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For groups who are considering the scenarios.

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17 Do you respect that of God in everyone though it may be expressed in unfamiliar ways or be difficult to discern?...

18:  How can we make the meeting a community in which each person is accepted and nurtured, and strangers are welcome?...

19:  Rejoice in the presence of children and young people in your meeting and recognise the gifts they bring...

22.  Respect the wide diversity among us in our lives and relationships….. Remember that each one of us unique, precious, a child of God.

29 … Although old age may bring increasing disability and loneliness, it can also bring serenity, detachment and wisdom.

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As Friends we commit ourselves to a way of worship which allows God to teach and transform us. We have found corporately that the Spirit, if rightly followed, will lead us into truth, unity and love: all our testimonies grow from this leading.

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To be read out if you cannot play the video during your workshop session.

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4. Safeguarding scenarios (for participants)

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4. Safeguarding scenarios (for participants)

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5. Safeguarding scenarios and responses (for workshop lead)

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5. Safeguarding scenarios and responses (for workshop lead)

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5 KOMS Safeguarding Scenarios and Responses

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6. Safeguarding Contact Details Template 

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6. Safeguarding Contact Details Template 

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6 KOMS Safeguarding Contact Details Template Form

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8. What to do if you have a concern flowchart 

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8. What to do if you have a concern flowchart 

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9. What to say and how to respond if someone discloses abuse 

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9. What to say and how to respond if someone discloses abuse 

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Collated using the NSPCC's page What to do if a child reveals abuse | NSPCC and advice from other Friends and colleagues.

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9 What to say and how to respond when someone discloses abuse

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10. Britain Yearly Meeting and Safeguarding 

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10. Britain Yearly Meeting and Safeguarding 

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Emily Provance: Being the Church - Pastoral Care

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Emily Provance: Being the Church - Pastoral Care

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Emily is an American Quaker. In this blog she equates pastoral care and safeguarding directly. In Britain, although pastoral care and safeguarding are connected in terms of their roles, we don’t expect everyone on a pastoral care team to be as fully versed in safeguarding as the Safeguarding people appointed by their area meeting. Generally, British Quakers appoint pastoral care and safeguarding roles separately.

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Britain Yearly Meeting Safeguarding Webpages

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Britain Yearly Meeting Safeguarding Webpages

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Find out about Quakers and how our faith translates into action.

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Help and resources from the charity thirtyone:eight, who Britain Yearly Meeting engages to support meetings with safeguarding advice

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Prayer from "Towards a Safer Church: some liturgical resources" (Church of England)

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Prayer from "Towards a Safer Church: some liturgical resources" (Church of England)

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Loving God,

we pray that this church may be a place of welcome,

security and compassion.

Keep us watchful yet caring,

trusting yet ready to question,

that all who worship here may do so

in safety and in the knowledge of your love;

through Jesus Christ our Lord.

May the doors of this church be wide enough

to receive all who come seeking God and fellowship.

May the doors of this church be narrow enough

to shut out pettiness and pride, envy and enmity.

May the threshold of this church be no stumbling block to young or frail feet.

May the threshold of this church be too high

to admit complacency and self-seeking.

May this church be, for all who enter,

a safe place and the doorway to a richer life in Christ.

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Howard Thurman (1899–1981) reflected that contemplation helped him distinguish between pity and compassion. God is making room in my heart for

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Active nonviolence begins with the truth that all life is sacred, that we are all equal sisters and brothers, all children of the God of peace, already reconciled, all one, all already united, and so we could never hurt or kill another human being, much less remain silent while wars rage, people die in poverty, and nuclear weapons and environmental destruction threaten us all. As we deepen into this vision of our common unity, we come to understand that we are one with all humanity, all creatures, all creation, and God. So nonviolence is much more than a tactic or a strategy; it is a way of life that is based in the oneness of creation, the unity of life itself. It is not passive but active love and truth that seek justice and peace for the whole human race and all of creation, and so resists systemic evil and violence, persistently reconciles with everyone, works to create new cultures of justice and peace, yet insists there is no cause however noble for which we support the killing of any human being.

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Speaking truth in love: Conflict within the meeting

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Part of the creative experience of a community is learning how to deal with conflict when it arises, and Friends are not usually good at this. 'Speaking the truth in love' is a Quaker cliché, but 'papering over the cracks' is the principle more commonly acted upon. Conflict met in 'brokenness' of spirit can take a meeting a long way on its spiritual journey, whereas unresolved it deadens the life. We are a small Society. Clashes have always arisen, just as they arise in any family group. In one sense the members of a family know each other too well, in another sense not well enough. It is impossible to impress one's relations, but they can be a great stand-by in time of need, and it is then that they come to know each other better, if the bond is strong enough.

