and Permanent Exclusions - Essex SEND IASS

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College - Your Guide to Suspensions and Permanent Exclusions - Essex SEND IASS

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Your Guide to Suspensions and Permanent Exclusions - Essex SEND IASS

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Explaining the types of exclusion and advice and support around what you can do if you are excluded.

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Bow Tie Maths is a breakthrough student tracking application designed to support progress, reduce teacher workload, and predict student grades with precision.

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Bow Tie Maths is a breakthrough student tracking application designed to support progress, reduce teacher workload, and predict student grades with precision.

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Positive Regard – Relationships Make The Difference

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Positive Regard – Relationships Make The Difference

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Positive Regard – Relationships Make The Difference

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Trauma-Responsive Support - The Belay Foundation

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Trauma-Responsive Support - The Belay Foundation

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Trauma-Responsive Support - The Belay Foundation

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Trauma-Responsive Support Jump to key content here: What is trauma-responsive support? Free information and advice In-depth guidance packs Training and support One-to-one tailored support Approach to charging What We Do Caring for children who have experienced trauma can be complex and exhausting. Our aim is to walk alongside you, offering clear information, practical advice and […]

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Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses affecting people of all ages, genders, ethnicities and backgrounds.

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Eating Disorders and Problems | Parent Guide

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Eating Disorders and Problems | Parent Guide

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What are eating disorders?

Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that can have a huge impact on someone's mental and physical health. They can affect anyone with any body shape or lifestyle - regardless of their gender, culture, age or ethnicity.

Lots of young people who develop an eating problem or disorder are also going through other mental health issues. This can include anxiety or stress, feeling low or depressed, or struggling with their self-esteem.

Young people can use their behaviour around food and eating to try to cope with these difficult thoughts, feelings and experiences. They might limit how much they eat, consume large quantities of food quickly, or use methods such as making themselves sick to get rid of food from their body.

While it can sometimes be hard to understand from the outside, doing these kinds of things might:

make someone feel they have a way of coping when things are difficult

make someone feel in control, or give them a way of reducing anxiety or panic when they're overwhelmed

numb or reduce uncomfortable or distressing feelings

Over time, these kinds of thoughts and behaviours around food might become very fixed and difficult to change - and may start to take over daily life. When this happens, it can have a hugely negative effect on a young person's social life and their relationships with friends and family. It can also lead to very serious physical health problems, and affect a young person's physical growth and development. In very serious cases, and without the right kind of support and treatment, eating disorders can cause death.

But if someone gets the right professional help, the eating disorder can be treated and they can get better. The earlier they get help, the easier this will be. There are lots of common stereotypes about what someone with an eating disorder will look like. As a parent or carer, it's important to understand that a young person's weight or appearance does not determine whether they have a problem. Whatever's going on, it's important to find help as soon as you notice behaviours around food that are concerning. The sooner they get support, the easier it will be for the young person to change their behaviour and find other ways of coping. Getting help early can also prevent physical health problems from developing.

Different types of eating disorders

Some eating problems develop or fit into a certain type of eating disorder. But if your child has an eating problem that's affecting their day-to-day life, they still need professional help to find out what's going on - even if you're not sure that they have an eating disorder.

There are some common eating disorder diagnoses.

People with anorexia generally try to keep their weight low by limiting how much food they eat or doing lots of exercise, or both. They may have "rules" about what they eat, or when and where they eat. And they may think they are bigger than they are, and feel very scared about gaining weight.

Some people with anorexia also try to 'get rid' of food from their body, for example by making themselves sick or using laxatives.
Without support, anorexia can lead to serious physical health problems - so it's important to get help as early as possible.

ARFID stands for 'avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder'. This used to be known as selective eating disorder.

People with ARFID avoid certain foods or types of food, restrict the amount of food they eat, or both. Unlike with anorexia, people with ARFID don't necessarily do this to lose weight.

Common reasons people with ARFID may limit their food intake include:

sensory sensitivity to the appearance, smell, texture, temperature or taste of certain foods

feeling scared about eating if they have had a frightening experience with choking or vomiting after eating

having a limited interest in food, including not realising when they feel hungry

People with bulimia "binge-eat" or over-eat, and then "purge" to get rid of the food. They might do this by making themselves sick, using laxatives or over-exercising. They may feel guilty about what they have eaten and want to remove the food from their body. Or, completing a cycle of bingeing and purging might feel like it's giving them a sense of control when things are difficult.

Bulimia can cause serious damage to someone's body, so it's important to get help as early as possible.

People with binge-eating disorder regularly eat large quantities of food in a short time. They feel like they are not in control of this, or that they are unable to stop. In a binge-eating episode, people may eat a lot faster than usual or eat when they're not hungry, and feel embarrassment or shame afterwards.

Unlike with bulimia, people with binge-eating disorder do not usually "purge" afterwards (try to get rid of food in their body).

OSFED stands for 'other specified feeding or eating disorder'. This is the diagnosis often given to someone if their symptoms do not fit with anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder. This is the most common eating disorder in the UK.

People with OSFED may experience a range of different symptoms. Some examples of what OSFED might look like include:

Atypical anorexia - where someone is experiencing all the symptoms of anorexia, but their weight remains in a "normal" range.

Lower frequency binge-eating disorder - where someone experiences the symptoms of binge eating disorder, but episodes of binge eating do not happen as often.

Lower frequency bulimia - where someone experiences the symptoms of bulimia, but the cycles of bingeing and purging do not happen as often.

Night eating syndrome - where someone eats a lot at night or after dinner, or wakes up in the night to eat.

Purging disorder - where someone purges, as with bulimia, but it is not part of a binge/purge cycle.

Pica involves experiencing cravings to consume things that are not for eating, or feeling like you cannot stop yourself from eating these things. This can include substances such as soap, chalk or dirt. Sometimes, the person may feel urges to consume substances that are dangerous, so it's important to get help as early as possible.

You can find out more about each of these conditions on the Beat website.

If you'd like to hear from other parents and carers who have supported their child with an eating disorder, and personal stories from those who have struggled with them, you might like to listen to this BBC podcast. Please keep in mind that this podcast discusses some very serious experiences - only listen if it's helpful for you, and at a time that's right for you.

Signs that your child might be developing an eating problem or disorder

Every child and young person will show, or not show, what's going on in different ways. The signs that they're struggling might also look different depending on what type of eating problem they have.

While it's not always easy to tell, some early signs that your child is developing an eating problem or disorder might include:

becoming more controlling or limiting about what, how much or when they eat - including avoiding eating with other people

obsessing about their body shape, having an inaccurate view of their body shape, or feeling afraid of putting on weight

leaving the table quickly after meals (for example to hide food or be sick)

exercising a lot, or much more than they used to

seeming different in themselves - including seeming more tired than usual, or finding it difficult to concentrate

wearing loose or baggy clothes to hide their weight loss

losing or gaining weight

As a parent or carer, it's not always easy to know what's going on - and a young person with an eating problem may try to hide what they're doing. But you know your child, and you know when something is wrong.

If you've noticed changes that are worrying you, the next steps are to open up a conversation with your child and to get professional advice. You don't need to wait for your child to lose or gain weight before getting professional help - ask for advice now.

Getting help and treatment

1. Making an appointment with a GP

If you're worried that your child is developing an unhealthy relationship with food, it's important to make an appointment with a GP. This is the first step to getting them the right help.

Make a list before the appointment of the concerning behaviours you have noticed. Or, if your child wants to go by themselves, encourage them to make a list of the things they're experiencing. The more honest and specific you can be, the easier it will be to get the right help.

Beat have a really useful resource on seeking GP treatment that you can both use to help you prepare for the appointment. They also have a binge-eating disorder leaflet you can take to the GP if your child is struggling with binge-eating problems.

People with eating disorders can find it hard to see they have a problem. Be clear about the fact that you're concerned and that you can see they need some help.

If your child will not go to an appointment at the moment, you can still speak to the GP yourself to get advice about what to do next.

For more advice, see our guide to getting help from the GP.

Getting support from the GP

Seeing your GP as quickly as possible, and asking for support for your child is essential. Early intervention is key to your child's recovery. If your GP does not take your concerns seriously, keep persisting in asking for a referral to an eating disorders team.

2. Getting a GP referral for specialist help

After talking to your child, the GP can make a referral for a specialist assessment. Depending on where you live and your child's age, this is usually done by one of the following services:

CAMHS, which is the NHS mental health service for children and young people

your local adult NHS mental health service

a specialist eating disorder unit

Professionals working in one of these teams will talk to your child to find out what the problem is. They will then decide what kind of treatment will help. While this is happening, the GP may also refer your child to a paediatrician for a physical health assessment.

The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) provides guidelines for NHS treatments. They very clearly recommend that GPs should make a referral for specialist assessments if there is any concern that a young person has an eating disorder. The NICE guidelines specifically state that they should not wait to see whether things get worse before doing this.

This is because getting early help can make a big difference - and because it's important to get help before an eating disorder starts to affect a young person's physical development.

If you do not think the GP is taking enough action, you can always ask the surgery to make you an appointment with a different doctor. You can also outline what the NICE guidelines say.

Depending on where you live, your child may be able to contact CAMHS or adult mental health services directly. You may also be able to refer them as their parent or carer. You can find this information online, or ask your GP surgery how things work in your area.

3. Receiving specialist treatment

The type of support and treatment your child has will depend on the type of eating disorder they have been diagnosed with. It may include:

family therapy

individual therapy developed specifically for eating disorders

group therapy developed specially for eating disorders

Your child's physical health may also be monitored during and after treatment.

Your child may receive treatment locally while they're at home. Or, if their symptoms are more serious, they may go into hospital to get treatment and support.

If you are worried about your child's physical health or they become very unwell, for example if they are experiencing chest pains or feeling faint, they need to see a doctor straightaway.

Take them straight to A&E or call 999 for an ambulance.

You can also call 111 if you're concerned but they do not need to be seen immediately.

If your child needs urgent mental health support, for example if you are worried that they are feeling suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis, you can find advice on our urgent help page.

Educate yourself around eating disorders, this will enable you to give your child the best possible support. Charities such as Beat offer peer support and online development for carers on similar journeys to those you are facing.

How can I support my child?

Getting professional advice as early as you can is one of the most important things you can do to support your child. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that need specialist treatment - and the earlier your child gets support, the easier it will be for them to change their thinking and behaviour.

Alongside getting professional help, there are also things you can do to support your child at home.

Beat have a really useful resource to help you start a conversation if you're worried about your child.

Young people who have been through this say it helps when parents:

show they are able to talk about it and do not shy away from the issue

remember that this might be a difficult conversation for their child to have

are open minded and focus on finding out what it's like for their child

avoid making assumptions about why their child is behaving in this way

address what they want to talk about directly and use 'I' statements - for example, you could say, 'I've noticed that ...', or 'I'm really concerned because ...', and then ask, 'can we have a chat about it?'

You can find some simple tips on things you can do to help your child to feel understood in our blog on how to really listen to your child.

It's completely understandable if things feel all-consuming at times. But try to keep your focus on the person your child is, rather than just seeing the eating disorder. Talk about other things and spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy. Keep normal routines and family life going as much as possible. This might feel hard sometimes, but young people who have been through this say just how important it is.

Certain points of the day, such as meal times, might feel really challenging. This is understandable, but if things feel tense, it can be more anxiety-provoking for your child.

It can help to:

give yourself permission to step away for a moment if you feel yourself becoming stressed, and come back when you're calmer

think about activities you could do during meals, such as playing a game together or watching TV, which can help to take the pressure off everyone

avoid having serious conversations during mealtimes or other family activities, so that your child can enjoy the social time too

There are stories of recovery on social media that can be positive for young people to see. But some social media content promotes disordered eating and can be damaging for young people with eating problems. This is often called 'pro-anorexia' (or 'pro-ana') and 'pro-bulimia' (or 'pro-mia') content. Social media will also advertise things like weight loss programmes that can be harmful to see.

Talk to your child about what they're seeing online, and about how they can make sure it's having a positive influence on them. Your child can use our advice on creating a positive social media community in our young person's guide to social media and mental health. Or they could try finding an online community at Beat (their online chat spaces are fully moderated).

It's really important that young people feel able to socialise with friends and family. But it can be difficult when social events often revolve around food. Think together about events such as big family meals or trips with friends ahead of time.

Young people who have been through this say it can be helpful to:

decide what they are going to eat beforehand, for example if they are going to a restaurant with friends

plan in downtime around social events to help them cope with stress

have a back-up plan if things feel too difficult - for example, eating in a separate room just with you if eating with everyone together is too much

allow themselves to enjoy the event and socialise too, without the occasion being all about what they're eating

When things feel tough, remind yourself that your child is not choosing to do this and cannot simply decide to stop. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions and it does take time for things to get better. Try not to take their behaviour personally and remember to see yourselves as a team working together.

It is essential that the carer takes good care of their own mental health, and that other family members do too. Reach out to friends and family members who are willing to listen and to offer support.

Looking after yourself

This can be an incredibly tough, or in some cases traumatic, thing for parents and carers to go through. You may be feeling really worried about your child's mental and physical health. When the situation is very serious, some parents tell us they feel like they're firefighting all the time. This is exhausting, and can start to affect your wellbeing too.

Our tips can help you to look after yourself during this time as well your child.

Alongside looking after yourself, it's also important to think about how your other children might be affected by the situation. Remember to check-in with them about how they're doing, and to make space for quality time together.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

You may also find helpful...

