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"Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, you might even be worried about losing social status or a group of friends but if they are truly your friends it won’t matter to them that you’ve developed your sense of style, opinions, or have different music taste."

This shows that even though you don't fit in or don't try to, your true friends will stick with you all the way

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What Happens to Your Mental Health When You Stop Trying to Fit In

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What happens when you stop trying to fit in with others? Stop fitting in to please others, it’s time to be your own self!

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hints about how to deal with feeling like a misfit

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hints about how to deal with feeling like a misfit

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"We’re told to be ourselves, but that’s not always simple. And what happens when we try to be ourselves, but we don’t find anyone else that we seem to connect to?"
This could be an opener to an essay that explains how to deal with being a misfit. It would make the reader question how there could possibly be a solution.

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"I feel like I don't fit in anywhere in this world. I don't have a group of friends, and I don't fit in at work. I have nothing in common with my family, either. It feels like there's no place in society for me."

It's tough to feel like you don't fit in. Belonging is one of our basic needs.

We all go through periods of feeling lonely or like we don't fit in. Sometimes, it's just a feeling or a short-term problem. Other times, though, there is a deeper issue that needs sorting out.

We're told to be ourselves, but that's not always simple. And what happens when we try to be ourselves, but we don't find anyone else that we seem to connect to?

Why don't I fit in?

Depression and anxiety can make someone feel like they don't fit in. You may be an introvert who doesn't enjoy being in groups. Or you may believe that there is something wrong with you and feel safer when you distance yourself from others.

How do I find where I belong?

The best way to find where you belong is to get to know yourself. What interests you? Find the courage to try new things and go to new places by yourself. Doing different things opens you up to talking to people you may never have met otherwise.

Sections

What to do if you don't fit in

1. Consider how you see yourself

When you feel like an outsider, the feeling might or might not be based on facts.

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For example, if you've just started a new job and don't know any of your colleagues, then you are (for now) an outsider. It can help to remind yourself that this kind of situation is temporary and that most people feel like they don't fit in at some point in their lives.

But other times, it feels like we never fit in however much we try. This might be because you are making social mistakes, but it could also come down to how you see yourself. Your feelings of "not fitting in" may be coming from a place of self-judgment.

For example, if you think you are "weird" or "strange," you may always feel like you don't fit in. If this sounds familiar, see our article on what to do if you don't like your personality.

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2. Don't pretend to be someone else

Sometimes, we have to adapt to certain situations or environments. For example, we'll talk in a more polite way around our parents or boss. But if you try to change or hide the core of who you are, you'll continue to struggle. Even if you succeed in getting friends in this way, you'll still feel like you don't fit in because you're not showing your true self.

3. Use friendly body language

Body language plays a big part in how others perceive us. When we're nervous, we may tense our body, cross our arms, and have a serious expression on our face.

When talking to others, notice how you're holding your body. Try to relax your jaw and forehead. We have more tips on how to look friendly and approachable.

4. Learn how to open up

Part of fitting in with others is sharing about ourselves. Being a good listener is important, but most people look for balanced relationships. We feel more comfortable sharing with others when they share with us, as well. Opening up to others is scary, but it will make your relationships more rewarding.

It can be difficult to know how much to share at what point in the relationship. We have an in-depth article on how to open up to people.

5. Overcome trust issues

To fit in with people, we have to give them a certain level of trust. Trusting others can be scary, especially if you've been hurt before. However, trust is something we can learn to develop and nurture.

Read more in our guide to building trust in relationships.

6. Ask questions

Show interest in others by asking them questions. People like talking about themselves, as long as you appear to be asking out of genuine interest instead of coming from a place of judgment.

Make sure that the questions you ask are relevant to what they are talking about and aren't too personal. You can build up to more personal questions later.

For example, if someone mentions that they recently went through a break-up, try asking how long they were together instead of the reason for the break-up. They will share more personal information if and when they are ready.

7. Try to find common ground

People tend to like people who are similar to them. If you're someone who feels you don't fit in, this can make you feel like no one will like you. But the truth is, we can usually find something in common with the person we're talking to, even if it's just a love of Korean noodle cups.

