# data[].attributes.body
Hola!!!! Hi Dani, your detail is impeccable and added a sense of depth to your amazing writing, one of the many cases this was evident was in the 3rd paragraph 13th line down. (Ex.”Tears struck his eyes with a force like no other. The tears dripped down his pale face, creating a small pool in his shirt”) Additionally the way you described the book I really felt like I was standing right next to Blake holding the book. One wish I have for you though is to add a better description of Blake I couldn’t really tell what he looked like.😆😙😜🙂🥴

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dani! A thing I like about your story, “The Upside Down,” is the details on the setting and Blake’s emotions. Including all of those details on Blake’s emotions and the setting makes your story an ultimately better piece. Another star in your writing is how you developed Blake’s character by making him caring and giving him a background. For example you included information about his dad. A wish I have of your piece is that you described the monster with more details. For example was the monster green, did he have one eye, was he gigantic? Other than that little suggestion your piece was amazing! :) ❤️

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dani. A definite strength of your narrative was the building of suspense. There were few times in the story where I was quite literally shaking wondering about what would happen next. It truly showed how much effort was put into your narrative. Another strength of your narrative was the amount of fear in it. At multiple points in time I was sitting paralyzed out of sheer terror. It was an absolutely incredible sensation to feel from reading something. However a suggestion that I can make is adding a bit more backstory towards Blake’s father. I was left wondering about what happened to him.

# data[].attributes.body
To start off, I thought it was amazing how you were able to write seven pages of your story while keeping things suspenseful and entertaining. To me I find it very impressive how you were able to go on for a long time without losing the reader’s attention. Another thing I thought you did well was how much you truly showed the characters personality throughout the story. It helped me as a reader get to know Blake and be able to relate to him in some ways. I thought it meant a lot that you were able to do that. However, I did feel that you could've added a little more figurative language to your story but beside that it was a very well written narrative.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey D! The first thing I would say about your piece is that it's great. One of the things that is great was that when you gave amazing personification traits to the book, enticing Blake to come and open it. This was really great for the reader because it showed the vulnerability of Blake’s imagination. The second thing that was just perfect about your piece was that you showed Blake’s emotional worry for his mother and sister. This helps build his character trait as a kind, loyal, and thoughtful person. It also helps develop his character for the reader, to help them understand what his emotions can trance him into doing. Something that you can change is on the second page, when he enters the upside down. You say his face is deformed. That leads the reader to picture him as raggedy and old looking. The thing that confuses me is that just after you say that he was wearing beautiful and expensive clothing. This confuses the reader and makes the image of the character blurry. Other than that, this story was absolutely amazing.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Dani! A strength of your essay, “The Positives of Video Games for People of all Ages,” is the amount of descriptive and powerful words in your “call to action” in your conclusion paragraph. For example you used the words resolve instead of using fix, and you used horrible instead of bad. Another star in your essay was your anecdote in your warrants. The particular part of I really liked your questions and exclamation point sentences. Although, a suggestion on what you could add/fix is in your bridge in your introduction paragraph you could add examples of video games or what a video game is and then say what adults have against them even though there's nothing wrong with them. However, you did a terrific job on your persuasive essay.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Dani! A strength in your essay “The Positives of Video Games For People Of All Ages” is how you are describing to the readers your thoughts on video games and also showing the readers through your anecdotes. Also you are very descriptive with your words and made me feel like I was in your thoughts. In addition, I love how you said “Roman Rivera would stay up past his bedtime to play on his gameboy, which as he said, improved his brain power and made him smarter” I love how you found something that states that videogames can make you smarter because it shows that video games are actually a good thing. I am going to highlight another one of your strengths instead of making a wish. I love how you really explain your inner thoughts, it really brings your story to life. Great job!

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Dani, I love. in both of your essays you gave lots of specific reasons. The flow of your ideas connect phrases in which the reader understands how your points are similar and back one another.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi, Daniella! First off, I thoroughly enjoyed your use of transition words. They really help your essay run smoothly. I also really enjoy your anecdote in paragraph 2. I thought it was very relatable because a lot of kids nowadays stay up late on electronics. However, I just have 1 suggestion. Ever so often there are some spelling and grammatical errors. For example in your anecdote in paragraph three it says “He puts it on the suffering marine and starts the game.” Other then that you had a very well written paragraph!