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with an eating disorder. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Eating Disorders and Problems | Parent Guide

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If you're worried your child has an eating disorder or problem, read our tips and advice on how to find professional help and how to support them at home.

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A guide for how to claim for disability discrimination: SEND4

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A guide for how to claim for disability discrimination: SEND4

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A guide for how to claim for disability discrimination: SEND4

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This guide gives information about disability discrimination claims against a school. It includes practical guidance about common complaints.

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Learn how to navigate the SEND Tribunal process with clarity and confidence. The SEND Advocacy Academy’s step-by-step course shows parents and carers how to prepare and present an EHC Plan appeal—calmly, clearly, and effectively.

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DofE basics - The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award

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Find out what’s involved in doing a DofE programme, from Award levels, costs and timings to why you should do your DofE.

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DofE basics - The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award

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Find out what’s involved in doing a DofE programme, from Award levels, costs and timings to why you should do your DofE.

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Online, skills based cookery courses for students working towards their Bronze, Silver and Gold DofE Award

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National Guidance for Educational Psychologists Supporting School Attendance

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National Guidance for Educational Psychologists Supporting School Attendance

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Growing up in the online world: a national consultation

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Growing up in the online world: a national consultation

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Department for Science, Innovation and Technology

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Growing up in the online world: a national consultation

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We are consulting on further measures to prepare children for the future in an age of rapid technological change. This includes potential age restrictions on social media and other services such as gaming sites and AI chatbots, restrictions on addictive design features and risky functionalities, and better support for parents and families.

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance A Psychological Position Paper by Nicola Middlehurst FMBPsS - Simplified Support

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance A Psychological Position Paper by Nicola Middlehurst FMBPsS - Simplified Support

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Simplified Support - EHCP Applications Made Simple

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Emotionally Based School Avoidance A Psychological Position Paper by Nicola Middlehurst FMBPsS - Simplified Support

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EHCP Applications Made Simple Simplified Support is a UK-based SEND and EHCP consultancy founded by Jessica Buckle (MABP) and Nicola Middlehurst (MBPsS). We help families, carers, and professionals navigate the Education, Health and Care Plan process with clarity, compassion, and legal accuracy. Combining lived experience with professional expertise in psychology and advocacy, our mission is to make the SEND system simpler, fairer, and more accessible for every child.

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Why your School Needs a Robust First Aid Response in Place | School Procurement | The Headteacher

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Why your School Needs a Robust First Aid Response in Place | School Procurement | The Headteacher

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Why your School Needs a Robust First Aid Response in Place | School Procurement | The Headteacher

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Each year, around 2 million children are admitted to A&E due to an accident.

Accidental injury is one of the biggest single causes of death in the UK for children over the age of one, and while most of these accidents will happen at home, many occur at school – which is why it’s vital that staff are able to identify, prevent and treat such accidents.

Under the current regulations set out by the Health and Safety Executive, all employers must ensure that there’s adequate and appropriate equipment and facilities for providing first aid within the workplace.

In schools, there must be access to suitably stocked first aid kits at appropriate locations throughout the setting and when off site.

They must also put in place someone trained to provide first aid both on and off site (while ensuring there’s cover in the event of their sickness or absence) plus an appointed person, and provide clear information on the school’s first aid arrangements for its employees.

It’s the headteacher’s responsibility to ensure that these statutory requirements are met and that appropriate first aid training is provided.

This training should be enough to ensure that staff are competent, have confidence in their ability to support pupils with medical conditions and can fulfil the requirements set out in individual healthcare plans.

However, staff must never give prescription medicines or undertake healthcare procedures without appropriate training (which may need to be updated to reflect changes to individual healthcare plans).

Beyond this, it’s good practice to upskill all staff in basic first aid for common injuries and illnesses encountered in school, thus reducing the reliance on designated first aiders and potential delays.

Unless first aid cover forms part of an employee’s contract of employment with their school, those individuals who agree to become first aiders do so on a voluntary basis and must complete an HSE-approved training course.

Required knowledge

A one-day Level 3 Emergency First Aid at Work (EFAW) course for schools will comply with the HSE’s requirement that in a low risk school setting there be a first aider responsible for every 50 employees (though pupils and other staff are excluded from these numbers).

Ideally, a one-day EFAW course for schools should cover heart attacks, head and spinal injuries, allergic reactions and asthma attacks, in a manner applicable to both adults and children.

The main duties of first aiders in schools are to give assistance to casualties affected by injuries or illness, make the decision to call an ambulance if appropriate and refer to other medical professionals. Needless to say, your first aiders must be able to attend immediately in the event of an emergency.

An appointed person, on the other hand, takes charge when someone is injured or becomes ill, maintains first aid equipment (such as restocking first aid kits) and guides ambulance crews and other medical professionals to the location of the casualty.

An appointed person won’t need to complete training that complies with HSE regulations – a short practical or online course will suffice – which is why it’s important to note that appointed persons are not first aiders. They shouldn’t provide first aid treatment for which they haven’t been trained.

That said, it’s important that all staff (including lunchtime supervisors) are trained in recognising and giving immediate care to someone who is choking or experiencing an anaphylactic reaction. Emergency asthma inhalers have been widely available in schools for some time; staff should be able to spot when someone is experiencing an asthma attack and calmly manage the situation, referring as necessary.

As of October this year the same now applies to emergency adrenaline autoinjectors, which schools can obtain from a pharmacist for emergency use on children known to have a history of anaphylaxis. As such, all staff ought to be trained in the immediate recognition and treatment of acute allergic reaction and anaphylactic shock.

Environmental concerns

When undertaking risk assessments and assessing their first aid needs, schools ought to consider their size, location and any issues that might arise from the premises occupying split sites or multiple levels. If there’s more than one entrance to the school, emergency services should be given clear instructions as to where or to whom they should report.

Attention should also be paid as to whether there are any specific hazards or risks on site, which might include hazardous substances, dangerous tools and machinery.

Temporary hazards – building or maintenance work, for example – should also be noted and suitable short-term measures put in place. Pay attention also to whether there are any staff or pupils with special health needs or disabilities.

Schools should base their first aid provision on the result of their risk assessment and ensure that there’s adequate first aid cover during breaktimes and lunchtimes.

As well as encouraging lunchtime supervisors to have first aid training, it’s good practice to extend this to any agreements you might have with external contractors (providers of school meals, for example) by ensuring that they provide first aid training for their employees.

Emma Hammett is a registered general nurse and the founder/CEO of the first aid training provider First Aid for Life; for more information, visit firstaidforlife.org.uk or follow @firstaidforlife

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The best strategies to cope with bullying | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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The best strategies to cope with bullying | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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The best strategies to cope with bullying | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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If you want to improve your understanding of school bullying and resources to tackle it, the best places to start is with the pupils in your school.

By engaging in structured and meaningful dialogue with pupils about their experiences of bullying and their ideas for how bullying should be resolved you will become more equipped to handle it.

Your colleagues and pupils’ parents also contain a wealth of information to help you address bullying. In my book ‘The Teacher’s Guide to Resolving Bullying: Evidence-Based Strategies and Pupil-Led Interventions’ I have used my research to create anti-bullying strategies tailored to pupil’s specific experiences of bullying for teachers to adopt. These approaches are likely to be more useful than adult-led approaches which children might not actively participate in or engage with. Here is how you can devise pupil-led anti-bullying interventions which are evidence-based.

A pupil-led framework

Firstly, observe how pupils interact with each other and school staff in class and in the playground. Whilst observing pupils consider when their interactions might constitute bullying. Observations can help you investigate children’s behaviour and generate relevant questions to ask pupils about their experiences of school and bullying. Ask pupils in small groups (of about five) about how pupils experience bullying, how school bullying is dealt with and how bullying should be dealt with.

To further enhance your knowledge, speak to colleagues and pupils’ parents about how pupils experience bullying. From this you can interview pupils, school staff and even parents about how to develop strategies to help deal with bullying amongst pupils. You can then work with pupils, colleagues and parents to implement anti-bullying strategies. This might involve facilitating pupil-led anti-bullying assemblies, reviewing and updating policies about bullying and behaviour, and establishing a support group for pupils who are bothered by bullying who want to join a mutually supportive group who they work with to address bullying.

After the anti-bullying strategies have been implemented it would be helpful to interview pupils, parents and teachers to evaluate and further develop them. Observations of pupils can be an additional tool to investigate whether there are improvements in how pupils interact with each other and school staff, and where improvements have been made.

Establish an anti-bullying advisory group

Establish an anti-bullying advisory group to help your school stay up to date with pupil’s experiences of bullying and develop bespoke strategies to deal with these experiences. An anti-bullying advisory group could consist of pupils, parents and teachers who meet regularly to discuss how pupils are experiencing bullying, and design and implement strategies to resolve this.

In the anti-bullying advisory group, particularly complex cases of bullying could be discussed so the group can work together to decide on what would be the most appropriate strategies. The anti-bullying advisory group could feed its recommendations into senior management. If your school is reluctant to establish an anti-bullying advisory group then bullying could feature as an ongoing theme to be discussed in staff meetings about pupils, and included on every agenda on the school council.

Connecting with Pupils

Provide children with diaries to write in regularly about their interactions with other pupils and school staff, and even their home life if they feel it is appropriate. Diaries can provide in-depth insight into children’s lives and what is important to them. You can learn about children’s personal experiences of bullying, how they are interpreting these experiences and the impact these experiences are having on children. Reading children’s diaries can also help you evaluate if children are changing their thoughts and behaviour throughout an intervention, and, if so, where the changes are taking place.

Walking interviews involve walking with pupils while interviewing them and can be used to investigate bullying. Some of the interventions that you implement can also involve walking, such as a walking support group. Walking interviews and interventions might make pupils feel more in control of the process than in traditional interviews and classroom activities. This might increase their engagement in the topics being discussed.

You might wish to walk with pupils to places which elicit certain feelings such as the playground or an isolation unit. Walking strategies can help to increase the participation of pupils and could be more inclusive than traditional interviews for certain pupils with special educational needs. A child with ADHD might particularly appreciate the activity that walking can bring as opposed to being sat down and feeling entrapped. Walking with pupils in the fresh air, and if possible, being surrounded by nature might help you connect with pupils more so that you can gain in-depth insight into their experiences and perceptions.

A system of dialogue

For schools to deal effectively with bullying, it is vital that school staff having dialogue with pupils is embedded into school policies and practices so that pupils can exercise their voice effectively. This can be partly achieved by developing a mentoring programme for pupils who persistently engage in bullying to learn how to behave more respectfully. One of the main reasons that children engage in bullying is to be popular amongst their peers and exercise social power over them.

By listening to pupils and ensuring their voice is heard, pupils are likely to feel empowered which can prevent them from exercising power through destructive means.

A mentoring programme can be facilitated by an educator who focuses on finding out why mentees are engaging in bullying and develops strategies to address the underlying reasons behind the bullying. Mentoring can be provided on a one-to-one with pupils and/or with pupils in small groups. From having regular dialogue with mentees generic recommendations about how to improve school policy and practices in behaviour management and tackling bullying might emerge.

Pupil-led strategies which support children to deal effectively with bullying focus on enhancing pupils’ personal development which has recently been included in the Ofsted School Inspection Handbook (2019). These strategies are likely to develop pupils’ character, confidence and resilience so they learn how to keep themselves mentally healthy, and flourish in school and society.

How to tackle bullying

Change takes time and pupils might improve but then relapse. It is helpful to see the anti-bullying work as a constantly evolving and reflective process.

Find out if children want to change. It is difficult to help children if they do not want to improve. However, if children are upset because they are constantly getting into trouble then ask them if they would like you to help them get along with their peers and/or teachers better.

Replace bullying with something positive. Children might be frightened of losing respect from their ‘mates’ if they stop bullying. To replace this, help pupils use their power positively, for example, by including ostracised pupils in their games.

Establish a supportive network. Find out who the pupils, colleagues and parents are who want to work with you to tackle bullying. If you are a member of a union they might be interested in supporting you to tackle bullying.

Dr Elizabeth Nassem is a lecturer in Special Educational Needs, Disabilities and Mental Health at Leeds Trinity University. Elizabeth has developed interventions to resolve school bullying based on her doctoral and post-doctoral research, including tailoring strategies to the specific experiences that children have. If you would like to contact Elizabeth, her email address is e.nassem@leedstrinity.ac.uk.

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Healthy friendships – How to promote them in school | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Healthy friendships – How to promote them in school | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Healthy friendships – How to promote them in school | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Healthy friendships give children a sense of belonging and help them to build self-esteem. They are also critical to success in their social and working lives.

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Flexi schooling – Is this the future of education? | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Flexi schooling – Is this the future of education? | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Flexi schooling – Is this the future of education? | Attainment and Assessment | The Headteacher

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Society has changed dramatically, and our education system needs to do the same. The present set-up was devised to meet different times.

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Cognitive therapy
Cognitive therapy is based on the theory that your previous experiences can damage your perception of yourself, which can affect your attitudes, emotions and your ability to deal with certain situations. It can help you to identify, question and change poor mental images of yourself, so guiding you away from negative responses and behaviour. It can help pessimistic or depressed people to view things from a more optimistic perspective.

Creative therapy
Creative therapy includes a wide range of techniques which can help you find a way of expressing yourself beyond words or traditional talking therapies. It can include visual arts therapy, writing, sand play, dance movement therapy, drama therapy and music therapy. Therapists may use different approaches at different times to suit the needs of the client.