Try playing a little game where you assume you have something in common with every person you meet. Your goal is to find out what that similarity is.

For more help on this topic, check out our guide on how to get along with others. You can find ideas of interesting things to talk about to practice finding common ground.

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8. Get help if you're anxious or depressed

Depression and anxiety can be a barrier to connecting with other people. They can make you believe that you're not worthy of other people's attention.

You can work on these issues with a therapist or coach, who will help you pinpoint your problems and find solutions tailored to your specific situation. Self-help books, online courses, and support groups may also be helpful. We also have a guide on how to make friends when you're depressed.

Working on framing your problem in a more specific way can help you overcome it. For example, "I need to work on my feelings of self-worth" or working to overcome your feelings of feeling judged are more manageable problems than "I just don't fit in."

9. Don't tease or make fun of people

You may see people teasing each other and want to participate. Once we're close to someone and feel safe with them, teasing and bantering can be a fun activity that solidifies the relationship. However, when you're trying to fit in, don't tease others until you can be relatively sure how they will take it.

Not fitting in at work

Understand workplace expectations

To fit in at work, you need to understand your workplace's social rules and norms. Your workplace may be a formal place that expects people to keep their personal life private. On the other hand, in some workplaces, you will find the boss talking about video games with employees over lunch.

Try to observe how other people act at work. Do they use humor when they talk to each other, or are they mainly formal? Do your colleagues ask each other about their family and hobbies, or are the conversations centered on work? Is it OK to walk up to people's desks and ask a question, or are you expected to communicate via email?

Some people act very differently socially and professionally, while others act in the same way in and outside of work. Understanding how people are at your place of work is the first step to fitting in.

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If your workplace is formal, making an effort to dress nicer may help you fit in. If your workplace is more casual, adopting a similar attitude can help. Remember, you're not trying to be someone you're not, you're just showing different parts of yourself.

Be honest

Don't lie about your skills, work experience, or background to fit in or impress your coworkers. It will backfire if someone finds out.

Don't share too much

Avoid oversharing at work. For example, if someone asks you about your family, you don't need to say, "I've cut contact with my father because he's an alcoholic." Instead, try something like, "I'm not close to my family."

Similarly, don't ask your coworkers too many personal questions. For example, don't ask a coworker about their divorce unless they start the conversation. Respect your coworker's privacy and let a friendship develop naturally. Some people prefer to keep their work and personal lives separate. Don't take it personally if they don't open up.

Don't bring up explosive topics

It's usually best to keep political and moral discussions to existing friendships outside the workplace. Try not to bring up sensitive topics that people might have strong views about. If someone says something that you disagree with, ask yourself if it is worth arguing over before commenting.

If you need help with this, read our guide on how to be more agreeable.

Have meals with colleagues

One of the best ways to bond is over a food or coffee break. It can be intimidating to join someone for lunch in the beginning, but give it a try. Do people go out to eat together? Ask if you can join in.

Not fitting in at school

Try to find like-minded people

One common problem in many social settings and particularly in high school is that we tend only to notice extroverted and popular people. We may try hard to fit in with them but struggle to know how to do that. In the process, we may miss other interesting, kind people we may get along with quite well.

To find like-minded people, look around. Try to notice something about everyone in your class. Is there a classmate you often find doodling that you could talk to about art? Perhaps you share a similar taste in music with the classmate who walks around wearing headphones. Take a chance on the shy kid who sits off to the side.

Join groups for things that you're interested in, or consider starting one. Read our guide on finding like-minded people for more tips.

Try new things

Say you hear classmates talking about meeting to play basketball. " I don't play basketball," you think. When they talk about Dungeons and Dragons, you say, "I don't know how to do that." When you're at a party, you sit to the side and watch others dance. You don't try watching the new TV show everyone is talking about because you assume you won't like it.

No one is born knowing what they are good at or what they like. We find these things out through experimentation. Engaging in the things others are engaging in will help you feel like you fit in with them because you share an experience together.

Of course, if you already know without a doubt that you hate yoga, don't try to force yourself only to fit in with others. But if there is something you are unsure about, give it a shot. You may surprise yourself. Even if you end up disliking it, at least now you know from experience.