# data[].attributes.body
Hey, D! Izzy coming to ya live :)! Something that was great about your piece was when you said “She sat down on her throne, turned on her computer, and went on discord” This was really cool in my opinion because it shows that you built suspense when saying she walked up to her house and smiled. It is also cool because it reminds me of when we go on the phone together, and how happy we are to see each other when we get home! Another great thing about your essay was when you said: “For some extra background information, gaming gives children life and lets them be in their own world for a bit.” This really guides the reader to side with you, and is a great way to show that they need a dose of alone time every now and then. One small suggestion I can offer you is when you say: “…some horrible thoughts have been thought by adults…” Instead of saying that I would say this: “Some horrible things that adults are thinking are…” and then list the thoughts. But thats it!! Luv ya! -Izzy ✨🤠🔥🦖

# data[].attributes.body
Hello, Dani! A strength of the essay, “ The positives of video games for all age,” is the way you worded your sentences within your paragraph in terms of the intro .  As you explained the scene of the girl going home to her house to play video games, you wrote it as if I could see it all happen.To add, I love the transition words you used, they allowed a lot of detail and sounded very very mature. For instance when your wrote, to further elaborate, it just made the essay flow better.  However when i read this sentence, “he is planning to stay up for hours to come,” didn’t really make that much sense to me personally. Next time you could use other words such as, he is planning to stay up for many hours to play his game, or something like that. Otherwise outstanding, well crafted essay, keep up the good work Dani!:)😁 Sincerely Sahara!! ✨

# data[].attributes.body
A power of your memoir was the amount of inner thoughts you included. It really gave me a look into your mind throughout this moment and gave me a better understanding. I also loved how you inserted your thoughts into other people’s perspectives. Like for example how you mentioned the ball mocking your teammate. All though those were definitely strengths you left me wondering about something. You earlier mentioned that the field normally gets rid of but now it isn’t. Why was this game so important that it made you extremely nervous? Otherwise great memoir!

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Dani! One strength I found in your writing was some of your word choices. You added in such good descriptive words that made the piece even more powerful than it already is. Another strength I found while reading your writing was your inner thoughts. You added deep inner thoughts that made me feel like I was you, just in the moment and being able to understand how you felt. One last thing I think you did really well was describing every little aspect of what went on in the game. Even though I wasn’t there, it felt like I was. You piece was outstanding, keeps up the good work!

# data[].attributes.body
A strength your memoir has is all the figurative language and similes like “It was like 18 cheetahs running to the dead prey.”  Another thing that your memoir had strength with was the inner thoughts of you praying to win the game and for your teammate to scare the penalty. The wish I have for your memoir is maybe to mention the names of the teammates that scored the penalty and maybe the name of your coach, other than that it was amazing!

# data[].attributes.body
A nice strength of your writing, “The Penalty’s” was the inner thoughts. If I was in your place, I would probably think the same things you thought. I really enjoyed your memoir, it even teached me a bit about soccer, and I like the way you showed what you and others truly felt in their minds. Another quality about your memoir that I liked is all of the detail and figurative language. I didn’t even know some of these words could be put together. You probably have more detail in there then double the amount of detail i have. However, I think you could have added a little more about the tension in the air. But, i really enjoyed your memoir.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Dani! Overall I really liked your writing piece, it was really good. A strength in your memoir was you used a lot of figurative language which made the piece alive. One of my favorites was when you mentioned that the grass was a sea of green spikes and that the big white goals were little white lines that marked everything. That line puts a lot of detail in your piece. I really enjoyed ghd piece because of its figurative language. In addition I think you had a truck load of inner thoughts which I loved. It made the reader understand what was going on in your head and that was essential because we needed to know how you felt or thought. Though a suggestion could be that when your team one you should list how you felt. You basically just said how your team felt. You should add more detail on how you felt. Other than that, it was a great memoir. I hope to see more amazing pieces by you in the future!

# data[].attributes.headline
Saya ;) (yes i did that sue me) you are the best Dani

# data[].attributes.subject
Saya ;) (yes i did that sue me) you are the best Dani

# data[].attributes.body
One thing I admire about your piece is that it uses a truck load of description. In this sentence

“Whenever I practiced penalties it was like the goalie was my bullseye, and the ball was my dart.” I could imagine your kicks just going straight to the goalie. Another thing in your piece you did well with is your closing. (They put up a good fight, I have to admit, but we put up a better fight.  It was as if cats and dogs were fighting. The toperdos would get a hit on us, but then we would do it right back a couple minutes later. They were passing and getting good shots off. They kept possession a lot and were aggressive. But we did the same things, that little bit better. Wow! I cannot believe we won! All the sweat and stress was worth it. Us playing harder than them really got us the win, because we wanted it. If we didn’t really want it, we would have slacked and lost.) It had a great positive feel and made me feel as proud of your team and yourself as I was. One wish I have for you is to explain more about your surroundings, like what color was your jersey, maybe more about the moment where you had to learn who was taking the kicks, etc.

