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Meet Ms. Grasby online for the set time. Post comments, questions, reflections and engage in conversation with the teacher.

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Ravinder Gill also known as REDvinder and Ravioli by his classmates, died August 14 11:59 am at the age of 13. Ravinder died by being decapitated by his older cousin and expert survivalist Sirtaj. Sirtaj was mad at Ravinder because he stole $20 from his wallet 5 years back. So to get revenge he decapitated him.

Ravinder was born on August 15, 2004 at 12:15 pm. He was born in the William Osler Brampton Memorial hospital. The hospital was still standing till this day mostly because no one wants to go in a creepy hospital in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Parents names are dad Kuldeep Singh Gill and mom Sarbjit Kaur Dhaliwal.

His siblings are Jaspreet Gill.

Ravinder was the only one from all of his friends to survive this long in the zombie apocalypse. The rest just died in stupid way like trying to teach a zombie how to chrome.

The schools Ravinder went to were: Lancaster Public School, Brandongate Public School and Darcel Senior Public School.

His friends were: Zaryan, Manan, Ajay, Abrar, Harkuran, Eisaar, Kamalpreet, Mayank, Rajiv and Manraj.

In Mrs. Tuli's class Ravinder won the Student of the Month Award and the Academics Award.

If the zombie apocalypse didn't happen Ravinder wanted to become a professional accountant. In the winter Ravinder would go skating every Friday. In his spare time he would do unfinished chores, play video games or go to the park with his friends and stay there for 3 hours straight.

Ravinder never achieved his dream, it was become a professional accountant and meet Bill Gates.

He was survived by his pet dog Flash and by his cousin Sirtaj.

3 Words to sum him up are: Courageous, Smart and Foolish.

R.I.P Ravinder

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Redvinder write something

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Ms. Anshika Batta A.K.A. the rising star, died on July 15th, 2017 at 3:10 pm at the age of 13, by tragically dyeing on her birthday in Malton, Mississauga.

She died because she foolishly let three of her best friends: Guranchal, Kinjal and Bandna (BTW: who were zombies) come in her apartment as they wanted to wish her a very happy birthday. But instead of bring her gifts and a cake, Anshika had herself became the birthday cake for the zombies and her brain as their gift. She died right in her apartment, and even though she was dyeing she did not lose her optimistic self.
Her last few words were, “At least I’m dying with my true best friends and if I’m helping my friends, then I’m truly very happy”.

She was the daughter of Mr.Himanshu and Anshu Batta. She was born in Mississauga, Canada on Thursday July 15th, 2004. On that majestic day a beautiful baby girl was born in the old Brampton hospital which is now taken over by zombie doctors and nurses. She was born into a Hindu family, that was pure vegetarian ,which meant she never ate meat or egg. She had 2 siblings, her oldest sister Jessica Batta and her older brother Jayant Batta. She also had amazing grandparents. She loved her family a lot and so did they.

Before dying she went to Darcel Secondary Public school and ended of her school life in grade 6. She had many great friends including Guranchal, Anycia, Kinjal, Bandna, Sneha, Ummenhani, T-juh and many more. She was loved by many teachers and had good grades. She loved all the subjects, but her 3 main favourite subjects were Math, Science and Gym. She graduated grade 5 from Corliss Public School and got the Principal’s award at her graduation assembly. Other than that she had many awards. Including 1 gold dodgeball trophy ,1 gold soccer medal, and 1 gold basketball medal. Anshika always dreamed of becoming a lawyer or doctor when she grew up because she wanted to help people, but this didn’t happen since this was all her time in school.

She was always really a happy girl, but one thing that really frustrated her was how some people didn’t listen or how they didn’t put their full effort in their work. For example, she hated it when she had to do group work and her group didn’t put their best efforts in the work.

Anshika loved sports and was good at them, specially soccer and swimming. She was an expert in swimming because she used to swim in the Malton pool and passed all the levels, which meant if she lived till 16 she would have become a life guard. Anshika loved spending time with her family and friends. Some of her favourite hobbies were making rainbow loom bracelets, watching T.V(specially Harry Potter movies), dancing, and writing journals. She loved helping others and meeting new people. Finally, she loved playing with little kids.

She wasn’t really funny, but she understood humor and loved laughing and smiling. If she started laughing truly from her heart she didn’t stop until her stomach started hurting. Sometimes when she saw others laugh she started laughing for no reason. She was loved by many people and was really kind to many. Someone had to get on her nerves for her to get mad.

She survived by her family, her friends and her cousin’s dog: Sophie. We hope Anshika has a peaceful after life and can reunite with her long lost family and friends. Anshika loved the quote, “Live today, so that yesterday gets jealous” and “If someone were to die today, then would you be happy with the last conversation you had with them”. Three words that I can say for her are Imagine, Believe and Achieve.

RIP Anshika

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has not yet written anything else.

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Ms.Tejaswini Chauhan, commonly known as Tu-juh, died  on May 22, 2014 at 1:01am, at the age of 11. She died at the city library in Malton after being attacked by a disturbed zombie. She tried to protect herself but she was bitten mercilessly on top of the head by the same zombie named Anycia R, her injuries were so severe she lost the battle between life and death and died on the spot.

She was the daughter of Mrs.Manisha and Mr. Kamal Chauhan. She was born in India, on 23rd May 2004 and later on came to Canada. She had one brother named Samraat, 1 pet horse named Hotdog, 3 pet dogs named Danny, Hunter and Moti, and 3 invisible friends named Ojha, Buddha and Billy. Tejaswini loved her family a lot.