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Cultivate different groups of friends

You may have an image in your head of what friendship should look like. You may dream of having a best friend that you do everything with.

That works for some people, but others have several people they do different things with. Some friends may like to play video games together but need to study alone. You can find other friends to study with, but they may not have the same hobbies as you.

Accept your differences

You may believe that in order to fit in, you need to be similar to others. You need to like the same TV shows, have the same hobbies, the same taste in clothes, and similar religious or political views.

The truth is, it's very rare to find someone you will be completely similar to. You can be very close friends with someone even if you have opposing views or if you don't have an opinion on something they're passionate about.

For example, if someone asks you, "What's your favorite band?," it's OK to say that you don't have one, even if they think it's strange. You don't need to have an opinion about everything. Or maybe there's a trend everyone is into. It's OK not to like it. Just try to express your opinion respectfully, without being critical of others. Neither of you is right or wrong. You're just different.

Not fitting in with family

Feeling like you don't belong in your family can be challenging, especially when it feels like everyone else is getting along and you are the black sheep.

You may be carrying childhood hurt and resentment that gets in the way of feeling comfortable around your parents, siblings, or extended family. Perhaps you remember the ways they hurt you when you were young and find it difficult to get over these experiences. You may find that even now, your family can be critical or disrespect your boundaries without them even noticing. Or the problem might just be the fact that you're different from them.

Be curious about their interests and beliefs

Perhaps you have different views about religion or culture. Or maybe you enjoy spending your time in very different ways.

Instead of telling your family that they're wrong for their beliefs, try to understand why they feel the way they do. Ask them about their jobs or hobbies, even if it's not something you're typically interested in.

Remember that it's very common for different generations to have conflicting beliefs. And while some children adopt the views of their parents, others do not.

Share noncontroversial things about your life

Sadly, sometimes our family won't be able to meet us at the emotional level we need. There may be several topics we find we can't talk about without getting judgemental comments.

The solution may be to find "safe" topics you can talk to your family about. That way, it feels like you're sharing without giving away too much.

Safe topics can include practical information about your hobbies or day-to-day life. (For example, "My tomatoes seem to be growing really well. I'm not sure why the cucumbers aren't.") You can think of some topics you can discuss with them in advance before you meet up.

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Suggest doing an activity together

Sometimes it can be hard to hold a conversation with family members. In many cases, doing something together can help you feel closer and give you something to talk about when there are gaps in the conversation. Is there something that your family would be open to trying together? For example, you could suggest hiking, cooking, board games, or watching a movie.

Not fitting in with groups

It's normal to feel out of place when you're in a group of people who know each other quite well. Here are some tips:

Smile and make eye contact

When someone is talking, smiling and nodding sends them a signal that we are listening and that we accept them. You appear as a friendly person who is nice to be around, even if you aren't contributing much to the discussion.

Consider online therapy

Online therapy allows you to speak to a licensed therapist in the comfort of your home.

BetterHelp offers support via phone or video at $64 per week.

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For more, read our in-depth guide on how to make eye contact.

Practice group conversations

Talking to people in a group is different than talking one-on-one. When speaking in a group, it's best not to try to dominate the conversation but know when and how to speak up. Read our in-depth guide on joining group conversations.

Match your energy to the group

Try to notice the groups' energy level-not just what they're saying, but how they're saying it. Sometimes, you may need to raise your energy level to fit a group if they are lively and joking around. Other times, the group will be having a serious discussion, and making jokes may not be appropriate.

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Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf's scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more.

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What To Do If You Don't Fit In (Practical Tips) | SocialSelf

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"I feel like I don't fit in anywhere in this world. I don't have a group of friends, and I don't fit in at work. I have nothing in common with my family, either. It feels like there's no place in...

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"Kevin became one of those students who didn’t “fit in”. His teacher struggled to engage him in classwork and couldn’t find a way around Kevin’s non-conforming in-class behaviour. Making matters worse, Kevin’s mum thought the reason it was difficult to get him out of bed in the morning was his lack of interest in school." This helps proove that everyone is differnt but that doesn't mean that they should be labeled as misfits just because they have different interests than others. But this quote helps show how sometimes at school they can get singled out a lot. Because it may just be a society thing that people just follow along with when they all go into groups when they find something in common.

