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I don't remember first encounters, only each goodbye (7)

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I don't remember first encounters, only each goodbye (7)

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In elementary school,
i would burst out laughing
in the middle of class.

I was loud and outgoing,
messy
and funny
and happy.

But somewhere along the line I lost it. \
the freedom
the innocence.

SOMETIMES I IMAGINE MY YOUNGER SELF
AND I WORRY SHE WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE ME.  (29)

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(right?) (40)

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Some memories
cling to the sides
of my spirit

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We all seem to have our minds knotted.
a bed head of the brain.
and with ribbons of dark matter
braided into our thoughts,
we will never be able to comb out all the tangles.

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Once I was in the driver's seat, face-to-face with another person, nothing about it was familiar. I had to learn all the different gears the emergency brake, the rearview mirror. I sped through reds I didnt even see, stopped short at yellows, stalled at greens : my steering was wobbly and timid, living scared of everyone else on the road.

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Come and sit with me. We can watch the day grow dark as we do the same. 

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Come and sit with me. We can watch the day grow dark as we do the same. 

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(54) 2

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(79) (2)

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Suddenly I feel like
the light switch
has flipped off.

and suddenly I feel like
I am not better because
of my hard work.

and suddenly I feel like
a fraud.

I try to remind myself
that the brain is an organ,

so i swallow my pride
and let myself
get better.

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(111) (3)

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So for now
I just inhale,

and wait.

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A journal is not a friend
or a hotline
or a therapy session
but you can vent into it.

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(176) (4)

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(204) (4)

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Have you ever held your life in your own two hands?

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Have you ever held your life in your own two hands?

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(164) (4)

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Being selfish and making my own decisions

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Being selfish and making my own decisions

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(189) (4)