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In a sign of how supercharged the emotions have become about public nursing, a Canadian midwife's tale of nursing her baby at a local Starbucks in Ottawa went a little viral in early July 2014, getting picked up by news outlets around the globe. The story was, to many, a heartwarming one: after a woman complained to a young, male barista that another woman was breastfeeding without a modesty shield, the barista said he'd take care of it. However, instead of telling the nursing mom to cover up, he just brought her an extra coffee for having to deal with the unpleasantness.

This is not actually Starbucks' official policy. In fact, Starbucks doesn't have an official policy on breastfeeding, according to spokeswoman Laurel Harper. The cappu-chain does have an official policy about making customers feel welcome, Harper noted (several times). "We empower our local partners to reach a decision about how best to make a customer's experience a positive one," she says. It was up to the employee to decide which customer in this case was going to have a less-positive experience.
--Belinda Luscombe
When Karlesha Thurman posted a photo of herself breastfeeding during her college graduation ceremony in June 2014, she never expected to stir up a national controversy about breastfeeding and race. She was met with a flurry of negative comments about her decision to nurse her daughter in public.

"I honestly thought that as a society, people were more understanding of breast-feeding," Thurman, 25, told the Today Show. "It's not disgusting, it's not a bad thing, it's not a negative thing."

The photo put a spotlight on the African American community's complicated relationship with breastfeeding. After some of the more negative comments were tweeted, the photo was picked up by Black Women Do Breastfeed, a page devoted to celebrating black women who nurse.

- Charlotte Alter

Mexico City's May 2014 health campaign to encourage new mothers to nurse has left a sour taste in health advocates' mouths due to campaign posters that feature topless celebrities.

The posters show famous women without shirts or bras on, with a banner reading, "No les des la espalda, dale pecho," or "Don't turn you back on them, give them your breast," strategically placed across their chests. Health advocates are peeved that the campaign both sexualizes women and faults those who choose not to breast-feed, rather than simply emphasizing the benefits of doing so.

- Eliana Dockterman

It's the suckle that dare not speak its name. In worldwide Google searches, " my husband wants me to breastfeed him" is a more popular search term than "my husband wants to separate" and "my husband wants a baby" combined.

Um, what? In May 2014, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz originally reported these numbers in the New York Times, and most of that breastfeeding search traffic is coming from India. While that doesn't necessarily mean that breastmilk is becoming a delicacy in India, it does suggest a lot of interest. And it begs the question: is this really a thing?

Absolutely, says Dr. Wendy Walsh, a relationship expert and self-described "dairy queen" who nursed each of her children until they were 3. "Every breastfeeding mother I ever knew said their husband asked to drink it," she says adding that the father of her child also asked to nurse once in a while.

- Charlotte Alter

Hector Cruz-Project: Breastfeeding

A March 2014 ad campaign showed photos of fathers in solidarity with breastfeeding mothers. The campaign was spearheaded by Project Breastfeeding and featured shirtless men with their children a caption of, "If I Could, I Would."

- TIME Photo

TIME stirred up its own breastfeeding controversy when the magazine featured a photo of 26-year-old Jamie Grumet breastfeeding her 3-year-old son on a May 2012 cover. Critics questioned both the decision to breastfeed a child that old and the choice to put the photo on TIME's cover.

In the onslaught of reaction that followed, including death threats sent to Grumet, the mother restated her support of both her breastfeeding choice and the magazine's cover photo decision. "The statement that I wanted to make was this is a normal option for your child and it should not be stigmatized," Grumet said. "I'm never saying this is for everybody, but it should be something that's accepted."

- Joan E. Greve

First Lady Michelle Obama speaks at Arlington National Cemetery's Women in Military Service for America Memorial Center, Tuesday, March 3, 2009, in Arlington, Virginia. Alex Brandon-AP

Michelle Obama probably didn't expect her February 2011 campaign to promote breastfeeding to cause such a fuss. Then Sarah Palin weighed in: "It's no wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody you betterbreast-feed your baby. Yeah, you better - because the price of milk is so high right now!" After that, mom blogs on both the right and the left piled on, saying that Obama was putting too much pressure on mothers to nurse. Meanwhile, a number of newspapers dug up information showing that as governor of Alaska, Palin herself promoted breast feeding.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

The Breast Milk Baby - boringly renamed from the unfortunately titled "Bebé Glotón" (Glutton Baby) - is nothing if not good at grabbing headlines. The Spanish doll that simulates breastfeeding caught the attention of American morning shows in 2010 before it had made it across the ocean. The $69 doll made news again in 2011 after its manufacturer, Berjuan Toys, announced that the product was being released in the U.S. market.