Creative therapists are psychological therapists who have arts-based experience and training in psychological interventions using drama, music or art to help clients communicate feelings and emotions. They are regulated under the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC).

E

Eclectic counselling
An eclectic counsellor will use a range of different theories, methods and practices according to an individual client's needs. This is based on their belief that no particular theoretical approach works better than all others for a specific problem.

Emotionally focused therapy
Emotionally focused therapy is an approach for working with couples, families and individuals that helps to create and reinforce secure, resilient relationships. Therapists will help you understand your own and others' emotions, address any insecurities and conflicts, and learn to interact in a more responsive and emotionally-connected way.

Existential therapy
Existential psychotherapy explores the inner conflict and anxiety people may experience when confronted with life's ultimate concerns, such as the inevitability of death, freedom and its responsibilities, isolation and meaninglessness.

Existentialists believe that life has no essential (given) meaning and that you have to make your own sense of the world. Counsellors can help you confront your anxieties and negative thoughts, enabling you to make decisions about how to live life and deal with life problems in your own way.

Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR was developed to resolve symptoms resulting from disturbing and traumatic life experiences. It is particularly used in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder.

EMDR is thought to imitate the psychological state that we enter when in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. Studies show that when in REM sleep we are able to make new associations between things very rapidly. EMDR is designed to tap into this high-speed processing mode that we all have, helping the brain to process the unresolved memories and make them less distressing.

F

Family therapy
This type of therapy looks at a family system, and the relationships between people, rather than the individuals. It allows family members to express and explore difficult thoughts and emotions safely, helping them understand each other's experiences and views, appreciate each other's needs and build on their strengths. It can help with many issues that affect the family unit, helping people make useful changes in their relationships and their lives.

G

Gestalt therapy
The name Gestalt is derived from the German for 'whole' or 'pattern'. It looks at the individual as a whole, and within their surroundings, rather than breaking things into parts. Practitioners help you to focus on the here and now and your immediate thoughts, feelings and behaviour to better understand how you relate to others and to situations. This can help you find a new, positive perspective on problems and bring about changes in your life.

Gestalt therapy often includes acting out scenarios and dream recall, and is effective in treating issues such as anxiety, stress, addiction, tension and depression.

H

Humanistic therapy
This approach focuses on the individual as a whole. It encourages people to think about their feelings and take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. The emphasis is on self-development and achieving your highest potential rather than on problematic behaviour. Gestalt therapy, person-centred therapy, transactional analysis and transpersonal therapy are all humanistic approaches.

I

Integrative counselling
Integrative counselling looks at the whole person, taking into account your mental, physical and emotional needs. Your therapist will use techniques and tools from different modalities to tailor an individual approach for you.

An integrative counsellor aims to build a trusting and non-judgmental relationship that helps you develop self-awareness. When you understand the causes of your concerns or triggers for your behaviour, you can confidently set goals and develop new behaviours to improve your satisfaction with life.

Interpersonal therapy
Interpersonal therapy (IPT) is a structured, time-limited approach focused on relationships. It can be useful for clients with depression and mood disorders, particularly around bereavement, conflict and life changes. The IPT therapist will help you identify any patterns or problems in your relationships with other people so you can work out strategies for coping with these.

J

Jungian therapy
Also called analytical psychology, this is a psychoanalytic approach developed by Carl Jung. It aims to bring the conscious and unconscious into balance to help individuals become more balanced and whole. It looks at both the personal unconscious and the collective human unconscious, and can involve dream analysis, word associations and creative activities.

Jungian therapy can be of benefit for a wide range of personal, emotional and behavioural issues. It can give you a better understanding of yourself and help you develop the skills and behaviours to manage your difficulties more effectively.

N

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)
NLP combines cognitive behavioural and humanistic therapies with hypnotherapy. It works on the theory that life experiences, from birth onwards, programme the way you see the world. Practitioners help you to discover how you have learnt to think or feel so that you can take control of your actions. They will also look at your successes, so you can use these to develop further successful skills and behaviours.

NLP is generally used as an additional way of working with other types of therapy rather than on its own.

P

Person-centred therapy

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Cognitive therapy Cognitive therapy is based on the theory that your previous experiences can damage your perception of yourself, which can affect your attitudes, emotions and your ability to deal with certain situations. It can help you to identify, question and change poor mental images of yourself, so guiding you away from negative responses and behaviour.

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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This Teen Anxiety Chat Cards pack is a carefully designed resource to support teenagers in exploring anxiety

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Resources for Emotional Literacy Support Assistants - ELSA Support

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Resources for Emotional Literacy Support Assistants - ELSA Support

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About Debbie

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Browse Resources

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Join our supportive and amazing community.

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Welcome to ELSA Support

Welcome to ELSA Support. We provide downloadable resources which are ready to print and use.

Schools are welcome to order from the website. Please read the section on 'Purchase Orders'

There is also a newsletter facility where you can subscribe with your email address to a regular newsletter from the site.

Free resources are important to us and we create a free resource every Friday so make sure you check the site or follow us on Facebook or Instagram

When you first order from ELSA support you will automatically become a member of this site but you can also join our lovely community of supportive and caring professionals on Facebook.

Ordering is simple and you will receive links to download and save your resources. Please check out the Help section if you need some support.
Together we can make a difference!

Featured Resources for April

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Resources for Emotional Literacy Support Assistants - ELSA Support

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About Debbie Find out a little about me! Learn more Browse Resources Fabulous resources ready to print and use. Browse Join our Community Join our supportive and amazing community. Get involved Welcome to ELSA Support Welcome to ELSA Support. We provide downloadable resources which are ready to print and use.

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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Teen Anxiety Chat Cards - Item 764 - Elsa Support

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This Teen Anxiety Chat Cards pack is a carefully designed resource to support teenagers in exploring anxiety

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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I can’t think how many times I’ve heard variants of a sentence - certainly it’s more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes - usually from let’s say, “less than enlightened” figures in education.

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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I can’t think how many times I’ve heard variants of a sentence - certainly it’s more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes - usually from let’s say, “less than enlightened” figures in education.

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

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The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Law Is Not Optional - Why the Equality Act 2010 Trumps Your Behaviour Policy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
I can’t think how many times I’ve heard variants of a sentence - certainly it’s more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes - usually from let’s say, “less than enlightened” figures in education.

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Arrangements for exams and assessments

Your school or college enters you for the exams and assessments for the qualifications you are taking.

If you are unsure about any aspects of the exams or assessments you are entered for, you should speak to your school or college.

If you are a private candidate (so you do not go to school or college), you will need to register, as soon as possible, at a school or college or other exam centre to sit your exams.

If you are looking for somewhere to take your GCSE, AS and A level exams, you or your parents or carers can contact any school, college or other exam centre to ask whether they offer entries for private candidates. Not all schools and colleges accept entries for private candidates.

If you need Reasonable Adjustments or access arrangements for your exams you will need to discuss this with your chosen school, college or the exam centre as early as possible - for example, when you ask them to make your exam entry. JCQ has produced a guide to access arrangements for school and colleges accepting private candidates that you may find helpful.

For GCSE, AS and A level exams, JCQ has a list of schools and colleges that accept exam entries for private candidates. This list is updated at the end of each calendar year.

If you are a private candidate studying for a VTQ, you should contact your awarding organisation to understand your options for assessment.

When are my exams?

GCSE, AS and A level exams will be held between 7 May and 23 June 2026. You must be available for the whole of the exam period. Key dates for the 2026 summer exam series of GCSEs, AS and A levels are available on the Joint Council for Qualifications website.

The exam timetable contains a contingency day on 24 June 2026. You must be available at this time. This session would be used in the unlikely event that an exam had to be moved nationally because it could not take place when planned. This session cannot be used to reschedule an exam that you have missed. If an exam must be moved to this session, your school or college will tell you.

In GCSE English language and GCSE mathematics, exams are also available in November, but only for students who are aged 16 or above on 31 August of that year.

Key dates for the 2026 November exam series of GCSEs will be available on the JCQ website.

VTQ exams and assessments

Assessment dates for vocational and technical qualifications (VTQs) and T Levels vary depending on the qualification, with assessments throughout the year. Dates will be available on awarding organisations' websites. Your school or college will tell you when your exams or assessments are scheduled.

Your school or college will give you your individual timetable for exams and assessments. You should check this carefully so that you don't miss an exam or assessment. If you think there are mistakes in your timetable or if you are not sure about the timing of any exams or assessments, check with your school or college.

For many qualifications, including GCSE, AS and A levels, there will not be another opportunity to sit the exam or assessment until the following year. So, if you miss the exam because, for example, you forget about it, you will not receive any marks from it and will not be able to take it on a different day.

For some VTQs, if you miss an assessment, it may be possible to take the assessment at a later point in the year. Your school or college will be able to advise you.

If you have missed an exam or assessment, you should speak to your school or college as soon as possible.

What happens if exams can't go ahead nationally?

It is very unlikely that formal exams and assessments would be cancelled but, just in case something does happen, there are resilience arrangements in place for GCSE, AS and A levels, Project Qualifications and Advanced Extension Awards.

Ofqual has asked schools and colleges to gather evidence of your work during the year that could be used to determine grades for GCSE, AS and A levels, project qualifications and advanced extension awards. This evidence would be used in the unlikely event that national exams and assessments could not go ahead as planned. Schools and colleges have been told that this evidence should come from assessments that students normally take, for example, mock exams. Your teachers should tell you when you are taking assessments that could be used as evidence, but you should just approach those assessments as you normally would.

For qualifications used alongside or instead of GCSEs, AS and A levels, Ofqual has asked awarding organisations to decide if schools and colleges need to gather evidence that could be used to determine grades. Many VTQs are modular and often have a high proportion of non-exam (internal) assessment. This means that evidence will already be generated during your course of study and so no additional evidence is needed.

For other qualifications, including those assessed mainly through exams (such as T Levels), awarding organisations may decide that evidence needs to be collected. If this is the case, awarding organisations will provide guidance to your school or college. As with GCSEs, AS and A levels, your teachers should tell you when you are taking assessments that could be used as evidence.

Students should expect that exams and assessments will go ahead. Further information will be provided to schools and colleges in the unlikely event that exams could not go ahead as planned.

If you are a private candidate and have already registered to take your exams at a school or college, you might want that school or college to assess you during the academic year, alongside their students, in line with the published resilience guidance. The school or college may agree to do so, although they would need to make sure the assessments only cover content that you had studied.

If the government considered that national exams could not take place, the Department for Education would explore ways to encourage schools and colleges to work with private candidates.

What is the difference between a foundation and higher paper?

Some GCSE subjects have 2 tiers of entry - foundation and higher. The subjects with tiers of entry are:

maths

combined science

physics

chemistry

biology

statistics

modern foreign languages

Your school or college decides whether to enter you for foundation or higher tier.

If you are a private candidate, please discuss which tier you wish to be entered for with the school or college that you have registered with.

Foundation tier: students may be awarded grades 5 to 1 (5-5 to 1-1 in combined science).

Higher tier: students may be awarded grades 9 to 4 (9-9 to 4-4 in combined science). Students who just miss a grade 4 (4-4 for combined science) may be awarded a grade 3 (4-3 for combined science).

If you do not get enough marks to get a grade, you will receive a 'U'.

Before your exams you should make sure you know which tier you are taking so that you can prepare for, and take, the correct exam paper.

Support materials for GCSE mathematics, physics and combined science

In 2024, the Department for Education (DfE) confirmed that students taking exams in 2026 and 2027 will not be expected to memorise all the usual formulae and equations for GCSE mathematics, physics and combined science.

You will be provided with support materials in the form of formulae and equation sheets for these exams in 2026, like students were in 2025. An extra formulae sheet will be provided for the Level 3 free-standing mathematics qualification.

The support materials will set out the formulae and equations that students must memorise in a normal year, as set out in the DfE's subject content.

What is an access arrangement?

Access arrangements is a term often used to describe changes made to an assessment, or to the way the assessment is taken, that allow students with specific needs, such as disabilities, special educational needs or temporary injury or illness, to access the assessment without changing the demands of the assessment.

Access arrangements provided for disabled students, to address the disadvantage caused by their disability, are Reasonable Adjustments. Disabled students are entitled to Reasonable Adjustments under the Equality Act 2010. Reasonable Adjustments seek to enable disabled students to show their knowledge, skills and understanding in assessments. The exam or assessment must still test the same knowledge, skills and understanding for that qualification.

Awarding organisations may also provide access arrangements where a student experiences a temporary illness or injury, or some other event outside of their control at the time of the assessment. This type of access arrangement is provided as Special Consideration. There are other forms of Special Consideration - see the section in 'What you should know during your exams and assessments'.

What type of access arrangements (including Reasonable Adjustments) are available?

Awarding organisations can make a wide range of adjustments to their exams or assessments. Some of the most common access arrangements are:

changes to exam papers, for example, large print or Braille

help with specific tasks, for example, another person might read questions to you or write your dictated answers

extra time or supervised rest breaks to complete assessments

changes to how the assessment is completed, for example, word-processing rather than handwriting answers

Different access arrangements are available depending on the needs of individual students. If you think you need an access arrangement, it is important that you speak to your school or college as soon as possible.

Your school or college will have someone who organises these arrangements - a special educational needs and disabilities co-ordinator (SENDCo) in schools, and a named person in colleges. They can give you more information about access arrangements and Reasonable Adjustments and whether they apply to you.

