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Last night I dreamed that I was weightless! I was like, 0mg (explanation: 0mg = Zero Milligrams)

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Last night I dreamed that I was weightless! I was like, 0mg (explanation: 0mg = Zero Milligrams)

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Sandro: Silver

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Talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says ‘All 40 accounted for.’ Farmer says, ‘I’ve only got 36!’ Sheepdog replies, ‘I know, but I rounded them up.'

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Talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says ‘All 40 accounted for.’ Farmer says, ‘I’ve only got 36!’ Sheepdog replies, ‘I know, but I rounded them up.'

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Sandro: Silver

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Sandro: Silver

Jet: None

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Three statisticians go hunting. After a while they find a single rabbit. The first takes aim and undershoots, the second takes aim and overshoots. The third yells "We got him!" (Explanation: the average place the bullets hit was the rabbit)     

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Three statisticians go hunting. After a while they find a single rabbit. The first takes aim and undershoots, the second takes aim and overshoots. The third yells "We got him!" (Explanation: the average place the bullets hit was the rabbit)     

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Sandro: Gold

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Sandro: Platinum

Jet: Gold

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Sandro: Gold

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

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Sandro: Platinum

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Jet: Bronze

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Jet: Bronze

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Jet: Gold

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Jet: Silver

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You think he knows every chemical joke in existance? How prephosphorous!

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You think he knows every chemical joke in existance? How prephosphorous!

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Jet: Bronze

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 Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

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 Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

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Jet: Silver

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 Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar? A: OH SNaP!

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 Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar? A: OH SNaP!

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Jet: Silver

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 Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.

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 Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.

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Jet: Bronze

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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe

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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe

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Jet: Silver

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

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Jet: AU

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 Helium walks into a bar, The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.

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 Helium walks into a bar, The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.

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Jet: Silver

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What is the most important rule in chemistry? Never lick the spoon

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What is the most important rule in chemistry? Never lick the spoon

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Gold

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If the silver surfer and iron man teamed up, they'd be an alloy

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If the silver surfer and iron man teamed up, they'd be an alloy

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Jet: Silver

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What is the chemical formula for banana?  BaNa2

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What is the chemical formula for banana?  BaNa2

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Jet: Bronze

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Jet: Silver

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Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

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Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

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Jet: Silver

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The B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stands for Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

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The B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stands for Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

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Jet: Gold

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A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.The physicist says, “The initial measurement was incorrect.”The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”And the mathematician says, “If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty.”

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A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.The physicist says, “The initial measurement was incorrect.”The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”And the mathematician says, “If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty.”

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Jet: Gold

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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: One: she gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that has already been solved.

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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: One: she gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that has already been solved.

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Jet: Silver

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A: “What is the integral of 1/cabin?”B: “log cabin.”A: “Nope, houseboat–you forgot the C.”

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A: “What is the integral of 1/cabin?”B: “log cabin.”A: “Nope, houseboat–you forgot the C.”

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Jet: Silver

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There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river… It was 3 feet deep on average. 

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There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river… It was 3 feet deep on average. 

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Jet: Platinum

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Gold

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Gold

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Gold

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Sandro: None

Jet: Silver

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Sandro: Bronze

Jet: Silver

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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

Jet: Bronze

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So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!? It's not the end of the world!

Sandro: Gold

Jet: Silver

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A man assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

Sandro: Silver

Jet: Silver

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When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Jet: Gold

Sandro: Platinum

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Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

Sandro: Silver

Jet: Silver

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Jet: Gold

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Bronze

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Two men walked into a bar. One ordered H2O. The other said "I'll have some H2O too."    The second man died. 

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Two men walked into a bar. One ordered H2O. The other said "I'll have some H2O too."    The second man died. 

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Sandro: Platinum

Jet: Gold

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What do you call an avocado cut into 6.023 x 10e+23 pieces? Guacamole. 

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What do you call an avocado cut into 6.023 x 10e+23 pieces? Guacamole. 

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Jet: Gold

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Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!!! (The chemical symbol for sodium is Na)     

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Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!!! (The chemical symbol for sodium is Na)     

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Jet: Silver

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I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. 

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I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. 

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Jet: Bronze

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A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the full stop. It marks the end of his sentence.

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A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the full stop. It marks the end of his sentence.

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Sandro: Bronze

Jet: Silver

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Jet: Platinum

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Jet: Silver

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

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Sandro: Platinum

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Jet: Bronze

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Jet: Silver

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Jet: Double Platinum

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Jet: Platinum

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Jet: Bronze

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I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

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I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

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BTW I am Sam

Jet: Silver

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I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

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I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

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Jet: Bronze

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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

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Jet: Gold

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Sonic sunglasses? What's the point of that? It's like a visual hearing aid. 

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Sonic sunglasses? What's the point of that? It's like a visual hearing aid. 

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Jet: Bronze

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

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Jet: Bronze

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I entered 10 puns into a competition, hoping at least one would win. Sadly, no pun intended (no pun in ten did) 

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I entered 10 puns into a competition, hoping at least one would win. Sadly, no pun intended (no pun in ten did) 

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Jet: Silver

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Put Doctor Who jokes on my Doctor Who padlet or die. This is not a joke, it is a system message.

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Put Doctor Who jokes on my Doctor Who padlet or die. This is not a joke, it is a system message.

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Since you posted three platinum jokes, you are MODERATOR and invited to my panel of judges. Good luck!

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None: 0-4

Bronze: 5-6

Silver: 7-8

Gold: 9

Platinum: 10

Double Platinum: Two Platinum awards

Triple Platinum: Two Double Platinum awards and moderator.

Quad Platinum: Two Triple Platinum awards and admin.

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Jet

Olivia

Sandro