In school she had a lot of friends and was very nice to people, most of the teachers liked her. She loved participating in clubs and other things around the school. Amongst the vast categories of subjects, her least favorite subject had always been Gym. No Matter what she did, she always got a B+ at it. But that didn't stop her from trying. Ms.Tejaswini was always a very diligent working student, she was responsible, enthusiastic, caring and respectful. In her school years, she got the "OPC" award at her graduation for grade 5. Other than that  she got an award for Caring, being Empathetic, being Inclusive, she also got the music award and the academic achievement award. Tejaswini always wanted to be like her teachers, all of them were very nice, caring, and would always understand what people go through. Her teachers were her true idols. Since she died early, this was pretty much all her school life.

Usually, a lot of things would frustrate her, but in all those frustrations, the one thing that got the volcanic madness erupt inside her was one question that she always wondered, "Why are kids in her class so annoying?" She used to hate how one kid does something stupid, but then the whole class gets a detention. Just because if this she had gotten 5 class detentions.

Ms.Tejaswini loved to read, she loved ghost stories and was fascinated by the world of the supernatural. She was famous and was known all over the land for writing a lot of paragraphs. She also loved to do crafts, she loved to talk and lastly, she loved to eat chocolate ice-cream.

She wasn't really the 'funny' type of person, she would go crazy and hyper sometimes and people would think it was funny, but she knew that she just needed to get all that extra energy out. Even though she was usually pretty normal, there were times when she would act a little possessed. Well, she wasn't actually 'possessed' it's just that when she went hyper she would start jumping around, or laughing on the weirdest things ever.

Some of her really close friends include: Amrit, Khushvir, Jessica, Anshika, Guranchal and obviously, her 3 invisible friends, Ojha, Buddha and Billy.

Tejaswini always used to say, "Never be kind to those who don't deserve it, because even though a snake can shed its skin, it's still a snake from the inside and no one change that." Her paragraphs and long speeches will be dearly missed. Any 3 words that I can say for her would be Live, Love and Laugh.

RIP

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A quote for her death : she survived because the fire inside her burned brighter than the fire burning around her.

a few words about her would be
Stalker, psychotic, and fun

RIP

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Ms. Guranchal kaur Gill
(A.K.A level 4 stalker,anchu Manchu.) She was only 15 she was born in Brampton and died in the residence of Malton. She died on August 18th 2019 at 2:24 pm.

She died in front of her apartment building trying to find ingredients for her birthday cake. She walked upon the road and was immediately hit by a zombie driving a car.

Guranchal was born on August 18th 2004 at 2:24 pm the same day and time she died. She was born in
William Osler Brampton Memorial hospital, the original version of this hospital had been hit by a wrecking ball. Parents names are Mom Amritpal Kaur Sidhu and Dad Gurmeet gill
Her siblings are half sister Ravleen and Half brother's Rajveer and Gurshan.
When Guranchal was a little girl she always use to make breakfast for her Mom in the morning ,one day she did not go to the bathroom in the morning and she made her mom cereal. She slowly walked up the stairs and she told her mom to open the door but she said I can't . Then Guranchal started to scream and said open it i am going to pee and her mom quickly ran to the door and opened it and took the cereal bowl from her and Guranchal peed her pants. Guranchal first went to James potter Elementary, next Tecumseh elementary, after springdale elementary, then corliss elementary lastly darcel secondary she was going to move on to mayfield but then the zombie apocalypse started.
She had won an award for professional skating and an overall award for music.
A few of her close friends were Jasleen,Anshika,Bandna,Kinjal,Simrat,Harvin,Ololade,and Cassandra.

If only the world did not have zombie's, she would have wanted to be vet or a computer engineer and work for google.
Guranchal had participated in ballet as a young kid and was a professional ice skater and loved hockey she would always love to make a musical.ly in her spare time.

Guranchal had never achieved her dream it was to skydive or at the least meet ariana grande this was her idol.
The only thing she did achieve was making her teachers and friends happy.

She is survived by her two friends Kinjal and Anshika and her 2 birds tweetie and sweetie

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Ravinder Gill also known as REDvinder by his classmates.

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Kamalpreet died Sunday, October 1st, 2079 at the age of 75 while at his city of Kamalton, he died from a gigantic log.

He was helping to build the new houses in sector 12 when an unstable house toppled over, one of the logs fell on him and crushed him to pieces.
we decided that the log was cursed as it has killed such a great person, so we burned it.

Kamalpreet was born on Saturday, May 15, 2004 to Kulwinder Singh and Davinder Kaur. We hope that he has a very happy afterlife and rejoins his parents who died all the way back in the zombie apocalypse.

Kamalpreet was one of the only survivors of the zombie apocalypse. The apocalypse started on Wednesday, June 1st, 2016 and ended 2 years and 34 days later on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018. Through this time Kamalpreet survived by using extreme survival skills as well as pure logic.

Even though the evil trio was broken apart during the zombie apocalypse because the other 2 thirds became zombies their legacy for world domination has lived all through this time.

I believe the city will prosper and continue to live on (probably not as good as when Kamalpreet was here though) due to the foundation that Kamalpreet has provided for our people.

In the end I would like to commemorate Kamalpreet for his intelligence, survival tactics, logic and calmness in the face of pressure, for it was these skills of his that are allowing us to thrive and survive today, almost 61 years later.

R.I.P Kamalpreet

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Ms. Guranchal Gill (A.K.A level 4 stalker)
died on August 18th, 2019 at 4:37am at the age of 15.
She died after being hit by a zombie driving a car on her birthday.
Died in Mississauga/

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Saad Rizvi died on Friday,
May 13, 2010 at the age of 22 at 5:00pm at Corliss , after being attacked by powerful zombies in an apocalypse. His head was cracked open and eaten by the zombies.

He spent his life at Malton, Canada. Some of the most important things he accomplished were becoming the fastest person to run 5000m (2.56 seconds

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Farhan Panchbhaya died on  June 22nd, 2016 at 3:10am at the age of 12 by a single zombie hidden in the closet. After being bitten, the zombie threw out the body from the balcony. He was killed in Malton, where he spent most of his life. He was born in Toronto, Canada on 2004 04 12. He used to play alot of sports, mostly hockey and soccer. He owned 2 pet birds

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We have covered the immediate incidences in the zombie apocalypse, now it is time for you to image  how you meet your end and to write an obituary honoring your life.