Where, in exceptional circumstances, your school or college cannot make suitable access arrangements or Reasonable Adjustments so that you can take your examinations, the awarding organisation may be able to consider alternative assessment arrangements. You should speak to your school or college as soon as possible so they can discuss your individual circumstances with the relevant awarding organisation. Only the relevant awarding organisation can decide whether to consider alternative assessment arrangements based on individual student circumstances.

You can find more information about access arrangements and Reasonable Adjustments for GCSEs, AS, A levels and some VTQs in this JCQ guidance.

Awarding organisations offering other VTQs and T Levels provide information about Reasonable Adjustments and access arrangements on their websites.

If you are a private candidate, please be aware that JCQ publishes guidance on access arrangements for schools and colleges accepting private candidates.

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Your school or college enters you for the exams and assessments for the qualifications you are taking. If you are unsure about any aspects of the exams or assessments you are entered for, you should speak to your school or college.

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Exam Access Arrangements for GCSEs and A-levels: FAQs

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Exam Access Arrangements for GCSEs and A-levels: FAQs

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Exam Access Arrangements for GCSEs and A-levels: FAQs

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Drawing and Talking has proved invaluable with secondary aged students who find it difficult to talk about their emotions.

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EMOCO: Creating a culture of wellbeing in schools

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EMOCO: Creating a culture of wellbeing in schools

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Right now, across the education system, people aren’t thriving. Research suggests that subjective wellbeing and satisfaction with school is low amongst young people, and that they often cite the education system as one of the primary determinants adversley affecting their mental health.

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Enemy Of Boredom Academy - Alternative provision in Berkshire, Hertfordshire and Online

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Enemy Of Boredom Academy - Alternative provision in Berkshire, Hertfordshire and Online

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Functional Skills | Courses, Past Papers & Exams

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Functional Skills | Courses, Past Papers & Exams

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Powering parent participation at UK schools to raise attendance, attainment and wellbeing for children by bringing schools and homes closer together.

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Autistic Burnout - How to recognise it and Understand it

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Autistic Burnout - How to recognise it and Understand it

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To help us keep this website secure, please wait while we verify you’re not a robot! It will only take a few seconds…

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NHS Guidance for EHCP’s – What is a Functional Behaviour Assessment?

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NHS Guidance for EHCP’s – What is a Functional Behaviour Assessment?

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NHS Guidance for EHCP’s – What is a Functional Behaviour Assessment? - Redstone PBS

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Guidance from NHS England indicates that young people at risk of presenting with behaviours that challenge should have a functional behaviour assessment.

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PWFL provides innovative tools for children and young people to make informed choices and lead fulfilled lives through game-based learning.

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PWFL provides innovative tools for children and young people to make informed choices and lead fulfilled lives through game-based learning.

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Landmark Court of Appeal case secures special educational needs rights for disadvantaged children - Matrix Chambers

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Landmark Court of Appeal case secures special educational needs rights for disadvantaged children - Matrix Chambers

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Hampshire County Council v GC [2026] EWCA Civ 20
The Court of Appeal today handed down judgment in a test case which significantly strengthens the rights of children with special educational needs (SEN) and their parents. It will affect thousands of children and hundreds of local authorities. Tom Gillie and Roisin Swords-Kieley represented the successful parents in the Court of Appeal.

The mother of the child said: " It's been a huge journey and has been testing at times but what has kept us going is that this will have huge implications not only for SEND military families but also for foster children and wider SEND families generally. We are so thrilled with the outcome and as SEND parents we've had to fight continuously. Hopefully this will help other families by making the process slightly easier for them and ensuring that they don't have to go through the same hardship we have."
Facts
Addressing the Court of Appeal on behalf of the parents, Tom Gillie made clear: "Local authorities have the power to make decisions which have life-long consequences for disadvantaged children with disabilities and additional needs and their families. There is therefore a substantial inequality of power between children with SEN and their families on one hand, and, on the other, local authorities."

Hampshire County Council is home to the Royal Navy, Army and the RAF and many armed service personnel live in its area. An Officer of the Royal Navy from Fareham has a child, T, with significant SEN. Hampshire maintained an Education and Health Care Plan (EHCP) for the child under which SEN provision was provided. The naval Officer was deployed by the Royal Navy abroad in the service of the nation. The deployment was temporary and his children and his wife accompanied him. The family rented out their house in the UK and were deployed to a British base. The Ministry of Defence facilitated SEN provision for T in a school abroad.

The council initially said it would freeze T's EHCP so that it remained in place and could be implemented on T's return to the UK, at the end of the deployment. But then, with no notice, and without any consultation whatsoever with the parents, the child or the school, the council decided to cease to maintain the EHCP, and therefore SEN provision for the child. The reason given was that the child had moved out of the local authority's area. Therefore, the council was no longer responsible for him because, for a council to be responsible for a child with SEN, section 24 of the Children and Families Act 2014 requires the child to be "in the local authority's area". Hampshire contended that this meant the child had to be physically present in the local authority's area. The council's actions were, in the words of the Court of Appeal, a "wholesale and egregious" breach of its duties.

T's parents brought an Appeal of Hampshire's decision in the First Tier Tribunal. The parents said that they were being disadvantaged by the father's military service for the country. The Tribunal decided that Hampshire remained responsible for the child despite his temporary absence abroad. Further, the council had failed to consult with the parents and the school before deciding to withdraw (or cease) the EHCP and SEN support. That was a breach of the mandatory legislative requirements of the Special Educational Needs and Disability Regulations 2014. For those reasons, the council was barred from ceasing to maintain T's EHCP, and the SEN provision which went with it.
Court of Appeal decision
The council appealed to the Upper Tribunal and then to the Court of Appeal.

The appeal was heard before Lord Justice Bean, Lady Justice King and Lord Justice Stuart-Smith.

The Court unanimously ruled that:

"There is a fundamental and frightening inequality of power" between children with SEN and their parents on one hand and local authorities on the other; local councils have the power to take decisions that have lifelong consequences for children and their families. "Consultation with the child or young person, the child's parents and the child's school is of fundamental importance to the fair and proper operation of the SEN system".

Local authorities are responsible for children with SEN who are not merely present in their area, but who are "ordinarily resident" in their area. This means that children who are temporarily absent abroad or in a different part of the UK, even for lengthy periods of months or years, will nevertheless retain their rights to an EHCP maintained by the local authority where they ordinarily reside. This is particularly important for children in care, the children of armed forces personnel and the children of separated or divorced parents.

The fact that the local authority may not be able to implement and provide the SEN provision set out in an EHCP while a child is out of the area is no excuse for ceasing to maintain an EHCP. The Children and Families Act 2014 has two mechanisms which allow the local authority effectively to "pause" or to "freeze" the plan in those circumstances: either, by satisfying themselves that the parents of the child have organised suitable alternative SEN provision for the duration of the absence, or by reassessing the needs of the child for the period he or she is absent from home.

In this case, the local authority had committed "egregious and manifest breaches" of the procedural safeguards. More widely, a local authority's decision to cease to maintain an EHCP will be liable to be held invalid and set aside by a Tribunal if it the council takes the decision without following the procedural requirements in Regulation 31 of the Special Educational Needs and Disability Regulations 2014, which include duties to consult with the parents and the school, and to provide the parents with information about how to challenge the local authority's decision (among other duties). Further, any of the following decisions of local councils, if taken in breach of the mandatory regulations which govern them, including consultation, will be liable to be held invalid and set aside:

Impact on parents and local authorities

a decision not to secure an EHC needs assessment, or a needs re-assessment for the child or young person;

a decision that it is not necessary for special educational provision to be made for the child or young person in accordance with an EHCP;

where an EHCP is maintained for the child or young person, decisions about

the child's or young person's special educational needs as specified in the plan;

the special educational provision specified in the plan;

the school or other institution named in the plan, or the type of school or other institution specified in the plan;

a decision of a local authority not to secure the amendment or replacement of an EHCP it maintains for the child or young person following a review or re-assessment.

The Court of Appeal's judgment will have significant consequences. It broadens the category of SEN children for whom local authorities are responsible and gives teeth to the procedural safeguards designed to protect young people and parents.

It means that local authorities will now have to take much more care to actually comply with the mandatory procedural steps they are required to take when making important decisions to do with SEN provision. Local councils will need to make sure they have the staff and processes in place to consult properly with parents before taking decisions about their children. If councils do not, they may well find that their decisions are invalidated by a Tribunal.

Parents of SEN children are in a much stronger position than previously. They now have a clear and meaningful right to be consulted and to be listened to, and a tool to ensure that the local authority abides by the correct process when making decisions about them, and is held to account if it fails to do so.

Local authorities may no longer refuse to provide EHCPs to children who temporarily move to live elsewhere. Instead, local authorities remain responsible for maintaining EHCPs for children who ordinarily live in the local area and cannot assume that an absence is not temporary simply because it is not short-lived. This is particularly important for children in care who are put in short-term placements outside the local authority, the children of parents in military service who accompany their parents on deployment, and children of separated or divorced parents who split their time between each. In all cases, local authorities must maintain EHCPs unless it is clear that the child is not merely absent on a temporary basis.

Click here to read the full judgment.

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Landmark Court of Appeal case secures special educational needs rights for disadvantaged children - Matrix Chambers

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Hampshire County Council v GC [2026] EWCA Civ 20 The Court of Appeal today handed down judgment in a test case which significantly strengthens the rights of children with special educational needs (SEN) and their parents. It will affect thousands of children and hundreds of local authorities.

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The Pitfalls of not knowing your SEND Advocate

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The Pitfalls of not knowing your SEND Advocate

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Sarah

May 3, 2025

4 min read

Updated: Dec 28, 2025

Just IPSEA trained? Yes, this shows a commitment, but this training is available to anyone who wants to buy it - it doesn't provide experience or strategy, education or safeguarding training or depth of experience.

Why are we concerned? Surely we are busy enough and this could look like being anti any 'competition'?

Empowering Families of Children with SEND Ltd. VAT number: 473 8777 34

We are, and always will be, Stronger Together.

You can find testimonials to our bespoke services on our website and Facebook business page - here

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The Pitfalls of not knowing your SEND Advocate

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Advocacy is unregulated, so the support that you are paying for, or are considering paying for, must be from a reputable source.Identifying this is becoming increasingly difficult for parents.Just because someone has managed an appeal for their own child doesn't mean that they have the knowledge, background, training and experience to run an appeal for another.

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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Giving our children and young people opportunities to open up is one of the biggest things we can do as parents and carers to support their wellbeing. It can be easy to forget the simple power of sharing what we're going through and feeling heard. But even though you can't fix everything when your child is struggling, you can make them feel seen and understood - and this in itself can make them feel more able to cope.

Talking about how they are, how their day has been and what's on their mind as part of everyday family life shows your child that you're interested in them and want to listen. It also supports them to practise thinking and talking about their feelings, helping them to get to know themselves and what they need.

But talking isn't always easy. You might feel like you don't know where to start, when a 'good time' is, or how your young person will react. Or, you might be worried about making things worse or saying the wrong thing. If this is the case, try to remember that your child doesn't need you to always get it right - they just need to know you're there.

Here, you can find lots of ideas, conversation starters and advice for making talking easier.

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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Read our advice on how you can talk to your child about mental health and encourage them to talk about their feelings.

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Never At School - Six Years Old. Zero Days At School.

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Never At School - Six Years Old. Zero Days At School.

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From Anxiety and Avoidance to Brave Behaviour How Parents Can Make a Powerful Difference - Hey Sigmund

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From Anxiety and Avoidance to Brave Behaviour How Parents Can Make a Powerful Difference - Hey Sigmund

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From Anxiety and Avoidance to Brave Behaviour How Parents Can Make a Powerful Difference - Hey Sigmund

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Part of our role as parents is providing our children with the experiences that will help them discover their everyday magic – their courage, resilience, resourcefulness and other qualities that will move them towards growth. Sometimes though, anxiety will get in their way. Sometimes this will be fierce. Sometimes it will drive them to avoid... How Parents Can Make a Powerful Difference”>Read more »

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Burnout: Children aren’t avoiding life, but recovering from it.

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Burnout: Children aren’t avoiding life, but recovering from it.

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Burnout: Children aren’t avoiding life, but recovering from it.

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Scripts That Help at the School Gate - Pooky Knightsmith

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Scripts That Help at the School Gate - Pooky Knightsmith

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To help us keep this website secure, please wait while we verify you’re not a robot! It will only take a few seconds…

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We’ve put together these simple resources which we hope you’ll find helpful. There are specific resources for parents and carers, teachers, and adults in general, all designed to help build children up, not knock them down. We also have a guide for adults who have experienced childhood verbal abuse themselves. If you have any comments […]

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GROVE | Neurodivergent Mentoring & Education

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GROVE | Neurodivergent Mentoring & Education

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 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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🏫 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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Supporting Emotionally Based School Avoidance: A Step-by-Step Guide to Early Intervention and Reengagement

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 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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🏫 When Children Say “School’s Not for Me”

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Supporting Emotionally Based School Avoidance: A Step-by-Step Guide to Early Intervention and Reengagement

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The rise of flexi-school­ing ‘My daugh­ter does a four-day week’

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The rise of flexi-school­ing ‘My daugh­ter does a four-day week’

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PressReader.com - Digital Newspaper & Magazine Subscriptions

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Digital newsstand featuring 7000+ of the world’s most popular newspapers & magazines. Enjoy unlimited reading on up to 5 devices with 7-day free trial.

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Warwickshire County Council provide a range of public services across the Warwickshire area.

