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© Lünsmann, Anika

Email: anika.lunsmann@icloud.com

To cite:

Lünsmann, A. 2023. "Rape Culture: Understanding and tackling sexual violence", SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities & Decolonialities, Padlet. Vol 1, Issue 1: 21.

SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities &, Decolonialities

ISSN 2990-8124

University College Dublin, Ireland

https://sextantnotes.com

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This Padlet discusses rape and sexual violence and the culture around it, partly in very explicit terms. Especially Example 3.6 contains explicit descriptions of nonconsensual sexual actions (rape/sexual assault).

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1. Introduction
2. Definition
3. Examples
4. Possible solutions
5. Bibliography

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Spain's congress has passed legislation referred to as the "only yes means yes law", drawn up in the wake of the "wolf pack" gang rape in 2016.

The legislation passed with 205 votes in favour, 141 against and 3 abstentions. MPs from the conservative People's party and the far-right Vox voted against it.

"It's a victorious day after many years of struggle," said Irene Montero, the equality minister. "From now on no woman will have to prove that violence or intimidation was used for it to be recognised for what it is."

Under the new law consent must be affirmative and cannot be assumed to have been given by default or silence.

It was drawn up after five men raped an 18-year-old woman during the 2016 bull-running festival in Pamplona. In court it was argued that video footage from the men's phones - showing the woman immobile and with her eyes shut during the attack - was proof of consent.

One judge claimed the men should only be charged with stealing the victim's mobile phone.

They were sentenced to nine years in prison for the lesser charge of sexual abuse but after a public outcry the charge was changed to rape and the sentence increased to 15 years.

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Shortly after that case, five men accused of raping a 14-year-old girl in the Catalan town of Manresa were convicted of the lesser charge of sexual abuse on the grounds that the victim was under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

In 2015 Spain raised the age of consent from 13 to 16. However, sexual activity with a minor could still be charged as sexual abuse rather than sexual aggression, unless there was "violence or intimidation".

The new law removes the distinction between sexual abuse and sexual aggression (rape) by making explicit that consent is the deciding factor. Passivity and silence can no longer be interpreted as consent.

The law states: "Consent can only be considered consent when it has been freely manifested through actions that, in accordance with the circumstances, clearly express the person's wishes."

The law had already passed the senate earlier this year when it was delayed by an amendment to the wording of the act introduced by the conservative Catalan nationalist party Junts per Catalunya that was supported by the People's party.

The mother of the 2016 victim said in a statement: "This law is the result of the bravery, perseverance and dignity of a girl who knew how she wanted to live without being judged by anyone, and who decided to go ahead so that we would all be aware of the miserable road that too many victims have had to, and continue to, go down. This is something we all have to change together."

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Spain passes 'only yes means yes' sexual consent law

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Legislation that says consent cannot be assumed by default or silence was drawn up after 'wolf pack' case

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Watch Heartbreak High | Netflix Official Site

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An incendiary mural exposes everyone's secret hook-ups at Hartley High. Its author, Amerie, has to grapple with the messy fallouts as a total outcast. Watch trailers & learn more.

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Swiss Sex Education Campaign (see comment)

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Swiss Sex Education Campaign (see comment)

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Impressionen unserer Öffentlichkeitsarbeit

Jedes Jahr veranstaltet Achtung Liebe im Rahmen des IDAHOBIT(Internationald Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia) Standaktionen in der ganzen Schweiz. Hierbei setzten wir uns für die Gleichberechtigung von homosexuellen, bisexuellen, trans* und inter* Menschen ein und räumen mit Vorurteilen auf.

Am World Aids Day klären wir jährlich an den Universitäten über sexuell übertragbare Infektionen auf und setzten uns gegen die Diskriminierung von HIV-positiven Menschen ein.

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Jedes Jahr veranstaltet Achtung Liebe im Rahmen des IDAHOBIT(Internationald Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia) Standaktionen in der ganzen Schweiz. Hierbei setzten wir uns für die Gleichberechtigung von homosexuellen, bisexuellen, trans* und inter* Menschen ein und räumen mit Vorurteilen auf.

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Addressing Sexism and Rape Culture on Social Media

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Addressing Sexism and Rape Culture on Social Media

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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Lily O’Farrell (@vulgadrawings)

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As the world marks the 30th anniversary of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action, the HeForShe IMPACT report offers a timely reflection

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A woman who had become separated from the group she was protesting with felt a tug on the homemade flag she was wearing as a cape during an anti-government demonstration in the capital, Bogotá, in the early hours of 3 June.

"A group of roughly eight police officers surrounded me," the woman - who has asked for her name to be withheld for security reasons - recounts. "One of them said: 'This one is a good one to rape'."

"He had a pellet gun and was pointing it closely at me. I told him to do it," she said, defiantly. "He just wanted to scare me," she explained, adding that other protesters came to her rescue soon after the officer had uttered the threat.

Verbal abuse, threats of sexual violence and discrimination have not been isolated incidents during the wave of anti-government protests that has been spreading through Colombia since 28 April.

There have been at least 113 cases of gender-based violence, according to a report by the Office of the Ombudsman, an official government agency tasked with overseeing the protection of citizens' human and civil rights.

"They started calling us bitches, whores, sluts," Karla Cardoso says of the abuse police officers hurled at her and other women during an anti-government protest in Medellín on 20 May. "They asked us what we were doing out at night, threatening to kill us," the 25-year-old student says.

And according to Temblores, an NGO which monitors police violence, it does not always stop at threats. The NGO says it has received reports from 28 protesters who allege they were sexually abused by members of the security forces. They include allegations of having been forced to strip naked, being groped and being raped.

Seven allegations of sexual violence by security forces are currently being investigated by the attorney-general's office. Among them is the case of a 17-year-old girl who was allegedly sexually abused by police in the city of Popayán. The girl killed herself the day after the alleged abuse.

Linda Cabrera, the director of feminist organisation Sisma Mujer, says that the aim of gender-based violence is to spread fear among women to deter them from protesting. But many women have not been deterred. They say that, if anything, the violence has made them more determined to play a vital role in the demonstrations.

Some are organising vigils and sit-ins while others make a point of marching right out front at demonstrations. Many say they feel vulnerable at protests, though, especially when they are alone.

Allegations of sexual attacks on protesters are not new to this latest wave of protests. Temblores says it has received 132 reports of sexually violent acts committed by police between 2017 and 2021. The NGO says the evidence it has gathered suggests they were pre-meditated and routinely orchestrated by groups of officers inside enclosed spaces.

Katherine Acosta, a 23-year-old student from Medellín, says she was the victim of such an attack in June 2020. She told the BBC that she was arrested after calling out an officer for spraying a woman in the face with an aerosol can of paint during an anti-government protest.

