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“”Do we have a soft drink to offer our guest? Did you bring out the soup from the freezer? Let’s go to the kitchen,” his mother said. She reached out and picked off a piece of lint from his hair and then hit his head lightly. Their fluid bantering rapport made Ifemelu uncomfortable. It was free of restraint, free of the fear of consequence; it did not  take the familiar shape of a relationship with a parent.”

Thoughts: It’s interesting how a casual display of affection between Obinze and his mother could make ifemelu so uncomfortable. I noticed that she was using that type of wording that made it seem inclusive to ALL families, “it did not take the familiar shape of a relationship with a parent.” As if that kind of affection wasn’t normal.

Questions: To what extent has her mother’s destruction of God affected Ifemelu and her life?

Epiphanies: I believe that Ifemelu’s mother has a huge influence on her everyday life and thinking. We’ve seen as her mother struggled with that religious crisis that Ifemelu uses it in negative views. Her parents constantly discipline her for only speaking her mind while Obinze’s mother does the complete opposite. I think Obinze will be the helping hand that helps Ifemelu be her own person.

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1. How does the author use parallels to establish relationships in the book

2. What do the parallels show us

3. How do our parents influence affect our lives

During this second section the author continues to connect Obinze and Ifemelu through parallels. This time it’s done through the influence their parents have on them. Before chapter 4, we get a glimpse of Ifemelu’s home life when she was back in Nigeria as a kid. Her mother went through a severe religious crisis causing her to change a lot; personality, appearance, even to the point where she lost a lot of weight. To Ifemelu, her experiences with God aren’t very positive. We can see this influence regarding religion during her first encounter with Obinze; in a negative sense, “And so it was the natural order of things, that the gods should match Obinze and Ginika.” When Obinze is being introduced to Ifemelu and Ginika he obviously seems to take an interest in Ifemelu by the way their eye contact holds, but Ifemelu continues to doubt herself as she says, “[…] and the will of the gods would have been fulfilled” if Obinze had taken a liking to Ginika. It seems as though Ifemelu attaches God/gods to situations where they aren’t in her favor. Obinze completely contradicts Ifemelu’s thoughts as he openly shows his liking towards her. Obinze is an individual that follows his own rules and doesn’t follow others, we can see this as he hangs around the Big Guys and doesn’t follow their sense of style; as they eventually end up following him. Obinze is very confident in himself and knows what he wants. We can see this influence from his mother when he talks about the reason why they moved from Nsukka. His mother advocated for herself when she was assaulted by her coworker. Showing no pity to herself because she is widowed she says “she should not have been slapped because she is a full human being, not because she doesn’t have a husband to speak for her”. Obinze shows this security when he tells Ifemelu, “I’m chasing you” when Ifemelu asks him about Ginika.

Ifemelu sees this indifference between their influences when Obinze tells her his mother wants to meet her. Their different relationships with their parents contradict as Obinze says “I think she just wants to see you” while with Ifemelu, “her parents did not, of course, know about Obinze.” Ifemelu says so herself, “she had taught her son the ability to be, even in the middle of the crowd, somehow comfortably inside himself.” In comparison to her own relationship with her own parents, Ifemelu believed that, “their fluid, bantering rapport made Ifemelu uncomfortable. It was free of restraint, free of fear of consequences; it did not take the familiar shape of a relationship with a parent.” And I think a quote like that is important to Ifemelu as it shows her development as a person. Obinze’s independence allows his and Ifemelu’s relationship to prosper in a beautiful way. The author’s choice of words whenever she regards the two of them allows the reader to get a full grasp of how much love they had for each other. From The beginning they found a sense of comfort within each other, while Obinze spoke about his father’s death and the memories he associates with him, “they talked and talked, hungry to know each other.” With Obinze, Ifemelu felt “[..] self-affection. He made her like herself. With him, he was at ease; her skin felt as though it was her right size.” Ifemelu uses words such as joy and fragile, considering what they have a “glimmering thing.”

I thought it was a bit ironic how, considering how much Obinze talked about America, Ifemelu was the one to move to America while Obinze stayed in Lagos. I think the change of scenery did a lot to the two of them as they proceeded to grow apart, yet together at the same time. The littlest things reminded them of each other. Seeing an insight of their relationship before they separated makes the first part of the book a lot more understandable.

I think another comparison that the author threw in was the difference between Ifemelu’s love with Obinze and Aunty Uju’s love with the General. Like I mentioned before, whenever the topic of Obinze and Ifemelu was brought up the words that surrounded their relationship was bubbly and happy. On the contrary, with Aunty Uju, she goes through a sense of despair with the General due to him not being very present in their lives. Up until she was pregnant with their baby.

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1. What are the parallels between Ifemelu and Obinze?

2. What contributes to the disconnect between being well-educated and not being educated

3. The code-switches in a person’s everyday life

The author showcases a parallel between Ifemelu and Obinze as they are in two different times in their lives. This parallel was made distinct while we are introduced to these characters; they run into similar experiences. Ifemelu is waiting at the train station surrounded by white people when the narrator says, “people were flattered to be asked about themselves and if she said nothing after they spoke, it made them say more.” We can see Obinze go through a similar experience while he is at a fancy event for Chief, “Big Men and Big Women, Obinze would later learn, did not talk to people, they instead talked at people, and that evening Chief had talked and talked, pontificating about politics, while his guests crowded.”  The author’s writing choice to pay very close attention to the details and surroundings of these characters helps us understand that Ifemelu makes this observation about the people around her, not necessarily associating herself with them while Obinze associates himself with these “Big” people.

In part 1 we are given the introduction of both Ifemelu and Obinze’s lives and where they are. Ifemelu is ready for the next chapter in her life while she breaks off the relationship she had with her current boyfriend at the time and gets ready to leave for Nigeria. She has been in America for some time, she’s been an intern for some time at Princeton, along with gaining a following on her blog. She’s been in America for 13 years living in communities that are predominately white and now, “Nigeria became where she was supposed to be, the only place she could sink her roots in without the constant urge to tug them out and shake the soil.” Regarding Obinze, Ifemelu treats the situation with ease. She considers her past feelings for him “a faded sorrow” as she wrote to him congratulating him. Obinze on the other hand, seems to be stuck in the past. As he receives the emails from Ifemelu we can see his nervousness as he “wipes the sweat off of his pants” while reading it

These similar experiences foreshadow that Obinze isn’t in a good place despite his wealth and family as Ifemelu seems to have her life together and knows what she wants.

With these similar experiences hand in hand we can extract that Ifemelu and Obinze are at different points in their lives.