The doll, which is sold with a brassiere-like harness for a child, suckles when pressed against strategically placed magnetic daisies positioned precisely where any real baby goes to nurse. Plenty of people, including women, have recoiled and squealed "gross!", but why the toy nursling is so controversial goes to the roots of Americans' squeamishness with breast-feeding in general.

- Bonnie Rochman

The star of ABC's smash hit Modern Family, Julie Bowen, made waves in May 2010 when she released a photo of herself topless and breast-feeding her twin sons in what's called the "football hold" - a position that allows twins to nurse simultaneously. The image, taken from above, shows Bowen's bare chest with the two babies latched on. When Bowen told George Lopez on TBS' Lopez Tonight that she wasn't allowed to show the photo on ABC's The View, he promptly displayed it for so long that Bowen got a little embarrassed. And that was before Lopez put up Photoshopped images of the babies suctioning up various other things like the Gulf oil spill. And while Bowen may regret ever releasing the image, at least she didn't pass judgment on women who don't breast-feed.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

A still from the documentary Extraordinary Breastfeeding Extraordinary Breastfeeding

There's lots of debate over how long to breast-feed, yet most Americans would agree that by the time a child reaches kindergarten, it's time to stop. But not Amanda Hurst. The 29-year-old mother made headlines in 2010 by defending her decision to breastfeed both her 6-year-old and her 5-month-old. And she's not the most extreme case. A 2006 British documentary, Extraordinary Breastfeeding, featured a mother who breast-fed her 8-year-old; viewers on YouTube have likened the practice to child abuse. And while nursing past the age of 1 is considered "extended breast feeding" in the U.S. and most Western countries, in India and parts of Africa, children are more commonly weaned later, usually between the ages of 3 and 4.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

In 2009, Facebook endured the wrath of women who noticed that photos of them breast feeding were being deleted from their profiles - even when the photos were designated as viewable by friends and family only. Facebook countered by saying that photos with nipples showing are a violation of their policies (which permit the removal of photos deemed obscene or pornographic). The company added that almost all the images they removed were flagged by other users.

The controversy hasn't seemed to hurt Facebook much. In fact, instead of quitting the social network in protest, some of the mothers started a Facebook page to organize their cause. The"Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding Is Not Obscene" page now has more than 250,000 members and nearly 7,000 photos of babies nursing. The page has become somewhat of a hub for news about breast-feeding rights and other mothering issues.

Facebook has since updated its policy to allow for photos of mothers nursing on the social media site. "We agree that breastfeeding is natural and beautiful and we're glad to know that it's important for mothers to share their experiences with others on Facebook," their policy now reads.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

Actress Salma Hayek opened up a whole new kind of breastfeeding debate in 2009 when a video of her nursing a hungry baby boy in Sierra Leone surfaced on YouTube. Hayek told ABC's Nightline that she fed the newborn in an effort to promote breastfeeding in a region that has one of the highest infant-mortality rates in the world, mainly due to malnutrition.

And while HIV transmission via breast feeding is a concern throughout Africa, and international health guidelines advise HIV-positive mothers to avoid breast feeding when an alternative source of nourishment is "acceptable, feasible, affordable, sustainable and safe," those conditions aren't often met in places like Sierra Leone where starvation is an immediate threat.

Hayek won praise for her mission, and the video prompted a wave of discussion over whether Western countries should be donating breast milk to nations in need instead of, or in addition to, infant formula.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

A simple $5 Old Navy T-shirt for babies set off a firestorm in 2009, thanks to what the company thought was a clever illustration of a baby bottle and the words " Formula Powered." Breast-feeding advocates called for a boycott of the chain for encouraging baby formula over breast milk. "It was not meant to be anti-breastfeeding," said Louise Callagy, spokeswoman of Gap Inc., Old Navy's parent company, who also pointed out that Old Navy also manufactures nursing bras and tops. The onesie was part of a fall clothing collection with a racing theme. Cate Nelson, a blogger at the green-parenting site Eco Child's Play wasn't convinced. In a statement sure to inflame bottle-feeding parents, she said, "Formula simply isn't the healthy option. So, why doesn't Old Navy know it?"
-Susanna Schrobsdorff

In 2009, sculptor Daniel Edwards took it upon himself to depict actress Angelina Jolie seated while feeding twin infants simultaneously for an odd-looking work entitled Landmark for Breastfeeding. The New York-based artist favors celebrity subjects, including a much publicized sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth nude, which he described as "pro-life."

Edwards says the sculpture was originally inspired by W magazine's 2008 cover of Jolie nursing one of her newborn twins, Vivienne and Knox. And while that image of Jolie was widely welcomed by breastfeeding advocates, it's not entirely clear whether the grim-looking Jolie statue would inspire an increase in nursing.

