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A: Green!

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Q: What do you do if a sibling won't share with you even if a parent says they have to?

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Q: What do you do if a sibling won't share with you even if a parent says they have to?

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A: Sharing is tough for some kids (and adults). I believe that no one should be forced to share if they don't want to. It can be very emotional for someone to have to give something special away to another person.

Young children might not know how to express themselves, so they use the word "mine" to express feelings like: "I'm playing/using this right now," "This is special to me and I'm afraid you might break it," "I'm afraid you might take it all and leave none for me."

The best way to handle a lack of sharing is to model respect and patience. Practice communication that expresses how you feel to get to the root of why the person won't share with you. You can set a timer to take turns, or decide that you will take a longer turn, but you must communicate that with your sibling.

Some toys are very special to kids, and they should be allowed to have them just for themselves. It's okay to have a few items that you don't want to share, just make sure you are communicating why you feel this way.

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A: When you receive an invitation to something that you don't want to go to or simply can't go to, the best thing to do is be upfront about it. What you don't want to do is tell the person you plan to be there (out of pity) and then either cancel or no-show.

Instead, thank the person for inviting you, and tell them that you are bummed about not being able to go. You can simply say you aren't able to attend or give a reason why you aren't able to attend. I would advise not to "make something up" though. Being caught in a lie is worse than declining an invitation.

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A: March 7th

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Q: How do you know when/how to react to someone when you haven't been listening?

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Q: How do you know when/how to react to someone when you haven't been listening?

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A: Listening is the key to communication. If you haven't been listening, then you haven't been using very good manners. In order to know what facial expressions to use and how to respond meaningfully, you should practice active listening to whomever is speaking to you.

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A: Get to know the person first. Take the time and make the effort to get to learn about the other person - and give them a chance to learn something about you. Talk in class (but not during class), sit together at lunch, and hang out in the same groups. See if you have things in common and if you enjoy each other's company.

Ask early. Give the person advance notice. At least 3-4 days. This gives plenty of time to check with parents, earn some extra money, decide what to wear, and of course, look forward to being with you!

Last-minute invitations are likely to be rejected. Either the person has plans or assumes you are asking them because someone else bailed. An exception to this rule: if you just found out about an opportunity.

Don't ask too early. Being over-eager isn't attractive.

Choose the right moment. You don't want to pop the question when your intended is upset, distracted, surrounded by people, or in a rush. Wait for a calm, private moment.

Do the asking yourself! Do not ask your friends to do your dirty work for you. Ask face-to-face, text-to-text, phone-to-phone, or in writing.

Go slowly. Plan something low-key and informal. Go to a basketball game with a group of friends, go skating, go to a movie. Your comfort and friendship will grow and you'll know when it's time to ask for a more serious or romantic date.

Be specific. Do not say, "Wanna go out sometime?" Instead, ask your date to a specific event or location on a specific day of the week. For example, "Would you like to go see the new Kitty Kat movie with me on Friday night?" Once you've issued the invitation, you can provide further details on time, place, transportation, curfews, special clothing or equipment required, etc.

Be positive. Negative invitations plant the seed of rejection in the mind. Don't say, "You wouldn't wanna go to the movies with me, would you?" (No, I wouldn't). Remember, an invitation from you is a compliment. It says I and my wonderful self desire your company. Let that be your message. If you get turned down, at least you gave it your best shot.

Be upfront about money. If you're doing the inviting, you can signal your intentions with keywords such as: "My treat." or "Would you be my guest for..." or "I'd love to take you to..." If you don't have the money to pay for both of you, you can mention that you'll have to go Dutch (that means each person pays for themselves). Or you might say, "I can cover the cost of the tickets if you can cover the food."

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Q: How do I ask someone for their phone number?

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Q: How do I ask someone for their phone number?

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A: Asking for someone's phone number can be intimidating! But here's a trick: if you appear confident, people will think you are confident. Stand up straight, shoulders back, head held high.

Start your conversation with the other person casually. If you're not confident, you can find an excuse to talk (ask for help, give a compliment, ask for advice). Resist the urge to just walk up to someone and flat-out ask them for their number. This can be off-putting for some people.

The best time to ask for someone's number is during a high point in the conversation, like after you shared a good laugh or made a notable connection.

Tell the person you've got to go, but that "we should exchange numbers so that we can talk more later".

Getting a number should be done at the end of the conversation, not in the middle.

After you get the number, call it so that they have yours too (and you can make sure it's not a fake). Save the name and put a note in your phone about the person and the conversation you had as soon as you can so you remember who they are.

Send a text, later on, telling them it was nice meeting them and that you'll be in touch soon.

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Q: What if I walk up to someone and I didn't know they had a hearing impairment or disability?

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Q: What if I walk up to someone and I didn't know they had a hearing impairment or disability?

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A: A person with a disability is a human being with feelings and needs no different than your own.

Many people feel uncomfortable around people with disabilities because they don’t know how to act - or react. Or they may not know how or whether to help. The essence of good manners is the ability to put others at ease regardless of one’s discomfort.

Don’t make assumptions about what people with disabilities can or can’t do. They know better than you, so let them decide.

Address people with disabilities directly. Look them in the eye. Never refer to them in the third person in their presence (“Can she swim?”).

When talking to a person who is deaf or hard of hearing, turn toward him so he can read your lips. Unless asked to do so, do not speak slowly or loudly or over-pronounce words. If an interpreter is present, face the person who is hard of hearing, not the interpreter.

Don’t pry. People with disabilities do not owe anyone a medical report. It’s rude to ask about their condition's source, duration, symptoms, prognosis, or limitations.

Use respectful terminology. Don’t define people by their disabilities. Always put the person first, not the disability. For example, say, “My friend who is deaf,” not “My deaf friend.”