"When we got inside the station, [the police officer] touched me everywhere, my breasts, my intimate parts, he pressed his penis against me."

The BBC put the allegations of sexual violence by police officers to Colombia's Office of the Inspector General, which oversees the conduct of public sector workers.

It replied that "any act of sexual violence is reproachable and violates human rights, no matter who the victim or the perpetrator is".

Asked if sexually violent behaviour was a systemic problem within the police force, the Inspector General's Office - which is currently in charge of investigating the allegations - said there were no studies or quantitative results to suggest such a pattern.

The Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR) earlier this month sent a team to Colombia to investigate the allegations of excessive use of force by police during the protests.

Ahead of its arrival, President Iván Duque proposed a series of police reforms, including the creation of a human rights directorate led by an international expert, a better system to follow up on citizens' complaints and the expansion of disciplinary standards for officers.

But these reforms have yet to be approved by Colombia's Congress, and their passage is far from certain.

Rights groups have also pointed out that even if the reforms pass, the police will still fall under the jurisdiction of the defence ministry, meaning cases of abuse will continue to be judged by military tribunals, which they consider problematic.

Rights groups also think that more has to be done to tackle Colombia's impunity levels.

Ms Acosta filed a report with the police but many victims are reluctant to report cases of sexual violence because so few perpetrators ever get punished. According to Sisma Mujer, 90% of reports of sexual violence filed in 2020 - including that of Ms Acosta - have not progressed past the initial inquiry stage.

Many victims also say they fear there could be reprisals for speaking out or that they could become victims again, explains human rights lawyer Carolina Martínez.

A human rights advocate from Medellín, who asked for her name to be withheld, told the BBC that she was sexually assaulted by a medic while undergoing an examination at Colombia's Institute of Legal Medicine and Forensic Sciences.

She had gone to the institute, which is attached to Colombia's Office of the Attorney General, to document the injuries she says she sustained when police used excessive force during a protest she attended.

And the security forces are not the only ones accused of sexual violence during the protests. In the city of Cali, a group of protesters is being investigated for the sexual assault of a female police officer.

The protester from Bogotá who says she was threatened with rape by a police officer also recounts being sexually assaulted by a male fellow protester days after her encounter with the police.

"Being a woman means being exposed to this - the risk of being raped by a police officer, or anyone really, when you go out to protest."

You may want to watch:

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'The risk you run': Colombia's women protesters on sexual violence

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A woman who had become separated from the group she was protesting with felt a tug on the homemade flag she was wearing as a cape during an anti-government demonstration in the capital, Bogotá, in the early hours of 3 June.

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Movie on Female Pleasure, Sexual Violence, Feminism and More

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Movie on Female Pleasure, Sexual Violence, Feminism and More

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The movie #FEMALE PLEASURE embarks on a journey to discover the remaining obstacles that stand in the way of female sexuality in the 21st century.

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Listen to Legacy of Rape Culture on Spotify.

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Following the #MeToo campaign, which encourages victims of sexual assault and harassment to come forward on social media to demonstrate how widespread the problem is, men are now weighing in with their own hashtag: #HowIWillChange.

Also Read: Alyssa Milano Kicks Off #MeToo Crusade for Victims of Sexual Harassment

On Tuesday, Australian journalist Benjamin Law tweeted a message to his Twitter followers: "Guys, it's our turn," he said. "After yesterday's endless #MeToo stories of women being abused, assaulted and harassed, today we say #HowIWillChange." He followed that with examples of his own.

#HowIWillChange: Acknowledge that if all women I know has been sexually harassed, abused or assaulted, then I know perpetrators. Or am one.

- Benjamin Law 羅旭能 (@mrbenjaminlaw) October 16, 2017

#HowIWillChange: Recognise I don't need to be a perpetrator to be a bad guy. Questioning harassment, not doing anything about it-all as bad.

- Benjamin Law 羅旭能 (@mrbenjaminlaw) October 16, 2017

It didn't take long for Law's tweets to go viral, with men all over the world joining in.

Also Read: That Time Harvey Weinstein Visited New York Times' Top Editor to Kill My 2004 Expose

True. It's not a women's issue. It's ours. I will speak louder & clearer. #HowWillIChange #MeToo https://t.co/T6FK6vxxjH via @HuffPostWomen

- Jussi Herlin (@JussiHerlin) October 18, 2017

#HowWillIChange I will start calling out predatory actions when seen. Start being intolerant to harassment and care about your sisters. https://t.co/cZIyoVAVG3

- "sad guru" ♊︎ (@nobilismendax23) October 17, 2017

https://twitter.com/TrippyTrappy_Jr/status/920112175636779008

Even Alyssa Milano, who in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein sexual misconduct scandal helped spark renewed interest in the #metoo campaign originally created by Tarana Burke, got on board:

Use the hashtag #HowIWillChange!

- Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) October 18, 2017

Also Read: Kevin Smith Says He Will Donate His Future Weinstein Residuals to Women in Film

But not everyone was excited about this latest initiative, claiming the hashtag suggests all men are culpable.

https://twitter.com/DemonKingDurst/status/920589633506955265

I'm not jumping on the #HowIWillChange bandwagon. I've never sexually harassed a woman, man etc. What I WILL do is defend those that need it

- Doc (@WarMed_117) October 18, 2017

https://twitter.com/Pyramidial/status/920524337182134272

Also Read: Legal Startup Offers $100,000 'Bounty' to Fund Harvey Weinstein Lawsuits

The section from some of them prompted this tweet from Law:

Lots of fragile dudes in my mentions insisting they're "not part of the problem". You're the definition of the problem. Die angry about it. pic.twitter.com/SNff4whcxp

- Benjamin Law 羅旭能 (@mrbenjaminlaw) October 17, 2017

See more reactions below.

https://twitter.com/n8r_boi/status/920698305369329664

#howwillichange I need to call out when I see sexual harassment and model the behavior we want to see in the world

- Noah Groth (@RealNoahGroth) October 17, 2017

#HowWillIChange means calling out misogyny, unlearning patriarchy, and work to make spaces I'm safe in safe women.

- Darren Mack (@iamdarrenmack) October 17, 2017

#HowWillIChange
I'll stop avoiding and instead seek (or otherwise create) spaces for men to work on healthier definitions of masculinity.

- Michael Despotovic (@mikedespot) October 17, 2017

Guys: we all need to ask this question #howwillichange

- John Peter (@JohnPeterArcher) October 18, 2017

Also Read: Channing Tatum Cuts Ties With The Weinstein Company

#MeToo is overwhelming.
I have been thoughtless, oblivious, complicit and abusive.
I will try to be better.#IAmGuilty #IAmSorry

- Alex Robinson (@mirror_spider) October 17, 2017

https://twitter.com/urbanyogie/status/920253342999367680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ktnv.com%2Fnow-trending%2Fmen-responding-to-metoo-movement

65 Stars Who Have Condemned Harvey Weinstein (Photos)

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Men Join #MeToo Campaign With #HowIWillChange: 'Guys It's Our Turn'

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Following the #MeToo campaign, which encourages victims of sexual assault and harassment to come forward on social media to demonstrate how widespread the problem is, men are now weighing in with their own hashtag: #HowIWillChange.