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All children are different, but different isn't wrong, and doesn't require fixing. Shutterstock

Parents who have several children know only too well that each one is different. Now apply that to the classroom. Most teachers will agree that all students have particular learning styles and skills, but strangely our schools operate more readily on similarities than differences.

In times when our schools strive to deliver inclusive education, in which all students have equal access and opportunities to learning, this emphasis on similarities over differences seems contradictory.

This issue is most apparent when students struggle to "fit in" at school. This can present itself as behaviours such as falling behind, disrupting the class, not following teacher instruction, poor peer relationships, or truancy.

Usually the school first tries to deal with the issue in-school. Teachers and other school staff bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to meet the needs of their students but, as would be expected, their ability to "fix" a student is limited.

Limitations include time pressures, imposed performance indicators (such as NAPLAN results) and the availability of in-school but out-of-classroom support staff such as the principal or year-level co-ordinators.

I was a school psychologist in Queensland for almost a decade and witnessed this firsthand. Few schools have the resources to employ a psychologist of their own. Instead, psychologists are frequently stretched across a number of schools and called on when in-school options have been exhausted, or when a psychologist's expertise in testing or assessment is required.

Because our schools are more comfortable accommodating similarities, when principals and teachers do come face to face with difference the focus is on "fixing" this difference, and the onus is put on the student.

The views of school staff can quickly move from seeing something different about a student to seeing something "wrong" with him or her. This perspective shift may occur alongside punitive actions like suspension. The majority of students I saw were those the school was looking to exclude permanently simply because they didn't "fit in".

I was once called in to visit a Grade 5 student named Kevin. Despite being only ten years old, Kevin was already on the path to being permanently expelled from his school after several suspensions.

His teachers reported concern about his behaviour, saying he always seemed distracted in class, was unable to focus on his work and had difficulty keeping up. It took several weeks before Kevin revealed to me that he was preoccupied with wanting to spend more time with his dad, a truck driver who delivered freight interstate and was often away for weeks at a time.

Kevin devised specific plans to be closer to his dad. This included making strong instant coffees with lots of sugar in the afternoon so he could stay awake when his dad was home. On these nights, while his parents watched TV, he would position himself silently behind the couch until well past midnight as his way of being close to his father.

Kevin became one of those students who didn't "fit in". His teacher struggled to engage him in classwork and couldn't find a way around Kevin's non-conforming in-class behaviour. Making matters worse, Kevin's mum thought the reason it was difficult to get him out of bed in the morning was his lack of interest in school.

No one is suggesting that teachers should take on the role of social workers or psychologists - although there were occasions when teachers I spoke to thought that was what I was asking of them.

Instead, the question I repeatedly put to teachers was this: did their actions in the classroom and schoolyard reflect the kind of relationship they wanted with students?

This probe directly asked staff to consider what value they placed on relationships with students. At the least, this question helped them determine how next steps could be taken.

Kevin's situation provides an example of what educators, parents and school support staff (including psychologists) are fortunately coming to realise - that "difference" might require a response, but it doesn't necessarily need "fixing".

The idea that a student should need "fixing" to help them "fit in" says as much about a school's inability to respond to difference as it does about the school's capacity to sustain an inclusive community.

Many teachers report that they are motivated in their jobs because they want to make a difference in people's lives. But are making a difference and recognising and accepting difference mutually exclusive? They shouldn't be.

Teachers around the world are increasingly rejecting demands to make students "fit in" by questioning the increased use of standardised testing or the failure to recognise how important education is as a social determinant of health.

Students - or anyone for that matter - are more likely to experience exclusion when they don't "fit in". Rather than seeing struggles with teachers, school, family or classwork as symptomatic of personal deficits, it is far more hopeful for all involved to shift perception and recognise difference as an invitation to create more inclusive communities.
Victoria University will be hosting one-day workshops in late March in Melbourne, Brisbane and Perth for teachers, school counsellors, psychologists and student support staff to explore the impact of psychology in education. Editor's note: Tim will be answering questions between 2 and 3pm AEDT on Wednesday March 11. You can ask your questions about the article in the comments below.