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Financial education is a vital life skill, yet one many of us miss out on. There are plenty of free financial education resources to help both children and adults.

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New year money: 26 tools and apps to help you sort your finances in 2026

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New year money: 26 tools and apps to help you sort your finances in 2026

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Money is central to many people's new year resolutions - whether it's trying to save more, organising what you have already, or improving your spending or saving habits.

The Guardian's journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more.

If you have promised to tackle your finances this year, there are lots of tools and apps that can help you achieve your goal. Here are 26 to help you in 2026.

Feeling brave? This AI-powered tool will tell you how old you look and how much people of the same age typically have saved in their pension - it could make you very happy, or be doubly troubling.

It looks at your face, guesses how old you are and shows you the average pension savings for people of that age. When one Guardian Money writer gave it a go, he was pleased to have his age estimated at 47 - a decade younger than his actual years. The app said He was told that the typical pension savings for a 47-year-old were worth £75,500, while for a 57-year-old the figure was £124,800. The Scottish Widows app will then let you use your own figures to show you how much you are on track to retire on and how to boost that. Rupert Jones

There are only a few weeks until the 31 January deadline to file self-assessment tax returns for the 2024-25 tax year, but millions of Britons still haven't done theirs. It won't take away all of the pain, but the HM Revenue and Customs app could help you get the job done faster. You can use it to access vital information, from your self-assessment tax reference number to details of your employment income. It has lots of other useful features - for example, you can set a reminder to make a self-assessment payment. HMRC's website has details of what you will need to access the app. RJ

This "100% independent" app helps you make healthier choices about where you spend your money. You scan the barcodes of food and cosmetic products and it gives each item a score based on nutritional quality or ingredient safety and, where possible, suggests healthier alternatives. The app is free to download but there is a paid-for version with extra features such as offline scanning and dietary preference alerts. Similar apps include Open Food Facts, which provides detailed nutrition and allergen data using a community-run database. Fooducate focuses more on nutrition education and diet tracking. Sarah Marsh

The charity Turn2us offers a free and confidential benefits calculator that helps you find out if you are entitled to any financial support. It asks questions about your income and savings, housing costs and household circumstances, then provides a tailored list of possible entitlements, along with links to the official sites where you can begin a claim. Turn2us also has a " grants search" tool where you can find out if you might be able to get financial help from a charity or organisation. These funds are sometimes available to people who have worked in certain occupations or have particular health conditions. RJ

This whizzy tool on the MoneySavingExpert website lets you enter how many premium bonds you have and a time frame, and it will predict your winnings. When we tried it, it said that with average luck someone with £5,000 of premium bonds (roughly the average holding) could expect to win roughly £775 over a five-year period. The odds in the calculator are based on the prize distribution for the most recent draw, which changes slightly each month, so the site says this should only be seen as "a very good estimate". You can compare your predicted returns with the interest you would earn on a savings account and with inflation and see if you are making the best of your savings - currently it shows taxpayers would be better off in a top-paying cash Isa. RJ

A total of £111m in premium bond prizes is sitting unclaimed, which means it is more than 18 months since the numbers came up and a cheque was sent out to the winner. The 2,677,306 unclaimed prizes include 11 worth £100,000 each. You can check if you have an unclaimed win using NS&I's online prize checker or its prize checker app. These will show you any prizes you have won this month and any older prizes that you haven't claimed. There is no time limit for claiming a premium bond win. To check online you will need your holder's number (it has either nine or 10 digits, or eight digits followed by a letter), while if you have the app, you can also use your NS&I number. To make sure you do not miss out on future prizes, opt for a direct payment into your bank account or into more bonds. RJ

A benefit many eligible retirees miss out on is pension credit. This is extra money to help with living costs if you are over state pension age and on a low income and tops up your weekly income to £227.10 if you are single, or your joint weekly income to £346.60 if you have a partner. You may be entitled to additional payments on top and help with housing costs. This government calculator asks you a series of questions about your circumstances and finances. It then gives you an estimate of what, if any, pension credit you could be entitled to. You will need to make a full claim to get the money. RJ

If you are heading abroad soon and plan to buy some holiday spending money, this online tool run by MoneySavingExpert.com is a good first port of call. It lets you compare exchange rates and make sure you are getting the best deal on a long list of currencies that will cater for many holiday destinations. The rates available will typically be much better than those offered on the high street or at the airport. Key in just a few details including how much you want to spend or buy, when you need the currency and how you want to receive it - delivery or collection - and it will give you several options. You will need to order online to get the deals it lists. RJ

Your credit score is a number anywhere between 0 and 1,250, and your position on this scale is a measure of your creditworthiness. Before you can get into any kind of debt, and for other purposes too, companies will check your score with any of the three big credit reference agencies. These are Experian, Equifax and TransUnion. They all use slightly different models but rely on similar data, such as your history of paying bills, to calculate your score. Checking your score can help you see if there are any problems with the information held on you, or give you advance warning of any difficulties you might encounter taking on new borrowing. The personal finance platform Credit Karma partners with TransUnion and lets you check your score and report for free - it runs offers for credit cards and loans and earns a commission if you take one out. Zoe Wood

If you download its browser extension, the Camelizer, you can see the price history charts while you are still on Amazon's website. Camelcamelcamel generates revenue through affiliate links, so if you click on a link and buy something, it gets a commission. ZW

The cybersecurity company Trend Micro has an app designed to detect and prevent scam calls, texts and websites. Download it on your phone and it can block unsafe websites, and it will tell you if uploaded images, texts or links look suspicious. ScamCheck claims to be different from anti-virus software as it focuses on fraud rather than preventing your phone being infected with malware. You can trial it for free for 30 days, and after that it costs £19.99 a year. Shane Hickey

This app is very useful if you are a regular Tesco shopper (otherwise check what your go-to supermarket offers as most have similar). You can carry around your Clubcard virtually, meaning you never miss out on the lower prices available to cardholders, and check for new offers and select personalised coupons. You can also use it to keep track of your Clubcard vouchers (you earn one point for every £1 spent on shopping at Tesco, and it is worth 1p when converted into vouchers), and get QR codes to redeem them in store. Vouchers can be spent at Tesco or exchanged for twice their face value, with more than 100 "reward" partners. This is less than in the past, but the good news for dough ball fans is that vouchers are now worth triple at Pizza Express - meaning £10 of vouchers gets you a £30 reward code for the restaurant. ZW

Ever wondered what the numbers and letters in your tax code mean for your finances? HMRC's tool will tell you exactly how much you should be paying in tax and how much you can earn tax-free based on your code - take a look on your payslip to find it. If it's any different from the standard personal allowance of £12,570 a year and you do not know why, check your personal tax account online, or ask your employer. For employees, it has another calculator that will estimate how much income tax and national insurance you should pay for the current tax year. There's also a calculator to check if you need to pay the high income child benefit tax charge. RJ

There are millions of bank and building society accounts in the UK, and inevitably, some end up getting lost. This is defined as where an account has been inactive for a long time - often 15 years - and the bank, building society or NS&I has written to the customer but heard nothing back. My Lost Account can help you find missing funds even if you do not know where an account is held now. You need to fill in any details you have, including the names of any providers with which you believe you saved money - these can be brands that do not exist any more. The tool generates a search request which it sends to each of those organisations. Within 12 weeks you should hear if any accounts have been found. You can then get on with reclaiming your cash. RJ

Child trust funds (CTFs) were huge: more than 6.3m were opened between their launch in 2005 and 2011 when they were scrapped, and there is still £7.5bn locked up in them. But a lot of these accounts have been forgotten about. The Share Foundation, a charity, runs a free-to-use search service for over-16s who may not know there is money with their name on it.

The online tool asks for the holder's name, date of birth and past and present addresses. The charity uses this information to track down the account and the account holder should get an email from either the provider or HMRC telling them where it is. RJ

The government has been rolling out funded childcare in England, and now lots of working families with children under the age of five are entitled to 30 hours free each week. This handy calculator lets you check your entitlement, wherever you live in the UK. You need to know your household's working hours and income, and will also be asked for your child's date of birth and your likely weekly or monthly childcare costs. RJ

Get a heads up on the latest sales with this app (or use the website at hotukdeals.com). A community of bargain hunters posts deals every day and then the community votes on whether they are hot or not. The ones with the most votes go to the top of the feed. It could be a cut-price TV subscription, a particular supermarket selling heavily discounted chocolates or cheap Lego. You can also search for offers on particular brands or items. It is free and registered users get tailored alerts to things they may be interested in. SH

Thisfree money management app - which comes with a physical or virtual prepaid debit card - can help you with budgeting and managing spending. Users can load money from their bank into their HyperJar account and then divide it into different digital "jars" depending on how they spend. You can add payment controls if you are worried you may be tempted to buy things you do not really need, and the app also offers prepaid cards for children. Money held with HyperJar is not covered by the Financial Services Compensation Scheme (FSCS), but it is held in a safeguarded account under Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) rules. Other popular apps of this type include Emma and Plum. They are both free for the basic version, with more features available if you stump up a monthly fee. SH

Buying insurance on Compare the Market gives you access to rewards, some of which you can only take advantage of via this app. There are savings on takeaway pizzas and restaurant bills and savings at Caffè Nero which you can only get this way, as well as two-for-one cinema tickets on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, which you do not need the app for. For customers of O2, the phone provider's Priority app has cheap Vue cinema tickets, money off magazine subscriptions and cheap drinks from Greggs, among other offers. SH

We all know how hard it is to get through to companies, and sorting out your finances could mean spending a lot of the time waiting for your calls to be answered. Some now offer a callback service so you don't have to stay on hold for ages, but if they don't, this iPhone feature might help. As long as your phone is an iPhone 12 or later model, when you are placed on hold you can choose to get a notification when a live agent is available. You don't have to stay on the line and can get on with what you are doing, safe in the knowledge that you won't miss your turn in the queue. ZW

This free app has been around for a few years now, and claims to be "the world's largest marketplace for surplus food". It enables restaurants, cafes and shops to sell food they might otherwise have to throw away, while offering you the chance to grab something cheap to eat - often at half the normal price or less - and help the environment by reducing food waste. To find deals near where you live you can browse a map of your local area, set filters based on your individual preferences and view personalised recommendations. A running total on the app shows you how much money you have saved and your positive impact on the environment. RJ

Another free app designed to reduce waste - both food and otherwise. Originally used by individuals to give away food when they had bought or made too much, it now has giveaways from big retailers, reduced food from the frozen food store Iceland, and a section for giving away or selling other goods. Food Waste Heroes collect items from supermarkets and redistribute them via the app - it is all within its use-by date, and may have come from the clearance section. Other people will sometimes explain why they are giving food away in the listing. To get the best out of it you need to live somewhere fairly densely populated - or have neighbours who over-buy. HO

This free app lets people compare the prices of grocery and other items across supermarkets and other retailers including Tesco, Sainsbury's, Asda, Morrisons, Ocado and Amazon. It claims users can save up to 30% on groceries by making sure they are getting the best deal. Handily, it includes discounts for loyalty cards such as Tesco Clubcard and the Sainsbury's Nectar scheme although these are listed below the headline prices. You can create shopping lists, and it will tell you the prices across different retailers, you can track an item's price history and you can check prices while in the supermarket aisle using the app's barcode scanner. At a time when grocery shopping is pricey, it is a useful tool for cutting those bills. RJ

We all know we should have some money set aside for a rainy day, but how much should you be aiming for, and when can you stop saving for that and start working towards a different goal? The Post Office's calculator will give you an idea. Put in a figure for your non-negotiable expenses each month - your housing costs, food and energy bills, etc - and another for how much you have already saved and it will give you a target figure. It will also show you how far along the way you are, which can make it feel a little less insurmountable. HO
via Halifax, Nationwide and other banks' and building societies' websites
Run by the Energy Saving Trust - an organisation that helps businesses and homeowners reduce their energy use - this tool will give you a tailored action plan to improve your home. It begins with questions about where you live, including the type of property and its age, and goes on to ask about your current bills. The version on Halifax's website also asks you about your heating, shower and so on, before the initial calculations. The tool then tells you how much you would need to spend to reduce your energy use and outlines a range of measures, how much they will cost and what the potential annual saving on your bills will be. You can choose a maximum budget for it to take into account, and also whether to prioritise lower bills, a better rating on your property's EPC (the energy performance certificate landlords and sellers need to provide) or reducing your environmental impact. You can remove any measures from the list and, once done, download an action plan. It will not take into account all of the small things you might be doing to keep your bills down, but it will give you an idea of the work you could consider and how much it will cost. HO

Aimed at those aged between 45 and 65, this tool from the government-backed MoneyHelper website is a great place to take stock of your finances. There are questions about all the major things you need to think about as you hurtle into middle age - from making sure your pension provider knows who to pay out when you die, to where you will live in retirement. You do not need numbers or account details to use it, just to have a broad idea of what is happening with your money. For example, are you keeping up with debt repayments? And do you pay regularly into a pension? Once you have answered the questions you get a personalised downloadable report making suggestions about the areas of your finances that you should focus on. Under sections on budgeting, estate planning and so on you will get a list of next steps, and links to useful articles and calculators. HO

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New year money: 26 tools and apps to help you sort your finances in 2026

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From cheaper shopping to tax and travel cash, there is a host of resources to help you out. We pick some of the best

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Resources Hub| Help With Bullying Advice | Kidscape

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Leading bullying prevention charity Kidscape share resources teaching how to deal with bullying and support young people affected. Learn more.