-Susanna Schrobsdorff

Women breastfeed their babies at the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington on February 12, 2011 during a "nurse-in." Nicholas Kamm-AFP/Getty Images

A legal dispute over public breastfeeding began in 2006 when Emily Gillette said that a Delta Connection flight attendant told her to get off the plane when she refused to cover up while nursing her 22-month-old daughter. Gillette filed a complaint with the Vermont Human Rights Commission, claiming that she was sitting discreetly by the window with her husband in the aisle seat when a flight attendant gave her a blanket. After Gillette declined the blanket, she was escorted off the plane.

The incident sparked "nurse-ins" at Delta counters across the country. And while both Delta and its partner Freedom Airlines, which operated Gillette's flight on behalf of Delta, have apologized and reaffirmed the right of women to breastfeed on their planes, Gillette filed a civil suit against Delta in the U.S. District Court in the fall of 2009.

Gillette settled with the airlines for an undisclosed amount in March 2012.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

In 1997, Redbook magazine came out with what was then a fairly revolutionary cover featuring actor Pierce Brosnan gazing adoringly at his girlfriend Keely Shaye Smith as she breastfeeds their infant son. The image didn't reveal more of Smith's bosom than your average Oscar gown, but nonetheless, that cover only appeared on newsstands while a more traditional image of the family was on the version that went to subscribers. Editor in chief Kate White explained that the magazine produced two covers for the first time in its history because the editors didn't want "to force the image on anyone." Meanwhile, some convenience-store-chain owners said that if customers complained, they reserved the right to move the controversial breast-feeding cover behind the counter along with risqué men's magazines like Playboy.

- Susanna Schrobsdorff

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In a sign of how supercharged the emotions have become about public nursing, a Canadian midwife's tale of nursing her baby at a local Starbucks in Ottawa went a little viral in early July 2014, getting picked up by news outlets around the globe.

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Condoms were provided by the school nurse without question. Sex education taught us the dangers of venereal diseases and unwanted pregnancy, but it also focused on fun stuff like masturbation. For a girl to own her sexuality meant she owned her body, she owned herself. Women could do anything men did, but they could also - when they chose to - bear children. And that made us more powerful than men. The word "feminist" felt antiquated; there was no longer a use for it.

When I moved to Paris at 15 to work as a model, the first thing that struck me was how differently the men behaved. They opened doors for me, they wanted to pay for my dinner. They seemed to think I was too delicate, or too stupid, to take care of myself.

Instead of feeling celebrated, I felt patronized. I claimed my power the way I had learned in Sweden: by being sexually assertive. But Frenchmen don't work this way. In discos, I'd set my eye on an attractive stranger, and then dance my way over to let him know he was a chosen one. More often than not, he fled. And when he didn't run, he asked how much I charged.

In France, women did have power, but a secret one, like a hidden stiletto knife. It was all about manipulation: the sexy vixen luring the man to do her bidding. It wasn't until I reached the United States, at 18, and fell in love with an American man that I truly had to rearrange my cultural notions.

It turned out most of America didn't think of sex as a healthy habit or a bargaining tool. Instead, it was something secret. If I mentioned masturbation, ears went red. Orgasms? Men made smutty remarks, while women went silent. There was a fine line between the private and the shameful. A former gynecologist spoke of the weather when doing a pelvic exam, as if I were a Victorian maiden who'd rather not know where all my bits were.

In America, a woman's body seemed to belong to everybody but herself. Her sexuality belonged to her husband, her opinion of herself belonged to her social circles, and her uterus belonged to the government. She was supposed to be a mother and a lover and a career woman (at a fraction of the pay) while remaining perpetually youthful and slim. In America, important men were desirable. Important women had to be desirable. That got to me.

In the Czech Republic, the nicknames for women, whether sweet or bitter, fall into the animal category: little bug, kitten, old cow, swine. In Sweden, women are rulers of the universe. In France, women are dangerous objects to treasure and fear. For better or worse, in those countries, a woman knows her place.

But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it. In adapting myself to my new country, my Swedish woman power began to wilt. I joined the women around me who were struggling to do it all and failing miserably. I now have no choice but to pull the word "feminist" out of the dusty drawer and polish it up.

My name is Paulina Porizkova, and I am a feminist.

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Condoms were provided by the school nurse without question. Sex education taught us the dangers of venereal diseases and unwanted pregnancy, but it also focused on fun stuff like masturbation. For a girl to own her sexuality meant she owned her body, she owned herself.