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Students who don't 'fit in' don't need to be 'fixed'

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Parents who have several children know only too well that each one is different. Now apply that to the classroom. Most teachers will agree that all students have particular learning styles and skills, but strangely our schools operate more readily on similarities than differences.

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"To some people, to “fit in” means to feel that you belong, or to be like others."
- This helps show what different people think about the words fitting in.
"but the term “fitting in” means “to be socially compatible with other members of a group”, as quoted from the Oxford Dictionary. "

"Many people face peer pressure because they are deemed uncool and are pressured to do uncomfortable things and things that they believe are not right."
- This shows why people don't fit into one category.

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The term "fitting in" holds different meanings to different people. To some people, to "fit in" means to feel comfortable in a particular group of friends. To some people, to "fit in" means to feel that you belong, or to be like others. To some people, "fitting in" may even mean nothing. Fitting in clearly holds a variety of meanings for people, but the term "fitting in" means "to be socially compatible with other members of a group", as quoted from the Oxford Dictionary. You may now wonder, what is the meaning of "socially compatible"? To be "socially compatible", one must be harmonious, well-suited and exist without conflict in an organization or particular group of society. Why do people want to fit in? Many people may not want to fit in, but a vast majority wants to. The reason is very simple - people do not want ...show more content...
An accepting and healthy environment is needed. Many people face peer pressure because they are deemed uncool and are pressured to do uncomfortable things and things that they believe are not right. If everyone accepts everyone around them for their real selves and will not judge them, people will not commit unhealthy acts and develop undesirable bad habits. People need to surround themselves around healthy and positive company that will accept each other and have healthy core values. Lastly, people must rid themselves of any bad and unhealthy ideals. They must not feel pressured by the media, friends, family or external sources to change themselves and pursue activities that they feel uncomfortable about and are not right. They must not succumb to people's expectations and unhealthy ideals, but instead set high (but reachable) standards for themselves to keep improving and being better. They must realize that they don't have to be perfect and suit what everyone think of them, but instead feel comfortable in their own skin and set healthy standards to keep improving instead of being

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The term "fitting in" holds different meanings to different people. To some people, to "fit in" means to feel comfortable in a particular group of friends. To some people, to "fit in" means to feel that you belong, or to be like others. To some people, "fitting in" may even mean nothing.

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Altruism is the unselfish concern for other people—doing things simply out of a desire to help, not because you feel o We Risk Our Own Well-Being to Help Others

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Examples of altruism:

Doing something to help another person with no expectation of reward

Forgoing things that may bring personal benefits if they create costs for others

Helping someone despite personal costs or risks

Sharing resources even in the face of scarcity

Showing concern for someone else's well-being

This is related to Simon because he spent his free time helping build the huts and admitted that he went off on his own in the night.

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What Is Altruism?

Altruism is the unselfish concern for other people-doing things simply out of a desire to help, not because you feel obligated to out of duty, loyalty, or religious reasons. It involves acting out of concern for the well-being of other people.

In some cases, these acts of altruism lead people to jeopardize themselves to help others. Such behaviors are often performed unselfishly and without any expectations of reward. Other instances, known as reciprocal altruism, involve taking actions to help others with the expectation that they will offer help in return.

Examples of Altruism

Everyday life is filled with small acts of altruism, from holding the door for strangers to giving money to people in need. News stories often focus on grander cases of altruism, such as a man who dives into an icy river to rescue a drowning stranger or a donor who gives thousands of dollars to a local charity.

Some examples of altruism include:

Doing something to help another person with no expectation of reward

Forgoing things that may bring personal benefits if they create costs for others

Helping someone despite personal costs or risks

Sharing resources even in the face of scarcity

Showing concern for someone else's well-being

Types of Altruism

Psychologists have identified several different types of altruistic behavior. These include:

Genetic altruism: As the name suggests, this type of altruism involves engaging in altruistic acts that benefit close family members. For example, parents and other family members often engage in acts of sacrifice in order to provide for the needs of family members.

