# data[].attributes.body
When I first moved from Raleigh to Clayton. It was the first house my parents ever bought and is our "forever home" as they say. I was around 9 when we moved and at that time it would be the last times i can remember living with the pure happiness of a child.

# data[].attributes.body
At this time free-spirited was the only thing I knew and wanted to know. I embraced who I was and loved what I did. No one could tell me otherwise, as no one ever did. We were all kids just playing around and having fun. Speaking was the only thing I ever knew to do in this period of my life

# data[].attributes.body
Many memories that I would look back on at this time or look back on now consists of many battles that I often felt were embarrassing. I was extremely sensitive and felt everyone was out to get me. My anxiety swallowed me whole, and I blindly obeyed every wicked thought that would come into my mind. It took full control over me and many people didn't see that was the case, as they just believed I was weird and irritable. Being so self-conscious of myself at such a young age took a toll as I was extremely paranoid and had the worst self-image.

# data[].attributes.body
My family got the brunt of my demise, as they were the ones I was around the most. Being in a room with them always felt as comfortable as you would be on a train with strangers. I felt as if they didn't know me, and I didn't know anything about them. Me and my brother would constantly fight and argue. He wanted a reaction out of me, and I delivered. Of course, in turn it drained my parents, so they ended up joining into the arguments as well. I always felt like it was all my fault, as the atmosphere was thick when I walked into the room and the laughter faded out. It felt as I had a constant rain cloud over my head.

# data[].attributes.body
My mom slowly started to catch on that something was eating me alive. She started to see the worry and resentment that pushed me away from everyone every day and decided to go and get me tested for anxiety. I first didn't understand what she meant, as I wasn't aware of any "mental disabilities" and didn't know that they even existed as such a thing. Hearing the doctor ask me such abnormal questions in a separate room such as my home life and what did I think of myself was, weird, to say the least.

# data[].attributes.body
We got another appointment for me to actually diagnose me; the doctor was a trial run. The speaking up in front of my mom of the despicable thoughts I endured every day horrified my mom to say the least. To show me she understood, she told me she struggled with depression, and the doctor diagnosed me with anxiety.

# data[].attributes.body
Speaking up is exactly how I saved my life. Knowing that my mom may have never said anything, I'm not sure if I would still be here. To know her love and support, we have grown very close together and I patched the relationship with my family as well. I am so much truer to myself now, as I have gotten help from a therapist and physiatrist. I learned to speak up and that ending it will never be an option. Letting people get to me is no way to live and I've gained so much self-confidence and personally, I could never be happier.