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The internet and social media are now a normal part of established culture for young people growing up. For parents, this can bring a whole new level of concern as even with safety filters on devices, having access to the internet and the social media world makes it more likely that young people may come across and gain access to content that is sexually explicit.

Internet access and social media has changed the landscape for parents in many ways. When it comes to teaching young people about what is healthy and safe in relationships, as well as the issue of supporting young people's individual sexual development, these aspects of parenting now point to the need for discussion around the issue of pornography.

Young people can accidently encounter sexually explicit material online or they can actively seek it out. And while secondary schools have an obligation to teach on the topic of relationships and sexuality, according to Mairead McNally of Loreto Secondary School, Balbriggan, there is no part of the curriculum that addresses pornography. It is useful for parents to think ahead about how to talk with young people about pornography.

Here are some reasons why young people could benefit from such talk:

1 Social media as a sexualised environment

The social media world and the internet

in general can become a sexualised environment quite quickly for some young people. For example, the young person may follow a celebrity online who posts sexually explicit selfies or content of themselves. This selfie culture can contribute to normalising the uploading of material that is sexually provocative or explicit, and it can inadvertently give young people the message that they must present themselves in a certain "sexual" way in order to be deemed of worth. The trend towards the sexualisation of the self can tend to glamorise the area of pornography.

2 Interest in sex

Wanting information about sex is normal and if young people are not getting

the message at home that they can ask questions and talk openly about sex, they may feel more inclined to access such information and pornography in order to find out for themselves what sex is about. Pornography is not real and yet young people viewing it can often think it is.

3 Pornography and beliefs about sex

A study in 2009 by Braun-Courville and Rojas found that the more frequently an adolescent is exposed to sexually explicit material, the more sexually permissive their attitude becomes.

With a more sexually permissive attitude, the young person becomes more likely to engage in sexual activity that is not safe. One important aspect of this relates to beliefs about consent. As pornography does not give a clear message about the necessity of consent, young people can end up confused or misinformed about the importance of this issue.

In Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (2012), the authors refer to this vast level of change adolescents are experiencing - at a cognitive, physical, emotional and sexual level - as a factor which makes young people more vulnerable to being harmed by exposure to pornography.

4 Body image

Sexual objectification can do a lot of harm to the sense of self worth. Pornography viewed without full understanding can misinform young people about how men and women "should" look as well as being portrayed only as sexual objects. This can be countered by providing young people with information about the process of objectification and about the fact that porn is not real life. This gives them a context for developing a good relationship with their own body and their own developing sexuality.

5 Expectations around sex

Exposure to pornography can be confusing and can unconsciously influence young people's expectations about what sexual activity will entail.

They can believe girlfriends and boyfriends they have physical or sexual contact with are right to expect certain things from them in terms of their performance. This can put the young person at risk of feeling pressure to do things or act in a certain way.

This can have an impact on what expectations people have about what they and others will do sexually and how they should look. These types of expectations can be damaging as they are counter to the formation of relationships that are emotionally stable, safe and healthy.

Here are some tips to help get the conversations about pornography started:

1 View talking about pornography as an extension of talking about sex. Once young people know about sex, parents can say that if the young person has any further questions about sex as time goes on, they would be delighted to answer them. This openness to answering questions can be repeated again and again.

2 Be upfront and acknowledge your child might want to go online to try to find out information about sex and that they can then end up seeing sexual content and pornography.

Give them adequate warnings about accessing adult sites and offer to explain any questions they might have.

3 It is important to communicate the following messages: Porn is not real, it is a performance. If a person is not clear about this fact, their confidence can be knocked and their expectations and ideas about sexual relationships can be negatively impacted. Consent is crucial before any sexual contact can take place between people. This message, which is usually not included in pornography, should be clearly explained. People are not sexual objects and you should not treat someone as if they were an object.

4 Do not assume that a young person who is not keen to ask questions about sex or pornography has no curiosity about it. They may be embarrassed or self-conscious. Normalise these feelings by saying, "It might feel embarrassing or hard to talk about sex with me but I think it's important that we talk. The more we do, the easier it will get as it will just become normal conversation."

5 Do not feel under pressure to answer questions straight away. Parents can say, "That is a really important question and we will put time aside later to talk, when it's quiet." That way, parents have a chance to think about how they wish to respond to a particular question.