Reciprocal altruism: This type of altruism is based on a mutual give-and-take relationship. It involves helping another person now because they may one day be able to return the favor.

Group-selected altruism: This involves engaging in altruistic acts for people based upon their group affiliation. People might direct their efforts toward helping people who are part of their social group or supporting social causes that benefit a specific group.

Pure altruism: Also known as moral altruism, this form involves helping someone else, even when it is risky, without any reward. It is motivated by internalized values and morals.

Explaining Altruistic Behavior

While we may be familiar with altruism, social psychologists are interested in understanding why it occurs. What inspires these acts of kindness? What motivates people to risk their own lives to save a complete stranger?

Altruism is one aspect of what is known as prosocial behavior. Prosocial behavior refers to any action that benefits other people, no matter what the motive or how the giver benefits from the action.

We're not sure why altruism exists, but psychologists have suggested a number of different explanations.

Psychologists have long debated whether some people are just born with a natural tendency to help others, a theory that suggests that altruism may be influenced by genetics.

Kin selection is an evolutionary theory that proposes that people are more likely to help those who are blood relatives because it will increase the odds of gene transmission to future generations, thus ensuring the continuation of shared genes. The more closely the individuals are related, the more likely people are to help.

Brain-Based Rewards

Altruism activates reward centers in the brain. Neurobiologists have found that when a person behaves altruistically, the pleasure centers of their brain become more active.

Engaging in compassionate actions activates the areas of the brain associated with the reward system. The positive feelings created by compassionate actions then reinforce altruistic behaviors.

Environment

Interactions and relationships with others have a major influence on altruistic behavior, and socialization may have a significant impact on altruistic actions in young children.

In one study, children who observed simple reciprocal acts of altruism were far more likely to exhibit altruistic actions. On the other hand, friendly but non-altruistic actions did not inspire the same results.

Observing prosocial behavior seems to lead to helping behavior among adults as well (though the extent to which this occurs varies based on factors like gender, culture, and individual context).

Social Norms

Society's rules, norms, and expectations can also influence whether or not people engage in altruistic behavior. The norm of reciprocity, for example, is a social expectation in which we feel pressured to help others if they have already done something for us.

For example, if your friend loaned you money for lunch a few weeks ago, you'll probably feel compelled to reciprocate when they ask you if they can borrow $100. They did something for you, now you feel obligated to do something in return.

Incentives

While the definition of altruism involves doing for others without reward, there may still be cognitive incentives that are not obvious. For example, we might help others to relieve our own distress or because being kind to others upholds our view of ourselves as kind people. Other cognitive explanations include:

Empathy: People are more likely to engage in altruistic behavior when they feel empathy for the person in distress, a suggestion known as the empathy-altruism hypothesis. Children also tend to become more altruistic as their sense of empathy develops.

Helping relieve negative feelings: Altruistic acts may help alleviate the negative feelings associated with seeing someone else in distress, an idea referred to as the negative-state relief model. Essentially, seeing another person in trouble causes us to feel upset, distressed, or uncomfortable, but helping them reduces these negative feelings.

Impact of Altruism

While altruism can have some drawbacks when taken to extremes, it is a positive force that can benefit both you and others. Altruism has a wide range of benefits, like:

Better health: Behaving altruistically can improve physical health in a variety of ways. People who volunteer have better overall health, and regularly engaging in helping behaviors is linked to a significantly lower mortality.

Better mental well-being: Doing good things for other people can make you feel good about yourself and the world. Research shows that people experience increased happiness after doing good things for other people.

Better romantic relationships: Being kind and compassionate can also lead to a better relationship with your partner, as kindness is one of the most important qualities that people across all cultures seek in a romantic partner.

In addition to these benefits, engaging in altruism can also help improve social connections and relationships, which can ultimately play a part in improving health and wellness.

Fostering Altruistic Behavior

While some people may come by altruistic tendencies more naturally, there are things that you can do to help foster helpful behaviors in yourself and others. These include:

Finding inspiration: Look to inspirational people who engage in altruistic acts. Seeing others work to actively improve the lives of individuals and communities can inspire you to act altruistically in your own life.