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Potty-Mouthed Princesses Drop F-Bombs for Feminism by FCKH8.com

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Blacks carry different diseases than whites and should do their "business" outside. White people should have to have a separate bathroom outside for the help

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I was meant to finish my degree in 2016. But in April - four months into my final year of studying - I dropped out.

Or, as I prefer to think of it, I took a break from studying until I feel ready to re-enter academia.

There were many reasons why I dropped out, but a big reason is that my mental illnesses were making it nearly impossible to study. My PTSD meant I was struggling to concentrate and write, my depression meant that I felt really unmotivated, and my anxiety prevented me from attending classes and finding help.
Dealing with the symptoms of my mental illness was incredibly difficult. But dealing with ableist microaggressions on campus was even harder.
It was heartbreaking to face ableist slurs on campus. It was heartbreaking to face the implication that my struggle meant I wasn't working hard enough. It was heartbreaking to deal with lecturers who assumed my mental illness was an excuse to get out of work.

Academic spaces are incredibly tough for many people, including those of us who are mentally ill, because - like nearly everything else in society - universities aren't immune to oppression. Oppression exists in those spaces, just like it exists everywhere else.
Here are some of the many challenges mentally ill people face at universities and colleges.
Some of these are only applicable to certain universities. Some of these challenges are the fault of university management, while other challenges are a result of campus- and society-wide attitudes.

But all of these can affect mentally ill people deeply. And for that reason, they require us to pay attention and respond with compassion and understanding.

Let's begin with:

1. Policies - like that at the University of Chicago - that ban trigger warnings.

Trigger warnings can be really useful in helping mentally ill people manage their emotional state.

2. Forcing people to talk in lectures, group discussions, and tutorials.

While this may be a well-intended method of getting everyone involved in discussions, it can be a nightmare for people with social anxiety or executive dysfunction.
3. Forcing people to socialize during initiation or orientation.
4. Initiation ceremonies that involve scaring or humiliating students.

5. Lecturers shaming students who don't always come to lectures.

I understand that poor attendance can demotivate lecturers, especially when they put a great deal of effort into their lectures.

But the reality is, those of us who have illnesses - both mental and physical - often need time off to take care of ourselves. When we shame people who seldom turn up to lectures, we're also shaming those who are too ill to attend.

6. Lecturers shaming students who need to leave lectures early.

I've occasionally had to leave lectures early because of anxiety. I know it can often come off as rude and disrespectful, but it's important to practice a bit of empathy here.

Some people might leave lectures early because they're bored - but many others have valid reasons for leaving early.

7. Lecturers refusing to post lecture notes, even when they can, for those who are absent from class.

Making notes as accessible as possible is essential in supporting mentally ill students.
8. The use of ableist slurs like crazy, psycho, or lunatic in lectures and in social settings.
9. Psychology lectures, seminars, and tutorials where mentally ill people are constantly "othered."

I've attended quite a few lectures where the lecturers and students assumed nobody in the room could possibly have the illnesses they were discussing.

10. Counseling facilities - when they are provided for students - that are expensive, inaccessible, or unprofessional.

11. Complicated processes around applying for leave or handing in sick notes.

Making sick leave inaccessible makes attending universities inaccessible for sick people.

12. The common belief that students who hand work in late are lazy.

13. Being forced to hand in doctor's notes every time you're absent.

Some universities have a policy where you can only be excused from a lecture or seminar if you have a medical reason.

Unfortunately, healthcare - psychological and otherwise - isn't accessible to everyone, and not all of us can see a medical professional every time we need time off.
14. Policies that force people to finish their degree in time or risk losing scholarships, bursaries, or financial aid.
15. On-campus disability campaigns that don't center those who actually are oppressed by ableism, yet still appear to be progressive and inclusive.

16. Shaming students who drop out or take longer to finish their degrees.

For many people - mentally ill people included - extending their degrees or dropping out is the bravest and wisest decision they can make.

17. Inviting bigoted speakers to speak on university campuses.

18. Policies that don't effectively discipline abusers.

Not everyone who is abused ends up with a mental illness - but many of us do.

When disciplinary policies make it difficult for people to report abuse, and don't effectively address abuse, they dismiss our trauma.

Sometimes, we're forced to choose between our degrees and our sense of safety.

For those of us with PTSD and other illnesses, this is a nightmare.

19. Excessively high tuition.

High tuition affects poor students badly. For poor students who are also mentally ill, the pressure of paying for tuition can be particularly harmful.

This isn't just because the financial pressure is difficult to deal with, but also because having a mental illness - and paying for therapy and medication - can be expensive on its own. High tuition fees prevent a lot of marginalized people from attending university - including mentally ill folks.