The funeral will be
held Monday during block 5. Come prepared to speak. You will each read someone else's obit.

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Ms. Rachel Amanda Grasby died on June 16th, 2016 at 2:30pm at the age of 33, after being attacked by a swarm of agitated zombies. Mashed in the head with an Encyclopedia to "put her out of her misery" by former student and zombie survivalist Kamalpreet S, she succumbed to her injuries and died almost instantly.

She is survived by her three children Ella, Charisma and Lincoln and her pet pig, Pork and Beans.

A teacher for 10 years, and famous in the Chroming circuit, her presence will be greatly missed.

Rachel Grasby had also spent time surving in the Military (Military is the name of a coffee shop, she didn't serve in the actual military because "eww camo gear and waking up early").

....etc.

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NAME / ANNOUNCEMENT

Full name of the deceased, including nickname, if any

Age at death

Residence (for example, the name of the city) at death

Day and date of death (remember to include the year)

Place of death

Cause of death

LIFE

Date of birth

Place of birth

Names of parents

Childhood: siblings, stories, schools, friends

Marriage(s): date of, place, name of spouse

Education: school, college, university and other

Designations, awards, and other recognition

Employment: jobs, activities, stories, colleagues, satisfactions, promotions, union activities, frustrations

Places of residence

Hobbies, sports, interests, activities, and other enjoyment

Charitable, religious, fraternal, political, and other affiliations; positions held

Achievements

Disappointments

Unusual attributes, humor, other stories

Survived by (and place of residence):

Friends

Pets (if appropriate)

Predeceased by (and date of death):

Spouse

Quotation or poem

Three words that sum up the life

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What do I do now I look at my bed and there is a letter signed buttchin gung.
"I can't believe it there still alive but how did they know I was hiding out in this apartment "
The letter say's:
Thank you so much for your stalking skills and all of your help we have survived and that is also how we found you were still alive open your door in 5 seconds 5 4 3 2 1.
Knock Knock
I slowly walk over to the door look in the peephole and I see Kinjal and Anshika standing there with guns and food in there backpack. I clean all of the tooth picks from the ground and I open the door to let them in after a few hours I am restocked with food and supplies and they teach me new ways to defend my self.
To be continued....

A good effort and for the most part a narrative that made sense and was sequential. Issues with grammar and punctuation and formatting were distracting when I was reading. Level 2+

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don't mark today please

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Kamal the vendor "I'm Not done don't mark this until next friday"

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Kamal the vendor "I'm Not done don't mark this until next friday"

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I step toward the door and-

Crack!

-The sound came again. I looked through the peephole of the door and there was a guy with a phone and a baseball bat.

"Aha, I knew someone was (was what?) , I also knew this sound would make you come out." (But he didn't come out, he just looked through the peephole, either this is a typo or this guy is meant to be a moron)

I had no idea what was happening I didn't even open the door! This man has really good eyesight. I had to leave, this guy was from the gang! I packed whatever rations, tools and devices I could in the backpack I had. (You need to work on showing what is happening and not telling, this will help to set the mood for your writing, creating tension and make your work something that the reader can visualize)

Boom!

I looked at the door it had a crack in it, the gang must have came (Tense, come) back  with

You demonstrated the ability to format dialogue. Your piece was incomplete and what was there lacked any real detail. You need to work on showing and not telling. Careful of issues with tense. Level 2+

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I step toward the door and-

Crack!

I am curious about the noise(<this is an example of telling. Try: What is that noise? I crane my neck and strain to hear where it is coming from. It's probably from outside) and I figure out that it's coming from outside. I look through my hand made peep peephole where I see 2 people with weapons. I move backwards scared. (Good, the step back is a nice way to SHOW that you are scared or surprised)

"Hmmmm what do I do?"

I make a plan to escape. (<some detail here would be nice. Flush this out so that it doesn't feel so rushed. I.e., I turn to look at the window. I could probably jump out of it, considering I am only two stories high. ...etc.) I will jump out the window with my backpack of supplies.

"What if they break the door down?!" (This thought should come before the plan to escape since it is probably the thought that caused you to decide to jump out of the window)

So I set up my oven trap which basically trips someone and makes them fall onto an oven. I jump out of the window with my kitchen knife in hand and I start to make a break for it

-You properly formatted your dialogue and wrote a short story that made sense. You kept one POV and consistently wrote in past tense. You should work on adding detail and taking the time to show rather than tell as this is what makes a piece grab the reader. Grade level:3

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I stepped toward the door.... and for a moment I stood there thinking: ( this is not formatted correctly. Get rid of the : and don't put what you were thinking in "" quotes unless you were saying that aloud. )

"Should I open the door?"

(Because this is first person the reader understands that all of this is coming from you and your perspective so try:

I stepped toward the door and for a moment I stood there. Should I open the door?)

I decided I needed to open the door since It could have been my family or my friends. I couldn't let them die out there.

I opened the door and I found a letter in front of my door step. (Careful not to write parts that don't add to the action...these two paragraphs all amount to...I needed to decide if I should open the door. I decided I should open the door. )

"To: Anshika Batta
From:Unknown",it stated on the fresh white envelope in black marker.

"Ahhhh",on the side of the envelope I saw  a little drop of blood.

I knew it would have been stupid if I opened the envelope because of the blood. But stupid me still picked up the envelope and closed the door quickly ,but slowly (Awkward sentence).

I opened the letter while my heart beat grew to over 9000.

"Tu-tu gang is coming for you , watch out" , that is all the letter said.

To be continued....
\
Watch some formatting issues. Overall a narrative that made sense and flowed. Work in more showing and less telling.