Practicing empathy: Rather than distancing yourself from others, practice empathy by building connections and putting a human face on the problems you see. Consider how you would feel in that situation, and think about things that you can do to help make a difference.

Setting a goal: Find ways that you can regularly perform random acts of kindness for others. Look around you for people who may need help, or look for ways that you can volunteer in your community. Fix a meal for someone in need, help a friend with a chore, donate during a blood drive, or spend some time volunteering for a local organization.

Potential Pitfalls

There can be some possible drawbacks and difficulties to altruism, like:

It can sometimes create risk.People may engage in altruistic acts that can place them in danger.

It may sometimes lead people to neglect their own health, social, or financial needs in order to care for others.

While acts of altruism may be done with good intentions, they don't always lead to positive outcomes.

It may lead people to focus their efforts on one cause while neglecting others.

People who work in helping professions may find themselves emotionally overwhelmed by caring for and helping others. In a more severe example, a person who altruistically adopts animals may shift into animal hoarding, reaching a point where they can no longer house or care for the animals they have taken in.

Despite these potential problems, altruism is generally a positive force in the world, and it's a skill worth developing.

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Why We Risk Our Own Well-Being to Help Others

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Altruism is the unselfish concern for other people-doing things simply out of a desire to help, not because you feel obligated to out of duty, loyalty, or religious reasons. It involves acting out of concern for the well-being of other people. In some cases, these acts of altruism lead people to jeopardize themselves to help others.

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"Also, the top co-operators and nicest people make others look bad, so bringing them down a peg or two by being mean can be attractive to them.

That is why some of the nicest people can attract social punishment, meanness and even hatred.

The effect is even more pronounced in a competitive environment, like the workplace, the researchers found, where being shown up could have financial consequences."

Explains jealousy toward those who can make others look bad and feel guilty.

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Psychologists reveal why nice people sometimes get punished with meanness for their good behaviour.

People who are generous and cooperative can get punished by others for being 'too good', research finds.

Humans in all cultures can be suspicious of those who appear nicer or better than the rest.

Also, the top co-operators and nicest people make others look bad, so bringing them down a peg or two by being mean can be attractive to them.

That is why some of the nicest people can attract social punishment, meanness and even hatred.

The effect is even more pronounced in a competitive environment, like the workplace, the researchers found, where being shown up could have financial consequences.

Professor Pat Barclay, study co-author, said:

"Most of the time we like the cooperators, the good guys.

We like it when the bad guys get their comeuppance, and when non-cooperators are punished.

But some of the time, cooperators are the ones that get punished.

People will hate on the really good guys.

This pattern has been found in every culture in which it has been looked at."

Why people are mean

Even relatively egalitarian hunter-gatherer societies demonstrate this phenomenon: the top hunters are socially targeted to stop them dominating the group.

Professor Barclay said:

"In a lot of these societies, they defend their equal status by bringing down somebody who could potentially lord things over everybody else.

You can imagine within an organization today the attitude, 'Hey, you're working too hard and making the rest of us look bad.'

In some organizations people are known for policing how hard others work, to make sure no one is raising the bar from what is expected."

The results come from a study in which people played a cooperation game.

The top co-operators got 'punished' the most to avoid making the others look bad, the scientists found.

Professor Barclay thinks that being mean to co-operators may hinder people in protecting the environment or changing the status quo:

"It is a way of bringing those people back down, and stopping them from looking better than oneself in their attempts to protect the environment or address social inequality."

The study was published in the journal Psychological Science ( Pleasant & Barclay, 2018).

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Why Are People So Mean To Nice People - PsyBlog

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Psychologists reveal why nice people sometimes get punished with meanness for their good behaviour. People who are generous and cooperative can get punished by others for being 'too good', research finds. Humans in all cultures can be suspicious of those who appear nicer or better than the rest.

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"you'll gain a higher level of respect....we look up to these people because we admire their spirit, their courage, their confidence, and their level of honestly." (Ellis)

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Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement

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"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it." - Bruce Lee

When I was younger and not as confident as I am today, I was no good at being the real me. I was too busy trying to live up to other people's expectations of me. I was too afraid of the criticism and negativity that comes with it.