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In this op-ed, Caralena Peterson explores how discovering intimate justice fills in the gaps of rape culture, and empowered her to say no.
One of the most important lessons I learned as an undergrad wasn't in history or philosophy class. It was something I learned outside of the classroom: It's not rude to stand up to someone who is making you uncomfortable. You do not have to cater to them. It might seem obvious, but it's a lesson many - girls and women especially - have to learn.

We tend to raise girls in a way that prioritizes following rules and not rocking the boat - sugar and spice and everything nice, and all that. As girls grow into adulthood, they may not have learned how to be assertive in unpleasant and demeaning situations. So what happens when you are a first-year in college and the guy you like sticks his hands up your shirt and grabs your chest on a crowded dance floor? Do you tell him this makes you uncomfortable and ask him to stop? Or do you question whether or not this is normal college behavior and freeze in panic over whether asking him to stop will upset him?

And what happens when you are a second-year and the guy you met five minutes earlier has taken you to the dance floor and proceeded to try and finger you up your skirt? Do you push him off and draw attention to his bad behavior? Or do you slink away, feeling guilty for something you can't quite identify?

Then, your junior year, what happens when the guy you've gone home with asks for sex over and over in manipulative manner that makes the "no" squeezing out of your throat softer and softer each time? Do you tell him you feel uncomfortable and leave? Or do you feel ashamed of not meeting his sexual expectations that you eventually just say "yes"?

Unfortunately, in each of these situations, I took the second option. I made excuses like he was drunk or I was being too passive because I didn't want to cause conflict; it's really my fault. Obviously, neither of these justifications is valid. And by swallowing the blame and remaining silent, I surrendered my power to do or change anything. But all those times I was in those coercive situations, the reason I didn't leave or assert myself was because I honestly didn't feel like that was something I was allowed to do.

I now see I had been conditioned to feel like I owed something to those boys, like I was required to still act courteously, to people-please, and to avoid making any trouble despite the way I was being violated (all three of the personal experiences above fall, I believe, within the range of sexual assault). I did not understand yet how what I was taught, even if not overtly, about the way women should behave in those kinds of situations made me especially vulnerable to harassment, rape, abusive relationships, and other serious consequences if left unchecked.

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Ending Rape Culture Isn't Enough. We Need Intimate Justice.

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In this op-ed, Caralena Peterson explores how discovering intimate justice fills in the gaps of rape culture, and empowered her to say no. One of the most important lessons I learned as an undergrad wasn't in history or philosophy class.

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PINK | Official Trailer | Amitabh Bachchan | Shoojit Sircar | Taapsee Pannu

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PINK is a social thriller that reflects on the dubious morals of today's times. In Theatres on 16th September, 2016.

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Zara McDermott uncovers a 'rape culture' raging in Britain's schools. She speaks for the first time about her own sexual assault by a schoolboy, and asks what needs to change.

Beginning with her own sexual assault, Zara investigates sexism and 'rape culture' in Britain. The assault left her with many unanswered questions. Why did it happen? Why did he think he could do it? And where did he learn that? Speaking to her friends, it quickly became clear that they all had their own stories - and many believe the problem starts at school.

In spring 2021, the website Everyone's Invited was flooded with thousands of anonymous testimonies from schoolgirls sharing stories of sexual assault and harassment. An emergency Ofsted report confirmed that rape culture has been raging unchecked in our schools, and that urgent action is needed to tackle it. In this timely documentary, Zara speaks to young women and girls about their experience of rape culture. Exploring both state and private schools, Zara speaks to pupils to understand first-hand how these toxic behaviours happen.

Zara also meets young women who have been assaulted or raped by pupils at their school, finding out what action was taken by their schools while their cases were underway. One ex-pupil (Mary)'s perpetrator was allowed to remain in school alongside Mary during the trial and after his sentence was served. Another pupil tells Zara that she is too ashamed to tell her school and parents about her assault, fearing that no-one will believe her. And finally, Zara meets the friends and family of 12-year-old Semina Halliwell, who alleged she was raped by a boy from her school. She took her own life in June 2021. Her mum, Rachel, speaks about the devastation at the loss of her daughter and the rape culture on social media that she blames for Semina's tragic death.

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BBC Three - Zara McDermott, Uncovering Rape Culture

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Zara McDermott uncovers a 'rape culture' raging in Britain's schools. She speaks for the first time about her own sexual assault by a schoolboy, and asks what needs to change. Beginning with her own sexual assault, Zara investigates sexism and 'rape culture' in Britain. The assault left her with many unanswered questions.

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Männerwelten - Belästigung von Frauen | Joko & Klaas 15 Minuten Live

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Pop culture often promotes some lousy ideas about consent.

Persistence and not taking no for an answer are portrayed as romantic. Rape and sexual assault are excused because the victim " wanted it." Lying and manipulating people into bed, and having sex with people too drunk to consent, are offered as light, prime-time humor. Rape victims stay friends and lovers with their rapists, with rape being trivialized and even denied.

But pop culture does have its moments. Whether it's because the creators were thinking consciously about consent or simply had good values, here are five times pop culture got consent right.

(Spoilers for Steven Universe, Thelma and Louise, Frozen, The Philadelphia Story, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

1. Steven and Connie, Steven Universe

In " Alone Together," Steven and Connie fuse (a magical process where two beings fuse into one, usually temporarily). And when they fuse into Stevonnie, they do something rarely seen in pop culture.
They don't just check in at the beginning of their encounter. They continue to check in.
The fusion is a surprise to them both - to everyone, in fact, since nobody had imagined it would be physically possible. It's both fun and scary, exciting and disconcerting. And after they've been playing with their new body for a while (running, swimming, and eating doughnuts - yeah, that sounds about right), they touch base: "Are you okay? We can stop if you... No. Don't worry."
When it starts getting seriously uncomfortable, they check in again, talk through how they're feeling, and when a stranger intrudes on them and things get even scarier, they break off the fusion. It's an amazing example of ongoing, active consent.
Too often, our culture assumes that when you've consented to something once, you've consented to it forever. But that's crap. It's always important to get clear consent, and we always have the right to say no, to people we've said yes to before, to experiences we've said yes to before, at any time.
We have the right to change our minds, and to stop doing things we aren't enjoying.
And with new partners, new experiences, or both, it's a really good idea to periodically check in and make sure everyone's still happy.