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Managing specific infectious diseases: A to Z

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Managing specific infectious diseases: A to Z

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Managing specific infectious diseases: A to Z

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Athlete’s foot is an infection caused by a fungus which affects the skin on feet.

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How long should you keep your child off school - checklist poster 

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How long should you keep your child off school - checklist poster 

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How long should you keep your child off school - checklist poster (text version)

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Yes | Until
Chickenpox | at least 5 days from the onset of the rash and until all blisters have crusted over
…

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Everything you need to know about Alternative Provision in England

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Everything you need to know about Alternative Provision in England

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Everything you need to know about Alternative Provision in England

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Alternative Provision (AP) provides education for children and young people aged 5-16 who can’t attend mainstream school typically due to exclusion, medical needs, or complex social, emotional, and mental health (SEMH) needs.

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We have designed courses to support children and young people who don’t like to learn in classrooms. These courses are completed outside of schools, mainly in places with lots of outdoor spaces and animals. People learn real skills and get a qualification.

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EOTAS: Why Your Child Does Not Have to Fail First

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EOTAS: Why Your Child Does Not Have to Fail First

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Simplified Support - EHCP Applications Made Simple

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EOTAS: Why Your Child Does Not Have to Fail First -Written by Jessica Buckle (MABP), SEND and EHCP Consultant and EOTAS Specialist, Founder and Director of Simplified Support - Simplified Support

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EHCP Applications Made Simple Simplified Support is a UK-based SEND and EHCP consultancy founded by Jessica Buckle (MABP) and Nicola Middlehurst (MBPsS). We help families, carers, and professionals navigate the Education, Health and Care Plan process with clarity, compassion, and legal accuracy. Combining lived experience with professional expertise in psychology and advocacy, our mission is to make the SEND system simpler, fairer, and more accessible for every child.

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Why Kids Have Trouble Making Friends - Goodman Psychologist Associates

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Why Kids Have Trouble Making Friends - Goodman Psychologist Associates

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Why Kids Have Trouble Making Friends - Goodman Psychologist Associates

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Is your child having trouble making friends? This is a common issue. Here are some reasons why your child might be struggling to be social.

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Helping Our Children Navigate Friendships

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Helping Our Children Navigate Friendships

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Helping Our Children Navigate Friendships

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A deeper look at why so many of our children face challenges with making and keeping friends.

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How to help kids with friendship - Sue Atkins The Parenting Coach

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How to help kids with friendship - Sue Atkins The Parenting Coach

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I have been working with a lovely 9 year old boy who has always found it a bit of a challenge to make and keep friends & his parents have been working with me remotely as they are worried about how the social isolation during the lock down pandemic affected his confidence & friendships.

This is the age & stage in life where bonds with peers are formed, and the pandemic coupled with excessive smartphones & devices use has affected & damaged many kids who now need some help in developing their real life friendships. In lockdown children's peer socialisation was obviously restricted & for some children this is still impacting on them.

Of course technology plays its part, even more so now than ever, but talking to a screen or communicating with a headset isn't the same as playing, chatting, connecting in real life & picking up on non verbal cues such as another person's tone of voice, body language, intonation or intention.

Children are missing out on negotiating, leading, following, compromising, sharing & listening.
Friendship is one of the most important aspects of a child's life, and it is often underrated, considering the tremendous impact it has on their well being.
Many studies show the importance of friendship, and its impact on mental and physical health.

Paul Schwartz, a professor of psychology and child behaviour expert, has noted that among the many benefits of healthy childhood friendships is that children with 'good' friends have higher self-esteem, act more socially, can cope with life stresses and transitions, and are also less victimised by their peers.

So should you be worried about your child's lack of real interaction?

The benefits to playing, reading, laughing & learning together with the simple act of eating together as a family all helps

Teaching The Art of Making Friends

So let's look at friendship & the art of making friends, as I believe you can teach your child the social skills of friendship & remember not all children are born chatty or socially skillful.

Back to my lovely 9 year old.

This great little boy kept thinking that there was something wrong with him, and it reminded me of an exercise on my training to become an NLP Master Practitioner where someone came up to me to elicit my strategy for 'making friends' as I apparently do that very easily.

This was an interesting exercise as I make friends without thinking so it got me pondering.

I remember saying that I relax, smile and get interested in the other person. I naturally look for what we have in common and ask questions as I know my own life story so I'm more interested in the other person's story, thoughts and opinions.

I have worked with autistic children, and children on the spectrum, who find it difficult to empathise or make eye to eye contact, during my time as a Deputy Head teacher, but this lovely boy is just rather shy and has high expectations of what it means to be a friend so he is constantly disappointed.

I think you can help your kids to make friends by teaching and practising these top tips.

How do kids make friends?

Newborn babies are born ready to socialise, because the ability to make friends has always been a crucial survival skill.

But that doesn't mean that charisma and charm are the only things you need to rely on to learn to make friends!

Decades of research suggests that parents play a big role in teaching children how to make friends. The most popular children are what's called 'prosocial' which means that they are caring, able to share, and are helpful. They also have strong verbal skills and they know how to control their selfish or aggressive impulses. Most of all, popular children (and adults) are good at interpersonal skills such as empathy, perspective-taking, and moral reasoning.

Research suggests that making friends depends on skills that children can develop with practice:

conversational skills

interpersonal skills

emotional self-control

Tips to help kids make friends:

Be an 'emotion coach'

Everybody has negative emotions, gets angry, or has a tendency to be selfish, but to make friends, we need to keep these responses under control.

Studies of Western children suggest that children develop better emotional self-control when their parents talk to them about their feelings in a sympathetic, problem-solving way, and when they listen without judgment or criticism to how they are feeling.

By contrast, children whose negative emotions are usually trivialised, mocked or dismissed ("You're just being silly") or punished ("Go to your room and cool down") tend to have more trouble with self-control.

Be an Authorative (not Authoritarian) Parent In Your Style

( tricky to say but important to remember !)

Studies of both Western and Chinese children show that kids are more likely to be rejected by their friends when their parents practice authoritarian parenting which is an approach characterised by low levels of warmth and high levels of control.

Being an Authoritarian parent is rather like being a 'bossy' parent - as they say things like 'Don't question me - just do as I say'

Authoritarian parents discourage thoughtful discussion and attempt to control their child's behaviour through punishment. Children who are brought up this way are less likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong. And children subjected to harsh punishments tend to show more hostility and aggression towards other children.

Authoritative parenting is also characterised by levels of control, in that parents set limits and demand a level of maturity from their children and these type of parents relate to their kids with warmth, and attempt to shape and guide their behaviour through rational discussion and explanation of the reasons for their rules.

Studies show that authoritative parents tend to have kids who are less aggressive, more self-reliant, more self-controlled, and better-liked by their peers so they make and keep friends more easily.

Teach Your Child How To Converse With Others In A Polite Way.

This may seem like common sense and that I'm 'teaching my grandmother to suck eggs' but the earliest lessons children learn about communication happen at home, and it seems they make a difference.

So what you do, what you say, and HOW you say it - teaches your children how to communicate with others as you are your child's primary role model and they are watching, listening and learning from you ALL the time.

But you can actually do more than just engage your children in the give-and-take of family dialogue. You can also offer really practical advice about how to make new friends.

A number of experimental studies have reported that unpopular children improve their status with their school peers after they've been trained and taught "active listening."

An active listener is someone who makes it clear that they are paying attention - by making appropriate eye contact, orienting their body in the direction of the speaker, nodding their head at the right moments when they are listening, remaining quiet, when it's appropriate and not interrupting all the time, and making relevant verbal responses.

I teach these verbal and non-verbal cues to children on my Confidence Classes for Kids and 1-2-1 Coaching Sessions.

Learn To Give & Take.

Children sometimes need help in practicing the art of "trading information."

When starting a conversation with someone teach them to smile & to have an open body stance and 'talk & teach' your kids about being prepared to trade information - which is basically learning to 'give' and 'take' in conversation.

Teach your child not to 'conversation hog' and dominate all the interaction - teach them to listen and WAIT to answer. When they are engaged in conversation, teach them to only answer the question at hand. Then teach them to give the person they are talking with (not AT) a chance to talk, or ask a question of their own.

Try and teach them about the balance between being an interviewer (asking questions) and offering information about themselves. Think Graham Norton (listens) V Jonathan Ross (talks over guests) !!

Strike the balance between competitive games and co-operative games.

For children who struggle to make friends, avoid competitive games and other situations that can provoke conflict or discourage cooperation.

Several studies suggest that children get along better when they are engaged in cooperative activities where they are working towards a common goal.

Interestingly, Fred Frankel and Robert Myatt recommend that you steer your children away from competitive games, at least until your child has developed better social skills.

So on a play dates, whenever that happens, plan ahead and put away toys that discourage social interaction or provoke fighting. That means putting away toy weapons. It also means putting away toys designed for solitary play or that inspire self-absorption, like video games. And if your child can't bear to share something, it's best to hide it until the play date is over.

Teach Empathy, Compassion & Tolerance.

'Talk & Teach' empathy and sympathetic concern for others by speaking, acting and behaving in a kind, concerning, empathetic way yourself first. Be patient, be gentle, & be forgiving of your child, of yourself and of others. You will be teaching and modelling a great gift to your child.

Help your child to "read" facial expressions, body language and non- verbal clues.

You might think that interpreting facial expressions is a 'bit obvious' but experiments suggest that primary school children can benefit from practicing.

So relax, and chat to your child about what you notice on the bus, the train, or in other social settings to help your child learn how these unconscious things impact on successful social interaction when we a through lock down.

Practise how to cope with tricky, unusual or difficult social situations.

I remember working with a lovely 8-year-old girl who was finding it tricky in the playground when the other girls were playing with a big skipping rope. She asked to join in but they kept saying 'No' - I worked out with her that she always came out later to play than the other children as she was a slow eater and they were already involved in the game. She needed to approach and ask them at a better moment.

Once we'd cracked that - she was all sorted !

Here are some things to ponder and teach your kids......

Before making your approach, watch what the other kids are doing. What can you do to fit in? Do you need to wait for something to finish before rushing in?

Try joining a game by doing something relevant. For example, if the children are playing a café game, see if you can become a new customer.

Don't be disruptive or critical or try to change the game.

If the other children don't want you to join in, don't try to force it. Just back off and find something else to do.

Try to widen your child's friendship group so that they don't just have a 'Best Friend' as it limits your child's choices (I know girls go through this phase but do get them to think about this! ) because if they fall out, as kids inevitably do, they feel bereft, isolated & a bit lost.

Help your child decide what to look for in a good friend. Chat to them about what friends do for each other, how a good friend plays, speaks, acts or takes an interest in another & they show respect & concern for others.

When Possible, Let Your Child Try To Work Things Out On Their Own

Of course, toddlers need to be closely supervised as they are egocentric and self-centred, but as your child gets older, you need to take a step back and not hover over them and become an anxious, helicopter parent as I think you are actually robbing your child of the chance to develop their own social skills.

Watch out for bullying

Of course one obvious thing that you mustn't allow when you are letting "children work it out for themselves" is bullying. Bullying isn't a healthy part of childhood, it isn't acceptable and it must never be allowed to go unnoticed as adults & parents we need to get involved.

Talk & Teach

Just like learning to tie shoelaces, or pass exams, making friends can be taught. So just take a step back, ponder how you make friends and teach your kids that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Teach them to be a good friend and I'm sure they'll make lifelong happy, fun memories and lots of loyal, kind, generous friends when we all come out the other side of lock down.

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How to help kids with friendship - Sue Atkins The Parenting Coach

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I have been working with a lovely 9 year old boy who has always found it a bit of a challenge to make and keep friends & his parents have been working with me remotely as they are worried about how the social isolation during the lock down pandemic affected [...]

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3 Ways to Help Children Navigate Friendship Challenges

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3 Ways to Help Children Navigate Friendship Challenges

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3 Ways to Help Children Navigate Friendship Challenges

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As parents, we can help them manage difficult feelings, cope with the complexities of relationships, and grow from these experiences. Here are some helpful tips for guiding your child through common friendship challenges like bossiness, exclusion, and disagreements. In the process, your child will learn valuable lifelong skills that include empathy, assertiveness, and conflict resolution.

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How to help your daughter with friendship flare-ups and build courage and confidence

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How to help your daughter with friendship flare-ups and build courage and confidence

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How to help your daughter with friendship flare-ups and build courage and confidence

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Friendship flareups are inevitable and an important part of learning social skills. Here are ways that we can support our daughters, not rescue them, so they learn vital skills of being a good friend.

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What's a Clique?

Friendship is an important part of kids' development. Having friends helps them be independent beyond the family and prepares them for the mutual, trusting relationships we hope they'll establish as adults.

Groups of friends are different from cliques in some important ways.

Groups of friends form based on shared interests, sports, activities, classes, neighborhoods, or even family connections. In groups of friends, members are free to socialize and hang out with others outside the group without worrying about being cast out. They may not do everything together - and that's OK.

Cliques sometimes form around common interests, but the social dynamics are very different. Cliques are usually tightly controlled by leaders who decide who is "in" and who is "out." The kids in the clique do most things together. Someone who has a friend outside the clique may face rejection or ridicule.

Members of the clique usually follow the leader's rules, whether it's wearing particular clothes or doing certain activities. Cliques usually involve lots of rules - implied or clearly stated - and intense pressure to follow them.