Level 3-/3

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I step towards the door and I can't believe what I am seeing It's(Watch your punctuation here. Either put a comma after 'seeing' and get rid of the capital I or put a period.  a package who would send me a package when all of this ''stuff'' is happening. I take the package it and put it on my bed and leave it there I go to the pantry to look for food to eat (This is a run on sentence. This should be chopped into more than one sentence. i.e., I take it and put it on my bed. My stomach rumbles and I head to the pantry for something to eat, besides, I can always open it later).
Paper Scrunching
I grab a broom and walk to the bedroom carefully the package is moving I hit it with a broom (run on sentence).
WACK
It stops moving I open the package there are dead bugs (Punctuation).
Scream (This isn't formatted correct. Should be written like
"Ahhhh."  the scream is dialogue and should be formatted as dialogue)
I clean the bugs off and I find a bomb and I throw it out the window (This is a lot of detail that is just glazed over. Finding a bomb should be presented as a bigger deal. I should get to at least see how your character is feeling about this)

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BOOM!

The door bursts open in front of me, and hits me straight in the nose.

"Ow!"

It (specify which "it" you are referring too. ... The pain ) distracts me for a good couple of seconds, but whatever opened the door definetly isn't gonna help me. (if something opened the door that quickly your character would see the something...yet you have time to muse over what had opened the door. Maybe if you had written that you had blacked out for a moment or that when the tears from your eyes had cleared there was no one to be seen)

I recover quickly, grab some napkins for the bleeding, and jump off the balcony onto the matress I'd thrown down there days before, in the event that something like this happen. (This 'grabbing napkins' super slows down your writing. You started with great action. A loud noise, a door flying open, a little blood and then the action dissipates when your character is left thinking about who would have come in and getting napkins. Let her run with blood pooling down her face and into her mouth!! At the same time this is a well written sentence that does a good job of referencing your past writing)

I scan the area around the building, it's pretty much just an empty parking lot full of trash, the zombies must be at the front of the building. (Show don't tell what the area looks like i.e., loose sheets of paper and food wrappers are scattered on the ground) There isn't anything I need from that apartment, I keep all my stuff on me in case I need to make a quick get away.

Where to go now is the real question. Burning buildings? Not an option. School? No. New town? Might be the only option. I get on my way towards the next town, I know the directions just out of experience, but I also have a map in my backpack that I found in the apartment.

On the way I see a large group of zombies.

"Shoot."

Looks like it's my time to go a little faster...

You created a narrative that makes sense and flows. You started with a great sense of urgency and action, but it quickly dwindled. You showed that you understand how to correctly write dialogue and format a narrative from POV to tense. Work on showing and not telling. Level 3+

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I stepped toward the door and I saw ("I saw" "I thought" etc this is all telling language rather than showing. Try: I stepped toward the door. Kamalpreet ran past me and into the house.) Kamalpreet run into the house. He never said anything. He took all the furniture and started to cover the door. (Show: He grabbed a chair and slid it across the floor.  etc.) He turned around and saw me.

"What are you doing?" I said

"The zombies are coming, and No-Arm-Saad is leading them!"

He started to set up traps around the house and made me help him. The zombies were viciously pounding it (what "it?" the door? Right now the "it" sounds like you mean the traps) down. Boom! ... Boom!

"They will get in eventually." I said to him.

He went to the balcony, I grabbed the radio  and followed him.
"Our only way out of here is to jump to the other balcony" He said (There should be a comma after balcony and He does not need a capital.)

Your dialogue , where you didn't use dialogue tags, was well written. Your story flowed and made sense. Work on showing more and telling less. Level 3

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I stepped toward the door and it dropped! (This first line is so confusing, I can't picture it. Perhaps, I stepped toward the door. With another crash, it flew off of the hinges and fell right in front of me.) The door fell right in front of me and it also knocked me out as I passed out. (Did it fall in front of you or hit you? Watch that you choose language that gets your image across. Also, show don't tell ...i.e., A pain seared in my temple and then everything went black)

1 hour later, I woke up and saw Kamalpreet sitting on my bed, jumping up and down Screaming, "AAAAHHHH!
HELP! HELP!"

It really creeped me out especially the fact that he ate all my food! Now I knew I had absolutely no food left. (You don't need this line since you just said he ate all your food)

I said to him, "What are you doing here you wild rat!?"

He then replied, "I was eating my cheeseburger."

THAT'S IT! I then made my decision to move out of the apartment and as far as I can could from Kamalpreet. Then (Instead of continuing to write "then" over and over, start a new paragraph), Farhan who lives lived (Watch your changes in tense)in the room next to me started screaming as usual, "What is all this noisy? I am reporting you to the owner of this apartment. I cannot live next you and your fat friend. I'll see you after, with the zombies."

From that day, I was never seen again.

You demonstrated the ability to properly format dialogue. Watch changes in tense. Include more showing and be careful to choose language that best gets your ideas across. Level 3-

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Well written events

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A interesting title

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A well written setting

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A developed main character

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A solution

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Interesting and detailed paragraphs

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○ interesting story, that makes sense

○ developed characters

○ detailed to express emotion in the story

○ corrected grammar

○ spacing between lines for dialogue

○ more showing than telling

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proper grammar

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An interesting hook at  he beginning

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a developed conflict

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Always double check your grammar and punctuation.

check for past tense and present tense.

check if your story  makes sense.

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The story should have a very interesting hook to get the reader ''hyped'' about the story. Also, it should have very interesting/juicy details so you wont bore the reader to death. Descriptive words are key for narrative writing because again, you don't want to bore the reader to death. Also, the narrative should have proper grammer.