Steven and Connie - Stevonnie - clearly followed the advice of Garnet, Steven's mentor and mother figure, when she finds out they've fused: "You are an experience. Make sure you're a good experience."

2. Thelma and JD, Thelma and Louise

There's a moment in Thelma and Louise, when Thelma and JD (Geena Davis and Brad Pitt) are starting to have sex. They've been having a grand time together in her motel room, giggling and romping, horsing around and making out.

But when he moves things forward, gently sliding her onto her back and kissing her belly, Thelma suddenly stops and says, "Wait. Wait." And JD immediately takes his mouth off her, takes his hands off her, backs away from her, and waits. He says nothing, does nothing, until she reaches out to him to show she's ready to start again.
It's one of the hottest, sexiest moments in the history of pop culture sex. It's a moment that lets her know she can go ahead with the wild romping, because nothing will happen that she doesn't want.
Being careful about getting consent is often seen as an unsexy buzzkill. It's a baffling idea for a lot of reasons, including all the ways that clear consent makes sex better. It makes people feel more open, more relaxed, more trusting, more comfortable in their skin, more willing to try freaky new things. That's not the most important reason for it, of course - not raping people is the most important reason - but it's one reason, and it's real.

3. Anna and Kristoff, Frozen

"I could kiss you! I could. I mean, I'd like to. I. May I? We me? I mean, may we? Wait, what?" (Smile.) "We may."

Hell yes. Ask before you kiss someone. (Or touch them, or dance with them, or hug them.) It's a frustratingly common trope in pop culture that impulsively grabbing someone and kissing them is romantic, a sign of true love and passion. But it's a lousy model for consent, especially with someone you've never kissed before.

If you know someone well and have kissed them a lot, you can probably read their body language pretty well, but if you just grab someone you've never kissed before, you're not giving them room to say "No," or "Maybe," or "Not now but maybe later," or "Can I think about it?" You're forcing them into a position where they have to decide right that second, while your lips are on their body.
If you're thinking that asking first is awkward, unsexy, clinical, or unromantic, ask yourself, why is that?
Why does our culture think it's weird to talk about physical intimacy and make sure it's consented to? Why is it seen as graceful, sexy, passionate, and romantic to grab someone and kiss them when you aren't sure they'd like it?

Asking before a kiss can be sweet, intense, and a great way to show that you care about the other person's pleasure. This kiss in Frozen is a beautiful example.

4. Oz and Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

There are lots of things to like about Oz and Willow's sexual courtship. It's moved forward by both of them, with each initiating intimacy at different times. It breaks with gender stereotypes by having Willow be the one who's generally more eager for kissing and sex, and Oz being the one who wants to take things slow.

But one of the best things about their courtship is that it's so verbal. When Willow makes her first pass at him (in "Innocence"), she says, "Do you want to make out with me? They have a conversation about how he's interested, but doesn't want to just yet.

When she wants to let him know she's ready and eager for sex ("Amends"), she uses non-verbal cues, but they also talk about it: He lets her know he's interested, but isn't ready, and while she's disappointed, she respects his decision. They even have a hilarious meta-conversation (in "Surprise") before they start dating, in which they discuss the fact that he's going to ask her out.

Their relationship does look different when you know that Willow is a lesbian (or possibly bisexual). Their breakup is a disaster, of course. And Oz does lose a few points for his one use of the Impulsive Grab-and-Kiss in Graduation Day, Part 1 (see #3 above).

But even then, they talk (briefly) about what they're doing before they move forward. And they'd been dating for a while at that point, and she'd made her interest in him clear, so it's not unreasonable to think he was able to read her body language. Their courtship isn't perfect, but I'm going to give it a solid eight points out of ten.

5. Tracy and Mike, The Philadelphia Story

Even in 1940, some movie writers were getting it right.

In this classic romantic comedy, Tracy (Katharine Hepburn) is confused and uncertain about her impending wedding to George, and gets very drunk with Mike (Jimmy Stewart). They go for a nighttime swim, kiss twice, and he puts her to bed and leaves her there. Alone.

Afterward, when Tracy asks him why nothing happened between them ("Why? Was I so unattractive, so distant, so forbidding?")
He replies, "You were extremely attractive, and as for distant and forbidding, on the contrary. But you also were a little the worse - or the better - for wine, and there are rules about that."
Even in 1940, people knew that. You don't have sex with people who are so drunk that their judgment is seriously impaired. You certainly don't have sex with people who are barely conscious. It's sad that more than 75 years later, this should still be controversial.

I'm not going to call this heroic. Not being a rapist isn't heroic; it's a baseline for decent behavior. But it is a good model of consent.

And importantly, Mike doesn't shame Tracy for getting drunk, or for getting wild and loose. He describes their escapade as one "which I thoroughly enjoyed, and the memory of which I wouldn't part with for anything."

Dishonorable Mention: Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

When good models of pop culture consent are discussed, Xander Harris' name often comes up. After all, in the " Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered " episode, when Buffy is under a love spell and comes on to him, he refuses her, even though he's had an intense, unrequited crush on her for some time.

But this overlooks two things. One: The entire reason Buffy was supernaturally hot for Xander was that he's the one who did the love spell, a spell on Cordelia that misfired. Casting a love spell - forcing someone to desire you against their wishes - isn't exactly a model of great consent.

Casting a love spell, and then refusing the sex that's offered as a result, is like putting roofies in someone's drink and then changing your mind at the last minute. In this case, it's like putting roofies in someone's drink and then changing your mind because the wrong person drank it.
The other problem is that Xander's entire attitude toward Buffy, for years, was one of entitlement.
When Buffy rejected him, he reacted by getting hostile and sex-shaming her about Angel, the guy she really likes. Long after Buffy rejected him, he continued to hit on her and sex-shame her about sleeping with Angel.

He held a grudge for years against Angel, and even neglected to give Buffy crucial information that might have helped her save his life. And he complained for years about how Buffy only liked bad boys instead of nice guys like him, and took it upon himself more than once to critique her choices in men.

He's a classic nice guy - a guy who thinks he's nice and therefore deserves sexual attention from women. So no consent cookies for Xander Harris.

***

You may have noticed that in some of these examples, the encounter ends with no encounter. No sex, no kiss. Being careful about consent sometimes means not having sex you might otherwise have had. Think for a moment about what that implies. When you're not careful about consent, you're taking a real chance that some of the sex you're having isn't consensual.

I'm going to assume that nobody reading this wants that. If that's true, a good way to start is to pay attention to what your culture has taught you about consent and think about which messages you want to burn in a fire, and which ones you want to embrace.