Kids in cliques often worry about whether they'll still be popular or whether they'll be dropped for doing or saying the wrong thing or for not dressing in a certain way. This can create a lot of pressure. Kids may be pressured to take risks like steal, pull pranks, or bully other kids in order to stay in the clique. Kids also can be pressured into buying expensive clothing or getting involved in online gossip and teasing.

Cliques are often at their most intense in middle school and junior high, but problems with cliques can start as early as 4th and 5th grades.

When Cliques Cause Problems

For most kids, the pre-teen and teen years are a time to figure out how they want to fit in and how they want to stand out. It's natural for kids to occasionally feel insecure; long to be accepted; and hang out with the kids who seem more attractive, cool, or popular.

But cliques can cause long-lasting trouble when:

kids behave in a way they feel conflicted about or know is wrong in order to please a leader and stay in the group

a group becomes an antisocial clique or a gang that has unhealthy rules, such as weight loss or bullying others based on looks, disabilities, race, or ethnicity

a child is rejected by a group and feels ostracized and alone

How Can Parents Help?

As kids navigate friendships and cliques, there's plenty parents can do to offer support. If your child seems upset, or suddenly spends time alone when usually very social, ask about it.

Here are some tips:

Talk about your own experiences. Share your own experiences of school - cliques have been around for a long time!

Help put rejection in perspective. Remind your child of times he or she has been angry with parents, friends, or siblings - and how quickly things can change.

Shed some light on social dynamics. Acknowledge that people are often judged by the way a person looks, acts, or dresses, but that often people act mean and put others down because they lack self-confidence and try to cover it up by maintaining control.

Find stories they can relate to. Many books, TV shows, and movies portray outsiders triumphing in the face of rejection and send strong messages about the importance of being true to your own nature and the value of being a good friend, even in the face of difficult social situations. For school-age kids, books like "Blubber" by Judy Blume illustrate how quickly cliques can change. Older kids and teens might relate to movies such as "Mean Girls," "Angus," "The Breakfast Club," and "Clueless."

Foster out-of-school friendships. Get kids involved in extracurricular activities (if they aren't already) - art class, sports, martial arts, horse riding, language study - any activity that gives them an opportunity to create another social group and learn new skills.

If your child is part of a clique and one of the kids is teasing or rejecting others, it's important to address that right away. With popular TV shows from talent contests to reality series glorifying rude behavior, it's an uphill battle for families to promote kindness, respect, and compassion.

Discuss the role of power and control in friendships and try to get to the heart of why your child feels compelled to be in that position. Discuss who is in and who is out, and what happens when kids are out (are they ignored, shunned, bullied?). Challenge kids to think and talk about whether they're proud of the way they act in school.

Ask teachers, guidance counselors, or other school officials for their perspective on what is going on in and out of class. They might be able to tell you about any programs the school has to address cliques and help kids with differences get along.

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Encouraging Healthy Friendships

Here are some ways to encourage kids to have healthy friendships and not get too caught up in cliques:

Find the right fit - don't just fit in. Encourage kids to think about what they value and are interested in, and how those things fit in with the group. Ask questions like: What is the main reason you want to be part of the group? What compromises will you have to make? Is it worth it? What would you do if the group leader insisted you act mean to other kids or do something you don't want to do? When does it change from fun and joking around, to teasing and bullying?

Stick to your likes. If your child has always loved to play the piano but suddenly wants to drop it because it's deemed "uncool," discuss ways to help resolve this. Encourage kids to participate in activities that they enjoy and that build their confidence.

Keep social circles open and diverse. Encourage kids to be friends with people they like and enjoy from different settings, backgrounds, ages, and interests. Model this yourself as much as you can with different ages and types of friends and acquaintances.

Speak out and stand up. If they're feeling worried or pressured by what's happening in the cliques, encourage your kids to stand up for themselves or others who are being cast out or bullied. Encourage them not to participate in anything that feels wrong, whether it's a practical joke or talking about people behind their backs.

Take responsibility for your own actions. Encourage sensitivity to others and not just going along with a group. Remind kids that a true friend respects their opinions, interests, and choices, no matter how different they are. Acknowledge that it can be difficult to stand out, but that ultimately kids are responsible for what they say and do.

Remember to provide the big-picture perspective too. As hard as cliques might be to deal with now, things can change quickly. What's more important is making true friends - people they can confide in, laugh with, and trust. And the real secret to being "popular" - in the truest sense of the word - is for them to be the kind of friend they'd like to have: respectful, fair, supportive, caring, trustworthy, and kind.

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Friendship is an important part of kids' development. Having friends helps them be independent beyond the family and prepares them for the mutual, trusting relationships we hope they'll establish as adults. Groups of friends are different from cliques in some important ways. Groups of friends form based on shared interests, sports, activities, classes, neighborhoods, or even family connections.

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BBC Radio 4 - Woman’s Hour - How can you help if your child doesn’t have friends?

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BBC Radio 4 - Woman’s Hour - How can you help if your child doesn’t have friends?

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BBC Radio 4 - Woman’s Hour - How can you help if your child doesn’t have friends?

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Tips from clinical child psychologist Angharad Rudkin and author Tanith Carey.

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If you’re having problems with your friends then we’ve got advice and tips to help.

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Friends and friendships: 10 frequently asked questions

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Friends and friendships: 10 frequently asked questions

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1. Is it common to worry about children's friends and friendships?

Yes. Parents often worry about whether their children have enough friends, are happy in their friendships, are getting along well with other children and so on. These worries can be especially common as children become more independent and more interested in making their own friends - for example, when they start school.

Supporting your school-age child's friendships is a great way to get to know your child's friends and might also help put your mind at ease.

But if you're feeling worried or anxious and your worries are interfering with everyday life, it's a good idea to seek professional help. You could start by talking with your GP.

2. My child came home from school and said 'No-one likes me'. What can I do?

No-one likes to feel this way, and no-one wants a child to feel this way - but it happens to most children at one time or another.

When your child tells you something like this, they might need some help talking about their feelings or they might prefer some quiet time. When your child is ready to talk, you can ask what happened and why your child thinks no-one likes them.

Sometimes there's a simple solution. Your child might need to learn the rules of a new game so they can join in, or your child might need some things to say so they can invite others to play with them.

If it seems to be an ongoing problem, you can talk with your child's teacher to find out more and get help. Schools often have ways of helping children to feel included - for example, 'buddy' programs where an older student is the 'buddy' of a younger student, or a buddy bench in the playground.

Depending on your child's age, you might also be able to arrange some after-school playdates with a classmate to encourage friendships.

You could also work on your child's self-esteem and confidence to join in with play at school. One way to do this is by focusing on your child's strengths and efforts.

3. Is it OK that my child has only a few friends?

Yes. Some children are happy with just a few close friends, or even one friend. Your child doesn't need to have a large group of friends to feel happy, confident and accepted.

If your child wants to make more friends, our article on supporting school-age friendships can help.

4. Why does my child seem to play with different friends each day?

In the early years of school, children often play with different children across the week. This is because they haven't yet narrowed down their preference for particular children. As they get older, school-age children tend to have one or two close friends, plus a wider group of friends that they also play with.

Your child might move from one friend or group to another until they find someone who shares their interests.

Our article on play has more information about how school-age children play together, as well as some of the games they like to play.

5. We're new to the area. How can I help my child make friends?

A good first step in making friends is for your child to meet and talk with children that they don't know. Some children might need to practise doing this. For example, you could help your child practise saying, 'Hello. My name is Veronica. I have a dog at my house. Do you have a pet?'

Here are some other tips:

Give your child plenty of opportunities to play with other children. This could be a playdate with other children from your child's class, at a family gathering or at a local park.

Consider involving your child in an out-of-school activity, like sport, drama, craft or music. This can help your child meet other children who share the same interests. Let your child help choose the activity.

Ask at school about strategies for helping new children fit in - a buddy system, for example. For more tips, read our article on moving schools.

6. My child argued with a friend at school today. How can I help my child sort it out?

At primary school, children often have disagreements with their friends, but they usually sort them out quite quickly.

When your child comes to you with a friendship problem, spend some time talking and listening. This will help you find out what's happening.

Then you could suggest ideas for sorting things out. For example, if your child's friend is playing with someone else, your child could play with other children in a larger group. You and your child could role-play how to join in. Or if your child said hurtful things, you could role-play saying sorry.

If you're concerned, talk to your child's teacher to find out more. If there's a bigger issue, you can work with the teacher to sort it out. Our articles on building a relationship with your child's school and problem-solving for parents and teachers have tips.

7. My child doesn't talk about their school friends any more. What can I do?

If you've tried talking with your child about their school friends and they don't want to talk, here are some things you can try:

Get some more information about what's happening at school by talking with your child's teacher. Teachers often see what happens in the playground and can give you a clear picture of what's going on.

Is your child being bullied? If so, talk to the school about what can be done to stop this. You can read more about bullying.

Suggest other people your child could talk to - for example, aunts or uncles, close family friends, a trusted sports coach or religious leader. You could also suggest a confidential telephone counselling service for children like Kids Helpline - call 1800 551 800.

8. My child isn't invited to as many parties and playdates as other children. Should I be worried?

No, not really, particularly if it isn't bothering your child. There are many reasons why your child might not be invited to a lot of parties and playdates. Perhaps your child has a smaller group of friends or your child's friends do after-school activities or are in after-school care.

It's also good to remind yourself that your child doesn't need to be popular to be happy and confident.

But sometimes a playdate at your house can break the ice with a new friend (and parent) and might lead to an invitation. So make time to have children come over to your house to spend time with your child. Talk with your child about which children they'd like to invite and help your child invite them.

Supporting your school-age child's friendships is a great way to get to know children at your child's school and encourage healthy friendships.

If you're still concerned, you can talk with your child's teacher to find out what's happening at school.

9. My child gets very upset about friendships. What can I do?

If your child has a lot of trouble making and keeping friends or gets very upset or angry about socialising, you need more information about what's going on.

By supporting your school-age child's friendships and getting to know your child's friends, you can find out more about what's happening and why.

But you might also want to talk to a professional. Ask your child's teacher whether there's a school counsellor who could help. Your GP can refer you to professionals in your area who can help you and your child.

10. My child has additional needs. How can I help with friendships at school?

Just like typically developing children, children with additional needs like developmental delay, disability and autism can build friendships and healthy school relationships from shared interests. If you encourage your child to follow their interests, this gives your child a chance to meet other children who enjoy the same things as they do.

Playing and having friends involves many different skills - taking turns, sharing, listening and being sensitive to other children's feelings. You can help your child by practising these skills together at home. Playdates can also be a good way for your child to practise these skills with some help from you.

Talk with your child's school if you think that your child's physical challenges or learning difficulties are making it hard for your child to make friends.

You can read more information in the following articles:

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Friends and friendships: 10 frequently asked questions

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Yes. Parents often worry about whether their children have enough friends, are happy in their friendships, are getting along well with other children and so on. These worries can be especially common as children become more independent and more interested in making their own friends - for example, when they start school.

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Helping Your Child to Develop Positive Friendships

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Helping Your Child to Develop Positive Friendships

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Are you worried that your child is having friendship issues? You may feel anxious that these are happening outside your control and concerned about the effect on your child's emotional state.

Learning social skills are just as important as learning to read and write and personal and social education is part of the curriculum. However, there are steps you can take to support and develop your child's social skills and confidence. Read the blog below to find practical, empathetic tips.

How does your child like to play?

Some children are naturally more introverted than others or prefer to play alone some of the time. Introverts enjoy the company of others but need time alone to recharge their batteries, finding constant company exhausting. If this is your child, let them have this time and try not to be anxious about it.

Similarly, some people prefer the company of just one or two close friends, rather than being at the centre of a large group. If this is your child, talk about the joy of having a couple of really good friends, rather than lots of 'friends' that you might not know so well.

How can I talk about these issues with my child?

If you do feel there is a friendship issue going on, talk to your child about it. If they say, 'I've got no friends,' or 'No one would play with me today,' ask, 'What do you mean?' Sometimes a child has fallen out with a key member of their friendship group during the day, which has naturally upset them and perhaps made them feel a little alienated. However, young children frequently make up as quickly as they fall out.

Reassure your child, talk through what happened and discuss positive steps they can take to make things better by using these cards.

Is your child struggling with friendships?

If so, keep talking to your child - but be careful not to give them a daily interrogation. Rather, be on hand to listen when they do want to open up about their day. The likelihood is that your child is struggling either because they themselves find social skills difficult to master, or because they're being treated unkindly by other children. You could try talking to them about what a good friend looks like.

What should I do if my child is being treated unkindly?

As a parent not being able to support and protect your children at school is hard especially when you suspect that your child is being treated unkindly. Approach the class teacher as soon as possible to talk through a plan to deal with this. It may be that things are not as bad as you think.

Most teachers have a pretty good idea of what is going on socially with the children in their class and they can keep a closer eye on your child for a while. They can also suggest appropriate children who can 'buddy up' with your child and support them.

Resist the urge to approach the parents of any child you feel is being unkind - this rarely works well, and it doesn't show your child the best way to deal with difficult situations.

How can I help my child with their social skills?

Social skills don't come automatically to all children, especially younger ones. Some children are naturally quite impulsive or lively. They have a strong desire for friendship but can struggle to control their reactions to others. This might be when they feel they've been unfairly treated or if they're losing control of the way a game is going. These cards can help your child to think about a range of situations and how their peers might feel.

Other children can be unsure how to assert themselves and have their voice heard, so may stay on the margins of group play and social activities.

These flashcards can help you to discuss with your child how a good friend might behave.

How can I build my child's confidence and social skills?