20. Policies that force mentally ill students to see therapists or face expulsion.

At certain universities, students have to agree to attend a therapy program after they take leave for mental health reasons.

This might seem well intended, but therapy isn't accessible for everyone, nor does it actually work for everyone.
21. The implication that people with degrees are intellectually superior to those without.
There are plenty of reasons why people don't attend college or finish their course of study. For one, not everyone wants to go to university, and that's totally okay.

There are also many forms of oppression that make it incredibly difficult to attend university. Ableism is one factor. Classism, racism, sexism, cissexism, and heterosexism are a few other factors.

(Additionally, we must resist the myth that educated people can't be oppressive.)

22. And of course, ableism is connected to other forms of oppression because all forms of oppression are interlinked.

Experiencing bigotry can be very traumatizing, so for those of us who have mental illnesses and are marginalized in other ways, it can be particularly harmful.

University campuses aren't free from kyriarchy, and this bigotry also impacts mentally ill people.
***
Academia will never be entirely accessible for everyone. After all, it's all about judging people by intelligence - something which will always be ableist.
With that in mind, there are plenty of small ways we can make academia a little bit easier.
Lecturers can work to integrate trigger warnings into their lectures. They can make their notes accessible for students. They can be lenient when it comes to students who miss deadlines or classes because of mental illnesses.

Policy-makers can work to create policies that cater to mentally ill students and staff members.

Students can check the ableist attitudes they have, and work to create a student culture that's more inclusive of marginalized students.

If we can't eradicate these challenges, we can at least be aware of those challenges and be empathetic towards those who face them.
Sian Ferguson is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism and a full-time freelance writer based in South Africa. Her work has been featured on various sites, including Ravishly, MassRoots, Matador Network, and more. She's particularly interested in writing about queer issues, misogyny, healing after sexual trauma and rape culture. You can follow her on Twitter @sianfergs and read her articles here.

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20+ Struggles Mentally Ill People Face in Colleges and Universities

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I was meant to finish my degree in 2016. But in April - four months into my final year of studying - I dropped out. Or, as I prefer to think of it, I took a break from studying until I feel ready to re-enter academia.

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Amber Gordon is the founder of Femsplain, a community for everyone, powered by personal contributions from anyone female-identified. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, enjoys Internet culture, baking, online gaming, and in her spare time watches a lot of anime.
Mansplaining is a term which was coined and popularized only recently to explain an annoyance that society (AKA women) have dealt with for practically forever. It can be traced back to an article written in 2008 called "Men Who Explain Things To Me", which is about.. exactly what it sounds like it's about.

The informal definition of mansplaining goes something like this: The act of explaining (something) condescendingly to a female listener, especially to explain something the listener already knows, presuming that she has an inferior understanding of it because she's a woman.

So now that you know the definition, let's dive a little deeper and chat about what makes a mansplainer, what they look like, where they thrive, and what you can do to stop them.
The Anatomy of a Mansplainer
Typically a "mansplainer" is...a man. (No surprises there.) In addition, he usually comes from privilege (i.e. white, cis, upper middle class, educated) and feels entitled to "explain" things to you as if it were his moral and ethical responsibility. But honestly, it could be anyone. It could even be you! (Please don't let it be you.)

These days it seems like "mansplainers" thrive on the World Wide Web. "Dude, are you even listening to yourself right now?" is a thought that often crosses my mind when I see people (mostly women) falling victims to this.
Where Does a Mansplainer Thrive?
Most mansplainers tend to congregate (and aggravate) on Twitter, an open platform where anyone can have a conversation with you (unless you're private), making you highly susceptible to mansplain interactions.

A perfect example is when Casey Johnston wrote a fantastic article discussing why schools aren't providing computer science classes. She tweeted out her article along with a quote, which received a reply from someone telling her to " read the full article." It seems this mansplainer did not realize that she was the author of the article.

Facebook can also be tricky territory, but since the algorithm operates so you see things you mostly like or agree with, hopefully most mansplainers will be kept out of your comments. Since Facebook is primarily used for friends and family, I want to believe you're less susceptible to mansplaining here, but you never know... that person you met once through a friend who immediately friend requested you could totally be a mansplainer in hiding.

Tumblr is mainly animage-heavy social platform known for the all-powerful reblog. It's also known for its positivity and awesome fandoms/communities! When you reblog a post, any comments you add to it are only seen by your followers, which is a great motivator to not be a jerk. It doesn't mean that mansplaining doesn't happen on here at all. But I'd like to think it's not as bad.