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Q: What if your friend is not open to your feelings?​

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Q: What if your friend is not open to your feelings?​

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A: Strong friendships are based on mutual support. However, in a one-sided friendship, the communication, time, and effort needed to keep the friendship going falls to one person.

When they need you, you’re there, but when you need them, you can’t seem to reach them. One-sided relationships can leave you confused and hurt.

Friendships take work from both people and involve good communication.

Steps to repairing a one-sided friendship:​

Have a conversation. Use “I” statements. ​

Tell them what makes you feel like the friendship is one-sided.​

Ask for what you need from your friend.​ For example, if you just need them to listen without trying to solve your problem, tell them that. Or if you feel like you need a hug, let them know.

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Q: How do you react if someone is accusing you of something you didn’t do?​

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Q: How do you react if someone is accusing you of something you didn’t do?​

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A: First, start by dealing with your growing anger. Take a deep breath and realize there is a misunderstanding that has caused the other person to become frustrated or angry with you.

Instead of being angry, be curious. When you become curious, you center your logic and turn off your anger response. The mystery you are trying to solve is: “What exactly did I do that led you to that conclusion?” Ask the other person sincerely why they feel that you did x.

Resist every urge to correct their story or become defensive. Repeat back what they said and ask them for a specific example. Explain how you can see that this person came to this conclusion.

At this point, you can tell the story from your side and explain your innocence. You and the other person can work to solve the case.   ​

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Q: What if you don’t want to be friends with someone but you don’t want to hurt their feelings?​

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Q: What if you don’t want to be friends with someone but you don’t want to hurt their feelings?​

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A: Ending friendships is difficult for both you and them. You can choose the direct approach by talking to them honestly, respecting their feelings, and setting new boundaries.

You can also choose an indirect approach by avoiding them and staying busy with other things. Do not sit near them and avoid drama. ​

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Q: What if someone made you sad but you can’t control your emotions? 

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Q: What if someone made you sad but you can’t control your emotions? 

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A: It’s okay to feel sad from time to time. You can take hold of your emotions by identifying what you’re feeling. ​

1. What am I feeling right now?​

2. What happened to make me feel this way? ​

3. Does this situation have a different explanation that might make sense?​

4. What can I do about these feelings? ​

5. Is there a better way of coping with my feelings?​

Take a deep breath, give yourself some space, and try to identify what you’re feeling. You can talk to someone you trust. Remember, you can’t control anyone but yourself.  ​

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Q: What if you’ve known someone your whole life but they’ve changed the wrong way?​

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Q: What if you’ve known someone your whole life but they’ve changed the wrong way?​

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A: “People enter our lives for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.” Childhood friends growing apart can be very painful, but it is a natural part of life.

You can check in with your friend to see if the friendship is worth saving. Communicate your concerns and how much the friendship means to you.

Allow your friend to tell their perspective of the friendship too. At this point, you can work together to save it, or you can let it go. If you are a true friend, you will allow your former friend to do what is best for them and love them from afar.

Many times you can be an associate friend. This is someone who is fun to hang out with on occasion. You see them when it is convenient, and there are no expectations for one another during the good times or the bad.

When someone walks out of your life, you should let them. They are the ones who are losing something special. There are people out there who have dreamed of having a friend like you.

The next friend that comes into your life could be there for a lifetime. ​

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Q: What do I do if I’m using my manners but someone (a sibling) keeps provoking me? ​

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Q: What do I do if I’m using my manners but someone (a sibling) keeps provoking me? ​

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A: Having trouble with your siblings can make you feel frustrated, annoyed, and angry. With a little patience and understanding, you can get better at avoiding disagreements. ​

Confront them. Ask them (nicely) why they’re acting this way. You might learn that something is bothering them. Ask them questions and listen to their concerns. ​

Tell them how they are making you feel. For younger siblings, use simple clear language. “It makes me angry when you interrupt my homework.” or “I get sad when you call me names.” When you speak, practice kindness. They probably want to follow your lead and be a part of your world. ​

Try to find a solution that makes both of you happy. If your sibling is bothering you because they want your attention, but you need to study, meet them in the middle and tell them that if they leave you alone for an hour, you’ll play a game with them when you’re done.​

Walk away if you start to get angry. It’s best not to let it escalate into a big fight. If you are starting to lose your temper, leave the room. If your sibling hits you, resist the urge to push back. Leave the room and tell a parent immediately. ​

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Q: What do you do if someone is mad at you and you don’t know why? ​

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Q: What do you do if someone is mad at you and you don’t know why? ​

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A: When your friends stop talking to you out of the blue, it can feel very lonely and disoriented. Take a close look, has your behavior changed? Have you been upset or cranky? Have you said or done anything that might have hurt anyone or caused offense?

Even if your friends are the ones acting cranky, it’s always a good idea to consider your own words and actions. The way to get other people to change their behavior is to change your own.

If you still can’t identify any reasons for the behavior, seek your friend out when she is alone and tell her you value her friendship, but you’ve noticed she doesn’t want to be around you lately. Explain that this upsets you and you wonder if you’ve done something to alienate them.

She may give you some feedback or reveal a misunderstanding that you can set straight. It’s also possible that she just doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. Since you can’t force someone to be your friend, hold your head up high and make new friends. ​

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Q: How do you react to an adult’s rude remark?​

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Q: How do you react to an adult’s rude remark?​

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A: Reply politely. Rudeness returned is the least effective comeback to bad manners. Don’t feel like you have to answer a nosy questions just because it was asked. Respond to rudeness with a gracious statement:​

You’re very kind to tell me that.​

Thank you for bringing that to my attention.​

I’ll give that some thought.​

That’s not something I’m comfortable discussing.​

Do you really think so?​

I’m always interested in hearing another opinion.

It’s not what you say, but how you say it.​

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