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5 Amazing Love Scenes Where Pop Culture Got Consent Exactly Right - Everyday Feminism

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Pop culture often promotes some lousy ideas about consent. Persistence and not taking no for an answer are portrayed as romantic. Rape and sexual assault are excused because the victim " wanted it." Lying and manipulating people into bed, and having sex with people too drunk to consent, are offered as light, prime-time humor.

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National Data & Research

RCNI National Rape Crisis Statistics are compiled using information collected by 7 Rape Crisis Centres on the RCNI database.

Representation & Partnerships

RCNI is active in partnerships and collaborations with a range of statutory, non-statutory, academic, national and international bodies working to prevent sexual violence.

Best Practice Rape Crisis Centres

The RCNI role includes supporting Rape Crisis Centres to reach best practice standards.

Recruitment

Our recruitment page carries details of job opportunities within the sector.

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RCNI National Rape Crisis Statistics are compiled using information collected by 7 Rape Crisis Centres on the RCNI database. RCNI is active in partnerships and collaborations with a range of statutory, non-statutory, academic, national and international bodies working to prevent sexual violence. The RCNI role includes supporting Rape Crisis Centres to reach best practice standards.

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How college men in Pittsburgh are trying to prevent sexual violence

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When given the right tools, men in college are often most capable of stopping their peers’ sexually violent behavior.

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Men, Intimacy & The "Right to Sex" - Between The Scenes | The Daily Show

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You've heard the lines on the playground as a kid: "Only boys play with trucks; only girls like dolls." You've seen all the pink and blue in the baby section of every store. When it comes to parenting, one thing is clear: The gender binary is hard to avoid.

But that's not helping anyone, Dr. Christia S. Brown, a developmental psychology professor at the University of Kentucky and the author of Parenting Beyond Blue and Pink, says. She notes the gender binary, the division of gender into only two, opposing categories (masculine or feminine) rather than acknowledging the broad spectrum of gender identities, hurts all kids: The gender binary gives kids who don't fit neatly into it "the implicit and explicit message...that who they are is flawed or wrong," which Brown calls damaging.

It's harmful even if you have a very "gender stereotypical kid" (such as a boy who loves action figures and video games). Brown notes that when kids feel a deep need to conform to the gender binary, there are often other harmful consequences, like boys feeling a need to perform aggressive behaviors.

For any parent looking for an end to the pink and blue madness, Mashable talked to Brown and Riki Wilchins, the executive director of TrueChild, an organization of experts who advocate for challenging rigid conceptions of gender, about how to parent without fueling the gender binary.

1. Start early (very early)

If you're anticipating raising kids, Wilchins and Brown note that questions about your kid's gender pop up way (way) before a kid enters your home. Often, news of an impending child triggers the same clawing question from family members, friends, and colleagues: Boy or girl? It's an innocent question, but Brown maintains that you need to have a plan of action on how you'll answer it - both for yourself and for others - before your kid enters your house.

Brown notes your approach depends on how far you want to go with respect to avoiding the gender binary while parenting. There are lots of available options.

Some parents will try to push back on any kind of gender categorization, perhaps refraining from using any pronouns for their kids or giving their kids gender neutral names, while others might still use gendered terms or pronouns but find ways to make gender as irrelevant as it can be within a gendered world, Brown says. "There's a large range," she points out of different parenting styles.

Depending on what you determine for your own family, it might make for some tricky conversations but Brown and Wilchins maintain that you need to convey to the people in your circle what your intentions are with respect to gender and gender stereotypes for your child.

Do you want them to refrain from calling your child a boy or a girl, or a granddaughter or a grandson, until your kid has communicated their gender? Convey this ahead of time, Wilchins notes. If you choose to use gendered names and pronouns for your kids, that's certainly OK. But you might also want people to refrain from giving your daughter exclusively dolls and fake kitchen sets for gifts. Spell that out as well.

You know your own family best, Brown and Wilchins maintain, so you'll probably know what will and won't fly with them with respect to challenging gender stereotypes. Again, people often care about these labels, so you may get some pushback, or family members might not comply with your requests. Expect that, and realize that in plenty of cases, it might be a "choose your battles" situation.

Outside of communicating your choices with the people who might be interacting with your kids, you have a good amount of power at the start of your kid's life, according to Wilchins and Brown.

You control the color you paint a room, the toys you keep in the house, and how you describe your own kids, for instance. Do so with an inclusive conception of gender in mind.

Wilchins notes that you may have subconsciously internalized a lot about gender roles and stereotypes, so the key is staying attentive in these mundane decisions: Do you need to stay in the pink baby section? Could toys around the house have more variety? Ask yourself these kinds of questions whenever possible.

2. Focus on language

Once your kids start developing language skills and opinions of their own, though, Brown explains your task changes a bit. Now, instead of controlling how you and other adults perpetuate gender stereotypes for your kid, you need to zero in on the tiny ways you talk about gender at home.

"We know kids pay attention to language, and they're also attuned to gender markers in language," Brown points out, noting that gender is totally saturated within our language, whether through the frequent use of pronouns ("That's her cookie; That's his car") or through words like fireman or congresswoman.

Accordingly, it's important to focus on your own word choices as your kids are first learning about language, words, and identities, Brown explains. All the emphasis on gender (and particularly the gender binary) in everyday language can make it seem like gender tells you everything you need to know about a person, Brown points out. What's more, when gendered words like "salesman" are used, kids absorb messages about who can and cannot do what with respect to gender.

At least within your own home, you can control this as you reference family members, for instance. You might try using language that prioritizes the identity of individuals, rather than their gender: That's Saanvi's cookie; That's Tim's car. A neutral "their" would work for many interactions with strangers. Gendered terms, like congresswoman, could become congressperson; fireman could become firefighter.

Brown notes that another way to normalize gender neutral language can occur when reading children's books aloud at home. Back when she did this with her kids, Brown removed references to the character's gender whenever it wasn't a necessary part of the story, which, she says, ended up being most of the time. The point here is to normalize that how someone looks or presents themselves to the world doesn't necessarily correspond with their gender. For instance, in Curious George, the Man in the Yellow Hat became the Friend in the Yellow Hat. You might also try swapping the names of characters. Harold, of Harold and the Purple Crayon, could become Harriet; David, of No, David!, could become Danielle.

"It's not that hard to find gender neutral terms," Brown says.

Brown notes that it's also important to have conversations with your kids about why you're doing this. This will prepare them for when they start interacting with other kids more, whether cousins, kids on the playground, or classmates once they've started school (more on that below). Your kid might have questionsabout why certain characters have the names or pronouns they do when you read aloud in this way. You want to drill home: "Anybody can have long hair. Anybody can wear a dress," Brown says. Explain what gender is in the first place, and talk about the different ways people choose to express their own. (Here's some useful info on talking to kids about gender.)

While a focus on language is particularly valuable before kids start school, the hope is that the lessons they learn stick with them for the rest of their lives.