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1. Detailed setting with descriptive words, instead of "The zombie was knocking of the front door", you should use "The rotten zombie was viciously pounding on the half broken front door"
2. The narrative should be interesting and make the reader want to read on, and not make them bored. If you get bored reading your own narrative, its boring... DEAL WITH IT >:D

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I should have interesting story and well developed conflict. It should have many descriptive and juicy words that describe the setting so the readers can get a good feel of the setting. Also as written before the plot should be interesting and engaging  so the reader does not fall asleep while reading it.
P.S. Ravioli tried to kind of copy my work.
#just kidding

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There must be a problem. Grammar should make sense. Proper spelling. There is at least one main setting. All parts of story should be included. Interesting introduction.
Detailed paragraphs and sentences. At least one main character with lots of information behind him/her. Should use similes and metaphors. Use one tense.

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I learned about pull and push factors and how they affect society. In the video they had explained, if there was an area with a lot of humans, zombies would be pulled to go to that area.
I think the best area is Alberta. Alberta is in the middle of Canada so it is an easy area where goods can be exported/imported. Also Alberta's landforms consists of a lot of prairies, which would help.

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I really enjoyed your last point of you analyzed what was in the video and put it in your own words.

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I'm usually don't show up to your class because my teachers don't allow it. The two classes I have during this point are Mr.Rossi or Mrs.Bhatti, both of these teachers have outdoor entrances that I could escape out of and leave the rest of you to die.

BUT!
By the weird 1% chance I'm there then........

Step 1) I locate Nathaniel because he was too busy cloning his google chromes
he hadn't listened to the announcements.
Step 2) I grab him by the shoulder
Step 3) I notify him about the situation
Step 4) I tell him to follow me because the other students had left
Step 5) I quietly guide him to the STAFF ONLY entrance
Step 6) I check if any zombies are lurking in the hallway
Step 7) (Step 7 is a 50/50 chance thing so there is Step 7.5) If there are no zombies we would run for ours lives (literally)
Step 7.5) If there are zombies then I would sacrifice Nathaniel for the grater good
Step 8) Escape through one of the 5 fire escape doors (Fire escape doors? More like ZOMBIE ESCAPE DOORS! Aren't I right?) and notify police?

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I don't know if this makes sense but....
Often I'm not in your class because my class is doing somethin

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1. Paste the different criteria that we have established for writing a good narrative.  We will discuss in a moment.

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What surprised me was...
Something that scares me is...
A belief my family has is...
In the video I noticed...
I wonder....
A question I have is...
The idea of keeping people in a zombie state reminds me of...
This clip reminds me of...

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With Halloween right around the corner, students are going to start picking their costumes. It's also a great time to show them the practical side of biology. Did you know that many of the creepy characters, like vampires, werewolves, witches and zombies likely all come from stories with a biological basis to them?

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It's day 5 of being holed up in your apartment hideaway and your resources are getting low. You've eaten your way through all the contents of the fridge and have finished most of the pantry.

You peer through the curtains of the balcony window. You see smoke rising from the tops of several rooftops across the way. A fire is spreading.
In the night you had watched a gang looting and breaking into those same houses. They were obviously trolling for the resources they would need to survive before heading out of Malton. So far they'd stayed clear of the Morning Star apartments, but that was in part because a small cluster of zombies were continuously circling the building.

You walk over to the radio and fiddle with it again, trying to hear something in the static. You fiddle with the antenna.

Crack!

"What the--"

You step toward the door and ....

Remember our success criteria for narrative
-show don't tell (use dialogue, describe what you see, feel etc)
-add detail what you see, feel etc.
-use adjectives
-format dialogue properly.

# data[].attributes.headline
Saad revising "Kamalpreet barely revises Saad"

# data[].attributes.subject
Saad revising "Kamalpreet barely revises Saad"

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1.First of all, please don't tickle me.
2. You spelled Corliss wrong.
3. I don't cry when someone crazy tickles me.
4. You can't catch me if you want to tickle me.

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Someone grabs my shoulder.

"What do you want?"

It's Kashif.

He looks at me with puppy eyes and says, "You were just gonna leave without looking for me?"

"I didn't know you were still alive."

He looks offensive "Of course I'm alive! I'm the greatest
t-HUg that ever live, dem zombies can't handle this!"

"Ok sorry, I just thought that, based off of your running skills, it wasn't likely."

"I'm not your friend anymore."

"I can live with that, let's go."

# data[].attributes.body
I was going to the lawn mower peacefully as I was minding my own business and suddenly Kamalpreet was right in front of me reading a book.

I tell him, "Yo, can you move off the lawn?" He is still there moving on to his 137th chapter of his book.

"Move off the lawn!" I scream.

He doesn't.

I jump to the ground and slap his face so hard, my hand starts to burn.

"Do you mind?" he says.

I then moan, " I am trying to cut the grass. How am I supposed to do that if you are standing right in front of my way?!"

"No way I'm going to move away. I'm on the 137th chapter of my book, let me read it or else," he said, staring at me like he's going to shoot lazers out of his eyes.

"Fine then have it your way, I'm gonna tickle you till you get off," I tell him.

I start to tickle him, he starts laughing very hard, tears start coming out of his eyes a zombie from corlis hears him and starts coming this way, but Kamalpreet doesn't get off the lawn mower.

Then, Farhan comes with his gang of zombies as usual, to save the day. He says," Yo Kamalpreet, move off the lawn or else me and my zombies will eliminate you from this world."

Kamalpreet then has to choose between the book or his life. He is struggling to decide. " I pick my life. I think the book was more obvious, obviously. But how was I suppose to go to the library if I have no life? That was the only reason I chose my life."

Farhan and Kamalpreet both walk away. Farhan whispers very quietly," Yoh, Let's get 200 people to get on his lawn. That way, He'll never cut the lawn. MOAHAHAHAHA MOAHAHAHAHAH MOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

THE END

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IN THE BEGINNING SENTENCE IT IS BASICALLY PAST TENSE. SO SECOND SENTENCE SHOULD BE "IT WAS KAMALPREET."

