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The way others view us is an interesting concept. It exists but is only truly known to those doing the viewing. As social beings, we seek a society, we seek to fit in in that society, to thrive. Are our true selves not worthy of this validation? If they are, then why do we feel a need to accommodate our behavior to the perceived desires of the people around us? The truth is our genuine selves are most likely enough. They do most likely fit in with a group of people in society, they would most likely thrive but we don’t let them shine long enough for that to happen. So many people are so hyperaware of what others are thinking about them when in reality they are not aware at all. Nevertheless, we continue to attempt somehow control the very thing we have very minimal access to. With limited access to the minds of others, we often resort to forms of validation we’ve seen in practice. In order to “improve” how we are seen, we might attempt to dress in trendy clothes and own the latest devices. A lot of what we do in this world has to do with external validation. We aim to meet standards set by people of higher roles in society. Sometimes these standards are clear and explicit, like passing an exam, other times they’re hidden, which is the case for social validation. The very limited access we have to these hidden standards can lead to a growing fear of not meeting them which can result in not attempting at all. This is known as shyness. Often originating in the early stages of life or a shift in environment, shyness is a result of distress. A fear of being rejected can lead kids to keep to themselves, once taught this behavior is hard to unlearn. The growing tension when initiating contact and holding conversation is uninviting and intimidating therefore people who are used to avoiding social contact because of all unknown factors, continue to do so. For people who hope to gain validation, the constant uncertainty and shift in how we believe we are being seen can often be misperceived as an ability to change people’s perceptions over time. The truth is we have little control over how others see us. As social beings, we are also very complicated. There exist thousands of personal biases that come into play when establishing an initial impression of someone. Our past experiences, our surroundings, and the social sub-groups we belong to all play important roles in shaping this personal bias, which is not always visible to the people around us. But just because we can’t adequately decipher people’s thoughts doesn’t mean we can neglect the obvious role external validation plays in our lives. Though it may seem like it, the solution is not trying to ignore other people. How we are viewed determines the role we are permitted to play in society. Jobs require a good reputation, and so do relationships and education. The solution is not isolating ourselves from others and existing independently with no guidance, criticism, or growth. The solution is understanding the lack of control we have over the personal biases that can affect the individual opinions people form about us, and instead investing our efforts into ensuring, objectively, we are portraying our genuine selves and working towards gaining validation from the only source that can offer it unconditionally and timelessly, ourselves.
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My original art is a poem. This is a poem I wrote from reading different notes I took about different interactions I had. I was just sitting by myself reflecting and thought of my critical question. I started writing some observations down and got to this poem.

What are they thinking of me?

How are they seeing me?

Are they judging me?

A never-ending cycle of questions

Limiting my capacity

A never-ending thought process

Of what they see in me

Could I have done it differently

Could I have ensured their acceptance of me

Truth is I know the answer

I know I can’t change how others see me

I know I can’t change their perception of me

But I can’t help it

I seek validation

I seek recognition

I seek appreciation

From the people surrounding me

But the only validation I can guarantee

Is from the voice within me

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I decided to do a participatory experience where I write down every meaningful interaction I've had for the past 5 days and how they made me feel. Every night, I started writing down everything in a notebook. The first night, there wasn’t much, I was intimidated to go up to talk to my professor about a personal matter but I didn't notice anything as important. But on the second day, I noticed that I was hesitant to share my thoughts in my Chemistry class. I was very hesitant to the point that I didn't say anything, but since I was aware of what was happening, I decided to do it regardless. Writing it down, I realized that the thing holding me back was people's opinion of me. In my head, I was thinking about what my classmates would think of me. I felt the need to be validated or well acknowledged in class and I wasn't getting that so far. So I was very reluctant to express myself. However, once I said what I had to say, I was struck with a sense of relief and joy. It felt good to do it, it felt good to know that I overcame that fear. I also felt that same feeling when I volunteered at a chance to host an Instagram live for a nonprofit organization. Speaking in public and overall being the center of attention is not my thing so doing this was a big deal for me. Although I was regretting what I was doing when I first had a few people join, I felt like I was on top of the world once I finished. I felt like nothing was holding me back and I really liked that honestly. That’s what I really liked about these 5 days, I spent the days doing things I wouldn’t normally do and being conscious of how different interactions were making me feel. I noticed that I was comfortable around friends and people I have known for a while but felt intimidated around older people and people with more authority. I went into more detail while writing in my journal about how I felt, so I really enjoyed reflecting on that. I learned a lot about how I viewed myself and the people around me. In the end, I realized that I’m anxious to do certain things out of fear of being judged but people will judge you regardless. So if there’s one thing I took away, it’s that we can’t control how we are perceived and there’s no way of even predicting it.