3. Help them confront stereotypes encountered in the classroom

In your own household when kids are young, Wilchins and Brown maintain that you have a good amount of control over how gender is discussed. The biggest challenge, in terms of avoiding gender stereotypes, starts once your kid is school-aged, they point out. No matter what you try to do in their early years before formal schooling, it's all but impossible that your kids are never going to encounter any mentions of the gender binary once school-aged.

"[Ages] zero to three [are] easier for parents," Brown says. By preschool, however, Brown points out that due to developmental reasons, kids become really strong "gender stereotypers," meaning they're highly likely to think about and understand other people through solely gendered terms: "All boys like trucks; all girls like princesses."

Classmates (or even teachers) might correct some of the lessons you tried to impart on your kids in their early years. It might even be unintentional. Think: Teachers saying "Good morning, boys and girls," making students sit "boy-girl-boy-girl," or single gender bathrooms.

Because of this, Brown notes that a kid raised in a gender neutral environment might stand out in a classroom where students are all grouping themselves and others based on how they perceive gender.

She says you should talk to your kids about this (both before they head off for school and while they're in it) to help them practice things they can say to people who challenge their ideas about gender. "Check in with your kid a lot," Brown says, to see how the gender binary is discussed and implicitly enforced at school.

Let's say you switched the pronouns for Max, the main character in Where the Wild Things Are, every time you read it aloud at home. You might equip your kid with an explanation for classmates on why Max doesn't need to be a boy for the story to work.

Or maybe you used the term "firefighter" at home, but your kid's classmate is insistent that the term is fire man because only men are strong and courageous enough to fight fire and they've never seen a woman firefighter before. Prepare your kid with responses about how jobs don't correspond to gender, and why it's wrong to assume that people have limited abilities because of their gender. (We're talking about kids, so it could also help to provide them with a fun fact about someone like Molly Williams, the first known female firefighter in the U.S.)

"If you're doing something non-traditional, you want to give them tools," Brown explains, in order to help them respond to potential pushback and, most importantly, to make sure they feel included and welcomed with their other classmates.

Brown suggests connecting with likeminded parents at school, so that if a particular gender issue arises, you have a group of people you can discuss it with. If any problem comes up that you think school officials need to consider, Brown notes that contacting them as a group, as opposed to as a lone parent, can help convey it's something that a lot of parents are concerned about.

4. Identify and challenge stereotypes they've picked up themselves

Gender stereotypes learned at school might travel home with your kids. If you notice them forming gendered assumptions, you can equip them with the tools to identify stereotypes so that they can stop normalizing them within themselves. That goes for kids of any age, whether elementary, middle, or high schoolers.

"The key is to not let any of it go," Brown says of "all or none" thinking that young kids often use, like "only boys play video games" or "all girls like nail polish." Particularly when kids are young, she notes that sometimes these "all or none" gendered assumptions can be totally nonsensical, pointing to an example she once heard a kid say: "Only boys like oysters."

That's obviously not true, but countering your kid's thinking will take more than just saying a statement isn't accurate. If you hear your kids make "all or none" statements, she stresses pushing back on it by using a concrete, familiar example. Upon hearing the oysters comment, you might point out that a woman they know (say, their cousin Amanda) likes oysters. Then, ask them why they thought this was true in the first place: Did they know Amanda liked oysters? Why did they think no women could ever like oysters? If they knew this about her, why didn't they think about her experience?

The goal is to convey to your kid that statements of this kind obscure all of the fascinating, unique things that make people who they are, and that gender isn't a predictor of any "all or none" behaviors.

She also suggests looking for unnecessary references to gender or gender stereotypes in the world around you, and then asking your kid what they think about it. An easy example is a trip to the store: Once, Brown says she saw "boys socks" and "girls socks" next to each other that were, in effect, the same socks in separate bins. Point something like that out to your kids and ask them about it: "I wonder why they make boy socks and girl socks," Brown suggests asking. "It's just clothes. Whoever is wearing the socks is just wearing clothes, [not boy or girl clothes]."

That holds true for tweens and teens: Brown recommends continuing conversations about gender stereotypes in ways that are relevant as kids start making their own decisions about what they wear, or what other activities they might engage in, such as dating or involvement with sports teams.

Sports teams, for instance, can be a breeding ground for toxic masculinity for boys because of a frequent emphasis on aggression and dominance. Brown encourages introducing the concept to your kids if they aren't familiar with it already, and keeping conversations going about how toxic masculinity pops up in the world around them.

As your kids get older, you won't be around every time they encounter a gender stereotype. Giving your kids the tools to notice and critique the gender binary and gender stereotypes when they pop up will hopefully last long after they're out of your immediate domain, she notes.

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How to parent without perpetuating gender stereotypes

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You've heard the lines on the playground as a kid: "Only boys play with trucks; only girls like dolls." You've seen all the pink and blue in the baby section of every store. When it comes to parenting, one thing is clear: The gender binary is hard to avoid.

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A key aim of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre is the prevention of sexual violence and as a result a number of education programmes, services and initiatives aimed at young people have been developed within the Youth Programmes section of our Education Department.

Courses include the flagship BodyRight progamme, which is a sexual violence prevention and education programme that we offer for professionals working with young people through the facilitation of an in-depth training course. The course focuses firstly on preparing and supporting those educating young people in these sensitive topics and secondly provides a manual of activities to deliver the messages appropriately. The programme covers the areas of sexual violence awareness, consent, support, sexting and online coercion. Support, advice and training updates are also provided to those working with young people.

In addition, the Let's Get Real programme and training around the influence of media, culture and pornography is available to those working in schools, youth groups and colleges along with consent workshops aimed at 2 nd and 3 rd level students.

You can read more about these programmes on our training courses page.

Outreach

Youth programmes also provides an outreach service to school and colleges through a volunteer outreach team.

Stands at college sexual awareness and rag weeks and consent talks to secondary schools are among the services available through outreach.

Campaigns

Campaign work is also a feature of youth programmes providing awareness and education on the prevention of sexual violence.

These include our #100consent campaign - read more on the campaign page.

Youth Advisory Panel

Our Youth Advisory Panel made up of young people aged 16-25 is there to support and guide the work of the youth programmes section through consultation and support with campaigns and outreach.

Contact youthprogrammes@rcc.ie to learn more or get involved in the group.

Resources

We have developed some useful resources focused on young people and based on our training materials:

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Youth programmes | Dublin Rape Crisis Centre

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A key aim of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre is the prevention of sexual violence and as a result a number of education programmes, services and initiatives aimed at young people have been developed within the Youth Programmes section of our Education Department.