As for the others (Vine, Instagram, and Snapchat), I'm pretty sure mansplaining is kept to a minimum. But let me know in the comments if I've got it all wrong!
The All-Annoying Actually
It's a word you'll find them using often. "Actually, I think you meant to say..." or "No it's not, it's actually..." Actually, I didn't ask for you to correct me or give me your opinion on my opinion.

Why do they do it you ask? I ask myself this very same thing-why or what drives people to "actually" you. In our early childhood years, many of us were taught to separate girls' and boys' topics. Ex: boys = video games, sports, etc. Girls = fashion, beauty, general domesticity. Mansplaining seems to happen most often when a guy assumes a woman doesn't know much about a "boy" topic. "Mansplainers" almost always claim that they aren't doing anything wrong, or they think they're helping in some strange way.

Miranda, 20, noticed mansplaining almost immediately at work. "We have this machine that dispenses cake batter [at my job] and it's not super intricate, but it has about 10 parts to it. If you don't put it back together correctly, it can break. My boss's husband showed me how to use it twice. When he came in one day and I had set it up on my own, he was like, 'WOW-you actually understand this?'" The problem with the "actually" is that some men are impressed when women operate outside of their gender roles, when they should be holding their employees and coworkers accountable for the same things.

Robyn, 27, only became familiar with mansplaining after transitioning from male to female. "I used to work in music-I managed bands, did some light touring, worked for a publishing house, etc. I learned to really like Kanye. I remember telling this guy one time that I really liked the songwriting and production on his latest album, and he just kind of discredited my knowledge." After the man in question offered more information than Robyn asked for (or, frankly, needed, since she already knew quite a bit about the business), she left feeling demeaned. This was something that hadn't happened to her when she presented as a man.
How to Handle It
The message is simple: Talk with me, not at me. One of the most frustrating aspects of this phenomenon is that said "mansplainer" is in no way trying to have a meaningful conversation with you. A typical "mansplainer" is going out of his way to correct, explain, or silence whatever it is you happen to be speaking about. I have a really hard time understanding why said person thinks it's perfectly okay to do this, when it's totally not.

Thinking back to when I was a teen, my response to a "mansplainer" was usually either, "I know" or "Okay." As a 25-year-old, I've come to learn that no, it's really not okay. You have every right to express your thoughts without someone stomping on them and saying you can't, or it's wrong, or "Actually, what you mean is..."

If this is happening to you online, don't be afraid to use the block or ignore button. If someone is mansplaining in public, maybe ask them if they think they're "actually" helping you. Let them know that they aren't, or that you don't care about their opinions. There's nothing that mansplainers hate more than being put in their place.

The most important thing you can take away from this is this: You're not alone and your opinions matter. And if you ever need backup on the internet, just hit me up at @MissAmbear on Twitter. I got you.

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A Primer on "Mansplaining," AKA When Men Don't Value Your Opinion

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Amber Gordon is the founder of Femsplain, a community for everyone, powered by personal contributions from anyone female-identified. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, enjoys Internet culture, baking, online gaming, and in her spare time watches a lot of anime.

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shows how bachelor star lauren bushnell became well known due to media influences

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You're going to have a lot going on as a college freshman. A. Lot. So how do you find time for it all? How do you balance your freshman year schedule and responsibilities? Start here.
Going to college is one of the most exciting times in a person's life. For many young people, it is their first taste of independence. They can meet like-minded people, explore different facets of their personality, and make lots of life-long memories. However, while many great college memories come out of socializing, the most important thing to keep in mind is the diploma waiting at the end of it all. After all, you don't want to pay-or go into debt-for post-class hangouts and weekend parties.

As you get ready for freshman year of college, keep these tips in mind so you know how to balance your school work with your social life.

Prioritize classes

You're going to have lots and lots of opportunities to hang out and do fun stuff throughout freshman year. But before you make any decisions, try to think about how it will affect your studies. Make sure that you have your assignments completed in a timely manner and that you are setting a solid curfew for yourself.

For instance, imagine you're hanging out with friends the night before an 8:30 am class. You look at your phone and are surprised to see it's already past midnight. It's easy to shrug it off and decide to keep partying-it's just one class, right? Who cares if you're late or miss it altogether? But you might have a professor with a strict attendance policy. Or you might miss important info for the midterm. And if you make a habit of missing this early class, it can really build up and be hugely detrimental to your grade-never mind the potential for making a good impression on your professor, who might've been a helpful mentor or even recommendation writer for scholarships or grad school.

Be friends with people who are focused on school

Obviously, there's no way to determine for sure who is and who isn't academically inclined in college, especially when you're all brand-new freshmen. But it shouldn't take long for you to realize who's there for a degree and who's there to goof around. If you have friends who are more interested in partying than studying, then there's a good chance they will bring you down to their level, whether you like it or not.