6 Don't feel under pressure to give lots of information in one conversation. Like conversations about how to manage friendships, or how to manage peer pressure, conversations about sex and pornography can take place intermittently over time. Opportunities arise or can be created as young people grow and develop.

Anne McCormack is a family psychotherapist registered with ICP and FTAI.

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Why and how to talk to children about pornography

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The internet and social media are now a normal part of established culture for young people growing up. For parents, this can bring a whole new level of concern as even with safety filters on devices, having access to the internet and the social media world makes it more likely that young people may come across and gain access to content that is sexually explicit.

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1 in 4 Irish Teenagers have sent sexts!!

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1 in 4 Irish Teenagers have sent sexts!!

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The high rate of sexting here has been blamed on a lack of relevant and coherent education on the topic in the country's schools.

Irish teenagers were found to be the fourth highest in the EU for sending explicit messages, images or video, according to Dr Sheri Bauman, an expert in peer victimisation and cyberbullying and a professor of counselling at the University of Arizona.

Dr Bauman, who will address the Anti-Bullying Research Centre's conference later today, found sexting was more frequent among 14-17 year olds and that over 25% of students, from a survey of 300 post-primary Irish schools, acknowledged sending the graphic messages. The research found 4.4% of boys and 1.6% of girls aged 11-16 engaged in the behaviour.

And according to James O'Higgins Norman, director of the Anti-Bullying Research Centre, his own organisation's research has found that as many as 42% of teenagers will admit to having sent some form of sexual image by text.

"One of the reasons why Irish youth score so high in terms of sexting is related to a lack of a coherent relationships and sexualities education (RSE) programme in schools," he said. "It is estimated that up to 50% of schools in Ireland do not deliver appropriate RSE and when it is delivered it can be formal and focus too much on disease, crisis pregnancy and other negatives instead of emotions and other complexities related to sex."

A 2012 Department of Education survey of second-level schools found that nearly one-in-five stop teaching RSE between the time students sit the Junior Certificate and when they finish school. More than one-third of senior cycle students met by school inspectors in focus groups at over 60 schools in 2011 wanted a broader RSE programme provided.

Dr O'Higgins Norman said young people "don't really seem to connect with the possible negative effects of sending a sexual image by text".

Dr Bauman explained what those effects can be and the devastating long-term impact they can have.

"Once they become available in the cyber universe they can be misappropriated," she told RTÉ's Sean O'Rourke programme. "Someone can take them and forward them onto a very large number of viewers other than the intended recipient. They can be altered. In many cases both individuals, both the original person who sent it to perhaps an intimate partner and that person who forwards it on can be guilty of child pornography. So there are legal implications which could affect the rest of their lives if they were prosecuted."

However, the biggest impact which can occur is on the person whose image has been taken and sent on to others and who now has no control over it. "They see 'I'm flawed, I've done something terrible, the universe is not accepting of this behaviour, I've been labeled some very uncomplimentary terms. My future is hopeless because I have been told this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life'."

That, she said, frightens people to such an extent that they think their life is over.

Dr Bauman also addressed how teenagers should be addressed by adults about sexting. She said there should be a frank discussion of sexuality in the context of relationships. She pointed out that it is normal to become curious and to experiment.

Dr O'Higgins Norman said there is a lot of ignorance and silence about the issue of sexting and a lot of parents and teachers wring their hands, stand back from it and say "I don't want to know about that".

"Schools have to get involved. Under the National Action Plan on Bullying 2013, schools are obliged to participate and support parents in relation to anything which affects how a child is getting on in school."

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The high rate of sexting here has been blamed on a lack of relevant and coherent education on the topic in the country's schools. Irish teenagers were found to be the fourth highest in the EU for sending explicit messages, images or video, according to Dr Sheri Bauman, an expert in peer victimisation and cyberbullying and a professor of counselling at the University of Arizona.

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Posts about phishing written by Urban Schrott

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(Image via MTV)

What is a catfish?

Catfish is a slang term used to describe someone who creates a false identity online. The term originated from a 2010 U.S documentary, titled Catfish. The film follows a young man who developed an online relationship with a woman, only to find out the person he thought he was communicating with was someone else. Following on from the success of the documentary, MTV now has a hit TV show with the same name.

Why do people catfish?