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Boring story come on do better than that

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" I ask if he is okay, he dives at me"

"he viciously starts slapping me relentlessly, I had to stab him, if i didn't I would have I would have died."

Add your comma's or a period...

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I reach for the lawnmower when suddenly I hear a voice.

"Brrrraaaaaaaah"   b rain s

I question myself if I am hearing a person or if it was my stomach. I go to where I think the voice is coming from.

"BRAaaah!"    Brains!

The moaning gets louder. I start to panic. I cautiously clench my M9 Bayonet and pounce around the corner. Where I see Manthaniel trying to teach a zombie how to chrome, but then the zombie dives in for a bite but Manthaniel becomes a boss and throws his computer at it and says i showed him! I quickly respect him and all his glory. The zombie growls a little while falling to it's knees, then it falls completely. Then I look over to Manthaniel and see him chroming once again. then he dives at me and starts slapping me silly. he is mad that i didnt try to save him. i had to stab him with my finger or i would have died because he is so strong. I look over at him again and hope he doesn't try to poke me to death.

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I reach for the lawnmower, and then suddenly, I hear Manthaniel yelling at me. He is screaming at the top of his lungs, because he used the same route as me, but I got here before him.

"Tu-Juh I want to go on the lawnmower, you can't take it from me."

I yell, "NO! EQAO is coming up and I want to go home and study. I really want to get good grades other wise it will ruin my reputation . So go somewhere else."

"NO! Don't do this to me !!"

"HA, HA, HA! Too bad! By the way you can just use that bicycle you know."

I point to this rusty looking bike that has half of its handle cut off.

Manthaniel frowns and looks frustrated , "Really Tu-juh"

"Listen kid, a great person once said that something is better than nothing. So take this something and just save your life or die."

Manthaniel looks grateful. "Yeah, I think you are right. Anyways, thank you for the idea, at least."

"Your welcome!I know I'm a boss" .

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I reach for the lawnmower and then suddenly ....... I feel someone breathe on my shoulder. Is it a zombie? Is it an alien?
.
.
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.
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I turn around and I see
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Guranchal and T-juh. Well that wasn't expected.

'WE NEED HELP," they scream.

"Shh" I hiss, "If you want to live then you better SHUT UP!"

They need my help. In a matter of time the zombies will come outside and it  won't be safe. I need to think quick. I decide to let them hop on, in exchange for T-juh and Guranchal's help / tools.

"Thank you Anshika, you are the best!" T-juh says.

'We don't need your help, I'm a level 4 stalker," Guranchal went on, "Joking, thank you."

"Come, hop on," I say

I try to get on  the lawnmower

"Ahhhhh!" something pinches me.

Guranchal and T-juh scream also.

"Why did you scream?"they ask.

I look in the lawnmower and it's a raccoon. Those nasty little creatures.

The raccoon looks at the hammer in T-juh's hand and runs away.

We get on the lawnmower and it's tight for all of us to fit in ,but it's a matter of life or death so we don't complain and we just run off.

# data[].attributes.body
I reach for the lawnmower, and then suddenly out of nowhere, I hear Manthaniel yelling at me. He's screaming at the top of his lungs, because he used the same route as me, but I got here before him.

"Tu-Juh I want to go on the lawnmower!, you can't take it from me."

I yell, "NO! EQAO is coming up and I want to go home and study! and then get good grades. So go somewhere else." I yell.

Manthaniel looks like he's about to explode in frustration, it's hilarious!

"NO! Don't do this to me!!" Manthaniel yells.

"HA! Too bad! By the way you can just use that But hey! You can take that bicycle, you know."

I point to this rusty looking bike that has half of its handle cut off.

Manthaniel frowns, "Really Tu-juh?"

"Listen kid, a great person once said, that something is better than nothing. So take this something, and just save your life or die."

Manthaneil Manthaniel looks grateful. "Yeah, I think guess you're right. Thanks."

"Your You're welcome!"

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As I reached for the lawn mower, I suddenly felt a zombie touching my shoulder.
It was Kamalpreet. He was looking at me, like he was half zombie and half human, and begging for a cure.

Kamalpreet said, "Help... me... I don't want to.... ghraaa
(that was supposed to be zombie moaning)."

I said, "You will need to help me, so I can help you, before we run out of time."

I moved towards him and took his books. One of them was about zombie cures. The book said you need to have the zombie smell the horrible smell of fresh grass, but this will only work if the zombie is not 100% zombie yet. I took the lawn mower and started to cut the grass. Kamalpreet followed me and was sniffing the grass. He started to change... to more ZOMBIE. I turned up the speed, and put Kamalpreet on top of the lawn mower. He started to look... different, more human like, but there was something different about him. It was that he had scars all over his body, but he could live with it.

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Also try to be more creative. Your story was a little boring.

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<<Instructions are that way!

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-When you format remember that dialogue should always be on it’s own line.

Ex.

I reach for the tractor when suddenly a voice calls to me.

“Don’t leave me.”

-Dialogue is also written like this:
"So do you think that means we are broken up now?"

Anycia frowned. "He just tried to eat your face."

OR

"He's supposed to be my boyfriend and he is totally all over Candace," pouted Sara.

Anycia said, "You do realize that he is eating her flesh?"

-This is a short narrative that only takes place on the school grounds before you leave. Just write the suspenseful exchange or moment that comes just as you are about to get on the tractor. We will share these in the last 10 minutes of class. Be sure to make it descriptive. What do you see, feel, hear?

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Overall makes sense and is well written. Could do a little more to build suspense.

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In narrative writing it is always better to SHOW than it is to tell. This: I tell them to quiet down if they want to live.

Is telling.

Writing that same thing as dialogue is SHOWING. i.e.,

"Shhh," I hiss. "If you want to live you should probably shut your faces!"

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Here is an example of where dialogue tags are needed. In this whole exchange we can't tell who is speaking to whom.