Remember: even very intelligent people can have trouble in college because they don't realize that intelligence is only part of what it takes to succeed. To do well in college, your most important attribute is discipline.

Have designated study time

College is different from high school in that you're not going to be in class all day, every day. This means you'll have a lot of free time, perhaps more than you'll know what to do with. If you want to stay ahead in your classes, you need to spend time devoted to them outside of the lecture halls as well. So take a look at your schedule and determine when you are able to squeeze in time for reviewing or completing assignments. Adjust it as necessary, but make sure you aren't finding excuses for yourself to not study.

Designated study times can also help you devote your full attention to the matter. Turn off the TV, maybe go to the library, and-most importantly-shut off your phone. Social media is pretty much an addiction, and the temptation is real. But if you can put the phone away for your entire study session, you will be amazed how much more focused you are. Remember, your grades can affect your future, especially in the classes that pertain to your major. You can take your Snapchat selfies when you're done studying; it's not going anywhere.

Make social plans in advance

Sometimes, you're going to drop everything to go out and have fun. This is totally acceptable in limited doses. For the most part, though, you should plan ahead. This basically pertains to everything in your schedule: classes, deadlines for assignments, work shifts, family responsibilities, etc. If you try to make social plans in advance too, it'll be easier to get your homework done around those events.

As a college student, you will have a good amount of free time, but you'll also realize how important proper preparation is. Otherwise, you'll find yourself easily swayed into just about any invitation. Then, you'll lose the sense of responsibility needed to succeed in college. Or worse: you'll never actually gain it.
How are you balancing your work and free time in college? Or if you're not in college yet, are you concerned about fitting everything in? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Note: Did you know you could win a $10,000 scholarship for college or grad school just by registering on CollegeXpress? This is one of the quickest, easiest scholarships you'll ever apply for. Register Now "

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How to Balance School Work and Social Life as a Freshman in College

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You're going to have a lot going on as a college freshman. A. Lot. So how do you find time for it all? How do you balance your freshman year schedule and responsibilities? Start here. Search Thousands Of Colleges And Scholarships. Join Our Growing Community Of College Bound Students.

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shows like americas next top model have shaped the way people think they should look- specifically females.

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The dream has died: after 12 years and 22 seasons, America's Next Top Model will be ending on December 4th. How we learned the news? Tyra Mail. (Duh.)

"TYRA MAIL!" Tyra Banks tweeted. "Thinking #ANTM22 should be our last cycle. I truly believe it's time. May your pics be forever fierce. Keep on Smizing!"

And we will, Tyra. Until our eyes are sore. But of course, smizing is not our only takeaway from the show that guaranteed we'd be present, accounted for, and sitting comfortably in front of our televisions most Wednesday nights of the earlier 2000s. Lest we forget that ANTM brought us real wisdom.

It served as an acting coach.

It made us feel things.

And it made us vow to name all our children Tiffany.

But America's Next Top Model also helped shape the way we think about beauty standards. Isis King was the first trans model to compete on the series. Whitney Thompson was the show's first plus-size winner. And Winnie Harlow? After competing in cycle 21, she's gone on to become a widely recognized and celebrated models in the industry. This, of course, after earning widespread recognition for her 2011 YouTube video, " Vitiligo: A Skin Condition, Not A Life Changer." (Also: she's friends with Drake.)'

And then there were the makeovers.

Fans of the series should understand the following sentiment: makeovers were the best part of each season. For 60 full minutes (or more, depending on who got extensions, and how long someone sat in their stylist's chair, sobbing), we watched as Tyra Banks confronted each model with their new normal. Young women who used their hair to define themselves were forced to live without it, while others who thrived on using their hair to set themselves apart found themselves donning "normal" haircuts. Slowly, each learned that beauty norms were whatever you made them, and if you had enough confidence, you could basically carry off anything. (Others learned that if they didn't want to undergo makeovers, they probably shouldn't have gone on a show where an entire episode is dedicated to them.)

Which, despite the over-dramatization of watching someone cradle their lost inches as though they'd been forced to participate in a series we knew they'd auditioned for (and had probably seen past seasons of), that "you do you" manifesto transcended ANTM and found its way into our own lives. I mean, sure, we all laughed upon a contestant's meltdown regarding her new bangs, but that's because we related to her tragedy. Like the models, we've all craved change - and sometimes, that change turns out to be the worst haircut we've ever had. And then we're learn to redefine our concept of beauty.