The term catfishing refers to the process of befriending or chatting with someone online, while using a fake identity. Not all people who catfish do it for malicious reasons. Some people catfish due to self-esteem issues or out of loneliness and some people do it out of sheer boredom. Nevertheless, catfishing can be harmful to people and there can be more sinister motives for the modern phenomenon including:

Cyber Bullying and Catfishing

Unfortunately, it can be a common occurrence for a catfish to create a false identity for purposes of cyber bullying and trolling. If you are a victim of cyber bullying or are worried about your child being affected, keep a record of any correspondence, block the person and speak to someone you trust about it. It is against the terms of service of many social networks to provide false information or create an account using another person's details and images.

Online Predators and Catfishing

Catfishing can also be a way for online predators to target/befriend children and teens. To help minimise risks, parents should encourage children to be smart online and help them to understand how easy it is to create a false profile online. Remind them always to be wary of accepting friend requests from people they haven't met in real life.

Tips for spotting a Catfish online

Here's a few things to look out for if you are worried someone isn't who they say they are online:

Profile photos - Look out for overly photo-shopped or retouched images. Fake accounts may also have only one profile photo.

Adopt a common sense approach. Many catfish will pretend they are professional models, in these cases, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Accounts with few followers/friends.

Accounts with little activity or interactions on their profile. For example not tagged in photos, no interests or likes etc.

Remember consent is needed to share images of someone else. In the case of U-18's permission must be given by the parent. If you spot a fake account, report it to the service provider. Most social networks and apps allow you to report fake profiles. See below for details on how to report profiles on some of the more popular sites/networks.

Facebook - facebook.com/help/report-fake-account

YouTube - google.com/youtube/report

Instagram - help.instagram.com/report

Twitter - support.twitter.com/forms/impersonation

Protecting your photos online

One of the big concerns recently for Irish teens is privacy and the risk of their images being used to set up fake social media profiles. Social media is all about sharing pictures and teens love to share! However, some children may not be aware of how easily it can be to take photos from social media sites and profiles, including their own. Here's a few tips for talking to your child about protecting his/her privacy and images online.

Talk to your child about privacy settings. Many children may not be aware that some social networks are set to public by default. This means anything they share including photos can be seen by anyone.

Ask your child if they know how easy it can be to take images from their social media sites. Depending on your privacy settings, some images can be downloaded directly from social networks by others. Alternatively it is very easy to screenshot photos from sites like Instagram and Twitter.

If you or your child are worried their image might be used by someone else, you can do an image search on Google. You can either type their name into Google image search or upload their image directly. Google will search for the same image online and any similar images. If you discover that someone is using your image or your child's image without consent, report it directly to the service provider and they should remove it.

Encourage your child to close down any inactive social media accounts. Social media and networks change quickly and teens are always eager to move on to the next big thing. However, they may forget about networks they were previously on and leave old profiles inactive. People who catfish often find images on inactive social media accounts.

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(Image via MTV) Catfish is a slang term used to describe someone who creates a false identity online. The term originated from a 2010 U.S documentary, titled Catfish. The film follows a young man who developed an online relationship with a woman, only to find out the person he thought he was communicating with was someone else.

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Full Colour Cover Report on Harmful Communications and Digital Safety

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Safety Video

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CyberSafeIreland - Simple Steps for Parents

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This short scribe animation video talks parents through some of the challenges of keeping kids safe on the Internet and provides simple steps that they can take to ensure Stronger, Smarter and Safer kids online.

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For parents AND kids!!

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Short quiz to find out!

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Parents Quiz for Kids Safe Surfing on the Internet

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Parents quiz for checking parent knowledge about keeping their kids safe on the Internet.

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Internet safety - SpunOut.ie - Ireland's Youth Information Website

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SpunOut gives you some tips for being a bit more cautious and aware when on the internet.

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Start a discussion with your child

What are your favorite things to do online?

What is personal information? Why should you keep it private?

What could you do to be safer online?

What would you do if anyone online asked to meet you face-to-face?

Besides me, who do you feel that you can talk to if you are in a scary or uncomfortable situation?

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Cyberbullying

Exposure to inappropriate material

Sexting/Revenge porn

Catfishing

Revealing too much personal information

Phishing

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The positive side of social media for kids

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The positive side of social media for kids

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Benefits of internet and social media | Online behaviour and social media | ReachOut Schools

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Literature shows that there are many benefits of internet and social media in young peoples lives. Get the facts.