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Work on details that SHOW what is happening. So instead of saying that he screamed...is he mad? if so, show that. He clenched his fists, his face flushed etc.

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Only use dialogue tags when really needed. You don't need to write "I told Ravinder" because we know it was you speaking...it is obvious based on what you are saying.

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Creative and evidence of a good effort put forth.

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Make sure to read the task and follow directions carefully. The only weapons you should have should be ones you could make or realistically find in school. I am evaluating your critical thinking.

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<<<take out the "said Kamalpreet" and make sure your entire story is in the same point of view. This should be written in first person, so "I said." If it is obvious who is speaking don't write a dialogue tag.

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Funny. Good voice. Try to reword some of it to make it flow better/move faster i.e.,
"Move off the lawn," I scream.

He doesn't.

I jump to the ground and slap his face so hard.

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Be sure to start new paragraphs in your writing, when there is a new idea or new focus..I have corrected this for you.

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You seem to hate capitalizing your I's.... Remember to hit that little shift key and get those lower case i's to capitalize!

You have done a good job of building suspense. Your opening has just the right amount of detail that I can picture things, without there being SOOO much detail that it slows down my reading.

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This is good so far. When writing the dialogue you did a good job of making sure it is on it's separate line, but don't forget the punctuation. i.e., "Brrrraaaah!"

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I fixed this line of dialogue for you,>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

for all others make sure they are their own paragraph. So add spaces between lines of dialogue and the rest of the text.

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Careful not to switch tenses. "I reach" is present tense and "It was" is past tense.

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Excellent dialogue. It moves quickly, is formatted properly and is believable. In future just try to incorporate a little of what your character (or you) might be seeing, feeling etc, to flush out detail.

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Don't switch tense>>>

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careful not to repeat yourself. You tell me that you laugh wickedly, then you show me with your dialogue choose one or the other (showing is always better)>>>>

# data[].attributes.body
I was going to the lawn mower peacefully as I was minding my own business and suddenly Kamalpreet was right in front of me reading a book.
I tell him, "Yo, can you move off the lawn?" He is still there moving on to his 137th chapter of his book.

"Move off the lawn!" I scream.

He doesn't.

I jump to the ground and slap his face so hard.

"Do you mind?" he says.

I then moan, " I am trying to cut the grass. How am I supposed to do that if you are standing right in front of my way?!"

Then, Farhan comes with his gang of zombies as usual. He says," Yo Kamalpreet, move off the lawn or else me and my zombies will eliminate you from this world."

Kamalpreet then has to choose between the book or his life. He is struggling to decide. " I pick my life. I think the book was more obvious, obviously. But how was I suppose to go to the library if I have no life? That was the only reason I chose my life."

Farhan and Kamalpreet both walk away. Farhan whispers very quietly," Yoh, Let's get 200 people to get on his lawn. That way, He'll never cut the lawn. MOAHAHAHAHA MOAHAHAHAHAH MOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

THE END

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Someone grabs my shoulder.

"What do you want?"

It's Kashif.

"You were just gonna leave without looking for me?"

"I didn't know you were still alive."

" Of course I'm alive! I'm the greatest t-HUg that ever live, dem zombies can't handle this!"

"Ok sorry, I just thought that, based off of your running skills, it wasn't likely."

"I'm not your friend anymore."

"I can live with that, let's go."

# data[].attributes.body
As I reach for the lawn mower, I suddenly feel a zombie touching my shoulder.
It was Kamalpreet. He was looking at me, like he was half zombie and half human, and begging for a cure.

Kamalpreet said, "Help... me... I don't want to.... ghraaa
(that was supposed to be zombie moaning)."

I said, "You will need to help me, before we run out of time."
I moved towards him and took his books. One of them was about zombie cures. The book said you need to have the zombie smell the horrible smell of fresh grass, but this will only work if the zombie is not 100% zombie yet. I took the lawn mower and started to cut the grass. Kamalpreet followed me and was sniffing the grass. He started to change... to more ZOMBIE. I turned up the speed, and put Kamalpreet on top of the lawn mower. He started to look... different, more human like, but there was something different about him. It was that he had scars all over his body, but he could live with it.

# data[].attributes.body
As I reach for the lawn mower suddenly I feel something breathing on my neck. I turn around and see a zombie standing right before my eyes. Before he can bite me I push him and grab the lawn mower. Pulling the string thing so it can go faster. It is on speed 1. The zombie approaches me looking angrier than ever. But the lawn mower speeds up and I roll him over. With the loud sound from the mower of the lawn zombies start coming out the front door of the school.

I hear screaming. Then I see a zombie running towards me.It jumps trying to land on my head. Luckily it misses and hits someone's car. That sucks for them. They wold have to take the Transit Bus, that is if they are still alive.

The zombies are getting closer while I am getting even more worried. Every step they take is one step closer to me. Using my dumb instincts I break into someone else's car. One with a button to start the engine. I am going to use everything my father taught. Unfortunately, I can't reach the gas pedal. I get out and run as fast as i can to my house. Once i get there I know I am safe.

For Now...

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I reach for the lawnmower when suddenly I hear a voice.

"Brains"

I question myself if I am hearing a person or if it was my stomach. I go to where I think the voice is coming from.

"BRAINS!"

The moaning gets louder. I start to panic. I cautiously clench my M9 Bayonet and pounce around the corner. Where I see Manthaniel trying to teach a zombie how to chrome, but then the zombie dives in for a bite he manages to bite Manthaniel! I quickly jab my knife at side of the zombies head. It growls a little while falling to it's knees, then it falls completely. Then I look over to Manthaniel where I see him as a zombie. I ask if hes okay he dives at me. I dodge him. Then I trip over a rock. He jumps on me, he viciously starts slapping me relentlessly I had to stab him If I didn't I would have died. I ignore Zombie Manthaniel's dead corpseand go back to mowing the lawn.