That's why I love this gif so much:

Mainly because the point of America's Next Top Model was not to be Tyra Banks, but to inject yourself with enough confidence that you didn't want to be; that being You™ was fine. And to build yourself up, sometimes you have to strip off a few layers (or inches, depending on the haircut), which usually began with the makeover episode. And then, from those makeovers, these young women were reborn, and rose, and and gave us some solid television. Which reminded us at home, eating fro-yo, that if we wanted to take our own plunge with a box of semi-permanent box dye, everything would probably be fine. (Because at least we weren't getting bangs.)

So here's to you, ANTM, and the "you do you" beauty standards you helped put in motion. Provided, of course, those standards were on par with what your maniacal producers wanted. But, as perfectly stated, it never was America's Next Best Friend.

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How America's Next Top Model shaped the way we think about beauty standards

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The dream has died: after 12 years and 22 seasons, America's Next Top Model will be ending on December 4th. How we learned the news? Tyra Mail. (Duh.) "TYRA MAIL!" Tyra Banks tweeted. "Thinking #ANTM22 should be our last cycle. I truly believe it's time. May your pics be forever fierce.

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Stuff Mom Never Told You - HowStuffWorks

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financial benefits of stay at home mom v

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financial benefits of stay at home mom v

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You've likely seen the "mom salary" story: what is a stay at home mom worth in dollars if paid by an employer for her daily duties? The most recent figure was just under $117k.

While this is certainly flattering to a stay at home mom, it is irrelevant when evaluating the cost of going back to work since it is calculated by aggregating full time salaries for professionals such as a daycare manager, chef, driver, housekeeper, etc.

Some moms do not have the option of staying at home; they may be the primary breadwinner of the family or the only parent with health insurance. Others simply do not desire to stay at home for various reasons.

Many moms, however, would love to stay home but are unsure whether it is financially feasible. The primary cost to consider is childcare; and it varies significantly depending on your choice of childcare and where you live.
Daycare Centers
According to the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA), the annual cost for an infant in a daycare center ranges from $5k to $18k, depending on the state (you can find the average for your state on the NACCRRA website.)

Pros: Easily verifiable credentials, high level of socialization and independence-learning opportunities.

Cons: Lower level of individual attention, high exposure to germs, inconvenience of driving them and packing their stuff every day.

Home-Based Daycare

A licensed daycare run out of someone's home is another good option; just be sure to verify their credentials. Typically there are a few other children in this type of setup, but not always. The annual cost is $4k to $12k depending on the state.

Pro: Usually the most cost effective option.

Cons: For some, childcare is another's home may be outside your comfort zone, inconvenience of driving them and packing their stuff every day. Socialization and individual attention is mid-range.

In-Home Nannies
The cost of an in-home nanny varies not just on the cost of living in your area, but also the age and experience level of your nanny. Other points to consider are whether you will provide health insurance or pay their taxes (some choose to pay "under the table"); and what other services they provide (housekeeping, cooking, etc). Generally, the annual cost of an in-home nanny is somewhere between $18k and $36k.

Pros: Highest level of individual attention; convenience (no driving them or packing their stuff everyday).

Cons: Most expensive, little socialization with other children.

Other Costs
There are additional costs associated with going back to work that are less impactful, but worth mentioning, such as fuel costs, eating meals outside the home, and wardrobe maintenance (new clothes and shoes, dry cleaning, etc.)
The Decision
Find out the average cost of your childcare choice specific to your local area, then sit down with your partner and go over your budget. Evaluate whether or not his salary can support the household bills and expenses alone (don't forget retirement and college savings).

If the answer is "almost, but not quite", are there any sacrifices you can make in order to get there (drive a less expensive car, eat out less, do your own nails, etc.)? You may reach the conclusion that you simply can't make it work as a single-income house, and you have no choice but to return to work.

However, if you think you can swing it, go for it. The value of a stay at home mom is beyond measure, as it's the non-numerical kind.

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Stay At Home Mom Vs. Returning To Work: A Cost Analysis

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You've likely seen the "mom salary" story: what is a stay at home mom worth in dollars if paid by an employer for her daily duties? The most recent figure was just under $117k. While this is certainly flattering to a stay at home mom, it is irrelevant when evaluating the [...]

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Birth control linked to depression, new study says

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Depression may be a potential adverse effect of hormonal birth control use, a new study suggests.

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man uses the temperature outside as an excuse to keep the lady there to sexually assault her.

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pro-life feminists are everywhere (opinion)  - cnn

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Open your eyes, pro-life feminists are everywhere

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Helen Alvaré writes that most people looking for pro-life feminists are looking in the wrong place -- in political parties or the media. But the voices and hopes for pro-life feminism live in "the minds, convictions and daily lives of millions of women in the United States" who don't often talk about it, she says.