Joan Fitch, 1980

← 10.21 10.23 →

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Part of the creative experience of a community is learning how to deal with conflict when it arises, and Friends are not usually good at this. ‘Speaking the truth in love’ is a Quaker cliché, but ‘papering over the cracks’ is the principle more commonly acted upon. Conflict met in ‘brokenness’ of spirit can take a meeting a long way on its spiritual journey, whereas unresolved it deadens the life. We are a small Society. Clashes have always arisen, just as they arise in any family group. In one sense the members of a family know each other too well, in another sense not well enough. It is impossible to impress one’s relations, but they can be a great stand-by in time of need, and it is then that they come to know each other better, if the bond is strong enough.

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Part of Quaker Faith and Practice 24.10 Public statement of the Yearly Meeting of Aotearoa/New Zealand, 1987

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Part of Quaker Faith and Practice 24.10 Public statement of the Yearly Meeting of Aotearoa/New Zealand, 1987

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Conflicts are inevitable and must not be repressed or ignored but worked through painfully and carefully. We must develop the skills of being sensitive to oppression and grievances, sharing power in decision-making, creating consensus, and making reparation.

In speaking out, we acknowledge that we ourselves are as limited and as erring as anyone else. When put to the test, we each may fall short.

We do not have a blueprint for peace that spells out every stepping stone towards the goal that we share. In any particular situation, a variety of personal decisions could be made with integrity.

We may disagree with the views and actions of the politician or the soldier who opts for a military solution, but we still respect and cherish the person.

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Kate Arnot (elder of South East Scotland Area Meeting) on safeguarding

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Kate Arnot (elder of South East Scotland Area Meeting) on safeguarding

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"The Quaker approach to safeguarding has intensely irritated me for some time as it is almost entirely focused on children and young people.  There are several/many/most Meetings which do not have children as part of their community...   However, I am certain that every Quaker Meeting has pensioner Friends and that every Quaker Meeting has Friends with disabilities (some being pensioners).  Their disabilities can be physical or mental and may be permanent or temporary.  Both groups are vulnerable under the Equality Act.

We know that, as in all communities, Quaker women are  abused by their husbands/partners.  A  minority of women who told someone in their Meeting of the abuse found the response was hopeless and made her experience of abuse worse but most women, as in all contexts,  did not tell their Meeting of the domestic abuse because they didn’t believe they would get a supportive response which sought to prioritise their safety...  The depth of denial by Quakers of abuse within Quaker families is far too high and safeguarding fails totally to mention this.  See Bringing the Invisible into the Light :  Some Quaker feminists speak of their experience The Swarthmore Lecture 1986.  Sadly not much improvement.

...Quakers seem to think that safeguarding is a recent requirement by the secular world.  We have always safeguarded because we seek to obey the two commandments to love God and to love your neighbour."

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Matthew 1.14 and Luke 18.16

But Jesus said, "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven".

As part of the covenant, the Lord commanded the Israelites in no uncertain terms to care for the helpless and vulnerable among them when he declared: “Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt. Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child."

Micah 6:8

“…what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Ephesians 4:15
"but speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ"

Leviticus 19:32

“You shall stand up before the grey head and honour the face of an old person, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord."

Joel 2:28

“And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions."

Matthew 4:24

So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, those having seizures, and paralytics, and he healed them."

Hebrews 13.2

"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

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For of such is the kingdom of heaven creating a church where all may safely live (Church of Scotland)

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For of such is the kingdom of heaven creating a church where all may safely live (Church of Scotland)

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Joint report of the Mission and Discipleship Council and the Safeguarding Committee Forgiveness and Proportionality Working Group of the Church of Scotland

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Ruth Iley, whose work inspired this (and the first Friend to coin the KOMS acronym).

General Meeting for Scotland and South East Scotland Area Meeting Safeguarding Friends, and all who were part of the initial conversation that also inspired this work.

Central Edinburgh Local Meeting for being the "guinea pigs" for our prototype workshop.

Suggestions for the quotes, blogs, prayers and other thinking came from:

Kate Arnot, Caroline Beatty, Sue Nicholls, Rosamond Robertson, Karen Wade Wilson, Ruth Fillery-Travers and Laura Steven.

Further thanks for your advice and support to Caroline Proctor, Pip Walker, Monica Gwizdala, Jenny Lewis, Kerrie-Louise Green, Mish Liddle, Elspeth Fuller, Tilly McLeod, Janice Bennett, Matt Stockton, Victoria Conway, Eleanor Loughton, James Riley, Amy Hardy, Lisa Maher.

As always, we received advice, help and support from staff across Quakers in Britain. We send our thanks to every one of our colleagues - we could not have done this without you.