THE END

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I reached for the lawn mover and suddenly...

I started to hear a crying sound coming from the top.

Whaa whaa !

I took my steps to the top very slowly. Then there the mysterious voice was. IT WAS RAVINDER ! He was crying because the Zombie Apocalypse caused a lot of pollen to flow in the air and as we all know Ravinder is extremely allergic to pollen.

" Here take this mask, "

As soon as Ravinder  put the mask on he stopped crying and sneezing.

" I was going to ride the lawn mower to Corliss to pick my brother up and ride the lawn mower home. " I told Ravinder.

" I had the exact same idea, well excluding the fact about picking up a sibling. "

" Okay, but quiet down you'll get the attention of the zombies and then we won't be going anywhere, "

" Fine, "  Ravinder agreed in consideration of the fact.

" Thanks, and do you wanna come over to my house and play, "

" Sure I would love to "

" Okay then lets go, " Mayank exclaimed.

Wrmmmmm, the lawn mover was going at super speed!

" Bye Bye,  Darcel Avenue Sr Public School, " we both yelled at the top of our lungs.

THE END
OR IS IT
TN DUN TN

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I reach for the lawnmower, and then suddenly, I hear Manthaniel yelling at me. He is screaming at the top of his lungs, because he used the same route as me, but I got here before him.

"Tu-Juh I want to go on the lawnmower, you can't take it from me."

I yell, "NO! EQAO is coming up and I want to go home and study and then get good grades. So go somewhere else."

"NO! Don't do this to me !!"

I laugh wickedly, "HA! Too bad! By the way you can just use that bicycle you know."

I point to this rusty looking bike that has half of its handle cut off.

Manthaniel frowns, "Really Tu-juh"

"Listen kid, a great person once said that something is better than nothing. So take this something and just save your life or die."

Manthaneil looks grateful. "Yeah, I think you are right. Anyways, thank you for the idea, at least."

"Your welcome!"

# data[].attributes.body
I reach for the lawnmower and then suddenly ....... I feel someone breathe on my shoulder . I turn around and I see Guranchal and T-juh .

'WE NEED HELP," they scream.

I tell them to quiet down if they want to live.

They need my help. In a matter of time the zombies will come outside and it  won't be safe. I need to think quick. I decide to let them hop on, in returns exchange for T-juh and Guranchal's help / tools.

"Thank you Anshika,"T-juh says.

'We don't need your help, I'm a level 4 stalker," Guranchal went on, "Joking, thank you."

"Come,  hop on," I said.

I try to get on  the lawnmower

"Ahhhhh!" something pinches me.

Guranchal and T-juh scream also.

"Why did you scream?"they ask.

I look in the lawnmower and it's a raccoon.Those nasty little creatures.

The raccoon looks at the hammer in T-juh's hand and runs away.

We get on the lawnmower and it's tight for all of us to fit in ,but it's a matter of life or death so we don't complain.

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As I reach for the lawn mower, I hear a zombie.  Actually not a zombie, I hear a bunch of zombies. I look over and see a zombie Redvinder ( somehow the zombie Redvinder is actually red, odd), a zombie Farhan and zombie Saad. The zombie Saad apparently has no arms.

"We shall kill you, then we will eat your brain," moaned Farhan.

"Farty, stop it's me your friend , Kamalpreet, you know the first one-third of the evil trio ( emphasis on, the first)," I said, worried.

"But you killed us, now we will kill you," says no-arm zombie Saad, and then his head fell off too, so much for reviving the dead with our new resurrection device.
I have nothing to defend myself, my gun is out of bullets, I accidently didn't pick up  light crystals for the lazer guns and the disintegrator ray was only a prototype so it's out of batteries.
"Eureka, I know what to do," I exclaimed.
I pull a book out of my pocket and start hitting the zombies in the head and they die. Well so much for that, now if I remember correctly, the evil trio did do a surgery on Saad, and left a bunch of tools in him ( that's why he's so big). Since he's a zombie I can open up him and take the tools. Well now I have the tools, it's time to recreate the lawnmower. After 3 minutes of tinkering it becomes the joker-bat-car. It has a quantum booster making it really fast, hope the battery can keep up.

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No

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First, no, I have not been eaten by zombies...I came in yesterday to work during Junior Achievement. Disappointing I know.

Now, here is what I want of you all today. Read all of the narrative exerts on here, including my precious feedback.

Then I want you to choose someone else's exert to copy and then edit using all of the different tips and bits of feedback that I gave to help you improve it.  You have the block to achieve this. Next week you will move on to the next survival task. Please post the revised stories over there.......>>>> in the area that I labelled!

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One thing I learned from this video was that no matter where you move to, or no matter where you go, you need to know HOW to get there. Like it said in the video, if there were to be a zombie apocalypse, we couldn't be running around and just yelling, we would need to know where exactly we need to go and what options we have in order to get there. We would also need to know some of the positions where the zombies actually are, so while we go to our destination, we don't keep on running into them. This was the one thing I learned from this video.

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There are zombies in front of the office and in front of the library... I don't mean to be rude but how can you take that route?

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Voila!!! (See Manthaniael and Anycia Robot.... Je suis knows french... You're not the only ones....Wohaaaa!!!) Anyways...  I'm sorry Ms.Grasby I uploaded this picture so late, but my computer couldn't upload the picture that day, then I forgot and I uploaded it today. Anyways, so here is my map thing. According to me First, I will escape from the back door of the library, Then I will run through the grade 7 hall and go to Mr.Heyward's room to get hammers and stuff so I can wack the zombies. Then I would just get out of the door in front of Mr.Heyward's room. I don't know what it's called but it's the grade 7 entrance I think. Anyways, I think this is a good and safe route to escape because they don't say anything about the zombies being on the hardtop of the grade 6 and 7 area. So I would just get out of that way and go home and read!!!