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When Chuck Norris gets bitten by Zombie, he doesn't turn into a Zombie. The Zombie turns into a Chuck Norris.

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English

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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

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Patient: "Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye."

Doctor: "I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking."

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Policeman talks to little John :
- Johnny where do you live?

- With my parents.

- Where do they live?

- In our house.

- And where is your house?

-Next to our neighbors’ house.

- Where is your neighbors’ house

- You won’t believe me…

- I’ll believe you. Tell me.

- Next to the our house.

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Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher:Well done.Now class, who discovered America?
Class:Maria did.

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Blonde is filling in a form:
Name:Jane
Surname:Smith
Born:Yes

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Three blondes are travelling by train without tickets, but they see a ticket inspector. They decide to hide in sacks. Inspector walsks in, and kicks the first sack.

-MEOW!

-Oh, a cat.

Walks further, kicks the second sack.

-WOOF!

-Oh, a dog.

Walks to the end of the carriage, and kicks the third sack.

-POTATOES!

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Jesus could walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim on land.

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-Knock knock

-Who's there?

-Ach

-Ach who?

-Bless you!

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- Have you got any drawbacks?
- I often lie.

- Really?

- No.