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hi, Sofia! In your essay something I found that you did very well with was the theme choice. Your theme was one to really think about, and was really touching to readers. Also, I like how you chose a good word choice. It made the essay sound more highly and more improved. Though a suggestion I do have  is when explaining the evidence, I suggest that you explain more clearly, instead of making it over exaggerated.

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Hi monkey, I really liked how you started your claim off with “ Surely” I think that was a great transition to start with. I also liked your theme. I feel like it really fits with the Pixar short. I also really liked your summed up sentence and you didn’t make it more than one sentence and you didn’t just restate the claim. I feel like you did really well on that. However, what I think you could work on is making sure you highlight everything needed. In your summed up sentence you forgot to highlight in purple “ For the birds.” Otherwise I think you did great on this.

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Hi, Sofia!! First off. I’d also like to say that just like your regular piece I really liked how you described everything and kept it organized and neat. In addition, I liked how you pulled everything together with your claim. One thing I do think you could work on is a more detailed explanation. It's a very good piece!!

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Hello Sofia,  I like that each section there is more the one transition words. Also good transition word choices in the second explanation.  I like how you’re evidences has 1:53 -2:55 because when the reader goes to watch  for the birds  they can see how much to watch.   I think that your last few sentence in the second explanation is long.

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Hi Sofia, one thing I liked in your writing piece was your claim sentence which was a great theme that could be applied to many situations. Another thing I liked was your smooth transitions which enhanced the flow of the piece. One thing you could improve on is removing personal pronouns like “you” or “your” and elaborating your evidence more but other than that I really enjoyed reading your piece.

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Hi Sofia! I really loved your timed essay and thought it had great transition words like when you said “As an individual progresses through life…” or “To conclude…” I would have never thought of those! In addition, I love your message in your explanation when you said “When violence is used things never go right and it just creates an even bigger problem.” or “The his theme is important in life because when a fight happens fighting back wont do anything other than affect the people that are having the fight.” However, one wish I have for you is if you could turn ur boring words into something more fun like when you said “trouble…” it sounded kind of boring. Besides that I thought you did great!

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hi sofia your explanation is really good you you explain the evidence really well. I also like your claim that the writing is really great. I would highlight the name of the Pixar short in purple also your sum up is really long.

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Hi barboza, I really liked how you were being as descriptive as possible in your explanation. I thought you did really well with that and it made your peace stronger. Another thing I thought you did well was your evidence all though I thought you could’ve added a little more. Overall I think you did very well! However, I think you could’ve made your sum it up sentence a little shorter.

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Hey Sofia! I really liked your piece!!! I loved how you created good explanations to your claim / theme. In addition I also liked how you changed the word choice to fit better and be more advanced! Overall really good job!

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hi Sofia ⭐️you have a lot of transaction words which make you writing really good. You use transition words which make your writing fun to read.⭐️ I like your sum up because it explains what the claim means in better words.🧞‍♂️i think you can be more descriptive on the antidote so the reader can see what happening better.

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Hey Sofia!! I liked how you really described things  in detail. And how you incorporated metaphors and connections to other things. I also liked how you made sure to use a lot of bold words and transitions words. One wish I had was maybe you could have discribed more on how things were, like adding discribing features or like adding on.

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I thought one strength in your writing was your reasons for why kids should do sports. It really helped me envision the positives of sports and the negative effect it can have on children who don’t do sports. Another strength in your writing was your conclusion which really wrapped your piece up and made me think that we should definitely keep sports. One wish for me is that you should work on showing and not telling and adding more description to your scenes but overall I really enjoyed reading it. Great job!

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I loved how in your personal narrative you really pulled me into what you said with “He is usually at home all day playing video games, scrolling and texting on his phone all the time and not being active at all.” It just made me want to make him play sports! Another star that I have for your narrative is your conclusion paragraph when you said “Sports can help students with their future and they can become more active, they will be able to do something they fond and will be getting the physical education they need.” I thought this was good because it made me picture students playing sports. One wish that I have for you is if you is if you use more creative words like instead of saying “When students start doing school sports they make new friends and become more active,” I would say, “When children and teens start playing sports, they have new friends to play their sport with them while they are physically learning new sport skills.” Overall I thought you did an amazing job!

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Hi :)! In your narrative, “The Freg Project Gone Wrong” a strength was the strong hook was. At the end when you show Sally turning infected, it leaves me angry that it was left on a Cliffhanger. Also, I liked how you gave descriptive inner thoughts. It made the reader feel like they were inside of Sally’s mind, and created sort of a scary sensation for the reader. Though, you do have some punctuation, and grammar errors, overall I enjoyed your story very well and hope you add another story to continue it.

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I really liked how you described the little things. I also liked how you explained how you felt and your inner thoughts.

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Your piece was good I like how you described when you walked in to the room and you inner thoughts

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A strength of your memoir is how you did not introduce what was happening in the beginning but slowly introduced what was happening by the flashbacks you had. Another thing I enjoyed is how you gave a good lesson you learned on how you should never take the time you have with your loved ones for granted because you are slowly growing up, and your relationships are slowly changing.A suggestion I do have thought is you should try to make your flashback a little shorter and with less dialogue, because the 1 flashback seems like it is kind of summing up the story.

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I really liked how you described the little things like opening your bedroom door or/and you incorporated self dialogue. I also thought that it was really good how you explained what you saw, and how you were feeling. One more I thought was really good was how you were telling the reader the other memories you’ve had that went with the memoir.