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4. Tackling Rape Culture and Further Resources

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4. Tackling Rape Culture and Further Resources

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As many of the beliefs that make up rape culture are learned at a young age, education and parenting play a crucial role in tackling rape culture. Sex education syllabuses must be rewritten to address consent, pornography and much more, and parents should refrain from enforcing/encouraging traditional gender stereotypes that fabricate sexism and rape culture. Furthermore, it is important to involve and engage men. This can be done through personal discussions with friends and family members, by engaging and mobilizing communities, educating providers and with online or physical campaigns. Additionally, laws and policies must be rewritten to support healthy and violence-free norms. Moreover, setting good examples in (social) media is another way to "fight off" rape culture. Some examples of how to combat rape culture and further resources are displayed below.

(Flood, 2011; Jozkowski, 2022; O'Connor & McMahon, 2022; PettyJohn, 2018, Reidy et al., 2022)

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Achtung Liebe (2022) Kampagnen. Available at: http://achtungliebe.ch/index.php/kampagnen.html (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Burgen, S. (2022) “Spain passes ‘only yes means yes’ sexual consent law.” The Guardian, 25 August. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/aug/25/spain-only-yes-means-yes-sexual-consent-bill-expected-to-become-law (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Burt, M. R. (1980) “Cultural myths and supports for rape”, Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 38(2), pp. 217–230.

Bourke, J. (2008) Rape: A History from 1860 to the present day. 1st edn. London: Virago.

Bourke, J. (2008) “Rape myths past and present”, The New Statesman, 11 March. Available at: https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2008/03/rape-myths-women-stump-sexual (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Christina, G. (2020) 5 Amazing Love Scenes Where Pop Culture Got Consent Exactly Right. Available at: https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/10/pop-culture-got-consent-right/ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Clot, L. (2020) “Debate flares over Geneva pupil’s “shame shirts””, Swissinfo. 2 October. Available at: https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/society/debate-flares-over-geneva-pupils--shame-t-shirts-/46072546 (Accessed 15 December 2020).

Davis, N. (2021) “Is pornography to blame for rise in “rape culture”?”, The Guardian, 30 March. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/29/is-pornography-to-blame-for-rise-in-culture (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (2021) Youth programmes. Available at: https://www.drcc.ie/services/education-training/youth-programmes/ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

“Eetsway” (2022). Heartbreak High, Season 1, episode 3. Fremantle Australia & NewBe. Available at: Netflix (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Female Pleasure (2019) #Female Pleasure: Five cultures, Five women, One story. Available at: https://www.femalepleasure.org (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Flood, M (2011) “Involving Men in Efforts to End Violence Against Women”, Men and Masculinities, 14(3), pp. 358-377.

Flood, M. (2019) “Sexist humour and rape jokes: Five key points”, Men, Masculinities and Gender Politics. Available at: https://xyonline.net/content/sexist-humour-and-rape-jokes-five-key-points (Accessed December 15 2022).

Foggin, S. (2021) ““The risk you run”: Colombia’s women protesters on sexual violence.” BBC News. 23 June. Available at: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-57553316 (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Folts, E. (2022) “College men can play a crucial role in preventing sexual violence. Here’s how some are stepping up”, Publicsource, 28 November. Available at: https://www.publicsource.org/red-zone-campus-sexual-violence-toxic-masculinity-point-park-cmu-pitt-university/ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

galeaudios (2022) “bf roleplay audios: Possessive bf is back” [Tiktok]. 22 August. Available at: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsg6Da4/ (Accessed 15 December 2022).

galeaudios (2022) “bf roleplay audios: Another overprotective bf video” [Tiktok]. 24 August. Available at: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsgDJ9w/ (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Garwood, J. (2011) The Bride. Available at: https://www.amazon.de/gp/product/B004XFYWNY/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title (Downloaded: 2 September 2016).

Hald, G.M., Malamuth, N.N. and Lange, T. (2013) "Pornography and Sexist Attitudes Among Heterosexuals: Pornography and Sexist Attitudes", Journal of communication, 63(4), pp. 638-660.

He for She (2022) We Are The United Nations Global Solidarity Movement For Gender Equity. Available at: https://www.heforshe.org/en (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Hinz, T. (2020) Legacy of Rape Culture. [Podcast] Available at: https://open.spotify.com/show/6w2g3xTEa7GeMkoBtin3n1?si=94dddad54d744e60. (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Hod, I. (2017) “Men Join #MeToo Campaign With #HowIWillChange: ‘Guys It’s Our Turn.’”, The Wrap, 18 October. Available at: https://www.thewrap.com/men-join-metoo-campaign-howiwillchange-guys-turn/ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Horeck, T. (2014) “#AskThicke: “Blurred Lines”, Rape Culture, and the Feminist Hashtag Takeover”, Feminist Media Studies, 14(6), pp. 1105-1107.

Ibrahim Babo (2019) “HUSBAND SCHOOL IN SIERRA LEONE”, YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EArBXD4wd0 (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Johnson, N.L. and Johnson, D. M. (2021) “An Empirical Exploration into the Measurement of Rape Culture”, Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 36(1-2), pp. NP70-NP95.

Joko & Klaas (2020) “Männerwelten - Belästigung von Frauen | Joko & Klaas 15 Minuten Live”, YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc0P2k7zIb4 (Accessed: December 15, 2022).

Jozkowski, K.N. (2022) " Sexual consent and the prevention of sexual aggression", in Orchowski, L.M. & Berkowitz, A. (ed.) Engaging Boys and Men in Sexual Assault Prevention: Theory, Research and Practice, San Diego: Elsevier Science and Technology, pp. 211-236.

Mahaseth H. (2021) “The Misogynistic Tropes of Rape Delineating the Boundray of Romance in Popular Fiction”, Linguistica Antverpinensia, 3, pp. 1436-1446.

Malamuth, N.M., Hald, G.M. and Koss, M. (2012) "Pornography, Individual Differences in Risk and Men’s Acceptance of Violence Against Women in a Representative Sample", Sex roles, 66(7-8), pp. 427-439.

Martin J.L. and Brooks J.N. (2020) “Loc’d and Faded, Yoga Pants, and Spaghetti Straps: Discriminiation in Dress Codes and School Pushout”, International Journal of Education Policy and Leadership, 16(29), pp. 1-19.

O’Connor, J. & McMahon, S. (2022) " The role of rape myths in contributing to sexual aggression: Theory, research, and implications for prevention", in Orchowski, L.M. & Berkowitz, A. (ed.) Engaging Boys and Men in Sexual Assault Prevention: Theory, Research and Practice, San Diego: Elsevier Science and Technology, pp. 97-123.

O’Farrell, L. [@vulgadrawings] (2022) “The Struggle 💀💀💀🙃,” [Instagram]. 10 February. Available at: https://www.instagram.com/p/CZznaSRIL8I/ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Peterson, C. (2022) “Intimate Justice Provides Answers About the “Gray Areas” Rape Culture Doesn’t Seem to Answer For”, Teen Vogue, 25 November. Available at: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/intimate-justice-gray-areas-rape-culture (Accessed December 15, 2022).

