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By the time I was in high school and dating, I tried switching from being my normal outdoorsy self, to someone who could get the attention of boys, by doing things that I felt would make more attractive (constantly getting my hair done, or doing it myself. Wearing more form fitting clothing). I wouldn't speak up for myself when I was uncomfortable, in fear that others would reject me because what I wanted to do or say, was not in line with what they wanted. One day, I was making lunch for myself and a boy I was dating at the time, and my dad walked into the kitchen and told me "You're going to make a great housewife". From there I knew that doing things that were considered normal for a female was not going to work in my world. So I decided from there that I would challenge that ideology. Not only by continuing to be the outdoorsy and loud child I was, but making sure that I would have a partner in life that understood I would never give into traditional gender roles. It was equally important that we raise children that would also challenge these things.

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When I was younger, my dad didn't like that my mom dressed me "like a boy". He had this thing, that as a girl, I should dress as such. More "girly clothing" such as skirts and dresses, and sandals. My hair needed to constantly be done up. He didn't like that when he picked me up, I could be confused for one of my brothers, if you didn't already know who I was. But my mother knew I liked to be outside and get dirty, so why waste her time? Plus I enjoyed (and still enjoy) being comfortable at all times.

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Zuri and her uncle doing a Ninja Warrior challenge. We are taught early on that athleticism is a male trait.

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By educating young people to the different types of femininities, we can help eliminate the types of femininity that marginalize men and women (such as hegemonic femininity and masculinity). By allowing children to explore the different types of femininity (and masculinity), we build up strong young adults to be comfortable with who they are from childhood.

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When Zuri first asked a family member for a skateboard, she was asked "why do you want that? That's not for girls. Don't you want dolls?" That initially shaped her mind to believe there was a limit to what could be considered girly (feminine) and boyish (masculine). But she challenges those ideologies by embodying traits of pariah femininity. How? By being the youngest female in the skatepark, challenging herself to do tricks she sees the boys do. With each visit to the skatepark, she gets better with her techniques and tricks. She says "I really only thought boys can do that, but I think I'm better than them."

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We often stress to our children that their gender is the sex they were assigned at birth. However, that is not the case. Children know who they are and it is important we acknowledge that. Zuri (age 7) says "I can be a girl sometimes and wear dresses when I want to look cute." But I challenged her by asking "who says only girls have to wear dresses to look cute?" Because of patriarchy, we are led to believe that to be a seen as a cute girl, we must embody ways that show we are "soft", "kind", and "approachable". This in turn teaches our young girls, that to be anything opposite of those things, will be frowned upon.