I was too afraid of being judged by society for doing what I believed in, instead of what they believed in. Or what others expected me to do. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this.

The real reason people criticize you for being yourself is because they're afraid of doing the same thing. But regardless of the negative aspects of doing what's right for you, here are the top 10 benefits of being yourself!

"If you want to be happy, be." - Leo Tolstoy

The most happy years in my life, including today, have been a result of doing the things I want to do. Being the person I'm meant to be. Doing the things I believe in. And most importantly, being honest with myself.

If you're constantly doing things to make others happy, but not yourself, you're bound to stress yourself out. You've got to put your happiness first before anything else.

If you go through your whole life feeling like a faker, being a faker, and living a lie, your friends will reflect that. Like they say, you are what you're around and there's a lot of truth to that.

If you want to have honest friends who aren't afraid to keep it real, maybe you need to work on yourself first. Only then will you attract the right friends.

If you're already honest as it is, but your friends are the opposite, maybe you need to meet some new people.

If you have to prove your honesty to somebody, chances are you've already lost the battle. When you have to prove something It usually means you're not capable of doing it.

When you know who you are and what you stand for, trying to Impress others Is irrelevant. Leave the "proving" to those who feel It's necessary.

If you know you're speaking your truth and nothing but your truth, nobody can hold that against you. It's not possible. People will only hold something against you If you give them reason to, or If there's blatant proof.

Be yourself, keep it real, speak your truth, then nobody will be able to hold anything against you. No matter what!

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." - Helen Keller

When you love who you are and have no problem with who you are, confidence Is guaranteed to show up. Lack of confidence shows up when you're happy with yourself, your character, and because you feel inadequate.

But someone who loves who they are, and goes about this daily has an unstoppable amount of self confidence. And that's attractive which ever way you slice the cake!

There are millions of people who lack self confidence worldwide. There's an endless amount of people who struggle with self confidence, being themselves and putting themselves out in the open.

I know from experience because I was one of those people. Just by being yourself and expressing your opinions, you can inspire hundreds of people who need it.

You can change somebody's life just by showing them It's ok to be honest and It's ok to follow your heart. You can spring them into action and possibly change their lives forever. So be an inspiration!

Everybody looks up to somebody, whether they're a celebrity, musician, business owner or professional athlete. We look up to these people because we admire their spirit, their courage, their confidence, and their level of honesty.

Not to mention the fact they're doing what they love to do, what they believe in, and they let NOTHING or NOBODY stop them. That's powerful.

You don't have to be someone else to be respected, doing that would be the opposite. So be yourself, be confident, and watch how others warm to you and respect you for who you are.

When you put yourself first you'll always make better decisions when It's decision time. If you're constantly trying to copy someone, your decisions are going to be based on being like that person. Your decisions are going to be based off being something you're not.

So It's clear to see why this would be a bad idea as far as decision making goes. However, when you're honest with yourself and you respect yourself, your decisions will always make a lot more sense. Because they'll be based upon how you feel deep down.

Nobody likes feeling like a fraud. Nobody likes feeling like a faker. And nobody enjoys feeling like a copy cat. Nobody should have to feel that way either!

When you're a fraud, you have to deal with the way people are going to treat you. And lets be honest, nobody's going to take you seriously If you're trying to copy Nicki Minaj or whoever It might be.

So cut it out and start being honest with yourself. Unless you enjoy lying to yourself ;).

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." - George MacDonald

Who are you more likely to trust? Somebody who keeps it real with you, tells you like it is, and is straightforward, or someone who can't say a few words without telling a lie?

Honesty goes a long way. There aren't too many honest people In today's society. And when you're straightforward, less people are likely to try and take advantage of you.

But back to the point, If you expect to be trusted, start being more honest. It's as plain and simple as that!
Got something to say? Leave a comment below and I'll respond to it.
Theo Ellis is a straight talking blogger who delivers no nonsense advice to help you be confident, keep it real and build self discipline to better yourself. You can find out more about Theo and his services via his website -

Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books-written by men-barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

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Top 10 Benefits Of Being Yourself | Pick The Brain

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"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it." - Bruce Lee When I was younger and not as confident as I am today, I was no good at being the real me.