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Advantages of Sharing information online

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Advantages of Sharing information online

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Disadvantages of Sharing information online

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Disadvantages of Sharing information online

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Steps to take

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ie.reachout.com-When intimate photos end up online

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Advice and resources from Barnardos for parents of children affected by bullying, and for young people experiencing bullying.

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Dealing with Cyberbullying

What is Cyberbullying?

Online bullying is something you should talk about with your child before it happens. Ideally when your child starts using social media for the first time, when they are moving from primary to secondary school, and regularly thereafter.

This type of bullying is increasingly common and is continuously evolving. It is bullying carried out through the use of internet and mobile phone technologies. Being the target of inappropriate or hurtful messages is the most common form of online bullying. Cyberbullying does not require face to face contact, it can occur at any time (day or night). Many forms of bullying can be facilitated through cyberbullying. For example, a child may be sent homophobic text messages or pictures may be posted with negative comments about a person's sexuality, appearance etc.

Be clear on what constitutes online bullying. The procedures published by the Department of Education and Skills say:

" placing a once-off offensive or hurtful public message, image or statement on a social network site or another public forum where that message, image or statement can be viewed and/or repeated by other people will be regarded as bullying behaviour".

Cyberbullying can happen to anyone. It's always wrong and it should never be overlooked or ignored. You know your child better than anyone else. It means you are best placed to identify and deal with any cyberbullying they may encounter.

What Can I Do if my Child is Being Bullied Online?

Praise your child for coming to speak to you about the problem. Sometimes that first step of asking for help is a difficult one. Try to stay calm and not overreact. Reassure your child by reminding them that many people have had similar experiences.

The first thing to do is to listen. Listen supportively, don't interrogate your child. If they come to you looking for help, they have demonstrated trust in you. Be careful not to damage that by losing your cool or taking action that they are uncomfortable with. At the same time, you should make it clear that in order to help them you may have to talk to their teachers and the parents of other children involved.

Once you have established that bullying is taking place, you should get in touch with your child's school or youth organisation. Internet service providers should also be contacted and, if the cyberbullying is very serious, or potentially criminal, you could contact your local Gardaí.

Schools have a particular responsibility to address bullying. Talk with your child's teacher if the bullying is school related. A pupil or parent may bring a bullying concern to any teacher in the school. Individual teachers must take appropriate measures regarding reports of bullying behaviour in accordance with the school's anti-bullying policy. All schools must have an "Anti - Bullying" policy. You should familiarise yourself with your school's policy, so you know the steps to be taken if required.

Encouraging your child to talk to you about cyberbullying is key to maintaining an open and positive environment which can help you deal with the situation.

Responding negatively by barring internet use or taking away their mobile phone can damage trust and may also put you out of the loop if cyberbullying happens again.

Help your child to build his/her confidence and self-esteem in other areas. This can be supported by your child engaging in out of school activities, such as sports, music or art activities. If your child is very distressed it's important that they have someone with whom they can speak. A professional counsellor might be able to help. Childline offers a listening support service for children.

What Advice Should I Give my Child?
1. Don't Reply: Young people should never reply to messages that harass or annoy them. The bully wants to know they have upset their target. If they get a response it feeds into the problem and makes things worse.
2. Keep the Messages: By keeping nasty messages your child will be able to produce a record of the bullying, the dates and the times. This will be useful for any subsequent school or garda investigation.
3. Block the Sender: No one needs to put up with someone harassing them. Whether it's mobile phones, social networking or chat rooms, children can block contacts through service providers.

4. Report Problems: Ensure your child reports any instances of cyberbullying to websites or service providers. Sites like Facebook have reporting tools. By using these, your child will be passing important information to people who can help eradicate cyberbullying.

Children need to understand the emotional damage of cyberbullying, and all other forms of bullying can cause. All forms of bullying hurt, all cause pain and all should be stopped. By stressing this to your child - and by enforcing the importance of not standing by while someone else is being bullied - it will encourage their responsible internet use.

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Internet safety cyberbullying advice and tips for parents

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Online bullying is something you should talk about with your child before it happens. Ideally when your child starts using social media for the first time, when they are moving from primary to secondary school, and regularly thereafter. This type of bullying is increasingly common and is continuously evolving.

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Safety tips for parents for kids online