PettyJohn, M.E. et al. (2018) « #HowIWillChange: Engaging Men and Boys in the #MeToo Movement”, Psychology of Men and Masculinities, 30(4), pp. 612.622.

Piñon, N. (2021) “How to parent without perpetuating gender stereotypes”, Mashable, 8 October. Available at: https://mashable.com/article/how-to-parent-without-gender-stereotypes (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Rape Crisis Network Ireland (2022) Rape Crisis Network Ireland. Available at: https://www.rcni.ie (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Reidy, D.E. et al. (2022) "The culture of masculinity and sexual violence: Raising boys to be nonviolent men", in Orchowski, L.M. & Berkowitz, A. (ed.) Engaging Boys and Men in Sexual Assault Prevention: Theory, Research and Practice, San Diego: Elsevier Science and Technology, pp. 125-148.

Philadelphoff-Purenn N. (2005) “Contextualising consent: the problem of rape and romance”, Australian Feminist Studies, 20(46), pp. 31-42.

Phillips, N. D. (2019) Beyond Blurred Lines: Rape Culture in Popular Media, Lanham: Rowman & Littlefield.

Sanders, T. (2016) The Oxford Handbook of Sex Offences and Sex Offenders. 1st edn. New York; Oxford: Oxford University Press.

TEDx Talks (2015) “Growing Up in a Pornified Culture | Gail Dines TEDxNavesink”, YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YpHNImNsx8 (Accessed December 15, 2022).

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (2022) “Men, Intimacy & The ‘Right to Sex’ - Between The Scenes | The Daily Show”, YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYmFyjy2EmQ (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Thicke, R., T.I. and Williams, P. (2013) “Blurred Lines”, Blurred Lines. Available at: Spotify (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Thomae, M. and Viki, G.T. (2013) “Why Did the Woman Cross the Coad? The Effect of Sexist Humor on Men’s Rape Proclivity”, Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 7(3), pp. 250-269.

Times Music (2016) “PINK Official Trailer | Amitabh Bachchan, Taapsee Pannu, Kirti Kulhari, Angad Bedi | Shoojit Sircar”, YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AL2TShb6fFs (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Towns, A. (2013) ““I couldn’t even dress the way I wanted..” Young women talk of “ownership” by boyfriends: An opportunity for the prevention of domestic violence?”, Feminism & Psychology, 23(4), pp. 536-555. Available at: https://doi-org.ucd.idm.oclc.org/10.1177/0959353513481955 (Accessed 15 December 2022).

Uncovering Rape Culture, Zara McDermott (2021) Directed by Angela Byrne. BBC. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0b23rrf (Accessed December 15, 2022).

Weiss, K. G. (2009) ““Boys will Be Boys” and Other Gendered Accounts: An Exploration of Victims’ Excuses and Justifications for Unwanted Sexual Contact and Coercion”, Violence Against Women, 15(7), pp. 810-834.

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Such TikTok POVs (point-of-views) normalize and encourage possessive and aggressive behaviours by men, ideas of "stealing" women, and the belief that when women are nice to men, they encourage flirting. This all leads to the objectification of women and notions of women "belonging" to men. Moreover, the presentation of these videos implies that women do or should desire such behavior from men.

(Johnson & Johnson, 2021; Towns, 2013)

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The idea of the "friendzone" depicted in the meme above, shows how men expect sex from any (single) woman or are expected to want it.

Other sayings or ideas justifying, excusing, encouraging and reproducing rape (culture) can be found in the comment section of this post.

(Legacy of Rape Culture, 2020; Thomae & Viki, 2013; Weiss, 2009)

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With lyrics like "you're a good girl, I know you want it", Robin Thicke reproduces the idea that women are objects of (men's) pleasure and secretly wish for any sexual act done to them.

(Horeck, 2014; Phillips, 2019)

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At a high school in Geneva (Switzerland), an oversized, white T-Shirt was given to girls wearing "indecent/inappropriate" clothing to cover up. Such "shame shirts", and most dress codes in general, reproduce rape culture, like sexist notions of girls "asking for it" and of men being unable to control their sexual urges. It additionally puts all responsibility for preventing rape/sexual violence on girls (see comment section).

(Clot, 2020; Martin & Brooks, 2020)

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3.6 Romance Novels – ⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger Warning!⚠️⚠️⚠️

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3.6 Romance Novels – ⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger Warning!⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Depicted above are screenshots of the highlander romance novel "The Bride" by Julia Garwood. Such scenes glorify rape and reproduce rape myths, lacking distinctions of enforced submission and consent by depicting the woman's resistance as a dissembling cover for actual closeted desire. Additionally, it shows that men are allowed/supposed to take what they want and know what women secretly want, "rightfully" ignoring their "nos" – all this being portrayed as sexy/hot. This book written by a woman and targets (young) women, teaching them that scenes like this are to be desired.

(Mahaseth, 2021; Philadelphoff-Puren, 2005)

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Dr. Gail Dines shows how pornography shapes gender roles and culture for children and young adults of all genders. Additionally, in Dines's view, it reproduces sexism and teaches violent/passive sexual scripts. She shows that pornography consumption leads to higher sexual aggression and violence by men.

(Dines, 2015; Hald, Malamuth & Lange, 2013; Malamuth, Hald & Koss)

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Growing Up in a Pornified Culture | Gail Dines | TEDxNavesink

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This project explores rape culture and sexual violence. Within this Padlet, I firstly provide a definition of rape culture (on the top). I then demonstrate several examples of rape culture in our everyday lives, in jokes and sayings, music, novels, social media and more (on the bottom). These examples show how rape culture is reproduced in and by our society. Additionally, I present possible ways to combat rape culture and provide further resources as well as a bibliography (all to the right).

This Padlet mostly uses very binary language. This is due to the binary gender stereotypes fabricated within rape culture, and the fact that most perpetrators and sex offenders are cisgender men. However, people of all genders can be victims of sexual assault and people of any gender can be perpetrators (Bourke, 2007, Sanders, 2016).

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The following section presents six examples of how rape culture "hides" in all corners of the media we consume as well as in our language and jokes. Essentially, this section explores how rape is embedded in our culture.

Presenting specific examples from media, I explain how each example reproduces (or is an effect of) rape culture.

This is only a selection of examples, there is more to be said about courts, politics, advertisements, movies, series, etc.

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Rape culture is made up by the components listed above; such sets of beliefs and values provide an environment conducive to rape, supporting and excusing sexual violence.

(Burt, 1980; Bourke, 2008; Johnson & Johnson, 2021; O'Connor & McMahon, 2022; Thomae & Viki, 2013)