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We're just going to say it: Ichabod sucks. He's sinful. He's ugly. He's afraid of his own shadow. He's not a manly man. Even his name spills the beans. Why make Ichabod into such a bad guy?

Irving is doing all he can to make us see that Ichabod is not a noble knight or Superman. He's not going to be saving any princesses—heck, he's too afraid of the dragon. Ichabod is the uncool kind of anti-hero.

With "Sleepy Hollow," Irving is making fun of Gothic, Romantic, and Romance literature all in one fell swoop. Nothing in the story really works the way it should, and all the normal things about these genres are turned upside down. Ichabod is the opposite of your normal protagonist, which makes him the perfect main character for a story that is the opposite of your normal, well, anything.

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It's no secret that Ichabod thinks he's a star. Despite all his confidence, Ichabod is constantly made fun of for his singing and dancing. Back in the day, vainglory was a separate category of pride reserved for people who had pride in something they were awful at. Sound like anyone we know?

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Ichabod is the most gluttonous of all literary gluttons. He even beats Augustus Gloop. Our narrator continually makes references to Ichabod's literal and metaphorical appetite—oh, and his huge mouth. He clearly wants us to get the point.

So how does he stay so slim? And why does the narrator make it a point to tell us? Let's try this on for size: maybe we're supposed to think that Ichabod's hunger is insatiable. He's so greedy that he'll never be satisfied with what he has. What do you think?

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As cowardly as he can be, Ichabod sure has a temper. At school, Ichabod whips his students and rules over them like a cruel tyrant.

Gulp. We know that he's just waiting to hit someone with that stick. At this point, he's powerless, so his wrath is just latent, waiting to come out. But once he's rich, he'll be ready to tell everyone what he really feels (1.44).

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Man, oh man, is Ichabod greedy. He's mad with desire for wealth, power, and status. After all, the only reason he wants to marry Katrina is so he can strike it rich. We'd probably be able to forgive Ichabod if he just wanted to have enough food to eat or, say, a non-broken mirror to use. But no, he wants to be filthy stinkin' rich.

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Okay, we might have to give Ichabod a pass here. He isn't really interested in the ladies in the slightest. All this guy cares about is food

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Ichabod doesn't seem lazy. He teaches during the week, leads choir on the weekends, and does housework for his landlords. That's a lot of stuff to fit in between his dates with the old Dutch ladies. But here's the thing: he has to do all this—it's how Ichabod makes his meager living and stays out of trouble.

The more important question is, what does Ichabod want to do? We'll tell you: nothing. He just wants to get rich and get the heck out of Sleepy Hollow (1.23). Ichabod doesn't even want to take control of the farm after old Baltus gets too old; he just wants to sell what he can, take the rest, and find somewhere to just be rich until his old age. You could say that Ichabod's sin is not active sloth, but sloth in hiding. Crouching Ichabod, hidden sloth?

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This one is way too easy. Don't the "green glassy eyes" (1.8) give it away?

It's pretty simple: Ichabod wants Baltus's wealth and he plans to get it by marrying his daughter. If Ichabod were just greedy, he could find any other way to get rich. But Ichabod specifically wants what Baltus has.