You can practise social skills at home and build confidence by helping your child to talk about what their best qualities are. You could also give opportunities for your child to practise taking turns, sharing and coping when things don't go their way, perhaps by playing a board game as a family.

Try to model positive reactions to difficult situations. You could also talk about why, as a family, you expect people to treat each other fairly, because you care for each other and want everyone to feel happy. Then explain that our friends expect the same.

How can role-play help children in social situations?

Role-play, with teddies, dolls, action figures, even toy cars, is a great way to explore different situations with young children. Act out some different responses to situations and their consequences, then discuss the outcome. For example, 'Teddy is mean to Rabbit because Rabbit has a toy he wants. As a result, Rabbit is hurt and cries, running to tell the teacher. Teddy gets into trouble and also feels sad'.

Talk about how Teddy can make amends for the situation by saying sorry and about what he could do differently next time.

What is a social script?

Just as adults may rehearse what they are going to say when meeting a new person or having a job interview, for example, it can be helpful for children to practise how they will respond to different situations.

These cards provide a range of scenarios that you can work through with your little one.

Playdates

You might want to invite one of your child's friends over for a play date. Beforehand, you could talk to your child about how to be a good host. What games should they play? It could be a good idea to plan something such as baking cakes, building a den or constructing a train set.

Talk to your child about what they should do if there's a disagreement or their friend wants to change the game. Then leave them to it. Children need to learn about the consequences of their actions, so resist the urge to interfere unless things are getting physically dangerous!

If you do sense tension is building up too much, break it up by suggesting a snack or an activity change. Once the friend has gone home, talk about what went well.

Model positive relationships yourself

If your child sees you interacting positively with your family and friends, they're more likely to do the same. Make sure that you keep interactions with your child positive too - don't put your own social needs onto them.

Most friendship issues sort themselves out. If you feel the problem isn't going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your child's class teacher for more support.

If you've found this blog about how to deal with friendship issues helpful, why not read one of our other blogs, such as this guide to children's mindfulness?
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We hope you find the information on our website and resources useful. As far as possible, the contents of this resource are reflective of current professional research. However, please be aware that every child is different and information can quickly become out of date. The information given here is intended for general guidance purposes only and may not apply to your specific situation.

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Helping Your Child to Develop Positive Friendships

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Are you worried that your child is having friendship issues? You may feel anxious that these are happening outside your control and concerned about the effect on your child's emotional state. Learning social skills are just as important as learning to read and write and personal and social education is part of the curriculum.

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How to help your child if they are struggling to make friends

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How to help your child if they are struggling to make friends

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What tips or advice would you give to a parent or carer whose child is struggling to make friends at school?

"If your child is struggling to make friends, I would suggest talking to them about how they're feeling and validate their experiences. This will give them a safe space to sift through any difficult thoughts or feelings.

It may sound straightforward, but many friendships start from sharing interests and hobbies. So, you could also encourage the child to look out for people who have similar hobbies and interests.

Sometimes when we get stuck in the same routine, it can be difficult to meet new people and make friends. So, why not encourage your child you care for to try something new, such as joining a club (inside or outside of school) or volunteering.

If they're finding classes particularly difficult, you could even speak to their school. But it might be worth chatting to the child beforehand, to make sure they're comfortable.

The school might be able to offer a buddy system, teach lessons about self-esteem, resolve bullying issues, or even make activities more inclusive if your child has a learning difficulty, such as autism.

And, if you're caring for a child, it's worth reminding them that they are entitled to an Independent Visitor - this is an independent adult volunteer who they can socialise and have fun with, in a safe environment."

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How to help your child if they are struggling to make friends

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Jennie Massey, Service Coordinator at Barnardo's Cornwall Independent Visitor and Advocacy Service, offers some helpful advice for parents and foster carers

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Books For Helping Children Manage Friendship Problems | Anita Cleare

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Books For Helping Children Manage Friendship Problems | Anita Cleare

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Books For Helping Children Manage Friendship Problems | Anita Cleare

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Helping children manage friendship problems by reading books together about what makes a good friend and why friends might behave badly.

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Supporting Children With Difficult Friends | Kidscape 

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Supporting Children With Difficult Friends | Kidscape 

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Supporting Children With Difficult Friends | Kidscape News

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Kidscape provides four tips to support children with difficult friends being mean, or falling out. Here is how you as a parent or carer can help.

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: My child has friendship issues

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: My child has friendship issues

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: My child has friendship issues

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How can you help your child when they have problems with friends? It's normal to worry. Parenting Smart tips help you and your child.

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Tricky friendships…what can I do to help my child? — Bespoke Family

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Tricky friendships…what can I do to help my child? — Bespoke Family

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Tricky friendships…what can I do to help my child? — Bespoke Family

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It is all very normal and natural for friendships to have their highs and lows but this can be extremely hard for a parent to watch if their child is having a difficult time. We all want our children to be happy and have friends, but this can take time to establish and there can be some very tricky

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Looking at the ways autistic friendships can make life better. What to look out for when making a good friend.

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Friends | Tips and Advice about Friendships

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Friends | Tips and Advice about Friendships

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The importance of friendships for your mental health

Friends can help you with your mental health in lots of different ways. They might check in with how you are feeling, or simply make you laugh with the best TikToks. They might also help you by:

When friends help and support you, they can boost your self-esteem, make you feel good, and remind you that you are loved for who you are. They can help you to look after your mental health.

Advice from young people like you

Our Activists and other young people like you, share how their friends have helped them with their mental health.

Talking to friends about mental health

Talking to a friend about your mental health is one of the first steps on the road to feeling better. But sometimes, this can feel quite scary. You might not know what to say, or you might be nervous about sharing how you are feeling. That's okay! Here are some tips that can help:

Pick a good time when you won't get interrupted and find a quiet space to chat.

Explain how you are feeling.

Be clear about what you want shared. You may not want other friends to know yet, and that's okay. Let your friend know that you are not ready to share with others. However, if your friend is worried that you aren't safe, they will need to tell a trusted adult.

Remember: Good friends will want to be there for you so you don't have to struggle alone. For more tips, have a look at our page on reaching out for help.

It is normal to feel nervous or uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your mental health. This can make you feel like it is not something you want to do, but talking about your mental health with the people you trust is often the first step to feeling better.

If you are struggling with a friendship

Throughout our lives, we might struggle with our friendships. We might argue with friends, no longer speak to friends we were once close to, or we might lose some friendships. You might struggle with a friend because:

one of you moves away, making it difficult to keep in touch

your friend makes new friends that you do not feel comfortable around

you might be left out of the friendship group

you meet new friends and aren't able to spend as much time with your old friend as you used to

one of you might be struggling with your mental health, meaning that you/your friend might be withdrawn and not keeping in touch as much

your friend might not understand how you are feeling or what you are going through - this can make it difficult to chat to your friends, or make it feel like they aren't taking your feelings seriously

you are making the effort to see your friend and stay in touch but they aren't making the effort back

they often ask you for advice and it feels like a lot of responsibility that you are struggling to manage

We might have arguments with friends, and sometimes fall out, but often you can get through those difficult moments together. You or your friend may not have realised how each other were feeling or understood what either of you were going through.

By talking things through and explaining how you both feel, you can both learn to better understand how you can support each other. Overcoming these tough times together can sometimes help make your friendship stronger.

Coping with the loss of a friendship

In some situations, however, your friendship might come to an end. You may have tried to work through an argument and it hasn't worked out, or they may have not been very nice to you.

Friendships can come to a natural end too. There might not be a specific reason, but you might no longer keep in touch. Sometimes people grow apart and that's okay.

When friendships come to an end, it can be really tough. Friends are there through the highs and lows - they can be like our chosen family, meaning that it can feel tough to move on - but things can get better over time.

If someone close to you passes away, it can be extremely difficult. Jacob shares how he coped with the death of his best friend and Nia shares advice on how she coped with losing a friendship.

If you have lost a friend, our page has advice if you're finding it hard to cope.

When I lost my best friend to suicide at 16 years old, I had panic attacks and walked out of lessons at college, flooded in oceans of guilt and upset.

I went from being a very hard-working media student to not caring. I became very distant and didn't put much effort into my work.

I reached out to my GP who was very useful in supporting me. I found a counsellor, which has been a lifesaver for me in getting me back on my feet and learning how to manage my grief while keeping the memories of my friend alive.

Jacob's story: Coping with the death of my best friend

Over the years of hurting and healing, I have unfortunately learnt that there is no magic cure for dealing with the loss of a friendship. You can't ambush a heart into healing or speeding up the process, but the days get less painful and in my experience, you will come through the other side.

Take time for yourself. Don't try and replace them. Learn what it was that you valued in that friendship. Figure out what it is that you feel like you are missing without them. This will help you to look for it in future.

Cherish those friends who are currently around you, hold onto the memories you've made and trust the process.

Nia's story: How to cope with the loss of a friendship

Tips and advice from our Activists

Our Activists share their tips on what to do if you're struggling with a friendship.

Understanding when a friendship is unhealthy

While occasional arguments or disagreements can be normal between friends, there are times when friendships can become unhealthy and affect you in a negative way. This can be things like:

your friends pressuring you to do something you feel uncomfortable with, like taking drugs or drinking alcohol

when jokes or banter become hurtful and disrespectful

you are constantly arguing and falling out

they continue to ask you for help when you have told them you are unable to

they make you feel guilty

they make you feel uncomfortable when spending time with different friends and make you feel like you have to choose between them

they bully you

the friendship feels 'one-sided', where they ask a lot of you but you don't feel like they support you in return

they isolate you from a group on purpose, making you feel lonely

Sometimes, friends might do these things unintentionally or without realising, or they might continue to do them after you've asked them to stop. Ultimately, it's about how you feel about the friendship.

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Artwork by @thetypewriterdaily. An open sketchbook shows a drawing that represents releasing what isn't for you. The left-hand page shows a hand releasing grey colours from its palm. The right-hand page shows a hand receiving a rainbow into its palm. The text reads, 'release what isn't for you so you can receive what is - Mansi.'

If you're finding a friendship difficult

If you're finding a friendship difficult, you might want to talk to that friend about how they have been treating you. You might be nervous about talking to them, or worried about how they will react. Childline have some tips on how you can talk to your friend and be assertive to explain how you feel.

If your friend is constantly asking you for help but you're not sure what to say, it can make you feel stressed or anxious. Our page on how to support a friend with their mental health has tips on how you can set boundaries and look after your mental health, which you may find helpful.

When a friendship becomes unhealthy, it can impact other areas of your life and how you think and feel. It can make you feel down or anxious, or might lower your self-esteem and how you feel around other people. If you feel like this, it's important that you are able to get help. Even when you disagree with friends, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

You are confused, the world seems scary, and it feels like everyone else fits in and you don't. As if they all have the rule book to life which you forgot to pick up.

Right now, fitting in seems so, so important. But understanding friendships seems impossible and people are just really hard work! Growing up is hard. I know people say this a lot, but it really is true.

I know it feels like nobody gets you - you feel like an outsider looking in. You feel like an alien, born onto the wrong planet and in some ways, I guess you are. But actually, being different isn't a bad thing.

Coping with peer pressure

It's normal for people to compare themselves to their friends and peers, and often the influence of your friends can have a positive role in shaping your identity. Sometimes though, the influence of your friends and peers can be a cause of stress.

If you feel like you're being pressured by friends or peers into doing something that you don't want to do, this is called peer pressure. For example, you might feel pressured to take drugs or drink alcohol, to take dangerous risks when driving, or to have sex before you feel ready. If you are in a situation like this, it's important to say how you feel and that you don't want to take part. If your friends keep trying to get you to take part, speak to a trusted adult about how you are feeling. You need to make sure you are safe, so if you do feel at risk, you should reach out to professional services.

Seek out good friendships

You may worry that by not doing something that your friends are doing, you will be left out, or it will damage your friendship.

But remember, a good friend won't pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

You deserve to have friends that accept your decisions and make you feel as though your feelings are valid.

Below are some tips to help you cope with peer pressure. Rose, 20, also shares her advice in our blog.

Real stories about friendship from young people

Get help now

If you are struggling with a friend and not sure who to talk to, there are people who will help you get through this. Here are some organisations that can provide you with support.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Friends | Tips and Advice about Friendships

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Friends can be a source of mental health support. But sometimes, you might find you're not getting along. Our page has tips and advice that can help you.

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Rebel Finance School Course Notes | Your Guide to Financial Freedom

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Rebel Finance School Course Notes | Your Guide to Financial Freedom

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Rebel Finance School Course Notes | Your Guide to Financial Freedom

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Explore Rebel Finance School course notes packed with actionable strategies, budgeting tools, and templates to help you take control of your finances.

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Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

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Why Judicial Review is a real remedy in SEN and disability cases

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Why Judicial Review is a real remedy in SEN and disability cases

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SOS SEN Applying for a pre-action protocol letter

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SOS SEN Applying for a pre-action protocol letter

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Applying for a pre-action protocol letter

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The Danger of Leading Questions in a SEND Review: Why Neutrality is Key to the Child’s Voice

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The Danger of Leading Questions in a SEND Review: Why Neutrality is Key to the Child’s Voice

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The Danger of Leading Questions in a SEND Review: Why Neutrality is Key to the Child’s Voice

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The process of reviewing an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) and gathering evidence for statutory proceedings (such as a SEND Tribunal) is legally mandated to prioritise the voice of the child. However, securing an honest, comprehensive account from a young person, particularly one with comple