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I like Brady’s story because of the description of his grandfather. Like how he said he made blueberry pancakes and hummed the same tune.  “He was caring, he loved kids and spending time with us.”

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I really enjoyed Brady’s story because of the amazing sensory details. The details helped paint a mental image and I could really imagine a grandfather playing golf. The part that impressed me was, “He’ll die a peaceful death. He doesn’t even know what is going on right now.” Most  middle school students wouldn’t be mature enough to treat death that way. Overall it was a great piece and it deserved the award

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I like how she described it. She described what it sounded and what it looked like.

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I like how Chloe described how it looked and heard

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Brady’s story

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I really enjoyed Brady’s story because I could really feel the emotion being carried in his words and it really showed what it would be like living with someone with dementia. He used a serious tone but added a slight bit of humor, which made the piece great. The ending blew me away. Most middle school students wouldn’t treat death so seriously

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I love how Brady shoes his wenotions and how he describes the situations he is in and how he describes everything so well. ‘ “Now hold the golf club with your pinkie on top of the other hand and swing it like a baseball bat.” ‘ He was caring, he loved kids and spending time with us.”

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In Chloe’s she used magnificent adjectives and figurative language. She described every part of the story perfectly. I could picture the whole story. There was one line that really stood out to me that was, “  I do, however, hear the ear-splitting screech, and the thud, when she reaches the ground”. How she used the word, “ ear-splitting screech” it made it all seem so serious, and it really was. She displayed wonderful adjectives and put emotion into the story. It was a great essay.

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I love when Chloe added the sense of fear by adding,  “Uh…” I am paralyzed, glued to the spot, as the fact that my sister is lying on the ground, covered in blood, finally takes root in my mind. Overall, the story was well put together.

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This was an amazing story! I enjoy how well Chloe knows that even though families make mistakes it’s just making the family stronger and u have to move forward. I think that Chloe is really inspirational and really made me think differently about turning negative into positive things. “Soccer is a team sport but being part of a family is the same as being a teammate

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I liked how the two events (the soccer game and her sister getting injured) make her realize in the end that you have to work as a team. She realized that it’s not always just one persons fault, but it’s the teams fault together. She says in the text, “But at least we lost as a team.” Here, Chloe is saying that it was the team that lost; not just an individual.

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I love how she describes a team in the last paragraph. It really makes you think a hard about what a team actually is and what it can accomplish if they all work together.

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Her story has so much realism. The describing words give the story so much life. You can tell exactly ho she felt and what she expierenced that day. Every little detail, to the smallest detail of the ball flying over the goalies head to when her sister fell. The story was very well written.

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I really like how Chloe discribes what it looked like when Lucy fell. Like how she said the abundance of blood and orange juice and the sunlight on the glass.

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I like Chloe's use of the present tense - it gives the story a sense of immediacy.  I also like her use of repetition and parallel structure, especially in the fourth paragraph where she writes, "I do not see . . . I do not know . . . I do not notice . . ." This builds tension and sets up what is to come.