# data[].attributes.body
I think you had good figurative language. It helped the reader stay engaged. Also you had good inner thoughts. The only suggestion I have is to not say “what it looked like.” I think this would be a smart  move because the reader would imagine what you are describing. Like “big white pieces of cotton candy swept across the sky.” It would help the reader think of a white cloud as opposed to a dark cloud.

# data[].attributes.body
A strength in your memoir was when you used the expression, “ it was like 18 cheetahs going at dead pray.”  That really helped me see that you all ran to the one teammate who made the shots. In addition, I really loved the amount of figurative language you added to your memoir. It was the perfect amount for me to understand, not my much and not too little. For example you mentioned the white goal mimicking your teammate and it was just great. The last thing I would like to add is your hook. Man was that an amazing hook, you used so many sensory details, I felt like I was there watching the game., However I would like to mention that when you ended the first paragraph with the soccer ball acting like a sprinkler. The second paragraph was about you and your team playing the game and attacking forward. I would really think that you could add a little more details on how the game started or on how u were feeling. Otherwise this was a very nice crafted memoir Dani!

# data[].attributes.body
First of all, I loved your greeting. It was an amazing way to welcome your readers into your story. It was short and sweet but still had a nice ring to it. I also liked how you started off listing your likes and then described why. This gives the reader a chance to sorta get a quick sneak peak at what was to come. One thing I suggest is elaborating on your dislikes. You basically just listed them and moved on. Besides that it was overall a great piece!

# data[].attributes.headline
✨Izzy your super, duper, and pooper bestayyyy✨

# data[].attributes.subject
✨Izzy your super, duper, and pooper bestayyyy✨

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Dan! The first thing I really enjoyed was that you welcomed the reader by restating the title. I think that helped you enter into your writing, and made it feel open to anyone. I loved that you talked to us in the greeting like you do in person. Another thing I really enjoyed about your piece was that you went into a lot of explaining detail as you were explaining the Smp. It really told me a lot about your likes. I think that it was great when you were talking about soccer, and you jumped into how it makes you feel so good. The last thing that I would recommend is that you use transition words like next, or secondly, and etc. And that would help with not jumping right in from one thing to another. That’s it! Overall, this piece was great, and I hope to see you soon!

# data[].attributes.body
What’s up Dani? What are you up to? I was just in your world of ink! It was beyond awesome probably because your about me had so much detail that I could burst! I love how you detailed your writings. It made it so fun and easy to follow because the more detail you had the more I learned. You made everything have so much detail that I even learned something. Plus the more details the better!  I also love how you added so much information. Like reading I know much more about you and I think many other readers would agree because now I have learned much more about you. I know we're good friends but I did not do half of the things  you like so that was a greeting learning about you. Though I do have a tiny request. Your writing is great but your transitions need work. You see when you said you have a dream to play for the USA national team. It made me intrigued  but the next was “My hobbies are...”. Excuse me but why did you go from dreams to hobbies? It got really confusing for me. Maybe you can talk more about how you really want to be in the USA national team. Though other than that the piece is great! Continue your hard work!

# data[].attributes.body
dani i love how you decribed your passion for soccer and everything you like.your writing is wonderful

# data[].attributes.body
So Dani, one thing I liked about your writing was that you described all of your topics in great detail. I really understood what your were trying to say. Another thing i likes was how well you explained about your Minecraft idols. I don’t really know who they all are but it was nice to read the names and understand more. One thing you should do to improve your writing is for you dislikes you should ready go on about them and add more details. For example, when you say “ some things i hate  is COVID, seafood, and sickness in general.” That part could use some more detail just like all your other parts

# data[].attributes.body
I enjoyed reading your piece very much! I loved how you went into detail about your likes! I’m also glad you explained what dsmp is for the people who don't know. The only downside to your piece is the constant usage of the word ‘also’. There were also a few grammatical errors. Next time, proofread it a couple more times. Make sure to find an online thesaurus as well!

# data[].attributes.body
I really over how you elaborated your likes and dislikes. One of my personal favorites is this one about the beach. I also enjoyed the quotes you put in. (I also like The Dream SMP and Harry Potter) But one thing I think you could do better is edit better because instead of snail you put nail and when you talked about dogs you called them things but you could’ve said animal or mammal.